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Aspen S Feb 8
i cannot seem to forget
the smallness i had become.
bruised thighs
and sunken eyes
were my reality;
my skin was devoid of
any nutrients,
fragile and delicate.
i could vanish
into nothingness
like quicksand.

my days bled into
one another,
fingers frozen,
heart barely beating,
lungs hardly breathing.
i stared down the
barrel of the gun,
wished to purge my urges,
sat in an endlessly deep
pool of misery until
drowning was all i could do.

i replaced food with air,
consuming empty calories
and dug knives into
my skin as a personal hobby.

i am an open would
that never heals,
and i am desperate
to move on.
a poem on my eating disorder. i thought i had come far only to relapse within a year. here's to starting over.
Jane Nov 2021
You think I'm pretty? You don't think I should change?
Not by a single gram I won't, I promise Anna.

It's my friend Anna, she's always here for me.
Anna, I don't want to think, tell me what to do,
Yes, thank you Anna, I'll calculate those for you.

Did you say I look perfect Anna?
I can maintain perfect by being perfect.
I can be precise Anna, I promise, don't leave.

Anna, that's a lot of calculating.
Sorry Anna, you're right, perfection takes hard work.
I'm unafraid of toil.

Anna, I'm worried Anna, I can't stop feeling.
Think? I can over think to stop the feeling.
I'll gladly overthink than to over feel.
You're right Anna, I can numb it.

Anna, I'm craving something.
You're right Anna, I will never have that.

Anna, I never told you what I craved.
I craved love Anna, I craved safety.
I'm hungry for a meaningful life Anna.
Please feed those to me.

Why don't you give me what you promised Anna?
You became a liar Anna, but love is blind and I need you.

Speak for me Anna, lie for me Anna.
Anna others want to feed me, Anna, I don't know what they're feeding me Anna, stop them, it's unsafe where it's uncertain.

Yes, what Anna said, I already ate.
When?
Anna, they're catching on Anna, do something.

Anna, I'm hungry, Anna.
I've been keeping you alive to keep myself dead.

Anna please,
I starved myself, to feed Anna.
One sip 40 calories
One bite 50 calories
How many calories until I finally feel ok myself again?
Or was I ever?
Anais Vionet Dec 2020
Don't let anyone
with bad eyebrows give you life
advice - it ends badly.

I don't mind seeing my ex with
someone else - I usually donate
unused things to the less fortunate.

I wonder how many
calories I burn jumping
to wrong conclusions.
calories, eyebrows and ex-boyfriends - the Jeopardy category is "Things we can use less of."
Anais Vionet Nov 2020
Kissing burns 6.4
calories per minute, so,
you wanna work out?  =]
cardiovascular workouts can extend our lives - lets live forever
Ella Grace Mar 2020
Why aren’t your bones showing?
I don’t see a gap between your thighs
You shouldn’t wear that top
That shirt isn't flattering

Calories, calories, calories
Better start watching them
I think you’ve gained a few
Do your clothes even fit you?

Push past your limits
Watching what you eat is a good thing
Its fine to skip a meal
…Or two

What do I want to look like?
Well, I want my ribs to start showing
My thighs to start thinning
and don’t even get me started on my double chin

I hate myself
I hate my body
I just want to look like her
Why do I have to look like this?

Look in the mirror and tell me what you see
Be careful about the food you eat
Cover your body, nobody wants to see that
Just be skinny!
Arden Dec 2019
If I think harder do I burn more calories

Does being hot or cold burn more calories

Silent night time exercise

how many calories in
           lexapro
           ibuprofen
           air
           saliva

how many calories did Auschwitz prisoners eat

is diy liposuction possible

what body parts can you live without

could they have poured calories in this water

how to give myself the flu

can thinking about food make you fat

how much does a finger weigh
please don't hate or make fun of me for the things I have wondered. I am mean enough to myself.
Arden Sep 2019
I don't have an eating disorder
But
I eat one meal a day

I don't have an eating disorder
But
I cant eat more than 700 calories a day

I don't have an eating disorder
But
I have to skateboard at least 5 hours a day

I don't have an eating disorder
But
If I don't know how many calories is in something I can't eat it
Julie Grenness Aug 2019
Have some more scones with jam and cream,
And a mound of spuds for tea,
Then you'll find your obesity,
With them carbs will be your mortality,
It is your responsibility,
To limit your own gluttony,
There are, indeed, bad calories,
Carboholics eat too much, you see!
Feedback welcome, note pun!
Ray Dunn Mar 2019
Today, I had more calories
in my beer,
than in my meals...

But who’s counting, right?
(me)
I actually was sober and drove like five people home from prtties but TEA
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