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Cruelty echoes in my mind, cruelty that is my own burden to bear. I feel it ripple through my body, up and down and up again. My chest aches as it strokes my beating heart, my shoulders shake as it brushes gently against my bones. I hear the same thoughts I've recited a million times, thoughts telling me the truth I wish I could run from. But it envelops me entirely, like a sea surrounding my sinking body. What word is there that can even begin to interpret this feeling? Lost, uncertain, afraid, helpless, hopeless, alone. For it is all of these things, and more. Broken, ashamed, anxious, spiteful, empty. So so empty. Is anybody here? I see shadows but I can't tell if it's all in my head. I dare not waste my strength and swim to them, afraid of drowning if I do. What if there's no one there to save me? Even worse, what if they are there and choose not to save me at all? Each time I try to swim to a figure in the distance, I become no closer to them than I was before. Are they swimming away? Or am I simply delusional? I'd rather close my eyes and drift to sleep, at least that way I wouldn't have to disappoint myself again and again and again. Is this what it feels like to be weak? If so I never want to try again. Is this what it feels like to be abandoned? If so, I never want to trust or love again. Is this what it feels like to lose hope? I never want to hope again. It's all too exhausting and I wish I could just be okay. But even that seems too much to even dream of.
Isabella Feb 1
An evening full of bliss
Dreams and infatuation blooming
Laughter and confidence radiating
Such an evening only results in a morning full of sorrow
As you mourn the loss of feeling alive
A feeling which only sparks but once every season
Isabella Jan 26
I've been avoiding you for some time now
Not wanting to confront the twisted emotions tangled in my head
Not wanting my gaze to meet the confliction tugging at my heart
My body is a storm right now
And all I wished for was some peace
But shutting myself behind locked doors, waiting for the thunder to die down, hasn't seemed to help
I still hear the rain pounding on my windows
I still shiver as wind slips through the crack of my door
I still shake as my shelter sways uneasily
I guess I'm afraid to drown
If that makes sense
Waves are cascading from the sky
With a force that would surely knock me to the ground
I would be breathless and helpless
Alone and weak
The storm would drown out my cries
And the storm would eventually drown
first poem in a while. not doing great and I haven't wanted to think about it by writing poetry but I gave in today.
Isabella Dec 2020
A new love, could it be?
A chance to start again
We have not spoken, really
And you know nothing of me
Yet you say those words
“I’d love to get to know you”
Those awful words
Awful as they sparked a hope in my heart
A hope that only grows over time
Despite your late messages
And our dry conversations
And the fact that you are much better than me
I still cling the idea
That you and I could become something lovely
Do you think so too?
Is this the one chance I have?
It feels more real that the last time
But every moment is crushing me
Isabella Dec 2020
Here I sit upon this cream white carpet
Salt streams down my face like a river, gently trickling over my freckled cheeks
Copper drips from my arm onto my hands, falling into the cracks of my palms
My eyes are burning but my skin is cold
My mind is racing but my heart is still
My posture weakens but I don’t let my head fall
Instead my gaze flickers to the ground
The floor a jarring hue
That lovely white carpet now streaked with crimson
What a mess I’ve made...
Isabella Dec 2020
My life has been a downward spiral
The path is full of disdain and misery
The motion makes me sick
The darkness makes me sicker
And I’m afraid I’m on my way to my own destruction
Isabella Dec 2020
Teach me how to write a masterpiece
A work of art
An inspiration
A revelation
A remarkable creation
I strive for perfection
Despite being far from it
So please teach me
How to change the world around me
For the better
And perhaps that could lead to changing myself
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