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Dec 2020 · 9
4
Isabella Dec 2020
4
A new love, could it be?
A chance to start again
We have not spoken, really
And you know nothing of me
Yet you say those words
“I’d love to get to know you”
Those awful words
Awful as they sparked a hope in my heart
A hope that only grows over time
Despite your late messages
And our dry conversations
And the fact that you are much better than me
I still cling the idea
That you and I could become something lovely
Do you think so too?
Is this the one chance I have?
It feels more real that the last time
But every moment is crushing me
Dec 2020 · 158
Ruined
Isabella Dec 2020
Here I sit upon this cream white carpet
Salt streams down my face like a river, gently trickling over my freckled cheeks
Copper drips from my arm onto my hands, falling into the cracks of my palms
My eyes are burning but my skin is cold
My mind is racing but my heart is still
My posture weakens but I don’t let my head fall
Instead my gaze flickers to the ground
The floor a jarring hue
That lovely white carpet now streaked with crimson
What a mess I’ve made...
Dec 2020 · 60
Spiraling
Isabella Dec 2020
My life has been a downward spiral
The path is full of disdain and misery
The motion makes me sick
The darkness makes me sicker
And I’m afraid I’m on my way to my own destruction
Dec 2020 · 52
Teach Me
Isabella Dec 2020
Teach me how to write a masterpiece
A work of art
An inspiration
A revelation
A remarkable creation
I strive for perfection
Despite being far from it
So please teach me
How to change the world around me
For the better
And perhaps that could lead to changing myself
Dec 2020 · 71
Dislike
Isabella Dec 2020
I dislike the person I am
And the thoughts inside my head

I dislike the child I am
And the tears that I have shed

I dislike the monster I am
Like the ones beneath my bed

I dislike the ghost I am
And the words I haven’t said

I dislike all that I am
And the blood I’ve always bled
Isabella Dec 2020
Today I sifted through hundreds of poems
Reading each one, letting the words seep into my heart
I breathed in the broken lines of broken souls

I long to tell these weary poets that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't much further
That despite their exhaustion, there is still hope
That the pain is all worth it in the end

So, dear poet, who has happened upon this,
I wish for you to feel peace, or at least I wish for you to feel something
I wish for you to keep fighting
I wish to tell you all of the secrets to finding love

But now I hesitate
Who am I to tell you to be strong
When I am simply quite the opposite
Who am I to tell you to keep walking
When I fell to my knees long ago
Who am I to tell you to leave your pain behind
When I am wallowing in grief
And guilt
And disdain for my own self

Dear poet, I may not know the secrets
Or life's purpose
Or the beauty you bring to the world
But I do understand
And even if I may not know you, or your story, I hold love for you

This love is pure and true and I reserve it in my heart for the day you may need it most
Which is perhaps today
For today
I sifted through hundreds of poems
For an hour or so
I scrolled through your words
And I felt nearly every one
<3
Dec 2020 · 72
Water
Isabella Dec 2020
I’ve been watching the waves for a while
Their rising, as the foam inches its way up the shore
And their falling, as the current seems to pull me in

The blue of the sea is enchanting
Its gentle whispers are inviting
The chill of the water prickles my skin
But I don’t mind it
The smooth sand washes over my feet with every footstep I take
The waves draw me further and further until my mouth is under water

I close my eyes and hold my breath
And I notice the silence now echoing around me
All I’m left with is my own thoughts, swirling in my head
Which is rather unnerving
In a comforting sort of way
I listen as my mind spills its heavy words
I hear voices I had never dared to acknowledge
I’m reminded of truths I was never willing to accept

I open my eyes to notice the light above me diminishing
I see blurred outlines of my friends and family
I strain to hear the muffles of their words
Are they peering down at me?
Do they notice my limp body sinking?
Will they dive in to save me?

I will not swim back up, I cannot
Despite my love for them, despite all the wonders of the world, I have no more strength to muster
I’ve sunk too far for them to rescue me
But I don’t mind

I don’t want to return to the chaos
I like it down here
It’s quiet, serene
As if time is standing still, no worries in sight
The eerie silence of the ocean as it swallows me whole

I feel a burning in my chest and my mouth bursts open
I inhale deeply and am met with salt as it fills my lungs
I do not sputter, nor do I cough
For it’s almost as if I’m breathing for the very first time

