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D Apr 2014
I don't think I'm going to be uploading anymore poetry for a while, a long while, possibly forever..
it just seems like whenever I try and write a poem now, I always seem to keep in mind weather the people who read it will like it, or if it will make sense to others, and though those things are important for when I'm older and trying to publish a book of poems, right now I just feel like writing poetry for anyone other than myself. To me, poetry is a way of understanding how I see things, how I feel about things, and how I'm going to deal with things, its very personal, and lately, i haven't been writing with myself in mind, so I just want to take time away and write for myself only. yeah.. not that I think i'll be missed or anything, but you can still message me or whatever, bc I'll still be on the site reading all of your poetry c: okay toodles.
799 · Jan 2017
Love Sleeps
D Jan 2017
-

his eyes are shut, and lips parted
they taste like his dreams alive
tension slips and frustration fades
when for the night, we lie
in each others arms, a warm embrace
my face buried in the crook of his neck
and I find myself finally at peace
though few are my hours of rest
who needs sleep when I have him
how sweet he appears in his sleep
as I run my fingers through his hair
why go to bed when instead
I can watch him while he slumbers
love, the only true way to get rest
780 · Jan 2014
A girl or A Lamb?
D Jan 2014
Girls are fragile creatures,
Or maybe it's just me?
Whichever it is, I find myself
A slave to insecurities.

I cannot speak nor defend myself,
Nor will I put up a fight.
I'm too afraid the ones I cherish
Will walk away-- fade into the night..

I'll stay as docile as a lamb,
And follow your very lead--
Even if I know where you take me,
Will only lead to my misery.

Also, like a lamb, I won't approach you,
Not at first. No, I'll run away.
You must be the one to lure me in,
Get closer and closer each passing day.

Until at last you've got me,
And there's no where for me to turn.
I trust you'll take me to a place of safety,
And not the place where I'll be burnt.

And so please remember,
Whether it's because I'm a girl, a lamb, or me,
That I'm never going to come to you,
When it's hard enough to just be.
I have trouble making the first move.. especially when I'm under the impression things are tense ( bad habit I'm trying to break, working on it! )
776 · Mar 2014
Until I Met You
D Mar 2014
I didn't really realize I was crazy,
Not until I met you...
776 · Aug 2018
sand
D Aug 2018
he tells her not to worry
he'll only leave at her command

she loves him in a hurry
afraid he'll leave again

a love that burned with a fury
and just as easily slipped through their hands
it slips through the cracks until there's nothing to get back
776 · Jul 2017
track
D Jul 2017
if I ever did stop writing,
  I hope it's because I'm already dead
773 · Nov 2019
gamers
D Nov 2019
he said it was lust
that took over his brain
he said he was sorry
for causing me pain
he said that hes done
and it wont happen again
he said this all last time
its just part of a game
darker side of my thoughts warn me not to believe him, to fear and feel insecure, but thats not love.. and i want to believe him.
773 · Jul 2016
Accepting Help
D Jul 2016
Tonight was a metaphor for my life;
When I keep telling myself that I can't do it
There are people there who tell me I can
Who will help me through it
And as long as I am open to listen to them
And accept their help
I can do what I thought
I'd never be able to myself
I climbed a very large building an hour ago, one that I was sure I could not climb even with help.
All because of their encouraging words and support, I did it!
I was able to see the fireworks from up there :)

*
762 · Jun 2014
Don't Lead Me Astray
D Jun 2014
I didn't want to believe in any kind future with you,
Too afraid the dream would be ripped away,
But I love it when you say 'forever' far too much;
Please, don't lead me astray.
756 · Dec 2017
metaphor
D Dec 2017
A broken record playing softly from the corner of the room on repeat
with no-longer-white sheets draped over rotting, forgotten furniture.
Thick drapes coated heavily in years of dust have kept the warm rays of sunlight from piercing the stale darkness that permeates the space.
There is no life here, no forgiveness;
only the wailing of the record as it hums its familiar tune, until finally it, too, ends.
If I had to describe what it feels like to allow myself to trust people, this would be it.
754 · Apr 2017
whispers
D Apr 2017
a whispered word
here and there
like I'm not trying

feeling scared and
unprepared
almost like I'm dying
you mean well but honestly
when has it ever helped me?
751 · Feb 2017
Impostors
D Feb 2017
cross my heart and hope to die
without a trace and no goodbye
I'll leave you gaping with a hole in your chest
I stole the one thing you gave freely and yet
woefully in denial you scrape up whats left
which wont be much as I took all you had
you search and search but
you're always two steps back
you stop and remember how I use to laugh
how I use to kiss you and stare into your eyes
if only, you say, you had known they were lies
cross your heart and hope to die
you vow to find me or perish trying
The Con Artist of the Heart's Pov
(Inspired by the new TV Show Impostors)
751 · Feb 2017
Sipping Iced Tea
D Feb 2017
-

