The overwelming wave of sadness when the last person you were able to text goes offline at 3AM and you're alone in your bed just thinking about what comes next.

"Goodnight"

I wrote and thought, erased and tried.
Because sometimes, being a poet hurts.
But then I looked at you, and right away,
I knew I'd found the exact right words.

Everything I see,
Turns into ideas.
Poems, paintings,
Music, art.
My life is full,
Unfinished.
Drafts everywhere.
Surrounded by
Undone paintings.
I Sometimes
Have to,
Clean it all up.
Delete, Erase,
Rip apart.
So you can go now.
I don't need you,
You're a
Worthless idea.
It's all
Worthless
Anyway

< >

If I'm gone tomorrow,
Will you still be there?
Will you be the last person to stay?

If I leave tomorrow,
Will you make sure that I'm safe?
Will you make sure that I'm okay?

If I dissapear tomorrow,
Will you still love me?
Will you love me when I'm gone?

If I die tomorrow,
Will you promise you'll move on?
Will you promise you'll let me go even if we both don't want to?

Because I love you

Lost Boy - Ruth B

There was a time when I was alone
Nowhere to go and no place to call home
My only friend was the man in the moon
And even sometimes he would go away, too
Then one night, as I closed my eyes
I saw a shadow flying high
He came to me with the sweetest smile
Told me he wanted to talk for awhile
He said, "Peter Pan, that's what they call me
I promise that you'll never be lonely, " and ever since that day
I am a lost boy from Neverland
Usually hanging out with Peter Pan
And when we're bored we play in the woods
Always on the run from Captain Hook
"Run, run, lost boy, " they say to me
Away from all of reality
Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free
Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free
He sprinkled me in pixie dust and told me to believe
Believe in him and believe in me
Together we will fly away in a cloud of green
To your beautiful destiny
As we soared above the town that never loved me
I realized I finally had a family
Soon enough we reached Neverland
Peacefully my feet hit the sand
And ever since that day
I am a lost boy from Neverland
Usually hanging out with Peter Pan
And when we're bored we play in the woods
Always on the run from Captain Hook
"Run, run, lost boy, " they say to me
Away from all of reality
Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free
Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free
Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, Wendy Darling
Even Captain Hook, you are my perfect story book
Neverland, I love you so
You are now my home sweet home
Forever a lost boy at last
Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, Wendy Darling
Even Captain Hook, you are my perfect story book
Neverland, I love you so
You are now my home sweet home
Forever a lost boy at last
And for always I will say
I am a lost boy from Neverland
Usually hanging out with Peter Pan
And when we're bored we play in the woods
Always on the run from Captain Hook
"Run, run, lost boy, " they say to me
Away from all of reality
Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free
Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free

my stange addiction - Billie Eilish

No, Billie, I haven't done that dance since my wife died
There's a whole crowd of people out there who need to learn how to do the Scarn
Don't ask questions you don't wanna know
Learned my lesson way too long ago
To be talking to you, belladonna
Shoulda taken a break, not an oxford comma
Take what I want when I wanna
And I want ya
Bad, bad news
One of us is gonna lose
I'm the powder, you're the fuse
Just add some friction
You are my strange addiction
You are my strange addiction
My doctors can't explain
My symptoms or my pain
But you are my strange addiction
I'm really, really sorry
I think I was just relieved to see that Michael Scarn got his confidence back
Yeah, Michael, that movie is amazing
It's like, one of the best movies I've ever seen in my life
Deadly fever, please don't ever break
Be my reliever 'cause I don't self medicate
And it burns like a gin and I like it
Put your lips on my skin and you might ignite it
Hurts, but I know how to hide it, kinda like it
Bad, bad news
One of us is gonna lose
I'm the powder, you're the fuse
Just add some friction
You are my strange addiction
You are my strange addiction
My doctors can't explain
My symptoms or my pain
But you are my strange addiction
Bite my glass, set myself on fire
Can't you tell I'm crass?
Can't you tell I'm wired?
Tell me "Nothing lasts"
Like I don't know
You could kiss my as-king about my motto
You should enter it in festivals
Or carnivals
Thoughts?
Pretty good reaction
Pretty cool, right?
You are my strange addiction
You are my strange addiction
My doctors can't explain
My symptoms or my pain
But you are my strange addiction
Did you like it? Did you like that?
Um, which part?

