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I banged my head on the wall for the first time ,
it felt like the last time we talked
the hurt surrounding my head
was like the pain you done to my heart

  Was I thinking right when I hurt myself just to not let you leave
     Or was I wrong  
knowing you'll just turn your back and leave me banging my head more ?
suicide feels wrong but the pain makes my day bright
I fought back charity that wants to embrace my sweet weak soul
I pushed away motivation that wishes to swallow me for my goal
I resisted joyous smiles and laughter that might clog my hole
Cause what I was fighting for was never fighting for me at all

I hugged the pleasing blanket of darkness that pats me in the back
I hold the bags of nightmares that wrap me in a sack
I kept the piling dissapointments to organize the stack
And this temporary pleasures never brought me on my track

I never saw the world with bursting colors and light
I only see those when I was covered by the night
But whenever my curiosity starts to take a fight
Monsters of black wins in a single painful bite

So whenever someone gives affection to someome like me
I slowly walk back to that corner, tearing up swiftly
I cry all night and never even othered to see
That the real enemy I've been dealing with was me
i really do have a problem, huh?
don't tell me to not care
it's never that easy

don't tell me it wil pass
it's never that quick

just please help me
i'm begging you please

i need some advice
but please not this

tell me what to do
tell me what to say

i can't walk down there
and just ignore them

i can hear them. they're there
i can feel them. they're there

just... please help me
they won't ever die down

just tell me what to do
but please not that
It never that easy to do it, it never goes away that fast. Just please help me
Jenna Feb 28
The stress of tests
for which I confess
that I am depressed
but will still suppress
that feeling of stress
with a tightening in my chest

I should have guessed
instead of creating this mess
the teacher is impressed
to bad I'm too obsessed,
to even protest
I cannot help but inquest
when I will receive my eternal rest
Should be studying, I keep telling myself
Jennifer West Feb 17
Hide me away
Wish I was gone
Give me a kiss
But bite my tongue

Slap away my faith
Laugh at my tears
Then hold me tight
Chase away the fear

Walk into the night
Leave me blind
So I can no longer see
How love died
Lewis Irwin Feb 12
When she looked me in the eyes,
My heart collapsed into a black hole of love and ecstasy.
When she severed our ties,
My heat collapsed into a black hole of emptiness and entropy.
Lewis Irwin Feb 11
There once was a boy,
Lonely and stripped of all joy.
He burnt his skin,
As his soul withered within.

As the days passed,
He coveted for the days that'd be his last.
And all his acquaintances shrugged,
But it was his grave they dug.

All those nights alone in a room,
On parchment pieces he sculpted his doom.
And with prowess he slipped into the unknown,
Into the **** where youth and laughter go.
I wrote this as a modernised homage to 'Suicide in the Trenches' by Siegfried Sassoon
Lewis Irwin Feb 10
I reminisce on those last few months a lot,
And I wallow in things but this I really overthought.
I just want to say I'm sorry it took me so long to visit,
And I wish I saw you eat that meal; I can't believe I missed it.

I know you'd of hated this pity I stew in,
But you meant so much it hurts within.
My eyes get heavy when I look at your picture,
There's so many things I'd wish I'd let you lecture.

If there's one last thing I would say,
It's that I hope you're safe and heaven is okay.
That I pray you're smiling and are proud every second,
And everyday is one day closer to being with you,
In heaven.
Lewis Irwin Feb 7
i still love the eyes you gave me,
i'm infatuated with the lies you told.
you were were the only thing that could save me,
but now my hearts frayed and cold.
Lewis Irwin Feb 2
i'm struggling to find hope in my humdrum day-to-day,
i'd be lovingly thankful just for this poison to be cast away.
i'm struggling to find light on the darkest of days,
i'd be grateful for a heartily whisper telling me it'll be okay.

i'm struggling today and especially tonight,
it's a looper pedal kicked down as i wonder what happy's like.
i'm struggling in ways i'd never thought were right,
it's a distorted future where I breakdown in mirror fights.

i'm struggling and i really need help,
i just wallow and swallow the pain i keep to myself.
i'm struggling for words to explain my health,
i just endure and lure more demons onto my trophy shelf.

i'm struggling to plan my death;
i'm struggling to find my breath;
i struggled once to end my life;
but now in mortal death...
...i've earned my slice.
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