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2.0k · Jun 2015
Do you Feel Me?
Rhianecdote Jun 2015
I feel at home* when you hold me
Head resting on your chest
Hear your heart beat
Your arms around me
Wrapped up in each other completely
Hear you breathe deeply
Feel you breathe me
I feel at home when you hold me

I feel alive when you touch me
Fingers linked in mine
Legs intertwined
Feel your Breath on the back of my neck
Feel your grip
As you slip into me
Defeat me, complete me
I'm yours, you're mine completely
I feel alive when you touch me

I lose all memory when you kiss me
Lose my breath
Lose all sense
All inhibition
All weakness, all strength
I Have no past, no future
All time is present
I lose all memory when you kiss me

I lost myself being with you
When you left
I had no home
I was dead
*There's only memories
1.9k · Feb 2015
Cash in those Bonds
Rhianecdote Feb 2015
If word is bond

Then all we share

is *silence
Does anyone else question the relationships they have/had with people?
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
You, have got me on broken high

And neither of us

Wanna come down

They're telling me

That I might be crazy

They're telling me

There's no way out


So I half forgot I aspire,

to be so much More

I'm higher, than never before

I never, wanted anything more


This High I Feel

It's Not for Real No

It's Not Enough

I'm Lost to Love
Pretty much sums up how I feel about romance. Get yourself some good headphones and have a listen, cause house just got deep!
1.8k · Nov 2015
Awk-Ward
Rhianecdote Nov 2015
Sometimes I put my headphones in
No music playin
Just to muffle out the background noise
Of all they're sayin ,
all the empty conversation
I'm secretly sat here craving
From Better days when
This paranoia wasn't constantly
Invading my brain and
I could entertain it
Sit here without fear
Cause I was going somewhere
With people I could call friends
Without questioning motivations

Unquestioning motivation
Faltered
Now sleign , altered
And warped by blame
checked into the Awk-ward
I wait in urgency
hoping This was no accident
And I'll imerge and see
The bigger picture
Fat-e
But for now I shrink
Violently
Weight droppin off of me
still feelin heavy
Propped up on this bus seat
Weighing up whether
I should miss my stop
Cause I'm not sat near the bell
And God forbid I ask someone for help

Cause then they'd have to look at me

But don't look at me,
Don't you dare look at me!
I can't face you today
I can't even face me
That's why I don't take a window seat
And you have to begrudgingly
Shimmy past me to take yours
Or walk past to the back
Silently cursing me

I wish you'd sing instead
I've got no music playin
Clear my head
lend an Ear-nestle next to me
Did I not earn your earnesty?
If I've got your back
Won't you back me?
Or will I turn round
Reach out
Only to find your shadow stretchin
Out of reach
Like a weary soul-dier
you take your leave...

I try to shake mine off
Anxietree
Break some branches,
Tryin to get free
Oh-live!
They Silently scream
But I'm struggling
To even make it off my seat
Go live
In three
But I can no longer perform
Go on without me
Forget me
Only thing on the way up
Is mum's spaghetti!
Need some Bob Marley
Get up, stand up
But my legs won't let me!
Musics off
So it's down to me
Get up, stand up
Used to be so easy
Get up stand up

Your bus stop is here

No music playin in my ear
But right now I could do
With a mellowdy
When ringing the bell on the bus  becomes a struggle! Maybe I should start carrying my own haha!
1.8k · Apr 2015
On Routine to Depression
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
I get up mid afternoon

Go sit at the kitchen table

Rockin on the chair

I stare

Food untouched

Preoccupied by all the pain that I feel

All the pain they're unaware of
I believe unexpressed and undealt with pain ultimately leads to a depressive state. So Feel it and release it in whichever way you can. Pain is only ever meant to be temporary.  Suffering, well that ***** long-lasting

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional
1.8k · Apr 2015
You Have No Cents
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
And now we're losing interest

Cause we took on things at our own expense

Watch the Dollars burn or go to Bankers

As we all lose our ****** Sense!
yep, I still don't understand why we  compensate incompetent and to be honest ******* wreckless wankers!
Bankers bonuses my ****!
The apathy is strong man
1.8k · Apr 2015
Boundaries Ease
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
You look around and find dead end after dead end as ever increasing walls close in on you. The walls that are the boundaries you create in your own mind until you find yourself closed in, alone and starved of everything you need In life.