Sitting by the phone
sipping my iced tea

waiting for your call
to reassure me

that you got home safe
and there's no worries
w/ ice cubes and a fancy straw
I'll wait all night if I have to
746 · Jul 2016
Written in 2012
D Jul 2016
-

Is it possible to feel any more dead inside?
To know that nobody is by my side..
Being told there's nothing wrong with me,
That its all pretend, to just let it be,
Hurts even more
Then being ignored.
I said I need help,
That i need it bad.
You said there's no need,
That its all in my head.
The smile is fake, and my words are lies.
Yet still you think I'm safe, that I'm fine.
I'll tell you again, in a couple days
That I need help..
You'll shoe me away.
Figure it out on your own.
Same old story I'm always told..
Inside I'm wasting away,
Replaying your words in my head,
Trying to escape to a better day..
Hearing your voice, calls me like a dare.
I listen harder, its the sound
Of no concern, no care.
It whips at my heart,
Like the sea on sand.
Tearing me apart.
Relentless.
Is it possible to feel any more dead inside?
To know I cant share with anyone by my side.
Being told there's no way out, haunts me.
That I have to face this alone and let it be.
All of this could never hurt more,
Then just plainly being ignored.
found this on my facebook memories, one of the very first poems I wrote that made me realize how writing frees me.

I've grown up a lot, so this is a ode to who I use to be and how I'm not her anymore.
743 · Sep 2015
no matter what
D Sep 2015
I don't like it when you're not smiling
It reminds me that you're not immune to sadness
That sometimes there isn't anything to smile about
And that maybe only sadness has a place in this world
I don't want to believe people like you are unhappy
People who live a life led by their hearts
People who put others before themselves because it wouldn't feel right any other way
People who have already gone through so much hardship and always seem to come out stronger for it
When you're not smiling, it reminds me that people like you usually only smile because people like me rely on it
I rely on seeing you smile, the while knowing all you've had to endure
Just knowing you can still smile and laugh and live brightens my world
You make me see a hope, that no matter how dark it gets I can hope that there will always be a day where I too can smile and laugh and live a life lead by my heart
No matter what
WORD *****
742 · Dec 2016
Repeat Repeat
D Dec 2016
-

I'm doing it again
But with others now
I thought it was exclusive
But somehow
I'm doing it again
I'm not being a good friend
I'm not being a good friend

Instead of pushing
I crawl into a hole
Shut and lock the door
Knock but I wont hear you
I chose this but I didn't mean too
I deserve to be alone
*I deserve to be alone
I feel unworthy
They're such good people
With futures I don't see myself in
Because what am I?
741 · Sep 2015
Death Cafe
D Sep 2015
What happens when your time runs out?
It's your time to go, so you scream and shout
But all that comes out is a choked off sound
You're weak, fall to your knees, palms on the ground

Then you wake up drenched in your own sweat
It was only a dream, you repeat in your head
Though it felt so real, it had to mean something true
Tonight, at Death Cafe, I'll bring my thoughts to you
Went to this thing called Death Cafe last night, where they talk about death with acceptance and positivity. Good times.
736 · Oct 2016
Night's Guilt
D Oct 2016
-

Night after night, I'm left to worry that something's wrong.
Not with you, but with me.
Night after night, I dream of someone else - many someones,
Never have I met them, and never will I,

But that's not the point.
I cheat on the man I love every night in my dreams,
Through the guilt and shame, every night, I'm happy
With those I've never met, and never will.

Something must be broken in me to be content to dream.
I cheated once, just a little kiss. And I could not handle the guilt and regret I carried with me. He cheated once too, not that long ago, and I'm not completely sure I've really forgiven him yet. Could my dreams be a product of this? Or am I just a horrible girlfriend? I wish I knew all the answers, to all the questions I ever asked, but I don't.
727 · Apr 2014
Waiting
D Apr 2014
My life is just one big waiting game,*
*I'm either waiting on him, or I'm waiting on her
I'm waiting to grow older
And I'm waiting to get old
I'm waiting to finally find out
What's on the other side
I'm waiting ever so patiently
For my turn to die
I'm waiting for the everlasting darkness
Or for God to **** me to hell
There's really no difference
I'm waiting all the same
Whatever
727 · Nov 2017
weak
D Nov 2017
On my own
I taught myself to believe
In everyone but myself
Until the time came I had
No choice but to see the truth
I was worthy, too

