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Sep 2020 · 180
Waiting....Impatiently
Ruheen Sep 2020
I've been waiting to write
For something to suddenly inspire me
And for words to just flow out
...
But that didn't happen
So I tried forcing words out
Even if they didn't make sense
...
But that didn't work either
...
So this is all I got right now
It's not bad
...
Oh, forget it.
....
Aug 2020 · 98
CrAZy
Ruheen Aug 2020
Why did madness become a disease?
Somehow crazy got locked up in a cell
When really
They should lock up
Sanity instead
'Cause these days
All of the
Hypocrites
Liars
Politicians
And their friends
All of the
People who fall
Of the roof
And their beds
All of the
Stars taking pictures
In their cells
Are the ones we call sane
At least that's what the internet says.
And these days
The crazy
In solitary
Could run the world
May not be much of a difference.
'Cause these days
Crazy is the trend.
Crazy seems to make
Much more sense.
...
Aug 2020 · 343
Read
Ruheen Aug 2020
It's funny,
how when you read something
and realize that it basically
describes you and is talking
about you
and that there is a person
out there who relates to you,
and yet you still manage
to find a way to convince
yourself that no one
understands you
and you're just being dramatic.
Because this isn't fiction.
It's reality.
But apparently they're pretty similar
Sometimes.
Every time I read.
Aug 2020 · 174
Train of Thought
Ruheen Aug 2020
Do you ever just think about how you ended up thinking about something, and then try and retrace your thoughts?
.
.
.
Why am I trying to figure out how I thought about this?
.
.
.
Ohhhh. That's how I ended up thinking about this.
.
.
.
Why can't I remember? Ugh.
.
.
.
Why did I think about this?
.
.
.
I need to write something for HP. It's been a while.
.
.
.
I need to sleep.
I think that's how I thought about this. I think. Usually, I can retrace my thought pretty well, but this time, I just don't know.
I still like it.
Might make more of these.
Aug 2020 · 252
Little Lies
Ruheen Aug 2020
The littlest of lies
Conceal the largest truths.

Because the more extravagant your lie is
.
.
.
The less likely people are to believe it.
....
Aug 2020 · 177
Scars & Secrets
Ruheen Aug 2020
Everyone has scars they want to protect.
Even though scars aren't secrets.
They can be seen.

But because everyone can see them,
They'll want to know
The story
Behind your scars,
Which are secrets.

One is questioned,
The other is unknown.

So which is the secret?

The story?

Or the scar?

Which would we rather hide?
....
Jul 2020 · 260
Dyslexia
Ruheen Jul 2020
Forget about speaking and understanding.

If someone writes in a different language
To your own,
You wouldn't even be able to read it.

At least at first glance.
I'm sure if you stare at it
Hard and long enough,

You'd be able to make out something.
A metaphor. Stare it at long and hard. I'm sure you'll get it.
Jul 2020 · 165
In Between
Ruheen Jul 2020
Just because you don't want to live
Doesn't mean you want to die.

It's a pity there's no in-between.

It's one or the other.
You're either dead or alive.