But Starvation leads to frenzy and that frenzy eventually to freedom...
1.8k · Jul 2015
HesiTate Gallery
Rhianecdote Jul 2015
Hesitate*
And you will become spectator
To your own
*Fate
Go for it!
1.8k · Mar 2015
Silence
Rhianecdote Mar 2015
My fear is not that I will be met with a response that I do not want

My fear is that I will be met with **silence.
There's nothing quite as painful to me than laying your heart out, only to be met with silence.
Silence says too much and not enough
1.8k · Feb 2015
I'm not In-Ter-Dependency
Rhianecdote Feb 2015
I can go it alone you see.
I'm a lone wolf breed
From a caring and sharing creed
But I'm not yours and you're not mine
Cause ownership and possession is greed
Insecurity it feeds.
Don't wanna be dependent on
Just wanna rest in the knowing
I can depend upon
You and you upon me
Cause that's when you and I
Are strongest you see.
Separate entities choosing to support
The structure of "WE"
I think this is where a lot of us go wrong in our relationships. I believe and hope for myself any way that it will be based on Two Individuals choosing to be together out of love not feeling unable to be without eachother out of fear.
1.8k · Jan 2015
A Well Being
Rhianecdote Jan 2015
"I don't feel well"

"You always say you don't feel well"

*It's cause so many things make me sick in this world...
1.7k · Apr 2015
The Worst Kind
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
The worst kind is people

People who let others believe that their instincts are mere insecurity

People are such liars

Do you know what the worst kind is people?

Lies to spare feelings

Ultimately there Is no comfort in dishonesty

Do you know what the best kind and the worst kind is?

**Mankind
Trust in yourself
1.7k · Apr 2015
Destiny's Childhood Parodys
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
I'm a survivor
I jacked a fiver
Got on the bus
Beat up the driver
Thought it was funny
Stole all his money
I'm a survivor
Still got that fiver!
For the life of me, I don't know who created these but I remember singing them quite happily as a kid and they still bring a smile to my face now XD
Rhianecdote Nov 2014
I have no interest in being a depressive.
The depressive gene is a recessive gene,
it leads no where.
Relapse got me treading tracks I've already been down.
And they lead no where.
So I say no!
Cause nowhere's not where I wanna go.
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
I don't know when it became
Such a game
To just communicate
With you
Some power play

But dang I'd choose
Cups and strings
And walkie talkies
Over this "thing"
Any day
1.6k · Jan 2015
SUE A SIDE
Rhianecdote Jan 2015
Do you KNOW what it's like to STAND at your front door for half an hour,
SHAKING just trying to OPEN it?
GOD forbid you actually WALK out of it.

WAKING up in cold SWEATS with the PANIC that has FAILED to be SUPPRESSED in the SOLITARY, morphing WARY into the MANIC.

ISOLATION driven you half insane
That as you try to hold a CONVERSATION you're counting the syllables off against WINDOW PANES. And if they don't FIT you have to adjust the TOPIC to make sure you end on the LAST PANE.

It's lasting pain to know
I spent a good part of my
teenagehood in this state.


But now a weight has been lifted,
be it a product of my split personality or not the poles have been shifted,
so now it's time to sue a side
and reclaim the path stolen by an imposter deemed fate
cause if I learnt anything
in the wait it's this;

*YOU ARE THE PERSPECTIVE YOU CREATE
1.6k · Mar 2015
Cause for Concern
Rhianecdote Mar 2015
Your cause for concern is
a cause of concern for me
Its greeted very suspiciously
I believe it to be fictitious you see
Projecting your issues onto me
Like I'm some wide screen tv
Go sort out your own "problems"
Before you come and preach to me
And I'll do the same
I'm tired of the hypocrisy
Neither am I easily deceived
Asking "are you alright?"
When really you're
Asking "are you alright with me?"
But I don't work in-security
Guards up, words no matter how deep
No longer move me
Your fault lines
Causing tremors
when there's no need
But not to worry
I'm lucky
Got those that
support sincerely
And know me well enough
to go about it surreptitiously
Pancake hiding the healthy
Mmm yummy!
Ninja motive, Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee
I aim to Inspire through action (movie)
Cause Advice is the biggest vice (city)
And we're all guilty
Talk the talk
But when it comes to walk the walk
Everyone must be claiming disability!
But Life is no Game-Boy
No cheat codes, No PS3
Bond over passions not problems
And BE Happy
Its your own responsibility

So don't look to me
This isn't Advice, or a Preach
It's a rant, wrapped up in
a Vent-rilloquist, Dummy!

