Humanity
cannot grip the thought
of loosing everything
and everyone.
but oh my darlings,
one day our corpses will be underneath the ground;
and our souls will be dancing with Angels;
the loved ones we lost so long ago.
do not fear death,
for death brings you home.
and home is where we all belong.

Society is a murderer,
With its pictures and words;
Convincing girls they aren't pretty enough
For the entire world.
Making girls go thin,
By rejecting things to eat.
It shuts minds down,
And Ignites depression.
First a little flame,
Sure to turn to a roaring fire.
Society is a monster,
And it's hiding under everyone's beds.

I need to stop this over indulging of thoughts..
I think too much.
my mind races with thoughts that have gone too far.
I eat too much.
my body image is disillusioned and I torture myself every day because of it.
I speak too much.
I do all the wrong things
at all the wrong times.
I'm an unlucky vurtue sent into this world to suffer.
and if I'm not quite sure how much longer I can continue this battle

my deepest fear
is being alone.
forever writing to a mysterious lover
who's name i shall never know.
forever craving warm hands
to envelop my soul,
to wipe the tears from my cheek
and speak words that only poets can create.
I wish to have a someone that
understands...
I wish, I wish, I wish ..
but now I'm starting to believe
wishing is for the weak minded,
and my mind cannot handle this torturous waiting any longer.

words are who I am.
words are what made me.
2 words, to be exact.
'I do' .
my parents would not have existed if it weren't for words.
'I love you'.
words build people up,
but they also can crush your entire meaning of existence.
words are the meaning of life,
without words
I would have no meaning.

thankful for my angels
thankful for my demons
thankful for the battle occurring in my mind.
I'm thankful to have experienced the torture
and the pain.
I'm thankful for the bad and the good
but mainly the terrible.
for if it weren't for the terrible,
I would not be where I am today.
whether that's alive, or a writer.
either way, my heart continues to grow and learn from my past mistakes.
i am a flower,
who's petals are sure to bloom soon.

I saw my nightmare today.
just a glimpse,
but if was enough to make my whole world come crashing down,
once again.
why is it that when I finally
find peace,
i find myself lower than I was before?
if this is a life test,
I'm not sure I want to continue to fight for breath in these dark waters.

the tears won't stop forming
my heart won't stop hurting
I'm loosing my mind
because I'm loosing you.
my flesh
my blood
my sister.
****** is the kidnapper,
it took the shine out of her eyes
and made her feel "better".
it handed her a needle and spoon
and told her
'I am what you need'
is love not enough to stop the pain from escalating?
were my tears false evidence that I actual care?
this drug took away my blood
my flesh
my sister.
this drug ripped apart our family
our flesh
our Jessica.
and now all we are left with are
our grieving souls
wishing to give her a second chance at life.

This 'you' that everybody writes about are
The tears that stain our cheeks late at night,
The eyes that haunt our dreams every night,
The scars that remain as devil-ish memories of our weak moments.

I'm sick of this 'him' I'm sick of this 'her' that torments people day after day,
Making then write until their brain is pulsing and their hands are shaking.
I just want to be an okay me.
And if I need a 'him' to help me feel okay,
Then may God help me.
For I have no purpose in this world
Other than to rely on others for my heart to continue to beat.

I want to be the reason that I am still here.
I do not want to rely on another human soul.
For we are all doomed at one point to be nothing if that is the case.
But I just pray that if
Nothing we once were,
Then may our memories of life forever remain.

The night transforms,
Turning nature
Into a playground for nocturnal animals.
Playing hide and seek with the wind and the leaves,
I can only wish that I will someday feel that free.
I wish to run alongside a stream,
With no cares in the world about money or taxes
Or judgment or death.
I want to live,
Yet why at night do I sit alone in a house full of sin
Wishing my heart would stop
And I can forever run with the wind.
I want to live, and being trapped in this place with
Toxins and Depression
I will never be able to live to my fullest ability.

All I could hear were her silent tears,
Her silent mourning.
She was quiet,
But so loud.
She said she was fine,
But she wasn't.
Why she always lied,
I can never understand.
She wanted to be helped,
But she never asked.
She wanted to be okay,
But she didn't say.
She is me.
And I don't know if I want to be.

my throat is dry,
my eyes are wet.
my heart is broken,
and my arms are ******.
my hands are shaking, in tune with my voice.
I cannot understand why I was the one who was chosen to be tortured in this life.
abuse, addiction, and abandonment
have all touched me somehow on my short time here on earth.
I wish to fly away and never look back,
this place is not home.
I never can feel comfortable, or calm.
I am constantly worried or in pain
and I am SICK of this current ******* LIFE I was so unmercifully given.
so **** the people who have hurt me,
I will show them how much stronger I am than they shall ever be.
I will finish this life , one way or another.
I will prove to people that even through the pain and darkness, there can and WILL be light!!!

