I'm awake for the moment.
Lingering into forever.

I'm over tired - but in this state I'm wired.
Energy surging - unatural vigor.
Naturally extracted and abused.
This stuff it calls me and begs.
Not to be refused.

Take a shot maybe two.
Open your eyes wide.
Keep them there just like glue.
Bring you to the early hours.
Daybreak and no sleep.
No off button to the mind.
It always ends crashing in a big heap.

Coffee how you affect me.

A poets archive speaks in volumes.
I've got so many. Look at them grow.
Your a person who speaks in volumes.
And I'm afraid I have to go.

I'm a poet much less.
Or maybe not at all.
For this many words I'll be blessed
I'm a person much more.
Passion and heart.
Of this im sure only few will adore.

I've loved you too hard.
It WAS your fault.
You gave me everything I needed.
Heart turned mush, most would revolt.

I loved you too hard.
And you told me you loved me more.
But what am I to do with this.
A heart petrified and sore.

I've loved you too.
And you gave it back times four.
A heart unloved.
You returned it to the store.

I loved you.
I cared for you more than self.
Demons nawing at my will.
Im unable to release you, help.

I love you.

Eyes like an open window.
Beauty like stained glass.

I look into your eyes
They long to tell me truths.
But your lips only spill a sly ruse.

Stolen in a moment of encapsulation.
Innocent for the entire duration.

Trust running down your face.
Eye liner that can't be undone.
Murky distaste what happened to all that grace.

Telling the truth can be tough.
Everything you are just isn't enough.

I'm unhappy as ****.
I'm an escapist of reality.
I'll gladly waste the next several hours, days, weeks escaping my existence, living outside myself. Removing myself from the pressures of unhappiness.
If only for a string of short lived moments.

What does one do with the awareness of ones subconscious drive. How does one begin to take the steering wheel.

Do I have what it takes to be more than short lived.

I creased these edges.
Folded them delicately.
Taped this box up gently.
For it holds my heart.
And every thought of you,
I can't control.
Stowed away in storage.
For when you're ready.
To know how I truly feel.

If I could write with genius and guile.
I'd write of war and battle.
Surely nothing that would bring a smile.

If I wore clothes with trend and style.
Maybe that's the key.
To landing girls by the pile.

If I could make money all day and night.
I'd be too busy for you.
And to me that doesn't sit right.

If I was poorer than the man on the street.
You'd still be my devotion.
And not this bowl at my feet.

If I loved you once I love you still.
My hearts too big.
Your there like an un-mopped spill.

If I could study dedicated and nerdy.
I'd be happy with my life.
With a career stable and sturdy.

If I could finish everything I start.
Resolute and compelled.
My life wouldn't fall apart.

If I spent more time on things in sight.
I wouldn't have to write.

When I close my eyes.
I see a hut with a single wall.
The rain.
Crashing down around me.
Mud and water splashing
In every direction.
Rain drumming each and every leaf.
A symphony drowning my ears.
A wind that carries the howling darkness and it's frozen whispers.
A forest full of trees bending to break.
Attempting to escape.
Anywhere but here.

So why am I here?

I'm not crazy.
It's just imperative I let you know.
I enjoy each nanosecond we share.
Value every half, full and over the top smile you shoot my way.

You see I've searched the world.
And you're a gorgeous singularity.
That beaming personality,
brings me to my knees singlehandedly.

You were right when we talked about regret.
Live how you need to - ask for forgiveness later.
So don't hate me now.  

Because I'm telling you, somehow you mean a lot to me.
I like you and I'm probably just another guy you're being too nice to.
But I feel like this chemistry might be more solid than physics.

I'm a realistic person with an emotional soul.
I know me telling you this doesn't change anything in the 'now'.
I respect you far too much to make moves on your loyalty.
Because I haven't seen anything I don't like about you so far.

I know I've found a friend in you.
Someone truly special.
I just know there is potential for so much more.
In another world.

I'll lasso planets together until I find a place next to you once more.
My ever lasting perspective of you.
Whom I totally adore.

