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662 · May 2015
oops
Nikita May 2015
I'd be so done if someone I knew could read minds.

XD
Well ****.
657 · Dec 2020
Thank You
Nikita Dec 2020
Everyday
You would shout
Scream
And belt.

With each word
You drove a sword through
My child mind

Thank you for the wounds
Thank you for the insults

Without your fierce
Sad and insecure stabs

I’d never be so determined
To be the exact opposite
Of who you think I am.
655 · Jun 2015
You will never know
Nikita Jun 2015
I miss you so much
You dont have a clue
Yet, when you talk about her
Im never jealous
Im never sad
Only do I ever wish you the best
And It makes me wonder
Does that mean I really miss you?
Maybe just as a friend
But then again
If you were to chase after me
You would'nt have to run very far
Because for you
Id stop running
Even if I was running from something that terrified me the most.
What am I even doing with my life
655 · Jul 2015
Sigh
Nikita Jul 2015
Its getting more and more difficult to breathe
Maybe its just my mind
But something tells me Im not as healthy as I seem.

My chest tightens
I freeze
I get scared and cry easier
If you really understood what anxiety
Felt like
Then you wouldnt be so mean.
654 · Jul 2015
Tired
Nikita Jul 2015
Good night marmite
Sweet dreams sugar beams

Have a good sleep lady bo peep
See ya later alligator

Hope to see you soon pretty moon
650 · May 2015
Bird with burning wings
Nikita May 2015
I feel as though Im in a cage
The bars are made of fire
Trying to avoid the flames

Too afraid to get burnt
Even though I so desperately want to get free.
645 · Jun 2020
Odd.
Nikita Jun 2020
Oh hello.
What’s your name?
That’s nice. Do you sing?
No kidding.
Oh me? Not me.
My voice shrills and kills until it...
Sorry. Did I just-?
Never mind. Yeah, okay.
I’d love that.
See you next weekend?
Great. Wait...
Before you go-?
Can you promise?
You do? Oh, you do.
It’s just- It’s just that I find it...
Great. Amazing. Wonderful.
Have fun- With her. Yeah.
Cool. Later.
A conversation in a time, space and with characters of your own creation. Feel free to reinvent the story until it makes sense to you.
640 · Aug 2015
Cage
Nikita Aug 2015
I feel as though Im out
Im free
I can be who I want to be

Im no longer trapped in a place I used to call home

For home is where you're truely happy
Which for me is elsewhere
636 · May 2015
❇ learn ❇
Nikita May 2015
You learn a lot from what people write

You learn about them
You learn about the world
And even yourself
628 · Jul 2015
Glass And Emotions
Nikita Jul 2015
Broken windows
Shattered dreams
Fragments skattered
Its not what it seems

It may look like I want an easy life
It may look like I want a hard life
It may look like I'm a coward
It may look like I'm a super hero

It may look like alot of things
But at the end of the day
Its not what it seems.
623 · Jun 2015
. Alone .
Nikita Jun 2015
You're in a crowded room
But no one notices you're there
You are surrounded by friends
But most of them dont care
You know a lot of people
But meaningful talks are rare

Its like being invisible
Its like being ignored by everyone all at once
Like screaming but nothing seems to come out

But its okay
Because we all have to realize that only very few people will be there for us till the end and as long as you've got them you'll be okay ❤
Even though I am okay, my heart goes out to people suffering from neglect, anxiety or people who are just feeling down ❤
617 · Jul 2015
Inside Out
Nikita Jul 2015
Outside lives a girl with a smile that will brighten up the room, yet inside hides a girl with a frown full of despair.

Outside lives a girl with eyes of joy that brings you to ease, yet inside hides a girl shedding tears of sadness.

Outside lives a girl with a beautiful laugh that's contagious, yet inside hides a girl screaming her lungs out in unwanted anger.

Outside lives a girl with the personality everyone envies, yet inside hides a girl full of insecurities and shame.

Outside lives a girl who is fearless and tough, yet inside hides a weak girl who lives in fear.

Outside lives a girl full of life, yet inside hides a girl full of pain, wanting to die.

Outside lives a girl with a perfect image, yet inside hides a girl with regrets and mistakes.