Wanting to be the one to speak her name as mine.
It's like a stare off,
All alone.
It's like a competition,
On your own.
It's like getting stuck,
In open space.
Why do i enjoy this one-sided love?
If it burns.
If it is away.
If i am lost,
I do not seek for shelter,
I seek for pain.

It's kind of a weird story,
How I got these scars.
The're very special,
You can only see them
If I tell you they are here.
But the scars you think you saw,
The scars you think you pointed out on my body,
Don't exist.
The scars i have,
Are seen when i tell you to see them.
So now they are invisible.
Because no one will ever know.
That i want to be the one to speak her name as mine.
These scars,
Are from not from my knife but from you because i told you to hurt me and it would be better for you, for me, and for everybody.
Maybe you want to take the risk.
And want to see the scars.
I'll show them.
But i warn you.
You will not only see scars,
Lies.
Hate.
Anger.
Deceit.
Delusion.
Deception.
Seduction.­
Fallacy.
Errancy.
Oversight.
Aberrancy.
This can go on for a while.
I'll tell you this.
The one thing i keep in mind.
The one thing you should keep in mind.
Don't know, Don't see, Don't show, Don't feel.

Wish I Could
Say no to you
And be as strong
As you think I am
I'm afraid
Living in this cycle is bearable
But for how long?
How long will it take me
To destroy everything even more
Then that I already did
How can I live with this
Because the feeling
After breaking you
Will be just as bad as before
I am confused
I am screaming
I am happy
I am silent
I am all at once
I am me
A terrible person
Who hurts
Who breaks
Who cries
But mostly
Makes other people be
And the worst part is
I don't even know why
So one last time
Sorry
I just want
To be the one
To speak her name as mine
Even in my dreams
She's here
But does that count as cheating?
Because it feels
Just as good
And just as bad
Even my poems show that broken is not broken Enough for me but nobody seems to realise
How
Can I scream for help
I want to
How
Can I get out of this stupid roleplay I created
Out of this lie
Out of this love
Out of everyone
Without breaking something
There is Only one question left
Why do I give out signs for help,
If help.
Will make this word I created,
And destroyed
Even worse
The pieces are finally getting back together
Help

I'm scared.
I've never fallen from quite this high.
Can somebody help?
Help everyone but me.
Because i'm afraid.
And my fear turns me into a terrible.
I'm afraid of the people,
And the fears,
And the lives,
And the world around me.
Just like how they are.
No fair,
You really know how to make me cry.
Again,
I am trapped.
Trapped inside your silver mind,
And those golden eyes.

Trapped in the open
A closed mind
How to escape
Soon, it'll be time
You could
We can't
What if I tell you
I don't understand

Oops,
I did it again.
Now i have to clean the floor again.
I don't want my friends to see
The blood everywhere,
Me crying,
Torn apart letters from the times love still existed here.
Well, did it ever?
Maybe i should feel bad,
Lying to my friends.
A "Spill the tea sis" here
And a "Yeet hahaha" there
Some vines,
Some memes
Some weird TikTok's,
Or a crazy text.
And i look completely fine.
Or maybe i do always,
Been hiding the emotions for so long i wonder if i even have them nowadays.
I just say i am a bad person,
They will hopefully leave me to die.
But hey,
Maybe i actually am.
I don't know.
Joking through my life,
If i'm Lucky,
Life will turn into the biggest joke of them all.
But,
Nobody
Cares

I've had a lot of conversations with myself lately,
At night.
"Who told you to?"
"He made me tell myself."
"How do you know?"
"I don't."
Me, myself, I.
All different people
But all the same.
The contemptuous person behind this glass that I can't see because I'm desperately trying to see what I can't be.
I really want to know,
Who this person is I'm talking to.