You do you,
I'm just doing me:
Seriously, Silly :)
Yh this ***** been buggin me lately, not to sound ungrateful those that genuinely do care I got love for you but the rest psshh jog on! Meeting too many folks with Matyr complexes
1.5k · Jan 2015
Grave(y) MiSteaks
Rhianecdote Jan 2015
I used to think if I'm gonna have mistakes let em be rare.

But then I realised there's no learning there.

No fun.

So If I'm gonna have mistakes at least let em be *well done!
1.5k · Mar 2015
On the A-Gender
Rhianecdote Mar 2015
I grew up around men
I grew up wanting to be one of them
That in their love and admiration
I'd find affirmation
I grew up with big brothers and cousins
Who's approval I'd seek
Don't think "just cause I'm a girl"
that I'm weak
I'll climb that tree with you
I'll go one branch higher
Whilst you try to put me down

I remember being left out whilst
The boys were on adventures
Because I was "little"
But really cause I was a "girl"
Why can't I go and play football?
Go fish in the crab pool?
Be split into gender roles in p.e in school?
I don't even have ****!
I'm terrible at gymnastics
I hate netball
Forcing me to stand still
Whilst the Guys can dribble their way forward to success playing basketball.
Equal rights?
You must think I'm a fool.

I grew up with a resentment towards girls
I grew up disliking myself
Having to be the smartest and wittiest
The kindest and prettiest
When my brother said
you have "queen bee syndrome"
It hit home
Cause I grew up with a love for women
The comfort they bring
But a dislike that I felt reliant on them
Often the ones that would listen
It's tiring to constantly feel like
you're in competition
That for me their strength
seems to threaten
When really it should be inspiration...

So I grow now with a vision
That equality will be achieved
Bit by bit and I'll start with me,
My own mentality
And I don't believe
That put downs are necessary
No hate, no proclamations
Of unshifting patriarchy
This will be done.
If I ever have children
They will each get every opportunity
To be what it is they want to be
I will see to that personally
Cause all these boundaries
just deny possibility
Just think of the world it could be
Cause what lies between your legs
Does NOT determine ability
No wonder I'm such a conflicted person, hot ****! XD
1.5k · Nov 2015
Guy Talk
Rhianecdote Nov 2015
"Loads of guys talk to Rhi"
On a day such statements and possible insinuations don't **** me off
they actually entertain me.

What do people think of me?
What do they really see?
Used to be a source of teenage paranoia
Now I'm more intrigued

It's 6 am,
After party at Mag's house!
Everyone's sleepy
Sun's coming up
Smokers coming in and out from the balcony
Sliding doors
Dawn chorus
Sat in the darkest corner
On a wicker chair
Tryin to go unseen
Feelin I look a state
Makeup has started to fade
No longer hiding me
No one in this room
Would know though
About that insecurity
Had me Avoidin mirrors
When out since the age of 15
That's a long time to not be
able to face yourself

But now this young guys facing me
I've sparked an interest you see
Half cut Johny who I shared the car journey
Back with has been spreading the word
That I do carpentry
And he's intrigued
So he's crouched down beside me
Eyes wide open,
Probing me, testing my knowledge
Rollin off his story of going off the rails
And joining the army
But how carpentry gives him some peace
I smile, I listen, I speak
Shake his hand
As he introduces himself as Steve
Asks if he's steppin on anyone's toes
Cause he believes the Dj
That's followed us back
For the after party
Is my boyfriend
Cause we were talkin
And he was stood next to me
I laugh at how fast
Assumptions are made
In the dark
It's kinda funny
He feels awkward now
Says it's nice to meet me
Leaves
Sigh of relief

Why do loads of guys talk to Rhi?
The banter most probably

Hear Dj taking the Micky
(Turns out to be his name ironically)
As he walks back in
Tryin to set up his sound system
Steve says get some Scart leads
We're cracking up
I say something off the cuff, witty
He Spuds me
I'm a "bro" after all right

What do you do?
I dance
But you was stood behind me all night!
Ha! No, just for a bit,
I was watching what you was doin

He starts telling me about beats per minute
I ask him bout the Djing
How I'm interested in doin it
We Banter about how he'd teach me
How I'd be his prodigy
I think he means it

Says we got him in trouble with the club
For changing up his set
Cause we were goin in
We were feelin it
Asks me to guess where he's from
I say You look mixed race
But I bet your Cypriot

Says he's Half Turk, half Greek
That's why things didn't work out
between Mummy and Daddy

Chuckles softly

He's a Barber during the week
Cut Rita Oras hair the other day
Shows me the tweet
He's likable, pretty sweet
Says he's glad I'm there
Cause he doesn't know anyone here
And he'd have no one to talk to
A shy dj
Looks like Drake
Kind of a giveaway
His Nose is running
I say
what have you been sniffing
Grinning teeth
Smiles and shakes his head
How can you say that
To Someone you've just met?!
You're cheeky!

