They should really invent a place where I belong.
Not one with entirely sunshine and rainbows,
God knows I've prayed too little for that,
But one where
I fit.
I don't stand out,
But I'm still my own person
And not that me that I've shown others,
Deceived them for far too long.
My fixation with belonging
It's like a need
That will never once be met.
And I'm left starved and ravenous
For just an ounce of it
And its empty calories

A tourist came to visit a church
One that had burnt down and rebuilt anew
Then he heard someone in the street say,
"Besides the design, there's something you should know too!"
"Many visitors have seen images in this church,"
"Scenes from the old place!"
The tourist felt a simmer of excitement
And entered the church at a steady pace
And when he entered, the hallucinations hit
Celebrations and songs from the past
People building the church was first
And the rebuilding after the fire was last
He noticed the masterpieces on the wall
And the wooden pews where people could sit
He saw white marble so enchanting, so dimly lit
And he then saw a sign saying "Do not enter"
And he knew walking in could be a sin
But his curiosity got the best of him
And so he marched right in.
And as he entered the dark room
A new hallucination entered his mind like a liar
He turned to leave, but the door was locked
And he was trapped in with the fire.

Am I just so hilarious to look at?
Do I just make you giggle?
Do I make you roar with laughter?
Do I? Huh, do I?
Am I just that entertaining?
So hideously hilarious?

a squirrel came and ran up to my tree
he cooled off in my calming shade
he stayed for just a bit of time
and then away he strayed

after months he finally came back
and talked about another tree, now hollow and dark
the squirrel said he wanted a tree to love him back,
saying this as he rested on my loving bark

even if his winds knocked over my boat
i would still continue to float
because even though his waves were meant to drown
my love kept me up and wouldn't go down

i built a flimsy structure
to protect me from the storm
and when all his winds came
it all came back torn

i walked on coals to make it to him
through tsunamis and floods i had to swim

he fed me poison to make the solution
but left before coming up with the resolution

he cried, he lied, to protect my name from grime
he cared, he scared, but there was another boy at the time.

but in my heart, i still hear his name
and those heartbeats are the best
but since i was a player in his losing game
i rip my heart out of my chest

he says he gave him everything
without anything left for me
i gave him all my advice
and he still didn't listen to me

he went through all the things i did
when he left me
but he never even realized
he couldn't even see

but yet still in the moonlight
i call his name
but he's calling another's
and it will never be the same

Sometimes, I believe I am a star
Glowing bright, yet so far
Or maybe I am the whole galaxy
Every planet you know is simply me

Sometimes I believe I am the shade
I depend on the sun, yet hide from it, afraid
But on other days, I am the sun
I am the most deserving of fun

But sometimes I am a tree
My branches covering everything I see
And I know no matter how much my branches twist and twirl
I'm really only a teenage girl.

For once I wish to be the stars, not the viewer.
For once I wish to be a goal, not the pursuer.
For once I wish to be the masterpiece, not the painter.
For once I wish to be the colors that age, never fainter.
For once I wish to be the ocean, not the one swimming in it.
For once I wish to be a nomad, rather than having to sit.
For once I wish to be knowledge itself, rather than having to learn it.
But the thing I wish most of all is the be the poem, rather than the poet.

No matter how many times our paths cross by fate
I'll never once forgive you
But you'll never be a person I'll hate
Yet I still can't recognize you

I say you'll do something soon
But for everything you seem to mind
How can this ever bloom?
Love isn't there if it is blind

The day you decided to leave
You stopped talking to me
And I had dreams the next two nights
Talking normally, as if we were meant to be

And even though in my dreams
I might've been only talking as your friend
I was perfectly content
Anything so this wouldn't end

So we had our conversations as usual
And it was back to just you and me
And I smiled all the way till I woke
Then back again I drowned in reality.

After a pause of dreaming about you
I thought I had been cured
Until my dream the following night
Oh, the things I saw and heard

Your presence was near to me
You had come to visit here
And I could tell you how sorry I was
And how I hold you so dear

But the moment I went to see you
You were leaving that very date
And I reached out my hand, trying to grab you
But I was a moment too late.

You have trespassed on my soil, manned
You have stolen my nation and my land
Killed all the songbirds, the larks

You have eradicated any sense of glee
But everything you have taken from me
Around it, you will find claw marks

There's tears on the floor
And bullet holes in the door
And blood and dirt under my nails

You've made me flee from my own home
The place I live in and roam
And yet you still don't know what that entails.

I don't know what I am to you
Whether hell or heaven send
But why'd you come back after eight months
And still consider me a friend?

do you hear the sizzle of my lungs
as they slowly burn to ashes?
my head is an anchor, weighing down
bringing me to the floor
i cannot breathe
i am aching
the doctor said i was fine
but the moment i left
and breathed in the poisonous fresh air
i wheezed
i could not breathe
my lungs were on fire
some people pretend im fine
but i see it in their eyes
how they’re pretending
some people avoid me
as to not get sick
to save their freezing lungs
the fire is spreading throughout my body
my face is red
my throat is burning
im fading out
my lungs are on fire
i cannot breathe.

I wish to go far in life, but I fear that if I try my hardest, they will see how much potential I lack.

Maybe I’ve been staring at my wounds
For far too long now
And though they are now solely scars
I cannot sit here forever.

I distinctly remember the sweet smile of the day
And the fireflies that lit up the night sky
The blooming flowers on a beautiful day in May
I remember watching the birds fly ever so high
But I also remember watching the flowers die
Their vibrant colors turning then to grey

I remember the thousands of stories in my mind on display
Castles built from my imagination
I remember the friends that with I could forever stay
Just me and my fictional childhood nation
But now my brain has started a process of self-eradication
My vibrant stories turning then to grey

I've seen friends that I know I knew back in the day
But I just can't put my finger on who they are
And there's nothing I can do or say
As I watch the death of my own star
Now I don't want to finish this poem, must stay far
Because I know it'll turn to a dull grey.

I tore my flesh off
Ripped off my muscles
To give to you
But when you asked
For my soul
You deemed me selfish
For refusing to let it go

I shouldn't have to hide that you hit me
I shouldn't have to hide my tears
I shouldn't have to fake a smile at you saying my legs were big
Because you couldn't have known that it was one of my fears

I shouldn't have to listen to you yell at the TV screen
I shouldn't have to ramble to feel seen
I shouldn't have to make up a reason for you to go
And that's just something I think you should know