I let my eyes flutter to a close
And perhaps I am nearing death
But my lips curl into a smile as I feel something similar to peace swelling inside my heart
My heart which has been void of life for far too long
Dec 2020 · 137
Fairytale
Isabella Dec 2020
Once upon a time
I believed in love
In fate and blessings
From the angels above
I believed in kisses
In long talks forever
In two happy lovers
Never to sever
I believed I'd find you
I hoped for what I'd seen
On pages of stories
And dancing on the screen
Once upon a time
I believed in us
But fairytales deceived me
As dreams withered to dust
Nov 2020 · 169
Soul
Isabella Nov 2020
It hurts to remember
That I am alone
My hand reaches to feel your touch
But I’m met with nothing
Emptiness replaced you
Despite you never being here
Your eyes remind me you’re not mine
Nor will you ever be

Your heart may be hidden
But I hope one day I’ll find it
Your mind may be muffled
But I believe one day I’ll clear it
Your soul may be lost
But I dream one day
You and I
Can search for ours together
For I am lost too
I wish to find myself

And maybe
Just maybe
I wish our souls could intertwine
If only you could learn
To love me
As much as I love you
Nov 2020 · 109
Blank
Isabella Nov 2020
So much to say
Yet I can’t find the words

Or the will
Nov 2020 · 396
Safety
Isabella Nov 2020
There is an emptiness beside me
A numbness I can’t shake
It tries to envelop my limp body
Embracing my heart until it breaks
Darkness swallows everything
I feel my soul begin to ache
I am cold but feel the heat
Was there never a time when I was safe
Nov 2020 · 124
Emotions
Isabella Nov 2020
Emotions are rather complicated, I suppose
What is this irksome tickle in my heart?
It is not sadness, nor is it anger, or even grief
Not quite guilt or confliction
Perhaps a sort of blend of the two
It feels rather uncomfortable, like an itching inside
That is barely out of reach
Like a blur in the corner of my vision
But no matter how much I turn my head, I still can't see it clearly
This feeling seems to twist my stomach
And press on my heart
And pound in my mind
A constant pressure that can't be placed
I wonder if this puzzling emotion
Is something similar to emptiness
A hollowness that is unfamiliar
Sinking in a sea of scattered thoughts
Far too deep to retrieve now
And now
All I am left with
Is a perplexing feeling swirling everywhere inside me
A sort of apathy
That can't be named
Nov 2020 · 161
Just Know
Isabella Nov 2020
Just know that my heart wants what it wants
Just know from the start I want what I want
Just know that so far I get what I want
Just know that your heart won’t slip from my arms

I know that your eyes they cry and they cry
I know that you hide beneath a disguise
I know what’s inside your baby blue eyes
I know you’ll be alright and you’ll always be mine
Nov 2020 · 104
3
Isabella Nov 2020
3
I could never quite place my finger
On what drew me nearer
It wasn’t quite your smile
Nor your sarcastic sighs

Beneath your laugh’s charm
And your comforting warmth
Under your sweet impatience
And known reputation

I notice the disguise
Which hides your broken eyes
I see the tender pain
You try to shove away

I watch the truth unfold
Now you’re distant and cold
I wish you could just know
I see potential in your soul

I wait for you to trust me
Maybe some day you’ll love me
But for now I will settle
With trying to know you better

I love you for your heart
It isn’t buried far
I love you for your mind
I hope one day you might be mine
Nov 2020 · 145
Worries
Isabella Nov 2020
I suppose my biggest worries are yet to come
Which is perhaps why I pretend I have none
I wait for the day when my body grows numb
When my heart will be broken, innocence undone
Nov 2020 · 74
I Promise
Isabella Nov 2020
I promise to you
My soul is at peace
My mind is at ease

I promise
My hands are steady
My heart is ready

I promise
I can finally be brave
I’m willing to be saved

I promise
I love myself
Before loving anyone else

I promise
To you
I am passionate
And true
I am confident
Through and through

I promise
To me
I am brilliant
Full of dreams
I feel radiant
And free

I promise
These heavy words
With a tone
So very sure
With intent
So very pure
But with a pain
That can’t be cured

I simply don’t matter
My last hope has shattered
Can’t death come along faster
I simply can’t last here

Yet I promise to you
That I’ll be alright
As my eyes fill with tears
I say I’ll make it through the night
But behind my back
Barely out of sight
I take my *******
And cross them tight
Nov 2020 · 74
Chosen
Isabella Nov 2020
Words still unspoken
Hearts remain broken
Ever since the moment
I was not chosen
Nov 2020 · 99
When the Wind
Isabella Nov 2020
When the wind blows strongly from the east
And the rain falls softly in the eve
While the waves are crashing in the seas
And the dewdrops trickle from the leaves

I close my mouth, I dare not speak
Though I know your hearts won't break for me
I hear the echoes of your pleas
And I promise I will never leave
Nov 2020 · 83
Reflection
Isabella Nov 2020
You know you’re broken
When your own reflection
Won’t even look you in the eyes
Nov 2020 · 94
Tiring
Isabella Nov 2020
Self-loathing is tiring
But god, it’s inspiring
Anyone would be lying
To claim they weren’t trying
To work day by day
To mend their mistakes
To reshape their ways
The ill strive for change