Asks if I smoke or do drugs
When I reply no
He jokingly asks to marry me
I say where's the ring?
He gets out his keys
Puts it on my finger we laugh
Who knew getting a wife
would be that easy?

Calm down sunshine!
my games more stealthy


But I reiterate
"loads of guys talk to Rhi"

What do they mean?
I'm a guys girl
Always have always will be
If this night has confirmed anything
It's that
Certain females just don't warm to me
Give them a compliment
They're ******* me
Make a joke
They're ******* me
Dance by one
Accidentally knock her phone
Out her hand she sits down immediately
Face of thunder
I Say sorry,
Skulk off awkwardly
Beat myself up about it momentarily
Then get annoyed and think **** it
Head back to where I'm meant to be
Just the dance floor and me
Where I get smiles and laughs and looks
I can't quite decipher
"White gyal skanker!"
Mutter out apologies as I stand on
Some guys toes
Tells me no worries I'm a dancer

Hell I'm a flirt too!
I speak to guys cause
it's what I know how to do
It's easy conversation
It's fun
But I know that when this nights over
it's all said and done
No need to mention
I have no true intention
Of speaking to or seeing these people again
Maybe I should
Maybe that's how I'll make connections
But for now I'm tired but it's a good tired
I feel at peace
There's something wonderfully dreamy
About the after party
People slowly waking up from the make believe of the night
As they're fighting off sleep
DJ Micky making his way out the door
Shoutin back
Make sure you message me!

I won't

For now It's time to head home
I take my leave
As I exit
Wave bye to Steve

Thinkin Why is it guys talk to me?

For the same reasons anyone would really
I listen
I guess maybe I put them at ease
5/08/15

Just a little something I finished off from man shaped musings on my last night out. It was sparked off by a comment,possibly even a compliment that kept being thrown around by the older bunch of old skool ravers I had been hangin out with who didn't know me very well. The first people I've ever partied with during a time where I was probably learning a few things about myself
1.5k · Jan 2015
Dread Lock
Rhianecdote Jan 2015
And now I'm caught in a Dread Lock,
Cause if Marleys to be believed then
"None but ourselves can free our minds"
But am I myself?
Am I being deceived by mine?
Mixed signals being received by mine.
tells me I'm fine,
But what if I'm not?
I'm scared to stop.
In possession of past lessons
I'm scared to stop.
But I'm lost
Paths hidden
But I tread on
Scared to stop.
Shadows thought ridden
Stalk me.
Turn round?
I dare not,
scared to stop.
Can I control it this time?
Doubt chimes.
Cornerstone of my downfall
Is doubts chime.
I'm Running out of time
Running I fall in slow motion
Tidal wave of emotion
about to hit
But am I fit to deal with it?
Last time I drowned in it.
Swallowed me up for years
I Disappeared
Overshadowed by fears
In despair I'd sit.
Can I beat it this time?
Defeat it this time?
Or will my life be on repeat
For all time?
Will I find I'm
Confined to a mind
I cannot control?
Emotions take hold.
Frozen to the spot
But I'm scared to stop!
I'm scared to stop
Cause if I do IT might catch me up...
1.5k · Nov 2015
Mime Field
Rhianecdote Nov 2015
So I'll throw stones,
cause I can already see the cracks.
Aim for them and brace myself
for all that's hailed back
Cause sometimes the best way
to see who you really are
is to see what you do under attack
I won't rely on glass to protect me,
I'll have my own back 
Shatter my own shell
Be rid of false Fragility,
Free all the ability
With the agility
Gained from the shield I now lack
There comes a time when every Mime must escape their glass box.
Haha I just clocked this is the same as another poem of mine...Finding Dory moment ... Oh well
1.5k · Jan 2015
In Short: Change
Rhianecdote Jan 2015
I can't change for you.
This personality I can't adjust it,
cause then would you trust it?

