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424 · Oct 2020
Scars
Isabella Oct 2020
The nails at the ends of my fingers
Are a different kind of blade
They aren't ice cold or sharp
But I bleed just the same

The scratches on my arms
Are from a different kind of pain
It isn't deep and firey
But the scars still remain
420 · Jul 2020
untitled
Isabella Jul 2020
my dearest
apologies
that the recent poems plaguing my page
are nearly as much of a disappointment
as myself
**
410 · Nov 2020
Emotions
Isabella Nov 2020
Emotions are rather complicated, I suppose
What is this irksome tickle in my heart?
It is not sadness, nor is it anger, or even grief
Not quite guilt or confliction
Perhaps a sort of blend of the two
It feels rather uncomfortable, like an itching inside
That is barely out of reach
Like a blur in the corner of my vision
But no matter how much I turn my head, I still can't see it clearly
This feeling seems to twist my stomach
And press on my heart
And pound in my mind
A constant pressure that can't be placed
I wonder if this puzzling emotion
Is something similar to emptiness
A hollowness that is unfamiliar
Sinking in a sea of scattered thoughts
Far too deep to retrieve now
And now
All I am left with
Is a perplexing feeling swirling everywhere inside me
A sort of apathy
That can't be named
400 · Oct 2020
Sometimes
Isabella Oct 2020
Sometimes I think about
All of the words
That never escaped my lips

Where are they now?

Are they waiting restlessly to be spoken?
For the sweet release from the darkness of my mind.

Or have they long since decomposed?
To be forgotten, until only whispers remain.
394 · Aug 2020
Knife 2
Isabella Aug 2020
They told me to pick up the knife
That with it I’d be able to cut the rope holding my throat to the ceiling
And break the chains keeping me to the ground
So I wrapped my fingers around the cold metal
Adrenaline as hot as fire pulsing in my veins
I didn’t let go
And I didn’t free myself
Instead I brought the silver blade to my heart
Carving the words I wanted to be engrained in me forever
scars heal until i cut myself again
389 · Jun 2023
Wish
Isabella Jun 2023
I roll my lashes between my fingers
instead of blowing them away
I have no wishes left to whisper
on eyelashes, or dandelions
or angel numbers on the clock
I cant avoid them reminding me of you
When we look at the same sunset
When we see the time at the same moment
Will we think of each other?
will you wish for me?
I have no wishes left to give
What I wanted most, I wished away
instead of the lashes between my fingers
381 · Aug 2020
Anxious
Isabella Aug 2020
Fingernails tapping
Teeth biting my cheeks
A pressure on my chest
Eyes darting around the room
I should probably breathe

At this point I can’t quite remember
The last time my mind was at ease.
i may try and rewrite this soon, but who knows. just another thing to stress about.
375 · Jul 2020
dull
Isabella Jul 2020
if a knife goes dull after it's been used too many times,
why does life feel so dull right now.
it's not that i've done everything i could do,
it's not that i'm worn out,
but i've simply lost the childhood spark
that used to gleam in my eyes.
and i'm not sure how to sharpen the useless knife
that is life.
a moment in time, captured by a few poorly written words.
371 · Feb 2023
Love
Isabella Feb 2023
is a concept
that I've been trying to constrain
into rigid lines
trying to explain
and define
like trying to collect water with your hands
it falls right through the cracks
or like trying to redirect
a forest fire

I wanted love to be
B L A C K and W H I T E
I wanted to make it make sense
like trying to make concrete
from a substance that would never set

"LOVE" I've dissected the word all my life
turning it over and over in my mind
it was a feeling I could hold, that would never fill my heart
it was a blanket I could fold, that would never wrap me in its warmth

"LOVE"
      the yearning itself
          ate me up
              from the inside out

I wanted someone
I wanted anyone
But when I met you I wanted it to be you
368 · Mar 2020
Evergreens
Isabella Mar 2020
In your eyes I see the evergreens,
Growing tall with pride.
Casting shadows on the forest bed,
Letting timid creatures hide.

In your eyes I see the evergreens,
Growing strong and wide.
Reaching for the sun,
But only touching the sky.

