The sky goes for miles
ocean full of floating clouds
birds are diving fish

fresh starts creep like vines
layering the window sill
the day smells like rain

determination
warms skin and my hands create
awakening me

caught upon my lips
sweet tasting this love burns slow
on tip of my tongue

sunlight captures me
wrapping me in the morning
sleepy happiness

Bones ache exhaustion

Things pile up and I crack

Splinter knowing

There is no one there to catch me

I feel myself slipping

Piece by piece

And I would scream

I am drowning

If I thought someone was listening

hop, hop
two pigeons
exited the terminal
hopping up the stairs
step by step
we watch
from the escalators
as they make their way
to the downtown
without ruffling a feather

My anxiety
Is my religion
I wear my nerves
Around my neck
Some days
I wish I wasn’t
So committed
To this god
I wish I hadn’t
Spent so much time
Learning the rules
I want to be excommunicated
Discard my racing heartbeat
Peel away my bouts of depression
I want to join a support group
And share my cult stories
Where my fears kidnapped me
From my family and friends
Write a book about my survival
Tour the world
reciting past doctrines of my anxiety
But instead, I stretch myself
Along my bed
Arms open
And sink beneath the weight
Of my religion, my anxiety

A beautiful keepsake

Are the words

I miss you




Hold them

Close

Softly dance

Along fingertips




I can see you

In the outline

Of each word




Lingers

For a second

You name

Upon my tongue




I miss you

Is a sweet moment




Tucked under my pillow

Blanketing my dreams

Your smile

Is always close to me




Fold your memory

Carefully

Hold it in my back pocket

Reading it over and over

In every spare second




A beautiful keepsake

Are the words

I miss you

Breath frozen in small puffs

Huddled close

Catching the first snow

Stand in the middle of the parking lot

As if this is something new

You are sleeping alone tonight

I know you will be hurt

Or just lonely

For we seem to fill each other’s time

An outline will be next to you

Maybe you will miss me for once

Looking up into the night sky

Watching snowflakes

Dance, dance

So graceful

Gradually coating my arms and head

Smiling I stand there

Each snowflake a new beginning

Erasing the patterns

I have been caught in for so long

It is time to say goodbye

To this safe lullaby

Wednesdays are solitary shadows

Stretching across my skin

Imprisoned in this week and you caught me off guard again

Where your smile is a hello and my face is your doormat

Lay you baggage down and welcome in problems

I listen, listen, listen

Until everything floods in with a kiss and I tell you

What you want to hear

Then you fade with Thursday

Leaving a photograph as your calling card

Black and white, we are

And I am left waiting to hear your laughter

Feel your touch

And changing the locks

I want to say more
Than your name
Or I think it is your name
It comes out a jumbled mess
A mouth full of scrabble tiles
I spit out words
You tell me I talk too much
Peel myself apart
Exposing my heart
Before appetizers arrive to the table
And you can’t enjoy your salad
With my heart beating
Upon your plate
I try to zip myself back up
It was too late though
All my stories flooded the table
Blabbering the details
Until I could make a nine course meal
From your ridicule