Outside lives a girl of innocence, yet inside hides a girl with tremendous guilt.

Outside lives a girl with goals and aspirations, yet inside lives a girl lost in confusion.
612 · Jun 2015
Expectations
Nikita Jun 2015
Like this
Like that

Wear this
Wear that

Do this
Do that

Dont do that
Dont do anything that will somehow make you an individual because you will be judged and socially excluded from society.

You must be "normal"
611 · May 2021
Watermelon
Nikita May 2021
As sweet as candy
Don’t you think watermelons dandy?

It’s got seeds
It’s nice and fresh
It’s green

There’s no other fruit in sight
I’d like to eat
611 · Jun 2015
♦ Stuck For Now♦
Nikita Jun 2015
I feel as though Im in a well
A deep dark well that I cant seem to get out of

I can hear the laughter
But they cant hear me
I can see the smiles
But they cant see me

Its like im in a well thats slowly filling with water
one day Ill make it to the top
but for now Im just drowning.
606 · Jun 2015
Close to the edge
Nikita Jun 2015
Falling apart
Emotionally
Physically
Mentally

I work so hard to please everyone
To help
To give
To smile
To be positive for other people

Yet i get nothing in return
A few extra hugs and aqquaintances maybe
The occasional thanks
Dont get me wrong
I dont expect anything in return

But i do expect that people would at least
Try
Because im sick of always putting in the most effort
Sick of being the one to pick up the pieces
Sick of the one walking in the shadows of others

I just want to be cared for
Not just cared about.
600 · Jun 2015
Choking on fresh air
Nikita Jun 2015
I dont know if i can do this
Which is selfish
I mean
I have everything most people could want
A house
Friends
Family
Food
A bed

But even with all this
I just feel numb
Like my chest is caving in
And I cant breathe
All the time
I feel myself slipping away
All the time

But noone seems to notice unless I tell them
Yes I want attention
But only because I feel so trapped

I want help
Not ******* sympathy.
599 · Jul 2015
Burden
Nikita Jul 2015
I will drag you down
I will steal your crown

I will break your heart
I belong in the dark

I will make you worry
I will make you stress
Even if I think its for the best

Even if I want to cry
Even if im asking why
Even if Im in pain myself
I will always been an inconvienence to everybody else.
The struggle of feeling like I mean nothing to anyone anymore.
596 · Jun 2015
Confusing
Nikita Jun 2015
I cant seem to keep my eyes off you

I hate you
Yet I like you
You're mean
you're selfish

And you couldnt care less about yourself
Let alone anyone else

You are
Dramatic
Mean
Weird
Loud
Annoying
Messed up
Selfish
Rude
Egotistical


Yet somehow I still find myself looking at you, smiling at you, waiting for you to arrive, wondering what your thinking and laughing at your jokes

Because even under all that
You are
Kind
Funny
Protective
Innocent
Caring
Talented
Different
Unique

I think thats why I cant seem to stop thinking about you

Because you annoy me yet make me laugh
Because you are unlike noone ive ever met
No matter how weird you are
You're my type of weird and even though I know I cant have you I'm akways going to care.
If you ever need me
Ill be there.
594 · May 2015
Dear Old Me
Nikita May 2015
Get a haircut
Some style
And a whole lot less annoying.
589 · May 2015
Anxiety
Nikita May 2015
Imagine you are in a pitch black room.

smash

Your blood starts pumping and you can feel your heat beat faster and faster.

foot steps

>.>

whispers

Then the sharp ice cold knife is pressed to your neck.



This is how I feel doing a speech or going out in public. XD
589 · May 2015
»«
572 · Aug 2018
Remove
Nikita Aug 2018
g l a d l y

Is 'DOORMAT'  s
                       t
                     r
                 u
             n
        g
from a label
at the top of my forehead?

s o r r y

Is my throat a magnet to emotion
machetes?


anxiety isn't my problem
c r u e l t y
is
572 · May 2015
For The Big Dreamers:
Nikita May 2015
Think  big.*
And don't listen to people
Who tell you it can't be done.
You got this
562 · May 2015
Illusion
Nikita May 2015
Its so hard to be happy when you're not here to distract me

But I know I'll be fine.
554 · Mar 2021
The Right To Love
Nikita Mar 2021
As cold as ice,
Their touch left me
Alone.