Nothing in-between.
...
Jul 2020 · 417
Standing In God's Tears
Ruheen Jul 2020
I can't tell if the stinging in my eyes
Is from my tears
Or from keeping my eyes
Open in the rain
Too long.
Both end up blurring my vision anyway.
I don't mind though.
Because if there is a God,
And he's up there,
Then at least I know
He's as frustrated as I am.
And he deserves to be.
...
Jul 2020 · 363
Psycho
Ruheen Jul 2020
They do have the best stories.
May not be very bubbly
Or comedic,
But thrilling,
At the least.
Horror
Is
The most fascinating
Genre.
...
Jul 2020 · 145
Talk
Ruheen Jul 2020
People don't know
Anything.
People won't know
Unless
We
Talk.
And that is why
No one knows
Anything.
Because
No
One
Will
Talk.
If people say they know us as well as they think they do, or as well as they should, they should know me by now.
I know them. They don't talk, but I still know.
So, why this unfairness? Towards me?
Why do I try so hard?
When they don't try at all?
I'm not going to change; it's who I am.
But I can vent. :)
Ruheen Jul 2020
"Treat others the way you want to be treated."
.
.
.
.
.
I've been trying for a while now.
I'm very nice.
All the time.
I swear I'm friendly with everyone.
No one's paying much attention.
No one's ever paid attention.
Some people think of me as a pushover now.
.
.
.
.
.
So.
I'll still do it.
I'm going to be nice.
I am nice.
But I'll stop treating them better.
Better than I treat myself.
.
.
.
.
.
That quote's missing something.
It should be more like:
"Treat others the way you want to be treated...but treat yourself more often and better, so you don't end up hating yourself. And everyone around you."
.
.
.
.
.
That's it.
Thank you.
.....long title.
Jul 2020 · 188
The Falling Girl
Ruheen Jul 2020
As they passed the
Windows
And turned to watch
The people that
Watched
The girls who fell
Fell without a sound
But the ones who
Stood
On the ledge
And were pushed
Fell like rain
...
Because
Everyone could hear them fall.
Inspired by the short story 'The Falling Girl' by Dino Buzatti.
It's really good.
I'm gonna write a part 2.
This is my 300th public poem. :)
Jul 2020 · 131
Just Like Them
Ruheen Jul 2020
I don't want to read their words
I don't want to feel their pain
I just want them to
See that I am
Just like them
I just skip past their words
I don't want to feel this way
But I just want to be
As good as they are
I want them to know
I feel what they feel
I want them to see
I want them to know
I'm just like them
They're just like me
But then why
Can't I
Be
Just
Like
Them?
Wrote this a while ago.
Jul 2020 · 396
Bed Bugs
Ruheen Jul 2020
Don't let the bed bugs bite...
Even though they're crawling
All over you.

Don't let the raindrops win...
Even though they're
Surrounding you.

Don't let the windows shine...
Even though they can
Always see you.

Don't let the bed bugs bite...
Because even when you're
Holding your pillow tight...

They still come and snuggle up by your side.
...figure it out. I'm going to sleep
Jun 2020 · 400
isn't it strange?
Ruheen Jun 2020
isn't it strange that everyone likes the words that i hate?
...
Jun 2020 · 118
Throat
Ruheen Jun 2020
your voice gets caught in your throat;
and it burns
burns
burns
cause the fire in your
words
needs to
escape
then you take in
the air
and the oxygen
is there
and it dies down
but the embers light up
again
so you
gulp
gulp
gulp
hoping to quench
your thirst
and the words
that hiss against
your teeth
make them rattle
and shake
but end up burning
your tongue
instead
oh no.
what can you do
but let them
blow you up?
cause the
right time
is the
wrong time
and the
wrong time
becomes the
right time
and everything
just
slips
away
as you
scream
the fire's gone;
the embers too
so why does it
feel like
you
still
need
to
Clear
Your
Throat?
...
Jun 2020 · 143
High Note
Ruheen Jun 2020
Why can't I hit the
High notes
Side note
Let me make you
My own
Rainbows
Low notes
Tell me something I don't
Know
Who goes
Your gold
My go
Give me silver
And no more
Let me take you to the
High road
Say no
Why can't I hit the
High note
Solo
So please don't
Let me go down under.
...
Jun 2020 · 151
Humans
Ruheen Jun 2020
Let me clear something up:
ALL HUMANS ARE PSYCHOS.

And you can't tell me otherwise
Because we are.
We weren't born this way,
We were made.

And yeah you may not act like it,
But let me tell a secret...
You've got it in you.

We all do.
We can all be bad.

We weren't born good or bad.
When we were born,
We were like clay.
Mouldable.

We were taught the differences between good and bad.

We were taught to be good.

But do we really know the difference?

Say a kind person is called 'good'.
That same person can hate someone.
That person can be bad.

Because being a bad person isn't just killing someone,
Or stealing, doing drugs.

A bad person has dark thoughts.

And you can't tell me you have never had such a thought before.

Because I know you have.