In your eyes I see the evergreens,
Brave and tough and pure.
You'll grow as high as evergreens,
That, my dear, I'm sure.
367 · Jul 2020
Sorry
Isabella Jul 2020
I'm sorry

I made a mistake
I stepped on a rake
I tripped in a lake
I danced with a snake

Did I say it already?
I'm sorry.
wrote this in 30 seconds :P
363 · Jan 2022
Crossroads
Isabella Jan 2022
You were the sunrise in the morning
I was the clouds in the sky
You were wide blue eyes sparkling
I was the bitter white lies

You were the child made to explore
I was the one dragging you home
You were fighting to be on your own
I was afraid you'd leave me alone
356 · Mar 2020
Love Forlorn
Isabella Mar 2020
A sweater I put on, worn and worn.
To keep me safe, to keep me warm.
The outside soft, the inside thorns.
Tempting is, my love forlorn.

The sweater stays, ripped and torn.
For lost labors that I mourn.
A love has died, a love is born.
Hopeless is, my love forlorn.

To be so close, yet all so far.
I cannot reach, yet here you are.
I cannot leap, the jump's too hard.
Forlorn love tears us apart...

Disdainful tears, that mark my cheeks.
My helpless world, is far too bleak.
Without my strength I seem so meek.
Forlorn love makes me feel weak.

A sweater I put on, worn and worn.
To keep me safe, to keep me warm.
Love is pain, and love is scorn.
Wretched is, my love forlorn.
352 · Nov 2020
Jealousy
Isabella Nov 2020
Acknowledging jealousy
Only validates insecurity
But why pretend
To be content
349 · Nov 2020
Fade
Isabella Nov 2020
I would never wish you away
I only ever wanted you to stay
But every passing day
Your footsteps start to fade
344 · May 2022
Lines
Isabella May 2022
Lines on the corners of my mouth
From how much you made me smile today
Will they fade?

Lines at the edges of my lips
Will you kiss them one day?
Or will they fade?

Lines on the corners of my mouth
I trace my fingers over them in the mirror
I want them to stay

Lines at the edges of my lips
Lines like valleys, my tears like the rain
I want you to stay

Lines on the corners of my mouth
From how much we laughed today
I have you, you're right here
And you have me, I'm yours

But the lines at the edges of my lips
They fade, like you always do
And I'll wait, like I always do

My eyes wait for the morning
To see you
So I can smile, so I can laugh

But my heart waits for the impossible
For you to love me
For you to miss me
For you to miss the lines on the corners of your mouth
Like I miss mine
344 · Jun 2020
My Quill
Isabella Jun 2020
My hand trembles with the weight of the quill pressed between my fingers,
Each stroke an ever so remarkable miracle.
For my strength falls weak as I strive to write even more.
Though the ink has long since dried up, and all I am left with are scratches on a blank page.
Perhaps the fault does not lie within the weary pen itself,
But instead with the unstable hand that holds it.
I'm sure it's easy to dip my quill back into the ink, to watch the words flow beautifully again. But I'm afraid such motivation is not as simple as it sounds.
344 · Nov 2020
You’ll Be Okay
Isabella Nov 2020
You’ll be okay
One breath at a time
A step to rewind
You’ll be just fine
You’re okay
340 · Nov 2020
Blank
Isabella Nov 2020
So much to say
Yet I can’t find the words

Or the will
335 · Dec 2020
Teach Me
Isabella Dec 2020
Teach me how to write a masterpiece
A work of art
An inspiration
A revelation
A remarkable creation
I strive for perfection
Despite being far from it
So please teach me
How to change the world around me
For the better
And perhaps that could lead to changing myself
329 · Sep 2020
Slip Away
Isabella Sep 2020
A disappointment to my parents
A bother to my brothers
A nuisance to my peers
A burden to my friends
A name to my school
A face to my loves
An enemy to myself
A stranger to the rest of the world
For if I slipped away, at any moment
Hardly anyone would know the difference
The planet wouldn’t notice me gone
The ground wouldn’t miss my steps
The sky wouldn’t grieve my gaze
The blanket wouldn’t mourn my tears
Not even I
Would wish for me to return
🖤
325 · Oct 2020
Louder
Isabella Oct 2020
Saying the same words
Louder
Won't make me listen
320 · Mar 2020
Crying
Isabella Mar 2020
I sit, my back against the wall. Tears trickling down my cheeks.
Then I wash off my face and stand tall, which means that I am weak.
Alone in the bathroom stall, I couldn't control my cries.
On the inside I feel so very small, and the smiles I wear are lies.
320 · Nov 2020
Tiring
Isabella Nov 2020
Self-loathing is tiring
But god, it’s inspiring
Anyone would be lying
To claim they weren’t trying
To work day by day
To mend their mistakes
To reshape their ways
The ill strive for change

