Now I all I got left is black roses
And they crumble in the dust
When they're held

But I just wanted to say I love you

My girlfriend is comming over tomorrow.
We'll have a barbeque with my family and some friends. The day after we'll go to an amusement park with everyone. It's one of the most fun weekends of the year. <3

Ouch,
I got braces today.
Yay! :(

Sorry,
I need a little time to process
Soon,
I'll be back.

On my way
On my way
On my waaaaayyyy
8 hours in a car and I'm tired
Good morning

I didn't know
I've been doing this for so long
I met you online
We had only one chat
About an hour
But you changed my life
In a bad way
In a way I can't describe
At that exact moment
The lies started
And have never stopped since

"But you need a prescription to get Xanax."
The internet told me
Maybe ibuprofen,
Lying in the cabinets?
I don't need more drugs to get me high
Medicines are legal, right?
So I'm sitting here again
Looking for Legal drugs
Teens get high on
Because I regret
Throwing my drugs away

Bite my tongue
One by one
Blood on the plain white walls
Your silence is my favorite sound
Dreaming nightmares
When I don't sleep
My boy, My man
My girl, My queen
I don't want to be me anymore
Don't be this
Fall apart once a day
I just wish I Could feel
What I say
Want to be the one
To speak her name
As mine
Never show, Never tell
Wish I knew you to well
Fell into your silver mind
And those golden eyes

=</>~&#$!(^)%-'@+

Think                                             ­  h
                    Th   ink                        e
   Ov ert  hink                                  l
                    ­                                      p
   . . ...                                                

Psygopath m i  n    d                      m
                                ­                          e
   . ... .
                                                           i
You Didn't Just                                '
Let Me                                              m

be            ­                                          d
                     ­                                     y
Torn Like                                         i
                                                          n
   T                                                     g
h
                a
          t
...

I'm S low ly
  S
     u
f
f
   o
c
  a
t
  i
n
   g

=</>~*&#$!(^*)%-'@+

It might not be the right thing to do,
But it's the thing I wanna do.
And even though it would be better for me,
I can't live knowing I had this option too.

"Well, if my parents aren't gonna let me wear a suit to the dance, I'll wear the most extra dress of the whole year."

"What if you wear a dress with the trans colours?"

"Y e s"

Jesus was an emo

You're amazing,
You're appreciated,
You're loved,
And you're valid.

I drew the word "pride"
But it's the Pan flag.
Underneath it it's the same
But it's a trans flag
I couldn't draw a demiromantic and/or a genderflux flag with chalk.
Now we wait for my parents to see

If you're looking for a reason not to **** yourself tonight, this can be it.

Sometimes, we feel as if nothing matters.
We all do.
So i made a list of a few of my own reasons,
13 Reasons Why
I'm still alive.
And hopefully you'll change your mind.
Those moments you feel happy, and nothing but lucky.
And you wish nothing will ever change.
I will try my best.

Reason 3. Bohemian Rhapsody.
Again, A weird title. It's partly true though. You can see it in two ways, Music and a wave of different feelings and emotions. Music can change lives they say, but could it also destroy them? Take Bohemian Rhapsody. In a way it sounds like how our mind works. So many different parts, emotions, feelings, memories, and yet changing so fast. It's beautiful, Just like humans. So brittle and so fragile. Music can indeed change a person, but what if it happens in a bad way? In Bohemian Rhapsody they use the words we could never use to describe how we feel, like " I don't wanna die, but sometimes wish i'd never been born at all. " In any song really, but Bohemian Rhapsody does just something to me. Your song will probably be something else, something that describes how you feel so perfectly that you can drown in their words. Like a poem. Again hard to explain, but I hope you understand.

Do you have certain songs,
That reming you of certain people?
Just a normal song,
And suddenly you cry.
You are the song stuck in my head,
And it's a **** sad song baby.

Did you ever felt like jumping off a cliff,
Not because you wanted to die,
But because you can?
Because no one is going to stop you?
Because you want to see the aftermath?
Did you?

Error
Abort mission
Message can't be sent
How do I undo
These lies
When my own system crashed

She was standing there
Her skin silver
Just like the moon shining above her
In that dark night.

She was standing there
Her eyes twinkling
Just like the stars
In that dark night.

She was standing there
Her lips soft
Like the grass on a hill
In that dark night

She was standing there
Dainty like a deer
Like the ones in the woods
In that dark night

She was standing there
Now walking towards me
What does she want
In that dark night

Then i woke up
Now i understand
It was just
A bad dream

I just listened to;
6 broadway shows,
2× When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?
And I read a whole book (Harry Potter 6)
I'm not ok

I made a Queen/Freddie joke at dinner with my family today

They didn't understand

Peasants

When I stare at my face,
And look deep in the mirror,

It's never the love that creeps in,
Always the 'horror'

I see a girl standing there.
An average looking girl.