I’m so sick of feeling alone.
I’m sick of this wanting, craving feeling towards love.
i want someone to give me the world,
without me asking for it.
i want someone to read me like the back of their hand,
to understand my thoughts and accept my past.
i just need someone
to need me.

i crave someone to finally open up their arms wide and let me inside,
to hold me and to never let go until the world has crumbled and fallen
apart and we have nothing left to stand on but each others feet,
and even then i’m not quite sure i would want them to let me go.
i want someone to finally acknowledge me and my differences
and fall in love with the way my eyes wrinkle in the corners when i laugh.
i want someone to sneak over late at night and talk about the stars and how majestic the color of trees look when a storm is approaching.
i want,
i crave,
i need,
someone
to need me.

and now I know you were never a man,
you always will be something much less than that.
with the devils heart in your chest; a black hole.
Your tongue is a roaring fire. Reminding me that you are in control.
With snakes for arms,
Gripping my throat;
Unable to breathe,
Unable to speak.
You are a parasite.
One that seems to always come back,
No matter how many times
I say 'No.'

drowning in my own sorrows,
tender heart shattering at memories.
skin breaking open,
because isn't that what he wanted?
tear drenched face,
no hope for tomorrow.
I'm doing this for him,
he told me to do this.
he told me to end myself.
I'm following my orders.
because it's a sin
to
disrespect
your father.

why does this life resent me so much?
why does it think it is fair to
leave me alone
and crumbling away for what feels like an eternity?
because I need love too,
I thought I could have
found it
at one point,
but as my life goes:
nothing good can stay too good for long.
I had given someone my world,
while they were busy thinking of someone else's universe.
this life has cursed me
and I'm ready to give up.
because the tides are rolling in
and my soul is ready to fly.

now I realize why I smoke my cigarettes
because they taste like your mouth.
the nicotine courses through my veins
reminding me of your electric touch
making my body go numb
and my mind buzz.
these thoughts I can no longer ignore while inhaling the devil smoke into my charcoal lungs.
wishing I could forget how to inhale
because it only reminds me that
every breath is closer
to my last.

our hearts created
a symphony of
good vibes.
then all at once,
the music began to fade
and our hearts grew apart
and I was yet again
left alone on the
dark, empty
stage
where we had once fell for eachothers tune

It's 1:08  am
and i'm still sitting up in bed
thinking about you
and how our hands fit perfectly together.
Now look at me, my darling.
For you have ruined me.
My hands are dry and cracked now
for they have been so lonely lately
and they miss the warmth of your palm
pressed against mine so tight
i thought for sure you could feel my pulse
beating like a drum.

it's 4:48 am
and you're gone
and I'm alone
and i ******* miss you.

My eyes can no longer look at the picture frame you gave to me, the picture of us looking so happy and free.
And now my eyes are seeing you so happy with her.
You're hugging and kissing someone else.
I used to be the only one that would make your smile beam brighter than diamonds.
Now my bones feel weak
and I don't seem to breathe the same way i used to.
I can't get your eyes out of my mind and it's breaking me apart.
I'm not as strong as I once was with you to help lift me up,
now how are my brittle bones supposed to keep me alive?
I've lost you and now ...
I'm loosing myself..

These nights where
sleep seems so far away
and you seem so near to me.
I can almost feel your hands
holding me through my sea of bed sheets
Or maybe that's just realization kicking in,
Whether that is true or not
I'm tired of these Insomniatic nights
where all I do is think of you
and how much I miss those comforting hands of yours.
**** you
for leaving me.
**** you
for not trying to save me.
For I am so far gone now
nobody can rescue me from these deep dark waters .

I'm thinking of love at 2:45 am.
And all the while, your face
pops up in my memory like a flower in a meadow of weeds.
I don't think i know how to love but
When I see that certain smile upon
Your face,
My heart skips a beat
And my stomach does flips
And my hands get sweaty
And my mouth runs dry.
And if that's love
Then, God.
I'm crazy for you.

when you find the person
that makes your whole world seem
a little less dark,
and that person
kisses the tears off your cheek.
Don't ever let that person go.
Because I promise,
it will destroy you if you do.