On my own
I fought to live through days
I never imagined I could escape
Thought I'd be trapped there
Reliving all the mistakes that
Led to those moments
Haven't written in over two months, nothing feels right including this but here I go.
725 · Feb 2014
Love is..
D Feb 2014
Love is

Boundless

Enticing

Addictive

Unde­niable

Terrifying

Imperfect

Fantastical

­Unique

Liberating

* *

Love is beautiful
722 · Sep 2018
heart sick i
D Sep 2018
inside I fight a battle
every day with my own heart
it screams at me to listen
begs me to fall apart
my heart has become a plague
feasting on my soul
darkened with sin
it thirsts for control
lowkey inspired
716 · Apr 2014
Trust me
D Apr 2014
You may not believe me yet,
But trust me baby,
I'll make you feel amazing.
Just give me time..
706 · Sep 2015
Rock Me Gently
D Sep 2015
rock me gently into sleep
cradle my heart in your hands while I dream
keep me safe as I lay unaware
be my protector,
it shows you care
I've become so tired that I need rest
take me into your arms,
rock me gently,
you're the best.
I'm tired and I just want to be held.... sigh
706 · Feb 2017
Impure | explicit
D Feb 2017
-

I am impure
I tell myself
silently, as
you hold me
down and
violently
**** the
living ****
out of me
.
.
I must admit,
I really needed it
Don't hold back
I'm begging you
705 · Mar 2017
Standoffish
D Mar 2017
a self inflicted isolation
all to avoid the confirmation
    that I simply don't belong
a lonely standoffish girl
forced into a community world
     silently screaming 'this is wrong!'
the future isn't worth the shame
     no ones even asked my name
and it would be weeks before
     they'd notice I've gone
well, two asked.
697 · Dec 2013
Missed My Bus
D Dec 2013
I said I wanted to go
But I didn't really want to leave
What I wanted was for you to make me stay
I just wanted to believe

That you could really love me
Someone as weird and utterly normal as I
That you could care enough about me
To not let me leave with that sort of goodbye

But then you stepped aside
Let me pass you, out the door
And I couldn't stop the tears from falling
Once my foot hit the snow

You just let me leave you
After all the drama, all the fight
I couldnt--wouldnt-- believe it
It just wasnt right.

My thoughts were like a tornado
Destroying from within
What happened to us in there?
And was I going to let it win?

Sure I was upset,
But being away for even a minute
It was killing me already
How could I stand to even last it?

So I turned around,
Leaving every shred of pride behind
God, was I ever stupid
And out of my **** mind

He wouldn't want me back,
Right after he gave me up?
But if he really did like me,
Coming back would be enough

He'll forgive me and I, him.
And if he doesnt, I dont care!
I'll turn back and walk away--
Thats when I saw you standing there

Smiling a knowing smile
Just across the street
I couldn't help the flutter of my heart
You were as lovely as could be

I walked to you then,
Slowly, head bowed
I stopped in front of you
Not sure what to do now

You wrapped me in your arms
And suddenly I knew
Everything would be okay
Because you loved me and I, you.
693 · Dec 2018
panic
D Dec 2018
i write sins not tragedies, i'm a sinner not a masterpiece
it's funnier in my head
692 · Aug 2015
Leaving Anyway
D Aug 2015
I don't expect you to understand,
There's a lot going on here, but if you'd take my hand,

Please know that I love you, that'll never change
Even when I've chosen to go my own way,

My love, my love, my love will stay the same
685 · Oct 2015
Thoughts
D Oct 2015
My mind is a-buzzing
So many thoughts flitting about
Of friendships, love, and life
Each one begging to be let out

But my mind is a prison
And my fear the warden
My thoughts are the prisoners
But I'm the only victim

My thoughts scream,
Set me free to follow my dreams
My fears reply,
**What dreams? You belong to me
prompt from class.
677 · Jun 2016
Hope
D Jun 2016
That little voice inside of me-
Hope is what I'll call her.

She wants to see the best in things-
I'd wish she'd never bother.
Why bother hoping things turn out fine,
When deep down you know it's all a lie?

I'm sick of seeing the brighter side.
669 · Dec 2017
masterpiece
D Dec 2017
he's a masterpiece
  of old regrets and
  lonely nights

she's his picasso --
  painting his undoing
  with every stroke

her fingers careless
  as they brush against
  his pale skin

when she leaves again
  he plucks on his guitar
  a melancholy tune

he's a masterpiece
  of old sadness and
  lonely solitude
666 · Mar 2017
Oceans
D Mar 2017
There comes a point  in your lives when all you want is to float, without a worry or care, to simply wade through the pools of the oceans, wishing for nothing -- only to drown.
the plunge is deep and the
trenches unknown -- too dark
to see the light and return home
666 · Sep 2016
Not Poetry
D Sep 2016
-

the lyrics to Heathens

*you might be one of us
I repeat, not Poetry.
665 · Jun 2016
Locked Up
D Jun 2016
If I decided to change my password tonight,
You may take that as a challenge;
A beginning to a fight.