The strive to improve
Or perhaps just to prove
The pain is the truth
The weaknesses too
With all the crying
The bleeding, the fighting
Self-loathing is tiring
But god, it’s inspiring
317 · Oct 2020
I Learned
Isabella Oct 2020
Today I learned
The sky isn't blue
It's red, yellow, orange
Green and purple too
It's just that we are
Too blind to recognize
The kaleidoscope of colors
Right before our eyes
313 · Sep 2020
Haiku 3
Isabella Sep 2020
Succumbing to pain
Growing numb to the ice chains
Forgetting the cage
311 · Mar 2020
Mama
Isabella Mar 2020
Mama, mama, see me here?
See my talents, see me clear?
See me talking, see me near?
See my eyes that fill with tears?

Mama, mama, hear your name?
Hear my words, the ones I don't say?
Hear my cries, the ones that I tame?
Hear my footsteps as I walk away?

Mama, mama, feel my pain?
Feel my stare, as I'm dying in vain?
Feel my disappointment, my wrong blame?
Feel my heart as it withers away?

Mama, mama, you're not here...
You're distracted, can't see clear.
You're oblivious to my selfish fear—
That you'll forget me, and leave me here...
311 · Jun 2020
Childish
Isabella Jun 2020
I know it's childish
To imagine that you could possibly
Even like me
But the little girl inside me
Can't help but desperately cling
To the possibility
Even if it hurts so very badly
Even though each time I inhale I hope to breathe air
While instead poison caresses my lungs
With a touch as sharp as knives
I still breathe in
My heart begging for the chance that one day it won't hurt
To dream
And I know I'm childish
Yet I can't seem to give up
On you
310 · Mar 2020
Darling Dearest
Isabella Mar 2020
Darling dearest,
Never enough.
Not very fearless,
Not very tough.

Scared to leap,
Scared to step.
Afraid to leak
A secret she's kept.

Timid and shy,
Tiptoeing in the dark.
Searching low and high,
For a little spark.

But darling dearest wasn't brave.
Darling dearest never gave.
She had nothing, no nothing at all.
And she never moved, afraid to fall.

Oh, darling dearest never tried.
Darling dearest never cried.
Darling dearest would always hide.
And because of this, darling dearest... she died.
302 · Apr 2020
Mother
Isabella Apr 2020
"Call me Mother" I told her, the first time I took her home.
She was quiet and I could tell she didn't want to be alone.
Then we approached the front door, where I led her inside.
She waited for a moment, then ran off to hide.
"Hide and seek, oh alright.
But after this, it's nighty-night."
I looked around the house for her,
Until I heard a little stir.
I found the child behind a curtain.
"I knew I'd find you. I was certain."
I grabbed her wrist and down the hall
We walked to her room, I stood tall.
She stayed silent, I think afraid.
But we got to her room: Tidy, bed made.
Others sat upon their beds.
"Go to sleep." they would nod their heads.
Then they slipped under the covers,
And all at once said "Goodnight Mother."
The girl still stood next to me, the youngest one.
I loosened my grip and to her bed she did run.
She slipped into the blanket, closing her eyes.
But I waited there. The others weren't surprised.
"You need to say it." I pulled off her covers.
She opened her eyes, the others shuddered.
"Come on now." I smiled, though it took her a while.
"Fine. Goodnight. But you're not my Mother."
301 · Mar 2020
A Single Flower ~long~
Isabella Mar 2020
The sky was an ocean, clouds of foam washing against the mountains.
The sun was a golden drop of honey, casting light upon the emerald grass.
A pond lay still in the field of green, motionless and peaceful.
Calm was the water, and silent was the breeze.

One day when the sun was barely peeking over the mountains and the field was full of an early mist, the wind carried a single drop of water to the center of the emerald meadow.
The droplet fell into the grass and sunk deep into the earth.
For days of sun and nights of moonlight, the water and soil bonded to create roots.
The roots grew stronger by each morning, until one day a bit of a stem rose from the ground.
Hidden by the tall grass, it was still unseen.
The sun nor the moon could see what was slowly growing just before their gaze.
While the sky changed colors countlessly and the mountains woke again and again, something was slowly rising from the grass.