This wall of words now associated with poems.
Words that always half encapsulate my feelings.
Intense feelings pump my heart.
Not will power or muscle twitch.

My heart fills like a great wall of water to a void.
Suddenly I'm drowning in the moment.
Insanity caught in a loop.
Relief only in the inky paper.

Heavy hearted, sad and devoid.
The words disappear into the page and out of my heart.
Therapeutic scribblings of maddening emotions.
On the page - free of their negative erosion.

Romantic notions, love and potions.
Words that leave a fragrant underline.
Words that don't die with the moment.
A strong and true heart and mind.
Words that don't just resonate.
Their mine.

Growing ever taller and more vivid.
This wall.

The undead surge endlessly.
Drained and muddied will.
Holding them back with everything left.
Delightful blood they've come to spill.

Barracading the doors - only surrounds.
Moans and groans dauntingly loud.
Sleepless nights hoping they don't breach.
The scariest thing is how they sound.

We thought they weren't real.
Just comic book stories.
But when they came knocking.
The first to go was four-eyes.

All the horror movies.
Won't leave you prepared.
To face to undead horde.
Brains aren't meant to be shared.

We had a culture and a humility
That descended into poverty.
It's much and none.
Desperation and opportunity.

I see the beauty and the pain in the eyes.
Of those victims to this tourist culture.
That has us all losing our morality.
I was a person and now I have a price tag.

Traditions that hold us back as a people
That spiral the young naive and uneducated towards empty hearts.
Forced to partake at the mercy of baht.

We weren't always this way.

I've been caught up abroad.  
Whirlpools of mixed feelings.  
If I think back,
It's always a broad.  

She seems nice and innocent.
Lively and petite.
But men for money she does sleep.

If you've spent some time
You'll know it's hard to judge.
When there are no other options.
I'd do the same - fudge

She has great qualities of those I've seen.
Simple needs and simple desires.  
Which drive a person world's apart.  
Maybe that's it and she's just too far.

Most girls that I've ever encountered.
Hoped, wished and dreamed adored me back.

Have....

Don't sit around wishing and hoping like I have. I'm 25 and full of regretful moments.

Capitalize and seek happiness at every turn.

That dreamy blonde, brunette or completely out of this world girl, didn't look at you for the reason you think.

Don't wait until years later when she's with a dud specimen of a male to have the hindsight I now have.

Put your heart out.
It'll meet the chopping block.
Put your heart on the line.
It'll drip dry.
Put your heart somewhere safe.
Deep down, it'll drown in loneliness.
Put your heart in pure passion.
It'll burn with a crazed itch.
Doesn't matter where you put it.
Just be careful when you select the *****.

I've gone two ways.
Not left nor right.
Split me down the middle.
I'm due pride, I'm due light.

You've cut me in ways.
The night with its tallons and teeth couldn't rip clean.
You've gutted me worse than WWII infantry on the beach.
I've been here before. It's a steep road to slaughter.
Gore immune, take me to the seven hells.
You've put me through butchery, what worse could you do?
Take me back this curse you'd undo.
With it comes demon come Craine.
This heart, trust and love.
Forever to tame.

Somehow I always find myself falling for the ones that are emotionally closed off.  

The too eager and loving are clingy in my mind.  
The frowning stern and cold are the ones that have me noose'd by my heart strings.  

It seems I'm a person who always moves to fill the voids.

I tried...
But I don't know if there are the words.
In either language I know.
To describe just how special you are.
To me.

I'll keep looking...

Today is just one day, everything seems to be harder.

So I eat the vanilla and strawberry because I know I like those. I leave the chocolate till last but can't figure out if I don't like it as much or like it more.

When the tub of ice cream is empty and I'm spooning the streaks up the side.

I'm still thinking, "would I do it any differently next time?"

When you try again with someone new.
But something doesn't feel right.
It feels like it's the first time.
In the worst way possible.
Where did all my love go.
How did you steal it.
You disable me and your already long gone.

All I do is wonder why.
Why you're not her.
Why the feelings aren't there.
Why your so far from where I want to be.
It's something I cannot bare.