All I want is to go
back to that night
when our bodies intertwined.
The place where we became one
and our souls united.
And your hands explored
And my moans escaped.
Our bodies moved to a rhythm that even music couldn't make.
Our bodies tangled in the bed sheets,
the bed we claimed ours.

We humans are no better or worse than the next we see. So why are we so quick to judge another person for the way they think, act, or dress? We are all imperfect creatures, who all desire to be perfect, and have different perspectives of perfection. Don't rush to try to be perfect because darling, you will never get there. Perfection does not exist.

I am surrounded by people,
Yet I feel so alone.
I hear laughter
and I am so jealous of this.
For I long ago dismissed laughter
from escaping my mouth,
I've forgotten
how to be alive.
And I'm afraid that eventually
My heart will catch up to my dead thoughts
And stop beating blood through my veins.
Why do I fear death so much,
and still invite it to take my soul?

this terrible nightmare of a life ,    
you call it,
is unbearable to face anymore.
But darling,
You're only looking at the world, not indulging it with your mind.
Once you open your mind and block the way everything seems out,
you will find that there is a whole world of opportunities to discover,
and happiness
is one of them.

theres so much screaming inside my
head.
making me stay awake all night;
insomniac.
your voice taunts me in the shadows.
having me remember the
terrible things i had done
the things i have experienced
should not have been seen by these young
eyes and this young body.
even though i am away from you,
i still remember you.
the happy you that was with me.
the me that was okay.
the me that wasn't dead inside.

how haunting it is to be in your presence,
your hands so near to mine.
the hands that used to stroke my hair
and brush tears off my cheek.
the mouth that would speak the words
to help me fall asleep.
the eyes that saw the scars and blood
along my fragile arms.
how haunting it is to see you and to know
that you know
that the blood continues to pour
and the scars
are forevermore.

They say i write too dark of stories;
to write more happy things.
But once you've seen the things i have
you will understand why.
why the
tears drench my face,
why the
cuts stain my arms
why there is
hurt in my eyes.
once i tell you all the reasons
then you too will hear
the demons screaming lies.

the first time i looked into your eyes,
i knew i was hooked.
you were a drug
i was the
addict.
you wanted,
i needed.
you said,
i did.
i was a puppet &
you were my
puppeteer.

without the one you love
is like living in an eternity
of silence
while everyone else
is enjoying the music.

the craving of drugs,
the addiction of love
both will take you into another
dimension.
then once you loose
the high
or the lover
that is when reality sets in
and you feel numb
once again.

You don't care anymore.
But i guess you never really did.
Why would anybody
want to care about someone
who can't even care about herself?

my heart is always hurting.
sadness consumes my thoughts.
im sick of seeing smiling people
who's minds are pure from demons.
they will always be stronger than i ever was
and i think thats why i can never smile
because i know that i'll never be good enough.

I miss you being a part of my life,
but then again,
you never really were.
Just a person that i was supposed to love and call
'Dad'
now I'm sitting here wishing i knew
how to love someone
the way a father loves a daughter,
but i'll never know how
and it kills me.

Having a mind that travels through memories and makes poems out of them is not always a good thing. Sometimes when your mind is traveling, it gets stuck onto a memory that really haunts your soul. You want to forget, but yet you want to remember it all over again that memory keeps replaying in your Cerebrum and it slowly destroys you, bit by bit. And before you can even realize it, the memory has completely enveloped you.

If i saw you i would immediately run away
because you are my worst nightmare,
but if you called my name as i was running
i'd surely turn around and hear what you'd
have to say.
you're my worst nightmare,
yet i just can't get enough of you.
my drug,
my intoxicating need,
why do i crave something so wrong for me?

I've never been so interested in a somebody.
I've seen love,
but have never felt love.
I'm not quite sure i know how,
none of the less know how to show it.
I'm a lost cause,
just another messed up individual
in this very large world.
I will soon become nothing,
and mean nothing
to this very ground i walk upon today.
So why waste my life
trying to learn how to love
when in order to do that,
you must first love yourself.
And that,
is the hardest thing of them all to do.

Destroying myself just to feel something besides numbness.

Destroying myself to heal myself.

Destroying myself to finish the job you started.

Destroying myself to take away the pain you caused.

Your lips tasted
like the stars
i never got to see
because of the cities
bright lights.
And once our lips connected,
Meteors fell down to earth,
And the ground beneath us started crumbling.
For it was the end of the beginning,
And I couldn't have been more un-afraid.