Soon it grew taller than the emerald field, and indeed the sun and moon did see it.
They awed over the astonishing beauty of the small flower.
A body of green and a head of white, the flower stood proud in the center of the meadow.

As the sun was retiring and the moon was beginning to cast its eerie light, the clouds grew violent and a storm arose.
The sky was dark and rain fell.
The grass swayed in the crying wind but the flower did not wilt.
It held still, its roots in fact digging deeper into the earth.

The next dawn was quiet and dreary.
The sun was dimmer, the grass was duller, the pond was still resting, and even the mountains looked asleep.
The white flower was seemingly untouched and even more bright than it was prior the storm, morning dew resting on its delicate petals.

Later the same day, a soft wind came.
Though it was a small gust, it unexpectedly swept right under the flower and pulled it from the ground.
It was carried with the breeze and dropped gracefully into the pond.
It drifted down the river, floating peacefully in the blue water.
Then a current pulled it down, and the flower swirled down to the bottom of the pond, never to be seen by the sun or the moon again.


Many sunrises later, a drop of water was carried by the wind to the center of the field.
When it fell to the earth, it sunk into the soil and felt the familiar roots of a flower.
The water built upon the roots and eventually, in the field stood a single flower.
I stumbled upon a story I wrote in 2018...
297 · Jan 2022
untitled
Isabella Jan 2022
sadness comes and goes in waves
but the ache never fades away
a tug between the heart and mind

oh, my heart breaks, and breaks again
the hurt buries itself within, far after it's healed
but graves don't hide what's beneath

yes, the feelings come and go
but my words here last forever
296 · Aug 2020
2am
Isabella Aug 2020
2am
My gaze tracing the lines on the ceiling
2am and I hope my heart’s healing
My body’s numb to any real feeling
As I hear my mind’s worries revealing

I hate that hardly anyone likes me
And the few who do still might leave
I hate that I’m laying here crying
Which will lead to puffy eyes in the morning

I wish I could just love myself first
Or at least go back to when I felt sure
I wish I could be my own shelter
Away from a world where I get hurt

My fingers tracing the tears staining my cheeks
My sobs dulling the ache inside me
2am and my skull is still spiraling
As the black abyss of the night tries to hide me
now i’ll try to sleep
294 · Nov 2020
Chosen
Isabella Nov 2020
Words still unspoken
Hearts remain broken
Ever since the moment
I was not chosen
293 · Oct 2020
Sunset
Isabella Oct 2020
Morning ebbing into a still black night.
Blue stars glistening in dim moonlight.
Gold sky dissipating, world growing dark.
Shadows resurfacing beneath silver stars.
290 · Aug 2020
Truth
Isabella Aug 2020
All these puppets wear bright smiles
While I let my mouth form a frown
They stare in wonder at the sky
As I feel my gaze drifting down
I’m told to stand and dance with them
But I am content on the ground
Sinking deep into the cobalt sea
I’d rather breathe it in, and drown
It’s much more comforting to sit alone and cry, than give in to society’s expectations and lies.
287 · Mar 2020
Control
Isabella Mar 2020
My heart feels tight and fast and anxious,
When things are out of my control.
I feel a need to grasp at anything I can,
For when there is no sense of stability or familiarity or predictability,
I feel like everything around me will shatter into a million pieces.
Including me.

*

Maybe it's because I've had to take on this role my whole life,
This role of taking care of everything. Planning, being on time, making sure things line up.
This role that has been the cause of my stress.
Or perhaps it's because things have happened, in my past, that I had no control over.
And now I'm frantically reaching for something, anything, that I can control.
286 · Sep 2020
Thunderstorms
Isabella Sep 2020
Thunderstorms rage outside my window
Lightning blinks at it watches me cry
If I drowned in the rain, no one would know
Amidst the chaos nobody would notice me die
Rewrite of the last two lines from a poem I wrote a few years ago..
282 · Mar 2020
Routine
Isabella Mar 2020
Same wretched thing,
Why try to fight it.
Numb and routine,
Just the way I like it.
A repeat it seems.
Get tedious; might it?
Numb and routine,
Just the way I like it.
Isabella Dec 2020
Today I sifted through hundreds of poems
Reading each one, letting the words seep into my heart
I breathed in the broken lines of broken souls