Therefore, all humans are technically bad.

We just don't consider ourselves to be
Because our definition of good and bad,
Isn't ours.

It's someone else's.

Our definitions are based on what we see around us.

People may be innocent...
But that doesn't mean that they're not bad.
They just haven't done anything...
Criminal.

Yet.
Am I standing up for people who do all of these horrible things? No. I'm really not. I'm not saying that doing bad things is okay.
I'm just saying that bad things will keep happening because that's what people are like.
As long as humans exist, this world will never truly be peaceful. Something will always be happening.
Then again. It's my opinion. It's how I see the world and the people in it.
If you see it differently, good for you.
But don't try and change my opinion.
I'll change it myself when I want to. When I see something that's worth me changing what I believe.
Jun 2020 · 210
Stress
Ruheen Jun 2020
That's what's gonna **** me,
Stress;
A little
Less;
The middle of a
Mess;
I should really stop saying
Yes;
'Cause that's what's gonna **** me,
And now I'm dead.
But let's
Keep this
To myself.
...exams.
May 2020 · 246
Bite
Ruheen May 2020
I don't bite...
Hell.
These days
I don't even bark.

No bite, no bark, nothing.

Being tired tires you.

Plus.

I got nothing to bite.
Exam week. Ugh.
May 2020 · 165
Grey
Ruheen May 2020
I put up pictures on my wall...
Black and white
Just like this
Life
But then I
Realized
That none of them
Were
Black and
White
Or the lonely
Type
Just
Shades of grey
Side by side
And then I
Realized
That even I
Look
Better
In
Grey.
Grey? Gray?
Honestly, I gave up on caring about the difference. It's a word. A colour between black and white. That's all I need to know.
May 2020 · 226
Unchanged
Ruheen May 2020
The wind changes directions.
The seasons change the weather.
The leaves change colours,
Even as they fall.
The clouds change shapes.
The sky changes stars
The rain changes the pressure
As it falls.
They all move
And change,
Their faces.
But the roots of a tree,
Remain
Unchanged.
...
May 2020 · 144
Eternal Loneliness
Ruheen May 2020
Even the Sun will die,
Not in a lifetime,
But sometime,
One day.
Even the Gods have cried,
For a long time
Sometime,
Long ago.
'Cause everything has faded away,
Our love, our hope, our fear
But some things just seem to stay
We are forever...
Forever gone.
We are eternal...
Eternally alone.
Everything good dissipates
Like colours in the wind,
But things that only cause us pain
Stay.
We are eternal.
We are alone.
We may die,
But our memories don't.

Eternal loneliness...
How can I bear with it?
...
May 2020 · 200
Butterfly
Ruheen May 2020
A butterfly is flying
But then it falls.
Because a butterfly
Can't fly for long
Without its wings,
Or is it its legs?
Its eyes.
Its colours.
Nevermind.
A butterfly is flying
But then it falls.
Because no one can fly
For long
If they're already
Gone.
Happy Mother's Day!
Apr 2020 · 143
Thank You
Ruheen Apr 2020
Thank you for giving me nothing
'Cause if you had given me everything
I would have to
Give you
Everything back
And we both know
I'm too lazy for that.

Thank you for leaving
'Cause if you had stayed
I would have to
Stay too
And we both know
I'm too restless for that.

Thank you for hating me
'Cause if you had loved me
I would have to
Love you
Back
And we both know
I'm too selfish for that.

Thank you for giving up
When you had the chance
'Cause if you had tried
I would have
Never realized
How crazy I am.
Yeah, I'm gone.
I don't think this is about a person. I mean, there isn't anyone that I would want to say this too. So I don't think it's about a person.
I don't know. Maybe it is. Maybe I just haven't realized it yet.
I don't know.
Apr 2020 · 158
Gone With The Wind
Ruheen Apr 2020
Gone with the wind.
My memories,
My feelings,
My heartache,
The headache,
Replaced,
With laughter,
Excitement.
No room for
Silence.
The confining
Spaces
That I
Always hated.
The sharpened
Anxiety
That left me
In ecstasy.
When I spoke
With sobriety,
The society
That watched me,
Left me in pieces,
For reasons
They will never
Explain.
It's changed.
How much?
How long?
Will it go back?
It never lasts,
Because the wind always comes back,
With more to give.
More than I asked.
And the wind will always return,
And it will bring
Back all the chains I earned.