**I wouldn't.
1.5k · Apr 2015
Bum Note
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
So I've hit a *** note
Kicked out of office
On the kerb
Lost your vote

Of confidence?
Wrote off
Years ago
So I lost your vote

Sat in the gutter
Cause it's the only place
To see what guts are
Still I lost your vote

Made one mistake
In my masterpiece
And made my conduct(er)
Dependent on your lost vote

But as I recount this
I realise this is a dictatorship!
I'll busk for change, for myself
**But a Maestro is not dependent on votes
As a late great children's theme tune once said "it's a simple message and it comes from the heart, believe in yourself for that's the place to start" - Arthur the Aardvark (or whatever he was spose to be)

"If you let other peoples perceptions of you dictate your behaviour you will never grow as a person" -Mr Feeny ( coolest tv teacher ever!)
1.5k · Jan 2016
Momento
Rhianecdote Jan 2016
It's funny how those first meetings are etched into your memory
At the time you have no idea of the significance or the impact that meeting would have

When I first met you,
you was wearing a batman
onesie in Maccy D's
You gave someone else a hug
Looked at me, I smiled shyly
Little did I know how special
You would come to mean to me.

Last time I saw you
I gave you a hug that I didn't really want to end
Now I'm sat in a park, surrounded by people playing pretend
Because there's only one person I really want to be here with
And that's you
02/07/15
1.4k · Nov 2014
The Dual
Rhianecdote Nov 2014
Of man be there two.
One holder of mirror whilst other a scryer,
renders mirror to glass pierces through.
Where one speaks the other is silenced,
mere whisper acknowledged in this interchanging feud.
So in this blurred intersection,
where there is no reflection
Then what man of man be the truth?

What man of man be the truth
as he stands here split in two?
Be it what he thinks or what he do
that makes the man?
This single man in double view.
A multi facet that will reveal itself in time due.

A facet only glimpsed in certain light,
gone unnoticed by friends.
One and the same in this game of life
where does one begin and one end,
when it is only in the battle that they raise their head?
See the chimera for what it truly is,
this lone Mr a Hydra instead.

Each flitters between life and the scythe
as they fight for control.
Each condemned to the darkness
as the other negotiates sole lease of this soul.
But Death haunts the two because the two
form the whole.

And so this dual begins
without rules and birthed in sin.
Begun with one who seeks to release his debase desires
that lie un-mired in mind,
  confined to an imaginary state,
where he can ******,  slander unheard
but then he plays with fate.

He plays with fate, when he opens the bottle,
hands himself to the primal,
unprimed for the battle that lay ahead.
That lay in head and heart and will;
one's will that will leave one dead.

But for now each has his role.
One takes the guise of a Jackal
in cunning he seeks to conceal the other,
his brother in hiding,
in sin he hides him inside him
but he will not be silenced.
The fiend longs for this angels confession
and will teach wings a lesson in flight
as he makes his escape in dark and in light.

So this would be angel tries in vain
to press the other down, so  that he can remain
but he's wingless and in pain, feeling the strain of
restraints  that will no longer contain
the hate that dominates as the other pushes free,
pushes to be this man's sole identity.

This poor soul thought he could enslave that which was caged
and to the beast he did open the door
but it was this angel that lost his wings
mauled by a beast that would not sing to his tune, just roar.
Each sacrificed for the other
as this man of man ends his days
cold on the floor.

For man can not negotiate with fate.
And when One cannot take rule
the pair will end their days together
in the dual.
Inspired by R.L Stevensons 'Strange case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde' I feel that we all have split personality's to a certain extent and it can cause internal conflict. We are all different things to different people, we all have our private self's that exist in mind and our public self's that exist in personality and it can be hard to balance at times. Sometimes I just wonder if a true self actually exists.
1.4k · Feb 2015
Panic Stations
Rhianecdote Feb 2015
I had a panic attack today.
Woke up with that feeling of dread
And I couldn't move.
Tried to change the thoughts running through my head
Still I couldn't move
So I cried
As I laid there convinced I was about to die
Cause it was the only thing I could do to know I was still *alive
Well this just happened...dang haven't had one of these in a while, forgot how scary they are :'(
1.4k · Feb 2015
Bench Press Release
Rhianecdote Feb 2015
But in the end all of
what passed between us
is just part of the bigger pic
as you got to know me
better than most and ended it,
preferred me as a stranger
so estranged is where i sit,
Bench Warmer the perfect fit,
Was I Bench Warmer till you found your perfect fit?
1.4k · Apr 2015
Rebound For The Reload
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
I think of the first guy who let me down
Just as his Ex came back to town
And though I can have a laugh
and joke with him now
I will never see him in the same light
ever since that night
Out of cowardice he thought it was alright
After knowing me for a good part of my life
To do me like he did
I guess I dodged a bullet...