Fire turns cold, Forests lose their magic, mirrors break. Poets lose their words, And I lose you. We create stories without knowledge of what's about to come. We lie when we speak the truth. Eyes shining, Heads turning, Pens writing. Books whispering, Flowers shining in moonlight. Ink covers my skin, Brushes in a lake. A wall of reasons to die, to live and to keep me away from you. When I want to write, My story is yours. We'll never get there. Secrets spilled over long forgotten days. Mind turns cold, eyes turn gold. Want to be the one to speak her name as mine. Fell into my own lies, Confusion is me. Why do i keep when i want to lose this. Nothing breaks like you. I'm stuck. You can see, what if we both don't want this reality. Why me?

I tried to write the most beautiful poem for you,
Until I realised you were the poem.

I'm going to Paris in a few days,
Definetly going to Quartier Latin and then of course steal the mona Lisa and start a revolution
Let's get the barricade boys
Don't trust the baguette

I wanted to draw what dissociating felt like
But there still was an empty paper

Your laugh is one of the prettiest sounds I ever heard

Maybe our letters will be published one day too,
And we'll get a place in history together.
You deserve a place in history, in my history.
I want to remember this, forever.

If you're looking for a reason not to **** yourself tonight, this can be it.

Sometimes, we feel as if nothing matters.
We all do.
So i made a list of a few of my own reasons,
13 Reasons Why
I'm still alive.
And hopefully you'll change your mind.
Those moments you feel happy, and nothing but lucky.
And you wish nothing will ever change.
I will try my best.

Reason 2. Paper Planes.
It sounds very weird; paper planes, but let me explain. Think about the times when you're walkin in a hallway on your way to a test, and you see a friend from a different class who already took it. You look at them and they immediately shout what you have to read, and you shout back the answer from the homework's last question. Or when you're in class, writing a disstrack about the teacher and annoying the **** out of them because the whole class just knew without telling we had to annoy the teacher. So you fold boats, make hats and trow clots of paper. When you have slack lay in class. When you trow paper planes and when everyone gets a F on the math test. When two of your friends want to sit next to you so you finally have a group of 12 people and don't do a **** during class. That feeling of luck, of happiness, of friendship and the feeling of stomach pain from laughing. Like you belong here. That feeling when you just have to smile. It's hard to explain but i hope you get it.

It will grant you mistakes
And hurtful blisters
But it will make you wiser

That was different
Then i expected it to be
You walk away
And return to my back
Always
How long will it take
Was almost There
For you to keep on walking
In the opposite way
Maybe it will be now
Or never
Who knows
But before I can love you
I first have to get rid of you

A new year has started now,
And for my new year's resolution,
I'll be nicer to myself.
Most likely i'll fail though,
But well,
Then i'll have another year,
There will be more time.

Time to laugh
Time to write
Time to fail
Time to put on really bad make-up
Time to be with friends and family
Time to watch a movie at 2AM wrapped up in a blanket
Time to eat your grandma's apple pie
Time to sit in a park
Time to play hide and seak
Time to break a chair
Time to hike
Time to love
Time to buy a stupid gift for your very best friend
Time to hug someone
Time to try and make a life-changing decision
Time to listen to music
Time to sit down and stand up
Time to do nothing
Time to stress
Time to hide your feelings and emotions
Time to cry
Time to break
Time to feel nothing
Time to cut yourself
Time to take pills
Time to drink alcohol to drown your problems and
Time to wish you were dead

Happy
New
Year

Baby, I've always been writing.
But you made me a poet.

Bleeding poetry fills the pages like ancient Rome was filled with wine.
The flowing words never make sense, but at least they're mine.
Every line the same lie- Im fine.
How long until this kindom will surrender?

Like the Vesuvius hidden in Pompeï.
Like a volcano hidden far away.
When the volcano erupts, will you stay?
And let me hold you strong and tender?