Gone with the wind.

I'm trapped in the wind.
Because the wind will never stay gone.
A momentary burst of inspiration. I don't know.
Apr 2020 · 156
A Story to Tell
Ruheen Apr 2020
~

The bad parts of an experience are what make the best stories.
No one wants to hear you say 'I had a nice time. It was great.' And so on.
They don't want to hear the same thing over and over again.
They want a story no one else can tell them.
If all you experience is good things, you won't have a story to tell.


~
My teacher said this to me once. I agree.
Also, this is a kind of explanation for Underrated. It's why I think demons have a story to tell; why they're more interesting.
Apr 2020 · 169
Rebel
Ruheen Apr 2020
Today is the day I rebel
Against everything
I've ever known and felt

Today is the day I cut off
My feelings from my head
So they don't interfere

But maybe I wanna wait
Till tomorrow,
So I can say bye.
...
Apr 2020 · 154
Ugh
Ruheen Apr 2020
Ugh
I think I'm good at it,
And I am for a while,
But then I see a problem
And I just can't figure it out.
I don't know what to do.
So then I realize maybe
I'm not that good at it.
I'm not that smart maybe.
And then I wonder
Is it just me?
It is everyone?
Or am I just stupid?
Because I used to be good at it.
It used to be easy,
But now, I never know what to do.
It's so hard.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I hate Math.
Did I get you? I was talking about Math the entire time. :)
Apr 2020 · 365
Disposable
Ruheen Apr 2020
Castles are only walls
made to look pretty.
Kingdoms can only fall
because they aren't that pretty.
You treasure decorations
over things that
do their job.
Because
they are disposable
and beauty
is not.
...
Apr 2020 · 146
so tired
Ruheen Apr 2020
I've been so tired lately, so
please have mercy on me
I'm so tired of waiting
for something to happen
to me
or near me
just something
so I can
wake up again
and say all the bad things
I say to myself
it's the only way
I can feel
I've been so tired lately, so
I'm too tired to hate me.
Losing my mind over here. But the one thing that made me smile was my poem Underrated. It got selected!
Still going crazy, though.
I was going to post this a few days ago. Guess I forgot.
Mar 2020 · 264
Loop
Ruheen Mar 2020
People are staring

I'm not moving

Maybe that's why

I'm not moving

Cause they're staring

And they're staring

Cause I'm not moving

And I don't know why

We're stuck in this loop

No difference

With eyes that stare

All around me

People are pushing

Too much pressure

I'm still not moving

The loop continues

But now, I'm alone.
I don't know. I was already messed up. Quarantine's making it worse.
Mar 2020 · 232
Hostage
Ruheen Mar 2020
We're held
Hostage
In our own homes
In our own minds
And then we run
Thinking we're free
But that's just
A dream.
A hostage
I lost it,
And I don't know
How to fix it.
I just want to
Go to
Sleep
And never wake up.
I wrote a story, for my English class. Didn't think I'd like it. But then I read the last line. Still don't love it. I don't know why. But I'm getting there.
Same with this poem. Didn't like it until I wrote the last line.
Mar 2020 · 144
Will of God
Ruheen Mar 2020
Even the prettiest of flowers have to die.
It is, after all, the will of God.
Nature can try its hardest, but God seems adamant.
Nature will meet death.
It will die slowly,
Which seems the most painful.
Unfair, isn't it?
...If COVID-19 takes out the entire human population....then God only has Nature left. He'll get bored. :)
Mar 2020 · 195
Deafening
Ruheen Mar 2020
Crank up the volume,

So you can't hear a thing,
So nothing can get through,

And nothing can get out,

And you can't hear yourself,
And then you fall asleep.