Comfortable with invisibility,
I mistook love
For a stranger in my home.

As warm as light,
His company left me
Scared.

Familiar with invisibility,
I mistook love
With something that I feared.

As bright as fire,
The gaze from his eyes left me
Reassured.

Comfortable with closeness,
I now know how true love
Should really feel.
When we are used to being treated neglectfully, we often search for partners that reflect this. We become so comfortable with loneliness that kindness is a foreign and terrifying thing. We can often become doubtful and insecure when someone cares for us the way no one else has. Rather than questioning and pushing this love away, we should embrace the kindness we all deserve.
553 · Sep 2019
Kiwi killer
Nikita Sep 2019
Flax blades
Howling birds
The tears of strangled mountains

Flip a coin
The land of the long white cloud
A sun so bright
The shadows are buried
7 feet below
Alongside those whose eyes
Were convinced
The coin only flipped one side
Suicide rates in New Zealand have doubled this year. Its a sad and tragic statistic that reflects kiwis struggle with mental health
548 · Jun 2015
Gear List
Nikita Jun 2015
Long hair
Tan skin
Pouting lips
Bright eyes
Perfect skin
Right face shape
Nice curves
Big *****
Tons of makeup
Popular brands
Loads of cash
A designer waldrobe
Killer smile
Cruel humor
Cold shoulder


What you need to be a generic girl with alot of facebook likes and a popular ******.
546 · May 2015
Why
Nikita May 2015
Why
Red hair
Bright smile
Green eyes
Could stare for awhile
Sweet and kind
A strange yet intriguing mind

Yet I still back away
Afraid and scared
Step by step I move away gently

Why
Why can't I take a chance
Why am I so afraid to take his hand and dance

Somethings off
So I keep on backing away
Waiting for the day I'm not afraid to stay
546 · Dec 2020
Project
Nikita Dec 2020
Stroke by stroke,
Oil glided onto the canvas.
With precision and ease,
She created her reflection.

Over time,
She grew impatient.
Gliding became stabbing.
Her reflection, distorted.

What was once graceful,
Was now forced.
Frustrated and torn,
She began to lose grip.

She turned her back on her creation.
As she walked away,
A faint cry floated towards her.
It whispered- don’t leave.

She was gone.

Stroke by stroke,
Oil glided onto the canvas.
With precision and ease,
She created another child.
My mother has five children to five different men. Each child is significantly different and is told different stories about themselves. My story was “You are smart but an ugly psychopath”.  This poem is my interpretation of her struggling with her identity as a mother and passing it onto her children who are symbolised as paintings.
546 · Jun 2015
Nikita Jun 2015
Stress
Is like a million mad-mans running at you with guns

Anxiety
Is like standing in front of a crowd having to say a speech but nothing will come out and everyone looks at you in frustration. They're waiting and all you can do is shake.

Depression
Is sitting a room of happy people who are laughing, you're laughing too but you feel numb. Like your laugh is really a scream for help as you are stuck in a well slowly drowning.

Insecurity
Is wanting to become invisible

Neglection
Is wanting to be seen

Strength
Is what you have if you can smile convincingly even with one or more of these situations
545 · Nov 2015
❇Recover❇
Nikita Nov 2015
Over this past week
Everything has gone so well
Yet at the same time
Its been like hell

I'm either sky high
Or six feet under

This is too much
Im just trying to recover
Sick of this
545 · Jul 2015
Lost
Nikita Jul 2015
It seems like I have noone
Noone to back me up
Noone to trust anymore
I feel alone dispite being around people 24/7
All of my friends just seemed to fade into nothing
Noone asks about me anymore
Noone invites me anywhere anymore
And if I am invited my family will sure as hell ruin that too
All I want is at least one mate I can rely on
One mate that understands
But I guess thats too much to ask for.
Loneliness is when you are surrounded by people but still feel like noones there
532 · Jun 2015
WHAT IS LOVE
Nikita Jun 2015
Love isn't just between couples
Its between us and our closest friendships
Its between us and our closest family

Its love for our pets
For our hobbies
For the earth we walk
For thrill
For life

Love is simply an intense passion and connection for things/people that have changed our lives ❤
530 · May 2015
Riley
Nikita May 2015
Fathers are supposed to protect you
Be there for you
But mine seems to think I'll ruin his life
The coward is still afraid of responsiblity even though its been sixteen years since he knocked up my mum.