The strive to improve
Or perhaps just to prove
The pain is the truth
The weaknesses too
With all the crying
The bleeding, the fighting
Self-loathing is tiring
But god, it’s inspiring
Nov 2020 · 131
Hatred
Isabella Nov 2020
I hate myself
I hate myself for everything I am
And I hate myself for everything I’m not
Nov 2020 · 211
Forgettable
Isabella Nov 2020
A shallow wish to be memorable
While the truth is she’s forgettable
They move on nearly just as fast
As the time it took her to get attached
It seems that people never last
And neither does the past
messy, but it’s just a rough draft
Nov 2020 · 120
Melancholy
Isabella Nov 2020
I suppose humans are rather complicated
Blurs of unkept promises
Broken dreams
Shattered motivation

Mistake upon mistake upon mistake
Turmoil
Distress
Insanity

How to cope in a world where nobody validates raw emotions
Or perhaps it’s only me who feels this way

I suppose life is rather complicated
Simply practice for the permanent emptiness of death
Nov 2020 · 123
Fade
Isabella Nov 2020
I would never wish you away
I only ever wanted you to stay
But every passing day
Your footsteps start to fade
Nov 2020 · 112
Balance
Isabella Nov 2020
She’s told she talks too much
Or not enough
Forced to speak up
Or just keep her mouth shut
Nov 2020 · 169
You’ll Be Okay
Isabella Nov 2020
You’ll be okay
One breath at a time
A step to rewind
You’ll be just fine
You’re okay
Nov 2020 · 78
Eternity
Isabella Nov 2020
I have yet to meet somebody I can spend right now with
If no one even wants me for a moment
How am I supposed to meet someone I can love for the rest of my life?
And more importantly
How am I going to find someone who wants to spend eternity loving me?
Nov 2020 · 119
Jealousy
Isabella Nov 2020
Acknowledging jealousy
Only validates insecurity
But why pretend
To be content
Oct 2020 · 80
Hope
Isabella Oct 2020
Is the world falling apart
Or are we simply losing hope
Oct 2020 · 106
Shadows
Isabella Oct 2020
I sing to the shadows in my room
And play the piano to comfort my gloom
I hum in the hope that something will bloom
And write as I await my own doom
Oct 2020 · 118
Which is Worse
Isabella Oct 2020
Do we idolize normality
Or demonize insanity
And which is worse
Oct 2020 · 104
Society
Isabella Oct 2020
Society is finally falling apart at the seams, fighting and rioting and more violent scenes.
People are speaking but nothing is changing, there's still so much chaos but no one is waking, the problems we're facing aren't near to erasing, yet there's fleeting, retreating, the passion is fading.
There is pious bias, harm to hide us, a strive to be righteous, pleas for quiet.
Pressure to conform to the norm and perform in good form amidst thunderstorms and swarms of people you're supposed to trust to judge you.
Because I guess they're the ones above you.
They don't love you or trust you or even speak up for you, they are the ones you believe.
They are society.
The root of propriety, the cause of anxiety, the eyes who watch silently, observing the sights to see, shaming variety, faking priority, escaping notoriety.
Replacing humility and civility with hostility and words that are sickening.
Is it worse to idolize normality or demonize insanity, for both are a tragedy.
I guess a cake's not as good without all the frosting and you can't be a leader without being called bossy so might as well put on a show for the souls who see what you do, your every move, the choices you choose.
The cause may be lost, at what cost?
You've carved out your flaws from your heart.
Pause.
Don't change who you were from the start.
Don't conform to the norm 'cause you're fine on your own and society's lies will soon catch up to greet you, faceless faces running to meet you.
Exhale.
You're still there.
It's not fair now but I swear further down, things will work out.
We always put the blame on society with dubiety but it's clear to see that's rightfully so.
But what people forget is the cycle that's set is all in our heads, and will stay that way til we mend our mistakes and eventually learn how to bend it.
this is verrry messy so i'll definitely try and rewrite it at some point. that was as much of a mouthful to write as it is to read
Oct 2020 · 170
In My Closet
Isabella Oct 2020
I wanna shut people out til I'm all alone
And cry to my music til my head explodes
I wanna break down while nobody knows
Lock myself in my closet as my heart implodes
Oct 2020 · 105
Write
Isabella Oct 2020
A writer writes for themselves
An author writes for the world
A poet writes for those who cannot speak
Isabella Oct 2020
i am currently working on publishing my poetry into a collection
i don't expect to make any money
nor do i imagine that i will gain any popularity
but this is an accomplishment that has added motivation and excitement into my life
i know it will be difficult and draining
but wish me the best of luck
if anyone has any tips, please let me know :) <3
Oct 2020 · 114
Worth
Isabella Oct 2020
Your soul is worth saving
Your heart is worth shaping
Your legacy's changing
You're not worth erasing