But not for long
Tell em how you really feel
And they run

But when you can't be direct
You lose my Respect
And I don't think
That anyone has ever
Won it back

And when you can't be straight up
You forfeit my Trust
And I know for a fact
That nobody has ever
Gained that back
Sometimes I wonder if anyone ever will

And I don't know if this is due to my lack
of understanding, or any hurt that I feel
But I doubt it cause I was born to relate
Tread the emPATHy
But I find it winding and tiring of late
But what is the other option?
Hate?
No, I just wasn't made for that

So I seek to understand the reasoning
And see if this should lead
to an acceptance of  the action
Whether it's a justification
For the jagged fragments I stand upon
of all that can be shattered in a fraction
cause we all make Mistakes right?

My prison is a prism of insight
I constantly have to negotiate
One I wish I could crack
But I guess if I'm Bound to the Rebound
I'll always bounce back
Hey **, Old skool garage will help.
*Plays* Oxide and Neutrino - Bound for the Reload
1.4k · Feb 2015
Give and Take
Rhianecdote Feb 2015
No more to give.

                         Not much more I can take.

           So where does that leave me?

                 **Stock piling whatever
                      I have left in this
                  inventory of memory.
1.4k · May 2015
Disembowel Movement
Rhianecdote May 2015
Sitting in the gutter
Cause its the only place to see
What guts are

Wondering does anybody
Fight for anything
Anymore?

Cause I don't see it

I see people walking past
Opportunity
Walking away from things
With ease
Cold feet
Treading cautiously
Feeding doubts fire
Going about Life so passively

But Hold up let's join a cause!

Direct our anger
Politically, racially,
at poverty and inequality
Donate some money
Rant constantly about
Overturning regimes
Then retreat back to apathy
Woe is me!

Bleeding hearts in their masses
Floating past me
In the gutter
Cause its the only place to see
what guts are...
And hearts
Cause no one has heart anymore

Where is the love?
Where is the passion?
The courage and the loyalty?
All Going about life so Half heartedly
And what can you do with half a heart?

Give it to Me

Cause as I'm sat here
Reading entrails like some gypsy
Passing judgement on you
A poor reflection on me

It seems I lost mine

So I embrace the pain
that migrates from
an empty chest to
A swelling stomach

Lift myself up from that gutter
And feel what guts are
Take half that heart
And see how far it'll take me...

**To make it whole
And think ****, I best get some Rennies on my way past the shop :P
1.4k · Jan 2016
Multiply
Rhianecdote Jan 2016
It's always the little things
The little things add up

Good or bad
They multiply

Until you're counting your lucky stars
Or you're **** outta luck
...It's always the little things
The little things add up
1.4k · Jan 2015
Flaw Space
Rhianecdote Jan 2015
Eyes cast down I see the flaws,
All of mine, all of yours.
Stains; I wipe away at them daily,
Guerrilla janitor,
They don't pay me
But they pain me.

So what if I strive for perfection?
mop or mope away,
squeeze out the infection,
but its a fiction
the clean slate don't exist
when you work in the permanent
they'll be no ExtINKtion.

So I guess I'll take the flaws,
All of mine, all of yours.
Clear some flaw space as
I take the floor
Make my acceptance speech
And explore
this imperfect notion.
Pry back the boards
and discover that
They keep us grounded and
In their absence
We wouldn't be who we are.
1.4k · Dec 2014
This Grace
Rhianecdote Dec 2014
I'd pause as
you'd say Grace,
fork hovering in space
even though I didn't
hold that faith.
Call it gracefull,
and you were grateful,
You were great...
at times
Moody and complex
enough to frustrate...
at times
Changed my mind
on a lot of things,
changed it back again,
enigmatic to the end.
Faith restored and lost
When this Angel was sent.
So I utter this grace
to our beginning
and our end.
1.4k · Apr 2015
Tread a Different aPATHy
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
Cause an Apathetic person

                 Is one space away from

                            being A Pathetic person
this is probably the most frustrating trait that anybody can possess. It's the trait that I hate the most in myself and in others
1.4k · Jan 2015
Truth be Told
Rhianecdote Jan 2015
Truth be told,

              I don't think anyone
understands the hurt that I hold.