In this kingdom of fire, let me protect you.
I will hold you, through and through.
Call me your percecutor, that will do.
Will you let me be your defender?

This world is dark and full of fire- I see.
But it can be beautiful if we want it to be.
And as long as you will fight the world with me-
One day, we might comprehender.

The sky is crying,
So am I,
The anger and the tears,
Burried deep inside me,
Like rain, in a beautiful cloud.

Well you see the thing with rain is,
once it starts it also stops,
mostly quick after,
Luckily for us.

In that respect,
Humans are just like clouds,
We cry,
Stop,
Leave,
And repeat.

But when you're finished raining,
The worst is yet to come.

They say that after rain,
There's a ray of sunshine.

But what if the sunshine never came,
If the clouds decide to stay.

If there is only anger,
And the clouds won't go away
Then you get only thunder,
The anger of the sky.

I had a good day. Some bad things happened, but I'm fine. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay. There's no reason to feel bad. You're okay.





You
Are
Fine

a touch so cold, it feels
as if dear lady winter touched me myself
but alas, it is you
ready to bring back spring

Confused
It's been happening a lot lately
Think you know me
Think I know myself
But we all know
The me that is terrible
The me that does not lie about it
The me that is a little badass
But no
That is just starting to become the real version of this roleplay
Nobody knows
The me behind the scars that are not from my knife but from you because i told you to do it and it would be better for you
The actual person behind here
In the corner
The me that lies about even this
The me that makes everyone cry
The me that makes life a game
The Only person who can say 'i love you' without care
And it has gone too far
So please believe me
No one will ever know
But how can i get out of this lie
If i am the lie myself
So here is a list
No not "the list"
But things i need to say sorry for;
Lying
Wanting to be the one
To speak her name as mine
Lying
Destroying all
Lying
Making sure you'll never find out
Lying
Saying 'i love you' while i don't
Lying
It's so easy over text
But it gets harder in real life
How long are we able to go on with this lie
You know it isn't true
But who will be the first to realise
You or me

[16:11, 8/22/2019] Me: Why are we doing this tbh. Not that it's bad, There's not a lot of things I'd rather do

[16:11, 8/22/2019] You: I don't know
[16:11, 8/22/2019] You: I guess we are just trying to find ways to be happy?
[16:11, 8/22/2019] You: and like. It's intriguing

[16:12, 8/22/2019] Me: As long as we'll stay together, like, that we're not out there alone, I'll be happy

[16:12, 8/22/2019] You: I feel the same, because we can get through it together
[16:12, 8/22/2019] You: as long as we are together, I will be okay and happy

[16:13, 8/22/2019] Me: It'll be okay, probably

[16:13, 8/22/2019] You: it will be

I know you looked at me,
But I don't think you saw me.

Now I all I got left is black roses
And they crumble in the dust
When they're held

But I just wanted to say I love you

On my way
On my way
On my waaaaayyyy
8 hours in a car and I'm tired
Good morning

Hey. It's me, again. Probably not such a surprise, is it? I wrote you a whole lot of these letters. About all 9 of them ended up in the trash. Partly because they just 'weren't right,' but the biggest part was because I was too self-concious to give it to you. So, yeah, I'm in love with you. You may, or may not know. I really understand it if you chose to ignore that part. And, I like you, okay? Not only as in 'in-love,' but as a friend too. You were there when I needed someone, and I'm really glad that you were, cheesy as it sounds. It's kinda messed up to be honest. (I'm kinda messed up too) And, I feel like a creep again. What about this idea; You read this letter, You ignore it, I drown in sadness like I usually do (probably) and I never talk to you again. My feelings will hopefully dissapear and you can live a happy life with your friends and family without me. Sometimes I really wish I could do that. God knows I'm way to helpless for it. I'm sorry, this has really turned into one big mess. I tried to write it with my own mind, but that just keeps wandering off. I'm not sure what to say anymore. Sorry man.  Uh, there's a little "poem" on the back for you. I still have to write it, but, you can see.

Sincerely, Me