Isn't that just the best thing,

That you could feel?
Wherever you are,

That peace and quiet?

Because when the music's loud
Your thoughts are silent.
...
Mar 2020 · 428
CIRCLES
Ruheen Mar 2020
I don't want to do anything
.
.
.
Because I can't see
Past the trees
That stand in my way

It's too dark
They're too tall
And everything looks the same

I'm going round in circles
And everyone keeps telling me it's worth it
I'm going round in circles
And I still don't believe it

I'm going round in circles
Nothing is changing
Everything is spinning
And it's still hurting

I'm going round in circles
I just wanna go straight
So I see the light in the tunnel
And I go towards it

I'm going round in circles
.
I just want to get somewhere
.
But I'm a little dizzy
.
So, instead, I'll just stay here
.
.
.
...
Mar 2020 · 120
A Tired Girl's Heart
Ruheen Mar 2020
You can take the heart out of the girl,
.
.
.
And you can help fix it.
Give it something
So that it has more energy.
So that it can feel more.
She can't feel with her head.
It's too direct.
Too predictable.
But she's too tired to fix things.
She just wants to sleep,
Before her mind overloads,
And there's nothing left.
She's tired of using her mind,
But she doesn't care.
So take it.
Take her heart,
She doesn't use it anyway.
Haven't done one of these in a while.
I liked this series.
Mar 2020 · 160
Nothing At All
Ruheen Mar 2020
An average king
A young boy
Stare in the mirror
Like cracked toys

Think about
Their next days
Their demise
Their fates

One remembering
One wishing
Both waiting
For nothing

He grew up
Wished to be strong
He grows old
Wished to be young

He sees it coming
But he doesn't prepare
Why be ready
For an average death

One remembering
One wishing
Both waiting
For nothing

Nothing at all.
Dying only feels like falling asleep, when you die in your sleep. You can't prepare for that.
Feb 2020 · 130
Sacrifice
Ruheen Feb 2020
That's nice
Please run
I'm not gonna lose
Anyone anymore
Cause I don't want
To die alone
I want someone
Next to me
On my death bed
It's selfish
I know
I'm a hypocrite
I'd give up anything
But I won't even live
I'm sorry
It's too much
One and now me
But I'm not even
Supposed to breathe
Six feet under
Dust
Or shadows
Clouds
Or shallows
You didn't ask me to
You didn't have to
I didn’t want
To bury you
So I'm going to let you
Bury me too

No one ever said sacrifice was easy to do
No sacrifice is ever a gift. Not in the long-run anyway.

This is for every book, movie, or tv show, that kills off a character, to save another. They sacrifice that character.

I hate it sometimes. Other times I laugh. Once I screamed. Twice I've cheered.
Feb 2020 · 154
To Find Me
Ruheen Feb 2020
To find me
I'm supposed to change
Myself
But I don't know why
I have to change
Or what I'm supposed to
Change into.

To find me
I have to start
Searching
For something
But I don't know
What I'm even
Looking for.

To find me
I need to
Understand
Who I am
And who I can be
Or who I
Will be.

I'll think about it more.
Tomorrow.
I'm too tired.
Today.
I'm sick, tired and sad, right now.
So tomorrow.
Feb 2020 · 311
Rain - A Sonnet
Ruheen Feb 2020
The rain is here, it's wet, please don't leave me.
It makes the world look dull, it light's up ours.
Thunder rumbles, it's cold, I need to breathe.
Sleepy, but free, I can stay up for hours.
It's too quiet, I want something better.
It rains all night, please let the clouds hang low,
Please let the trees dance, they will send letters.
Rain makes art, so does the sky, a faint glow.
It's real, but it looks fake, but I see the truth.
The sky is crying, the doors are creaking,
What about the pitter-patter on the roof?
We smile as it falls, the roof is leaking,
Now, but I don't care, I will fall asleep
To the sound and I will have soundless dreams
Wrote this a long time ago.
Feb 2020 · 299
Closer Than Before
Ruheen Feb 2020
I hate them,
'Cause sometimes
They drain me
Of all my
Energy.
Of all my
Loneliness,
Sadness,
Anxiety,
My worries.
I hate them,
'Cause sometimes
They take away
All of my
Friends.
Now that
We're all
Closer than before.
We really are.
It's a part of me.
I don't want people to take away something that's a part of me.
I hate it sometimes, but I also can't live without it.
Feb 2020 · 120
Am I Okay?
Ruheen Feb 2020
Am I okay?
You keep asking
I keep saying
The same thing

