puzzle me this, mr. jigsaw:
when did you cut me down?
why did i step on your block?
if i did, why would i bow my head
and trade my peace to you
to be another piece of you?
i know the rest: i was born dead
and life is what you poured for me
a glass of bitter shackles and a path
of brittle bravery
i walk your walk, i talk your talk,
i wear your shirt across too much gut
and not enough guts
i bob my head to your tune,
my heart beats to your beats,
my addiction is your beast,
the monkey on my back called
Floating brazier spews electric amber waves
as a setting sun radiates on the ceiling
a shadow of a ship coquettishly sways
while in the center charybdis begins swilling
another message, another missed call
another debt collector and his esurient talk
watch the ship begin to swirl, this scene so banal
amber feathered tawny eyed peacock
continues furtively to scroll her story and shoe shop
crowded room with a panel onstage
reality and fantasy evaporate and fall as a single raindrop
drown in the muck, don't know how to disengage
and to stay in the sway of fantasy.
Spent all day in a conference about chemicals. 10 hours. It was quite boring, but the setting was nice.
hurting, breaking, destroying defiance.
i’m draining away in the midst of compliance.
Many acts of generous offerings
Tender words of helpless mutterings
Expressing in words
Show of kindness
Didn't dismiss of a warm compassion
All have returned of pure compliance
''All about me'' journal
the stones are thrown
the flock transforms
from sheep to wolves
to eat their own
...sheep transform to wolves to satisfy the purpose of judgment through inhumane unification of perception, achieved by the compromise of willing desensitization...
i can't do it
you can't understand
how much strain i put on my mind just to make you happy
and in the end
you only make.......
i'm afraid to even say how i feel
on a poem you may never read
because if you do
you may find out
and resent me
that is much like our conversations
filtered again and again
watching my every word
i'll do it a million times a day
and yet it doesn't make me feel any better about myself.
i can't do it
i'm willing to do anything for you
that doesn't mean i should.
if i did what i should;
would i let you do what you want,
much like the incubi of my past?
would i silence myself,
just to hear a bittersweet sentence from your mouth?
would i sacrifice my time, my precious time, which i had promised for life's responsibilities?
no. but i don't do what i should, so it's okay.
or is it?
i can't do it
Looks have never been so piercing before
Whispers have never been so loud before
You try to step back, submit and comply
Until one day you comply no more.
And after some time you'd want to break the silence
Only more and more fingers to point your defiance
Well what do they know more than what they have been told
Silence is golden, your perfect alliance.
They love you and hate you
Will own you, asphyxiate you
Disregard and deny you
And well still not know you.
You've never opened up, despite how many times they knock
You have had your achievements and you’ve had your block
They worry you no more they are a stupid flock
Still, you stay amused, they are your laughing stock.
I'll lie here and pretend
You're still in love with me
A quiet charade
That you believe I believe
I'll pretend I'm not ignored
And revel in silence
That I never asked for
Try to win you with compliance
I don't trust my defiance
I don't believe in myself
I can't catch you
Can't win you
Can't cry out for help
I'll act like I'm happy
Fake like I'm not alone
Won't act sappy
Won't change the tone
I'll keep it clean, keep it sweet
Keep fears hidden deep
You won't hear a sound, won't hear a tweet
I won't be the one to speak
I won't push you away or be the one to end it
Cause I'm dying to be near you
I won't write it, won't send it
Because deep down I fear you
I fear you leaving
Fear you running
Fear you cleaving
Fear me being lost
What's the cost
Of speaking out
Against the silence
A Baltic atoll nigh
I am but a giant
as I've been both years
here yet develop
strep in tears despair
days that might
stay when I came to
love our being still
mystery now season
in newly gotten wiles
only there to impress
a red rover machine
and target afresh
dreamscape by canal.