But you're trying again right.
That's meant to mean something.
It's meant to be for something.
Where is this light.
Everybody's been talking about it.

This time won't you save me.
Save me from the mundane.
Save me from the times tried n failed.
This time won't you save me.

Am I depressed?

Or am I just the reflection of everyone else.

Feeling as though I've just lost the meaning to it all. A cavity like I had it all grasped so tight and yet... Here I am again in this sludgy bucket of depressed feelings.

It's a hopeless feeling. One like I just lost my sense of purpose. But the most dulling of all is the epiphany that you never had any to start.

It's almost enough to drive a new spark like a drained battery. A momentum, a motivation but only momentarily.

What is it I'm doing here on earth? Where am I heading? Is it enough to just make a goal; a plan to be somewhere. Or maybe just scraping through university. What is it that will without a doubt fill me with life long satisfaction.

Is there anything? Anyone?

I worry about where we are going as people. How we're all just a lost bunch of misfired projectiles. Even those that miraculously slide out of the barrel and experience the updrafts of life always find dirt.

We are just stimulating the illusion of freedom. Inside the prison of each of our own making.

Momentary distraction from beautiful dreams.
Not just you this dreams of two.
In your eyes this universe gleams.
Beautiful more than this realm can hold.
Overwhelming elegance collapsing our very existence at the seams.
Countless pleasures countless dreams.
In just one you've taught me what divine means.

I could **** up your day.
Just for entering my dreams.
I'm the only one.
That could feel these things.

Because I got under your skin.
In more ways than one.
You were mine for a moment.
While and after your boyfriend.

I don't want to make a habit of this.
But I had what was his.
And now I've got to live with that.
How do you do it?
Like putting on a new hat?

How do you feel?
Immovable like steel.
Stubborn as hell.
With this life you were forced to deal.

I woke up today.
In a myriad of broke dreams.
Ones where nothing ever gets better.
Or so it seemed.

I could have been lost forever.
Fighting helplessly in a world of my own making.
But you made it to me and together.
We shared a moment that leaves me shaking.

A face I know so well.
And yet I've missed so long.
Your glimpse between the broken shards.
How could this be wrong.

I woke up with you on my mind.
I felt so empty in a way.
Like if you were here I'd be just fine.
Even though where you are you should stay.

I can't help my thoughts.
Seeping from my dreams.
They aren't real, but what they've brought.
Floating on my conscious seam.

You're on my mind you should know.
Even though I don't put in the effort.
Nor do I put on the show.
You should know.

I opened this page to write something worth the stage.
I've forgotten the punch line like a well said joke.
I've so much within. Too much to begin.
It all slips from me with guile.
Loose lipped and defiled.
Circled like a ****** cerebral.
It started out good but I'm sure it was terri-bal.
Loops and loops I've felt this before.
A point not pushed, an answer ungiven.

Take me back. All is forgiven.
****.

Looking back at my past relationships I see every wrong move. A comment that I overlooked. A moment I should have fiercely objected. A love that I only ever wished to see protected. In the end it was little more than a backfire that brought me to my knees.

I'm always too nice. Did i expect my relationship to be exempt from human nature's cruelty or did I assume I could only pick someone worthy of my love.
Oh how I've been wrong.

Hindsight comes like a cracking sensation and a numbing Beat. In plain sight you can see all the wrongs with no hope of ever correcting them. Future endeavors carry tarnished and thickened heart beats.

Gorging ones self on new love serves only to feed an insatiable appetite. When your hopes have been deleted and your past trashed. Viruses riddle your mind to a muddy vision of what once was. Nothing seems right anymore. Destined only to hurt the ones who care. The ones lending their hearts to share.

Sharp thrashes of wind taking my balance like waves in deep tide.
The invisible storm that ravages me,
Where does it hide?
Taken by surprise in a breathless pounding panic.
Like my worlds being vacuumed to a pin hole.
Replaced with blackness in a quick flash.
Then this?
What is this?

It feels heavy - more than immense.
I think it's positive...
But it's hard to tell - its far too intense.  
I can feel the source in the distant haze.