I promise.
Whatever you may have done
No matter the person you think you've become
You're someone, worth waiting for, your story has only begun
Oct 2020 · 182
You Deserve
Isabella Oct 2020
You Deserve
To be
Whole
Loved
Smiling
Inspired

You deserve
To feel every thrill of living
Because you are an individual that is unlike anyone else in the world
You deserve to realize
That your existence is a blessing

So do not settle for misery or dissatisfaction
Life has more to offer you than a broken soul
Oct 2020 · 101
Do not fret
Isabella Oct 2020
Do not fret
For the hole in your chest
Cannot stay hollow for much longer
In due time
A heart will fill the void
And you will feel again
Oct 2020 · 113
Patience
Isabella Oct 2020
Sunsets turn to stars
As scratches fade to scars
With time walls fall apart
While patience mends the heart
Oct 2020 · 81
Heard
Isabella Oct 2020
Sometimes I don’t care if you’re listening
But I at least want to be heard
Oct 2020 · 85
Monologue
Isabella Oct 2020
How can I possibly expect someone to love me when I can’t even tolerate myself.
How can I hope to be somebody, anybody, when I’m nothing but a blink amidst the infinite abyss of existence.
Even on my own planet my life won’t be much to remember.
An enemy to myself, a stranger to the world.
Isn’t it unnerving to realize that if I slipped away, the planet wouldn’t know any different.
The ground wouldn’t miss my steps and the sky wouldn’t grieve my gaze and the atmosphere wouldn’t mourn my breaths.
Just another body that doesn’t stay, only fades and eventually decays.
This is why legacy is so important, I suppose.
The only way a soul can truly live on.
Even if earth would go on just the same, even if history wouldn’t notice me gone.
Oct 2020 · 169
Masterpiece
Isabella Oct 2020
Well-spoken, well-written
Talented, gifted
Driven and willing
Broken but healing
Confident, capable
Ambitious and able
Beautiful, striking
Uniquely enticing
Mind full of brilliance
Strong and resilient
Kind and persistent
Bright and ebullient
Selfless, joyful
Trusting and loyal

A masterpiece the world adores
For she is everything I'm not and more
Oct 2020 · 433
Sometimes
Isabella Oct 2020
Sometimes I think about
All of the words
That never escaped my lips

Where are they now?

Are they waiting restlessly to be spoken?
For the sweet release from the darkness of my mind.

Or have they long since decomposed?
To be forgotten, until only whispers remain.
Oct 2020 · 127
Louder
Isabella Oct 2020
Saying the same words
Louder
Won't make me listen
Oct 2020 · 745
I Learned
Isabella Oct 2020
Today I learned
The sky isn't blue
It's red, yellow, orange
Green and purple too
It's just that we are
Too blind to recognize
The kaleidoscope of colors
Right before our eyes
Oct 2020 · 129
3
Isabella Oct 2020
3
3 years
A hundred tears
A thousand fears

3 months
No hugs
No love

3 is your name
3 is my pain
3 is your face
3 is the change
Oct 2020 · 156
Scars
Isabella Oct 2020
The nails at the ends of my fingers
Are a different kind of blade
They aren't ice cold or sharp
But I bleed just the same

The scratches on my arms
Are from a different kind of pain
It isn't deep and firey
But the scars still remain
Oct 2020 · 220
Fell
Isabella Oct 2020
We both fell in love
But I fell too far
Cuz I climbed too high
And you were too low
Oct 2020 · 117
Demons
Isabella Oct 2020
When I mention my demons
You picture creatures of horror
Contorted faces of terror
Alive to haunt my dreams
And corrupt my mind
With malicious laughter
You imagine twisted voices
Laced with insanity
That push me into the dark
With a touch as cold as a knife’s steel blade
You fear the thought of them
Of me

But my demons are gentle
They’re quiet
I feel their warm breath against my ears
When they whisper softly
Perhaps you don’t hear them because you aren’t listening
For their sharp words
Are said out of love
And their nails digging into my skull
Are only there to keep me safe
In the absence of their presence
I am worse
Which is why I let them stay
Because my demons are real
Oct 2020 · 421
Sunset
Isabella Oct 2020
Morning ebbing into a still black night.
Blue stars glistening in dim moonlight.
Gold sky dissipating, world growing dark.
Shadows resurfacing beneath silver stars.
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