I long to tell these weary poets that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't much further
That despite their exhaustion, there is still hope
That the pain is all worth it in the end

So, dear poet, who has happened upon this,
I wish for you to feel peace, or at least I wish for you to feel something
I wish for you to keep fighting
I wish to tell you all of the secrets to finding love

But now I hesitate
Who am I to tell you to be strong
When I am simply quite the opposite
Who am I to tell you to keep walking
When I fell to my knees long ago
Who am I to tell you to leave your pain behind
When I am wallowing in grief
And guilt
And disdain for my own self

Dear poet, I may not know the secrets
Or life's purpose
Or the beauty you bring to the world
But I do understand
And even if I may not know you, or your story, I hold love for you

This love is pure and true and I reserve it in my heart for the day you may need it most
Which is perhaps today
For today
I sifted through hundreds of poems
For an hour or so
I scrolled through your words
And I felt nearly every one
<3
279 · Nov 2020
Worries
Isabella Nov 2020
I suppose my biggest worries are yet to come
Which is perhaps why I pretend I have none
I wait for the day when my body grows numb
When my heart will be broken, innocence undone
279 · Aug 2020
More
Isabella Aug 2020
I could chew the skin off of my thumb,
Or force my teeth to bite my tongue.
I could eat my lip til it goes numb,
Or press the air out of my lungs.

I could scratch my arms until they bleed,
Or dig my nails into my cheeks.
I could swallow copper I don’t need,
Or hold my throat til I can’t speak.

I could break my bones to set me free,
Or feel my crimson tingly seethe.
I could rub my eyes til I can’t see,
Or exhale deep so I can’t breathe.

The violence fills my mouth with cherries,
Ever sweeter than before.
A taste unlike all the other berries,
And I salivate for more.
You may have to read this a few times to understand what I mean, however I encourage you to interpret it your own way.
277 · Oct 2020
Masterpiece
Isabella Oct 2020
Well-spoken, well-written
Talented, gifted
Driven and willing
Broken but healing
Confident, capable
Ambitious and able
Beautiful, striking
Uniquely enticing
Mind full of brilliance
Strong and resilient
Kind and persistent
Bright and ebullient
Selfless, joyful
Trusting and loyal

A masterpiece the world adores
For she is everything I'm not and more
276 · Aug 2020
Okay
Isabella Aug 2020
Why can’t I seize the day
Tomorrow feels so far
I know I’ll blink it away
Then one more will start
Each one is quite a headache
Like they always are
Oh why can’t I just be okay?
It shouldn't be this hard...
so many people have it far worse than i do, so why can’t i just be okay?
274 · Oct 2020
Do not fret
Isabella Oct 2020
Do not fret
For the hole in your chest
Cannot stay hollow for much longer
In due time
A heart will fill the void
And you will feel again
274 · Jun 2020
Hurting
Isabella Jun 2020
Hurting fixes broken hearts,
It numbs you til you fall apart
And wonder where the pain went.
But it only goes dormant.
273 · Nov 2020
Safety
Isabella Nov 2020
There is an emptiness beside me
A numbness I can’t shake
It tries to envelop my limp body
Embracing my heart until it breaks
Darkness swallows everything
I feel my soul begin to ache
I am cold but feel the heat
Was there never a time when I was safe
271 · Oct 2020
Worth
Isabella Oct 2020
Your soul is worth saving
Your heart is worth shaping
Your legacy's changing
You're not worth erasing

I promise.
Whatever you may have done
No matter the person you think you've become
You're someone, worth waiting for, your story has only begun
271 · Aug 2020
Knife
Isabella Aug 2020
They told me to pick up the knife
That with it I’d be able to break the chains keeping me to the ground
And cut the rope holding my throat to the ceiling
So I wrapped my fingers around the cold metal
Only to feel a sharp sting as hot fire poured from my palm onto the concrete floor
But I didn’t let go
Even though I had grabbed hold
Ever so tightly
Of the wrong end
scars heal until i cut myself again
268 · Nov 2020
Forgettable
Isabella Nov 2020
A shallow wish to be memorable
While the truth is she’s forgettable
They move on nearly just as fast
As the time it took her to get attached
It seems that people never last
And neither does the past
messy, but it’s just a rough draft
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