Each step towards grows thick and impossible.
There's nothing behind me just black.
I'll step on, following that heart splitting feeling.
There is just no going back.

In the haze something more dark.
A shape, a figure, a silhouette.
How could a person do this to me.
A feeling I'll never forget.

I can only manage to crawl.
A last breath, a last reach.
Just how far did I fall...

My hand sliced through this hazy cloak.
And there it was, as if I'd known it all along.
A woman. I could feel it in my drowned lungs.
Just a moment, a feeling, that's all it was.

A by stander in the wake of your infinitely blossomed life.
Never reaching you.

Just Watching.

Me and you spent some time.
It was miniscule, well fine.
Me and you fell in love.
You only really needed a hug.
Consolation was my prize.
If you'd call it that.
I consoled. Your heart. You're broke.
I wish when I met you.
You caught your tongue
And never spoke.
Because then I'd be whole.
Not this piece of me.
Where's the rest.
The rest that should
Reside in my chest.

If tomorrow doesn't come.
If the sun rises and recedes.
Along with the moon and the seas.
At least I've lived today.
Though not in the best way.
At least I've lived today.

Unhappiness occupies my mind in unfocused fragments of thought.
Encumbered by the empty air of loneliness. A lingering vapor of discontent, too viscous to vent.

Deterioration of self I once knew.
Wavering faith that only grew.
The bows and arrows, the childhood dreams.
How distant that tranquility now seems.

I know it's something you do to me.
Because you've got me feeling this way.
So exclusively.

One kiss, one touch, I was already yours.
Just me and you, on a back road to the unknown.

Hold my hand and never let go.

Long endearing glances and shivers.
Warmth eminating from passenger side.
Cotton lace and silky skin.
Seductive contours underneath.
Sheets paper thin.

Nightly routine comfort and security.
Fingers running all over.
Uncovering tender purity.
Disbelief of your existence.
You here with me now.
Has taken all of my persistence.

Perpetuity in a moment - you and me.
Caught in thoughts that sink and ooze.
Thoughts crazy people get lost in.
Committed to your asylum.
That one way ticket I've drawn.

Sleep calling to me like the night mother.
Wings clipped and falling fast.
Take me to my dreams where I smother.
Kisses on your face more than you can stand.
Hugs tight and sweaty hands.

Why do i dream if not for the love of my life.
Why do I dream when you lay at my side.

Is it cruel intentions or coincidence.
That forces my hand at this hour.
I've left it late just to cultivate
The supreme and feelings irate.

All the tongues I've held and bitten.
Unravel at once in a fabulous exposé.
All the truthes I've kept and hidden.
Finally rid of their weight.

Take all of my hate.

50 poems each different in a way.
Geeze I never thought I was this cray.
A shade of me here.
Facing my fear.
My 50th poem a limerick here to stay.

Time between us long and finite.
As if I were keeping track.
A gold coin I'm due.
As I've been sober from you.
Your image pixelated and blurry.
Only a ripple you now are stirring.
What it is to feel your embrace.
And how it was to kiss your face.
Slowly I will forget.
The next one I will protect.

The only way to describe your presence, is like I've been emptied of everything obsolete and negative. And at the end of my void a pure injection of your will and passion. Like I'm completely empty but somehow overflowing with joy. Where weightlessness meets completeness. That place you know every moment spent here might just be the point of it all.

Forever admiring your every fibre and repeating like it were all brand new. The only space I could ever exist is in this one where our dream never ends and your smile always shines brighter for me.

These drinks that I drink.
Unload my all, meet me at the brink.
More and more just one more.
Bring me the words I should ink.
Take me through ecstasy past pain.
Show me the light I'll pour it down the drain.
Show me reason and take this pen.
It's forgotten as I was then.

I think I've had enough.
Being alone didn't always make me feel lonely.
Someone come and whisk me away if only.

Everything I need is always just out of grasp.
Find that good girl and make it count.
Is that too much to ask.

Because if I ever do find that one of many.
N' my reclusive heart digs it's way out of the ground.
I'll just sit back bewildered at what I found.