He has three other kids you know
One whom died not so long ago
One who he also ditched at birth but he sees her now
And a tiny wee baby called Riley

I don't want to see that ****
But I'd do anything to meet that wee baby
I've seen photos and hes grown sooo much
And im glad that coward didn't run out on Riley because that baby deserves a father as much as the next person.

Hope to meet you one day little one ♥
529 · Aug 2018
Tricks are for children
Nikita Aug 2018
Love can breathe life
Bring life
Be life

If you can love yourself enough
To believe love
527 · Aug 2015
ehh
Nikita Aug 2015
ehh
Sick of being talked down to
518 · Nov 2015
Nikita Nov 2015
"Dont live the same day 75 times
and call it a life"
Live life to its fullest
518 · Mar 2021
Picture Perfect
Nikita Mar 2021
Push me
Pull me
Shape me
And mould me

Invent me
Destroy me
Create me
Lie to me

Pack me
Wrap me
Seal me
Deliver me

No matter how hard
You try

No matter how much
You hurt

I will always shatter
Your image
High expectations and cookie cutter categories. **** that.
514 · Jul 2015
It's weird
Nikita Jul 2015
It's weird how you can miss someone, even though you see them everyday
513 · May 2015
Impatience
Nikita May 2015
I can only take so much waiting before i explode
Ugh
512 · Jul 2015
Flowers And Skys
Nikita Jul 2015
At least nature doesn't need make-up or photoshop to be beautiful
511 · Aug 2015
Who are you?
Nikita Aug 2015
You don't even say hi anymore
You hang out with people who value wealth and looks over kindness
Change can't be stopped
But I never thought
That one day Id barely recognise you
502 · Aug 2019
B-b-b-busy
Nikita Aug 2019
I have work to do
I have people to see
My rooms a mess
My shows on TV

I have to leave
I have to leave

I'm just so sorry

Just breathe
Just breathe

Hold me a little tighter
Love me a little longer
Plan for me
Care for me
Protect me

Maybe then, I won't be so b-b-b...
Broken
501 · May 2021
Smoke
Nikita May 2021
As you breathe out
I **** in
Wondering
Where all my life
have you been?
494 · Nov 2015
State of mind
Nikita Nov 2015
Its weird
I want you but I don't
I need you but I can survive on my own
I love you but I love you enough to know I shouldn't

Im so confused
Im so lost
I care so much but so less
None of this makes any sense

Can you just make it clear
Clear enough for me to hear
Whether you're just as confused or that Im just in the wrong state of mind.
490 · Aug 2015
This isn't me
Nikita Aug 2015
Dressing up isnt me
It makes me feel like an object

Yes, I like to look nice
Yes, I care about what I look like
But it's the constant worrying of not looking good enough that gets me

What to wear
What to say
What do I do with my hair
What do I do with my face
><
490 · Aug 2015
Perspective
Nikita Aug 2015
The earths been around for approximately 46 billion years
Now lets turn that into 46 years
Humans have only been here for 4 hours
We've been here for less than a second
And yet look at our world now

We may not have been here long
But long enough to detroy the world we live in
484 · Oct 2018
Clean slate
Nikita Oct 2018
Waiting for a blow that never comes
It was right
It was the right choice
476 · Sep 2015
Untitled
Nikita Sep 2015
The wall clock ticks like the timer on a bomb.
I can't stop it, reverse it or slow it down.
Each tick drags me forward, helpless and nervous to the allotted time.
I can no more avoid it than the beating of my own heart as it pounds with futility against it's cage of bone and cartilage.
The dread is an invisible demon sitting heavy on my shoulders and only I can hear the sharpening of it's knives.
I sweat and become pale, then the tremor in my hands begins.
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