She's not to tall,
But also not short.

She has brown hair up to her shoulders,
With blue and indigo streaks in it.

She's wearing pants that are a little bit too big,
Because her disorders make her lose weight.

She's wearing a red and black 'lumberjack blouse'
It's a little too big, it's from the men's departement.

She has a pretty small mouth,
But her lips are pink, and kind of plumped

She has bushy eyebrows,
But not in an ugly way?

She has beautiful grey, blue, green eyes.
It depends on the day and her mood.

She has a little bit of a crooked nose,
That a tiny bit too big for her face.

She has a chubby face, not so much
But she's a little chubby over all.

She has braces on her teeth,
But that's pretty common these days.

She has a pretty normal body,
Normal figure, a little on the "fat" side.

She has an arm full of scars,
But they have always been there, so it's fine.

And all of the above,
Every day that's what I see.
But what I see in the mirror,

She's a girl.

She   is   not   me.

"Heaven can wait a little longer."
I told myself as I swallowed another pill.

"I'll go to bed early, I have a busy day tomorrow."
When I lie in bed,
After 9PM,
The world changes.
Night is the worst time of the day.
When you overthink what you're overthinking.
My thoughts go to you.
No, I don't sleep well.
I dream nightmares,
When it's day.
Always on my mind,'
Never on my lips.
When will I surrender?

Knock knock.
Who's there?
You know.
You know who?
Exactly,
AVADA KEDAVRA


And this, my people, is how James Potter died

Hey. Guess you'll know it's me by now. I don't really know where to start. Again, I wrote you a ton of these kind of letters. They all ended up in the trash too.
You know, It kinda suprises me. You said that you read the line "I'm in love with you." from the last poem I sent you, thirty times. but, In the letter I wrote you, I said it too. I really thought you'd noticed. I really thought you already knew. Not that it matters a lot anymore now. In a good way though.
I really don't understand the stuff you do to me. remember the first day of school, when we hugged in the middle of the hallway? Lucky me, you walked away for a sec. I was shaking, it surprised me you didn't see. How? I don't know. Or when you told me; "I would date you." And my brain just, stopped. I literally couldn't think anymore. It really felt like a dream, and it still does. I dreamt about you last night, I vaguely remember. It was kind of a nightmare, but before it got scary I woke up. But seriously, when I think about you I just, I don't know man. ****'s confusing. But yeah, I really am head-over-heels in love with you. And, I don't know what's gonna happen next, but I know it'll be a good thing.
Sincerely, me.

The next poems
Will be shitposts
Because I'm on vacation
Sorry

Finally
I found you again
Just a stupid joke
Is what made us stay
Thought you would
Never actually return
And if you did,
Yes,it would take a while
I broke us apart
But apparently I also
Made you stick around
If you wonder,
I learned my lesson
Never break again
In front of others
Because they will break too
Sorry
I'm just so glad you're back
And I'm so afraid you'll leave me again
Because I really love you

~   I
     Don't
     Wanna
                         F
                              E
                               ­     E
                                          L

Ever again.

Sorry
I Can't repair you,
I'm broken too

Sorry
All i ever wanted
To be the one to speak her name as mine

Sorry
For hurting you over and over again
It hurts me too

Sorry
I keep saying it's good for you
but i doubt my honest feelings

Sorry
That you don't understand me when i say
I love you

Sorry
For not comming with a warning lable
"dangerous, do not speak with"

Sorry
For not telling you
And never going to

Sorry
You could've guessed
I'ts to late now

Sorry
I'm kinda stuck
But you can't help me out

Sorry
Do I want to stay or not
Well I don't really know

Sorry
For lying to you and never stopping
It's a big cycle

Sorry
I really am
but remember

It's just a game

I am extremely in love with you,
And I don't want to be,
I'm not supposed to be,
But I am

Life is a sea of emotions,
But I can't swim.

The world is such a dark place,
Even if you tried, you couldn't make it brighter.
So accept the fact that all that's left,
Is a pack of cigarettes and a yellow lighter.

You're the best

Please don't spoil endgame...

I fell of the stairs for the 2nd time today.


(This is a joke ssshhh)
(I did fall off the stairs though)

If you're looking for a reason not to **** yourself tonight, this can be it.

Sometimes, we feel as if nothing matters.
We all do.
So i made a list of a few of my own reasons,
13 Reasons Why
I'm still alive.
And hopefully you'll change your mind.
Those moments you feel happy, and nothing but lucky.
And you wish nothing will ever change.
I will try my best.

Reason 1, poetry
Poetry. Pieces of someone's soul. That feeling  When you love a poem, any. When you realise it's worth it and when your head is full of poetry. When You can look at anything and feel happy, like a true poet. When you look at the ink on your fingers and wish you had forever to write poetry and read it just because you can. Live.