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sylvia Jan 2021
i'm always bleeding
last night i was in bed
waiting for a text
that will probably never come
and my mouth was filling with blood
over and over
it was all i could taste
i couldn't remember biting
i have sores in my mouth
from nervous chewing
but they weren't as bad as usual
but suddenly my mouth was bleeding
and i keep doing this
and i don't know why
and my psychiatrist said
it's just
social anxiety
that's all it is
she told me
i don't think you're psychotic
i can't remember
a couple months ago
i had bruises on my arms
i couldn't remember
my mouth kept filling up with blood
my finger is bleeding
i bite my nails too much
i used an x-acto knife
there was something on my nail
i had to get it off
i had to dig it out
of my skin around my nail
it keeps bleeding
my hands are cold
so i hold them together
and i keep unfolding my hands
to find blood on my palms
he doesn't care about
the scars on my thighs
and my stomach
i've always been terrified
that whoever i was with
would see the scars
and think i was crazy
unstable and not worth the chaos
i feel guilty
i feel bad for my roommate
she shouldn't have to
live with someone
with all these issues
Lily Priest Jan 2021
She could blow away,
Burnt to blurry ashen pieces
Of limbs cindered to smoke,
Bespoke pain for a
Place of her own making.

She could sink behind the skyline,
Bleeding death to
A time when she was solid,
And she and the sky
Were definitively separate.
That time when she could cry
And clouds could rain.

But now their tears fall the same
And she is blown away.
Gracie Apr 2020
Slowly options are being restricted
My body tells me I just can't
I must find alternatives to my habits
And I just wish that you could understand
It may seem trivial
To mourn something so little
But its not as simple as it seems
I'm angry
I'm sad
I feel helpless
As this illness takes more away from me
Sometimes I just wish I could do things everyone else can.
I wanted to draw what dissociating felt like
But there still was an empty paper
A poem every day.
Lexi Nov 2019
time passes by, an hour wasted, an hour I never get back........wasted inside some kind of spiral of depression and fantasy.
I'll watch my life and feelings slip away to nothing as the music I once loved fills my ears with distorted sound that I once loved and sung along to.
it's steady beats hitting my ear drums over and over again but I'm not really listening I slip away into some alter ego character
and I watch infinitely as she enjoys her life as I go farther away from my own world, my brain, my home.
did I ever have one in the first place? a warm happy home No, no I didn't so I thought to create one. One with love and care... warmth that's all I want
but it got boring. So her ran head first into the storm and now she's taken over me.
and I go numb as I infinitely watch as she enjoys her life as I slip away. I'm a shell now not of who I used to be or even a shell of her I am just eyes watching inside and out. I shall sleep forever, lost in the valley of her world unable to let go of her of this mysterious girl who I can't throw away
I wrote this little "poem" out of frustration after a particularly depressing day of dissociating and just wanting what wasn't mine.

The poem it self is about how I created this character for a story that I was writing who just had a good life with a good and happy family
Maybe this will make you feel better,
Maybe it won't.
I tried my best,
I love you.

I love you, you know that right?
But, I get that that won't make you feel less bad.
I wish I could guide you out of this world that you're in.
I don't want you to live like that

You're taken away into another world,
Thrown far away in another dimention.
But there is no road back this time.
Back there, ahead is your only direction.

Your head fills with mist and dread.
A strange, dark colour white.
You have no control over your head anymore,
And your thoughts start to ignite.

There is no way of escaping,
This once so ordinary life.
But I'll try to help you, guide you.
And save you, with all my words, and a little strife.

Together we will get there, for sure.
But the question is, where is there?
Is that here, on this planet?
Or somwhere outside the atmosphere?

I'll fly with you, and fight the wars.
And maybe we'll find your thoughts behind.
Hidden next to all the stars,
Something good, like inside your mind.

So I decided to look behind all the planets,
And I found the most beautiful thing.
I found love right in a box.
So why need something to prove it, like a ring?

I'll give all the love to you,
If you let me. Someday.
Just promise me one thing.
Even if your mind is not here, stay?

I'll give you the moon and the stars,
And all the constellations.
Maybe they won't be perfect,
But at least there's some figurations.

I love you so, so much.
And I'd give you the stars, and everything around it.
Until I realised they were hidden,
Inside your eyes and in your mind.
Dissociating *****, but I still love you. Wether you're in this world, or somewhere inside your mind. I'll hold you until you return from your own world, and who knows what we will find.
angelique Aug 2019
my hands tingle.
these hands don’t feel mine.
they don’t look like mine.
they resemble that of some scary witch,
nails long & sharp.
they don’t look mine.
this is not my skin.
my skin is lighter,
my skin is frail.
whos body is this?
how did i get trapped here.
i see myself in the mirror,
& i don’t recognize this girl staring back at me,
with such deep, dark, yet hollow eyes.
a doll, vacant but beautiful.
not what i would call beautiful…
but i guess she’s alright.
i feel sorry for her,
so empty.
i want to reach out & hold her,
tell her she will be alright.
as if she can hear me,
her eyes well silently
& tears drip slowly.
but still, that empty stare…
where have you gone?
i hear music playing,
but the sound is blurry
& the shapes around her are mumbled.
my arms feel weak,
as if i can’t lift them.
my eyelids are heavy,
as if i can’t keep them open.
where am i?
who am i?
is that vacant girl me?
that can’t be,
it can’t be….
Hello Daisies Nov 2018
Sleeping all day
Never washing my clothes
Skin and hair a mess

I'm fine
I'm fine
Can't whine

Forgetting to eat
Getting sick from all foods
Never changing my clothes

Nothings wrong
Nothings wrong
I must still belong

Staring at walls
Headache won't go away
Putting everything off

It's okay
It's okay
There's other days

Crying while watching tv
Repeating my mistakes in my head
Can't sleep at 4am

Just another day
Just another day
Im used to this anyway
Im been feeling down but nkt really ive mainly felt nothing. The kind if depression that i didnt even realize was hitting me. Until i realized i hadn't been eating or showering or doing anything for myself. But even upon realizing it i cant fix it. Now i try to eat and im nauseas. I try to shower and i feel dirtier. Idk. Guess im fine.
Destiny C Oct 2018
You found my hills-
ignoring the pleas and appeals.

You rampaged your way into the hidden valley,
while I sat their dissociating - assuming death was my finale.

You scourged through my dips and curves,
as though I should be flattered you came back for thirds.

Imprinting your unwelcomed touch on my mind forever,
the violation of my body will be forgotten never.
Maia Vasconez May 2017

About the scratches... I just wanted to put a hole in myself that I could actually see. Snap out of it please. Please please please. Come on back down now....

Sometimes you just need to leave your body, sometimes you try to nail yourself to it instead. Sometimes your mind puts some distance between your hands and head, and that's the closest you ever get to flying.
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