                                                Least of all me...
1.4k · Mar 2015
Mind the Gap
Rhianecdote Mar 2015
Lost Sight in life
Though I'm not Blind

ConsideRate
Yet I'm not paid in Kind

Now I'm Lost
As I searched to Find

I gave it Heart
Only to lose my Mind.
1.4k · Apr 2015
UnderStand
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
How can you know where you stand

With somebody who doesn't know where they stand?

You can't

You Can

Just hold their hand

And you stand together
With my dislike for confusion and my stubborn streak I usually fold my arms or flick the V's and walk away but hey ** maybe I'll try something different
"Ahhhh Reach Out!" *Chic remix*
1.4k · Nov 2015
Run the Credits
Rhianecdote Nov 2015
Credit given
Where credits due
But my pay as you go phone
Deserves more than you!
1.3k · Mar 2017
Left Overs
Rhianecdote Mar 2017
Wondering how at nearly 25
I'm feelin left out?
This shelved life
got me in two minds
But I won't cry over split milk
It'll soon be dried
Up like the invites
I forgot to R.S.V.P
too busy tellin you
I'm just too busy
tryin to do me,
Right?*

Just do right by me
tonight
And bring me back in.
Going off ain't a sin,
Yeah I may have gone off
but not by much.
Still here on the side,
Tried to stay in touch
Reaching distance,
So reach out
And pick me up
it's worthwhile
you've not had enough
What's gone today,
come tomorrow will fill your cup.
Left overs still the best
Just need some heating up,
A fresh season,
a little warmth and love
When you're feeling like a left out carton of milk on the kitchen counter
1.3k · Jan 2015
Black and White
Rhianecdote Jan 2015
"You're not black."

I don't care,
I'm well aware of that.
The big guy in the sky
couldn't have made me
any whiter if
I was a polar bear
stranded on an
ever diminishing
ice pack.
Irish blood got me
paler than that
pale a water
Jack and Jill
were sposed
to bring back.

But I speak
the way I speak,
not to distance
myself from identity
I just don't see
it as a matter
purely for ethnicity
cause I was lucky to be
bought up in a city
where I didn't see
  those boundaries.

Apartheid tendencies
just hide
the truth you see.
That in many ways
I'm just like you
and you're just like me
and we kiss
and make up
*humanity

though
bourgeoisie mentality
would have
divide and conquer.

But I come from
the melting ***,
*culture clash

is London's calling
and its the
richest melody
if only you'd
listen properly.

Where I can walk around
the corner to my neighbours
and converse in Punjabi
with those I consider
my extended family.
Where Mrs Henry
who lived in flat A
insisted I never
called her by her first name,
hand me and my brother
an ice pole and
send us on our way,
the Caribbean way.

No need for tolerance
when you learnt respect
for difference at an early age.
And not just respect
Appreciation
Celebration of all
these cultures
that influence me,
give me insight
so I can see
in kaleidoscope colours.

Sisters and brothers
that don't share
the same skin tone
but all call the
same place home.
And I hope
social solidarity
will one day
be found.
Like when we
were kids
in my school
playground
Because when
you look around
and I mean
really look around
you see we all
stand upon
common ground

And I don't believe
that the view
from my window
is idealistic.
And to say
"it's not that simplistic"
Is enough to justify
it being unrealistic.
Tear down Cynical City
In love I say
and in the ruins
build the foundation
Of SimpliCity Today

So I'll keep
putting the word "man"
inexplicably
at the
end of sentences
like I've done
since year 3,
embrace that
slang terminology
cause it's what I do man,
it's who I am man,
I'm *hu-man.
Started off a bit jokey and somehow morphed into a social commentary... hey ** that's how it goes :P
1.3k · Mar 2015
Simples
Rhianecdote Mar 2015
When all's said and done

I just hope I did some good

And had some *fun
I tread a fine line between the deadly serious and the ridiculous. I was blessed with being extremely emotional and complex coupled with a pretty good sense of humour and mischief, and I believe my life journey is to find the balance as I'm sure it is for a lot of us. I've realised that going back to simple truths is a good place to start when you're in need of some perspective.
1.3k · Nov 2014
Dream on
Rhianecdote Nov 2014
Her aspirations were her only inspirations.