If I told you to give up your password right now,
You may take that as a joke
And laugh out loud.
You do what you want to and nothing more
660 · Jun 2017
Slow
D Jun 2017
you wanna fall in love
with the girl behind the bar
the one with her shirt hanging low

she has that look in her eyes
that says she's down for the ride
and a body that makes you go slow
do you know her?
657 · Mar 2017
03/26
D Mar 2017
happy birthday to me
and everyone else who took their first breathe today
we're the chosen ones
officially in my twenties
655 · Jul 2016
Love Me
D Jul 2016
-

How do I put this delicately?
If my bodies a temple, defile me

With hands that grasp so gently
And teeth that graze so menacingly

Don't hold back, I beg of thee
Love me, love me, love me
I'd say I ask for too much, but all I'm asking for is love.. so love me?
654 · Jul 2015
Apologies Left Unsaid
D Jul 2015
I'm too scared to speak up and do something,
No matter how much I want to apologize,
And try to mend what I ****** up.
It's easier to just be on my own and stick to myself,
Then to trust myself to be a good friend,
Because honestly, I don't think I am.

Same song, different verse
History always repeats itself.
Just give up and leave me alone
I'm not worth your help
652 · Apr 2017
Personal Style
D Apr 2017
I will not wear what everyone else thinks I should
no, I will wear whatever makes me feel good
and if that's ripped jeans and an oversized tee shirt,
if that's what makes me feel good, then that is who I'll be
and there is nothing anyone can do about it,
for I'm just being me
written 2014
edited 2017
651 · Jun 2016
Connections
D Jun 2016
I dwell in my past so often,
I forget I'm in the now
I wish and long for people
Who, for a while, haven't been around
I put aside those who want me
To remember those who don't,
It's time I said I'm sorry
And let go of the rope
I have people who want to be there for me
I just have to let them
649 · Mar 2017
Riddle 10w
D Mar 2017
tell me -- what is hard, wet, and red all over?
exploding ovaries can't stop me
641 · Dec 2015
Mask
D Dec 2015
I always wear a mask, but I tend to forget it with you
Masks are used when I'm scared of others spying the truth
The only truth I know is that with you, I am purely me
A me that likes to sing and spit and laugh and smoke some ****
637 · Apr 2014
A Haiku,
D Apr 2014
This isn't going
Anywhere,
Time to give it up?
633 · Apr 2014
Un Vanille française
D Apr 2014
Tea drinkers think it's revolting;
Coffee lovers call me a fake.
Though in my own eyes, nothing is better
Than a french vanilla, *God, I love that **** drink!
Drinking one now and I have no regrets.
631 · Mar 2014
But I Could Do It
D Mar 2014
I don't think I'd ever do it
But lately, with you, I might
Which is a lot more than ever before,
When I still thought it wasn't right..

I don't think I'd ever do it
But right now, I kind of want to let it in
Feel the pressure of something else,
Something not you, pressing against my skin..

I don't think I'd ever do it
But the opportunity to do so is in my reach
It's a just step to the right, an open drawer away
To finally find some release..

I don't think I'd ever do it
But lately, with you, I might
I've thought about doing it before too,
Maybe just once or twice..



I don't believe I'd ever do it
Because I don't want you to know
I can't let you see this side of my mind
*The one I'm too afraid to show..
This could be taken in two ways it seems..
630 · Nov 2019
no one
D Nov 2019
there's no one quite like it
the voice in your head
it tells you you're pretty
than tells you you're dead
there for you in silence
there for all the pain
it picks up the pieces
it cut out of your brain
sick with the flu and gotta wake up at 6 am.
625 · Jul 2016
Sunglasses
D Jul 2016
-

You had the perfect shield
I never stood a chance
Your sunglass protection
From my halfhearted glance
I wanted to say something
But I couldn't see your face
Instead I wrung my hands
And quickly walked away
She was outside waiting for a ride, I walked past and our silence was our goodbye
621 · Dec 2016
Concession Stand
D Dec 2016
-

beckon them forward
with smiles and charm

thrice get them anything
and everything they want

once beg their pardon
as you have nothing to spare

then pack up and leave them
*without a worry or a care
picked a title
ran off that
by product
^^
621 · Apr 2017
[ stoner ]
D Apr 2017
so i take another hit and lose my mind
my lungs filling with ashes this time
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