I don't know anymore

I'm spiralling
And then I'm calm
And then I don't know
Again

In a hurricane
Stuck in the middles
Everything's rushing
Around me
And I can't think about it

I'm spiralling
And then I can breathe again
But not for long
'Cause then I don't know again

I don't know anymore

Am I okay?
You keep asking
I keep saying
The same **** thing

So am I okay?
You tell me
How do I feel?
Because
You do it anyway.

Am I okay?
Are we okay?
Are any of us,
Ever okay?
Tell me now,
So I can practice
Not being okay.
Um...yeah...ok
Feb 2020 · 137
I Sleep In The Darkness
Ruheen Feb 2020
~

i sleep in the darkness
and i don't mean when i turn out the lights
and i can't see anything

i sleep in the darkness
i mean when i'm in my head
and its pitch black
and i can't see anything

i sleep in the darkness
and i don't mean when i turn out the lights
and bump into my bed
i mean when i'm in my head

i sleep in the darkness
i hear the voices
through the walls
throughs the doors
i hear them scream
even when there's nothing

i sleep in the darkness
i see the pitch-black curtains
wide open
but i can't see anything
cause its dark

i sleep in the darkness
but i probably shouldn't
'cause i'm afraid of the dark
and what lies within

i sleep in the darkness
i'm scared
but im not
yet.


~
I can't sleep with the light.
Jan 2020 · 179
Picture Perfect
Ruheen Jan 2020
Picture Perfect
Black and white
Ruin it
It's alright

I can make another one

Picture perfect
Colours bright
Ruin it
It's alright

I could take another shot

Picture perfect
Everything combined
Ruin it
It's alright

I'll do it again till I get it right
Because
One of these days
I'll get it right.

A perfect picture.
Showing
A slightly less
Perfect life.
This one ain't too sad.
Pictures showing war have won Pulitzers.
Funny how that works.
Jan 2020 · 168
Run Away
Ruheen Jan 2020
The started walking away
Before I even got there

They gave me their stuff
Because they wanted to be over there

I want to be there
But I can't be there

I don't know the way
They never told me

But even still, they're too far away

I can reach them
I know I can

But they'll run away
As far as they can

And I'll let them
I know I will

'Cause I run away
As far as I can

We will run away

In opposite directions

We will run away

Far, far away.
Told you. Been feeling kinda lonely these days.
Jan 2020 · 141
It's All The Same
Ruheen Jan 2020
I'm very good at being left out
Either that or
I'm just very good at shutting people out
Pushing them away
Till they're so far over the edge
And I can't pull them back
Either that or
They hide behind walls
So I can't see them or hear them
And I know it's my fault
I can't tell the difference
What matters is that it hurts
And I know
I know, I can do something
But I know
I know I'm too scared
Because I know
I know
Nothing will change
Left out
Or shut out
It's all the same.
You're gonna get a lot of sad poems for a bit.
Jan 2020 · 167
Because
Ruheen Jan 2020
I don't care enough about me
Because they don't care at all about me
Because I laugh too much when it hurts
And I cry too much when it doesn't
But they don't see it
Maybe because they don't want to see it
Because I'm too much to handle
Because they think I'm crazy
Just because.
...
Jan 2020 · 121
Cause & Effect
Ruheen Jan 2020
Water sticks to the sides.
A little push
And it falls.

Letters that go out at night.
A little slip
And it's gone.

Ropes that fray at the ends.
A little pull
And nothing.

Pencils that are too sharp.
A little pressure
And it breaks.

People that are close to the edge.
A little shove
And they disappear.
Makes sense. I think.
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