So tell me, once they'd
been realised what was she to do?

*What is a dreamer without a dream?
1.3k · May 2015
Keep Calm and Coupon
Rhianecdote May 2015
You and I

Are like faded vouchers.

**No matter what they say

We are Redeemable
You can vouch(er) on that!
1.3k · Jun 2015
Lie Down Low Down
Rhianecdote Jun 2015
You can't lie to me

So don't fool yourself into thinking your lack of honesty was sparing me


I knew


You can't lie to me

The only reason your lie could survive

Is cause I can lie to myself
1.3k · Jan 2015
Replacement Service
Rhianecdote Jan 2015
Seems like everyone's
looking for replacements,
the lost and left
huddled together
seeking their placement,
anAtomys standing static
but the field is magnetic,
bonds are bound for
the making and we
take it with ease
not questioning if
we're faking it,
and in fact instead
of friends we're
lining up
potential enemies.
Is it all just
overfamiliarity?
Is the attraction just distraction?
Force filled friendship
or true connection?
Full of heart
or cardiac arrested development
trying to drown
out the loneliness and rejection?

And if so how long will it last?
How strong is the net cast?
Is it holding us together
Or are we just caught up?
Deferring inevitable dejection,
only a matter of time
before detection and
we're exposed for
the fraudulents we are?

Or have soul mates been found?
Lovers been crowned ,
best friends and brothers
who will always be round?
Better things coming together
replacing what's broken?
Truth lying in the unspoken.
Filling vacant places
like liquid frozen.
All In good Time?
But can you Trust in time
when it ultimately brings
atrophy and erosion?
Or Will these laws
be undone by devotion?
Logic replaced with emotion?

Possibly...

But enough philosophy
my replacement bus is here.
Public transport ponderings
1.2k · Jan 2015
Innocence, In a Sense...
Rhianecdote Jan 2015
Aged twelve i lost my faith in the world. Opened my eyes to my own demise and what followed was a sadness with seemingly no explanation. I looked at the world and how shallow it is and I drowned in it. Where being kind and considerate seemed to get you nowhere.

Where we were getting taught to accept all that was unfair and unjust made me feel if you care you can't trust. And most of this was from our education system, I could see that hidden curriculum. So being the most unlikely rebel I dropped out of school, point blank refused to go, dragged kicking and screaming literally grabbing onto the doorframe until they gave up, and though I was relieved it should be believed that you never really get over someone giving up on you.

So I was left , set adrift. Sit in my pyjamas though I never slept, stay inside and limit my contact with it. Protect myself from it, I wanted no part of it. But the effects of isolation should not be underestimated, it just added to it, introspective perspective, curse of the sensitive proved deadly to my spirit.  I'd Watch my friends play out from my window and wonder how can they be happy, don't they know? Don't they see the worse it gets the more you grow ? It seemed not, so maybe I was just crazy.

Self awareness too early made me wary, it was scary and I didn't understand so I surrendered to that white coat "helping hand" Your child's withdrawn, depressed and suffering from social anxiety, but was that really me? Could they not see?! They asked so many questions but never asked themselves why? Not that I could express what was going on in my mind at the time.

So I took it for gospel as I could no longer hear GODS call. (My faith in him died slowly as I'd pray every night hoping he'd show me the way but he never did) Traded it in for the words of professionals and specialists, cause they must know right? Little did I know it would shape my life for a long time.

Give an obedient child a label and they will stick to it, give an overwhelmed and confused child a label and they will thank you for it! Unlucky for me I was both. Any opportunity to make sense of the world I now saw I took willingly. Turned out mentally ill is what it would be.

The effects of isolation on an already overactive mind cannot be overstated. The battle I fought was with thought. This is why I had no time to speak to or see anybody. It was all consuming in my tiny anatomy.
Just reminiscing...

Still needs finishing
1.2k · Jan 2015
Regret Table
Rhianecdote Jan 2015
"I have no regrets because it's made me who I am today"

Well that's all well and good if you like who you are today.

I no longer do.

So I'll sit at this table and pile up the food.
1.2k · Mar 2015
Peace by Piece
Rhianecdote Mar 2015
Piece
        by
            Piece
                         I'll

                                find
      
                                               my

                                                         **Peace
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