She wore the results of last night’s fight

On her face as badges of honor

Sitting on the curb, she is waiting

Waiting for a ride, an escape

Away from this life

Neatly tucked away in a small corner apartment

The sun beats down upon her back

Rays pounding until her body was sweating

And she wanted to cry

No one to call and nowhere to go

She sits outside a church

Hoping for charity

Thinking she should get some religion

Then at least she could confess her troubles

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt

Knowing she had nowhere to go

Except a curb outside a church

Discarded, like a five year old sofa

Permanently sunken in the middle

Or an old office chair missing a wheel

So always teetered to one side

She slumped forward

Watching the traffic speeding by

Hope lingering on her face

Tucked in the wrinkles around her eyes

Maybe, she needed a sign

With HELP scribbled in big bold black letters

Then maybe she could find something more than this curb

Maybe she could find her escape

Her way out of this cycle

The night sky

Will be my outline

My dreams will shine

Glisten

Twinkle

Will my words

String them together

Each idea

A constellation

Reach out

Reach out

Allow your fingertips

To tangle

With my sentences

My heart is full

Like the moon

Shine so bright

That some nights

The darkness is consumed

By my light

I allow myself to fall back

Fall

Fall back to the horizon

So I become a paragraph of stars

And your eyes are my audience

A tall silver trailer

In my backyard

When I was a little girl

I wanted to fly

I figured out

How to climb

Up and up

To the top

Of that silver trailer

Pacing left and right

I wanted to fly

Let the wind

Get tangled in my hair

Lingering on the edge

I stood there

Content

With sun teasing my face

Confident, unaware

Of gravity

Hesitant for a moment

But patience taught me

To enjoy the view

Of neighborhood of rooftops

I wanted to fly

So I jumped

Off that silver trailer

Soared with arms open

Then fell

To the ground

Feet landed first

The ground jolted by body alive

Crouched there for a moment

For I had flew

Smile collected along with bruised palms

Hadn’t been afraid

For I knew the ground

Would catch me

I laughed and danced

For I had flew and found freedom

Collected rooftops upon my descent

I never regretted finding the ground

Or thought

It was a hindrance to be born with legs

And not wings

Wicked is your tongue

Saying forgive me

And I am sorry

Love is poisonous

From your mouth

I feel tainted and alone

Each touch that grazes my skin

I wonder if I could just leave

With you hand lingering in the air

Tangled in my shadow

Would you keep drowning

In your insincerity

Or would you finally realize

You will never have me

Quite simply
I don’t care
lingering here
I stay, not listening
watching the world fall
I wear apathy nicely
it hangs right upon shoulders
and let the day build up
piling up around me
enjoy a cigarette
as I watch everything decay

My joints dance under my skin
Grating against each other
Until I am aching
The pain howls and clings to my legs
I can feel it swinging and diving along my nerves
Limping, I keep walking forward
And watch as my destination
Becomes farther and farther away
These years hang on me
And I carry the baggage upon my back
Soon, I know I will have to let go
Let every issue fall to the floor
Or they will dig me a grave
And I will slowly drown in the pain

Swallow all of me
In one gulp
Until only bones
Floating on our conversations
I drown
In your hello
And I become bare
A skeletal smile
With your name
Sticking in my teeth

I sleep with the lights on every night

For I don’t want to be surrounded by darkness

Suffocate in the blackness

For in the dark

Every outline sprouts arms and legs

Close your eyes and listen

To the gnashing of teeth and rumbling of low growls

For in the dark

Blind to hands and teeth

They invade my perception

Closing in an angry mob of outlines

For in the dark

Everything comes alive

Lurking along the edge

While I stumble over my feet

For in the dark

I am helpless and alone

My heartbeat clatters in my ears

Creating my own soundtrack

For in the dark

Anything is possible in the sea of black

Blind, unable to find myself

I am lost spiraling around and around in the unknown

For in the dark

Everything is strange therefore a stranger

Unable to talk, I wish only to scream

But I am told not to talk to strangers

For in the dark

I myself become unknown

Floundering within the outlines

Until they consume me up

For in the dark

I hear every word I don’t want to hear

Feel every emotion I try hide

I am unable to speak

For in the dark

Anything is possible

Blind and helpless

Until I am left with only tears

So I sleep with the lights on every night

Fingertips linger upon skin
I trace my answers
As if my hands are mouths
Tongues lapping at the salt
The sunrise rests upon you
Layers of pink, orange and yellow
Glisten upon your face
And my gaze
Falls into your eyes
Your name
The horizon upon my tongue
And our love, I devour
Slowly eating with every touch

I once found seaweed
In my hair
And I search for days
For the ocean
As if I will open the door
There will be miles of water
Ricocheting against the door jamb
Every wave whispering hello
But, there was nothing
Only an empty hallway
I rest my hand upon my chest
To find vibration
And when I cover my ears
Close my eyes
I see the ocean in me

Spin the wheel
Steer toward the horizon
My body, a ship
Sailing for the sunset
The sky finds home in my eyes
And salt teases my tongue
The world is my sea
And I am a land locked creature
That wishes to drown her skin
Within the sea of exploration

Worth is your weight in gold

shine you up, so sparkle

then throw you into my collection

I need more, so much more

gather up in handfuls, wondering

how much I can sell the human body for?

your only value

is the price tag around your wrist

Always missing
and I desire
to peel away everything
you have become
and consume it
piece by piece
have it run through my veins
and I will become
everything you once were

Chasing after rainbows at midnight

Greeting the morning barefoot

Letting my smile linger a second longer

Than any conversation

Collecting fortune cookie fortunes in my back pocket

Believing the world is more beautiful at dusk

Recite my dreams in two second poems

Watch the city breathe

Collecting the lights in my hands

Setting them free in my closet

I will paint this city in my rules

Live within my own lines

Ponder a second too long on the ridiculous

Greet this life with a mischief smile and open arms

My body, driftwood
Remnants of a ship
That hit the wall
Hours ago
And floating
Conversations erode
Into splinters
Corpses, these words
Clutching at emotions
For one last lifesaver
To keep me alive
Drifting on the surface
In hopes to find home

Don’t ask me to thank you
For splintering me apart
Until I am only slivers
To pick your teeth with
Jagged are these words
And I am the one torn
Tape only lasts so long
Then you are falling apart again
So keep your promises
Your actions tell me otherwise

His kiss,
Hot asphalt
And scorched lips
I cracked
Chapped were the definitions
And my words, fragments
Melting on the sidewalk
And I cracked
Felt myself fall apart
My soul evaporated
And my heart, home for worms
And left out, parched
Dust scattering along the asphalt
Of his name

I will sip

This life slowly

Remember you

By Friday

With each carbonated hiccup

Your face reminds me

Of brightly colored wrapping paper

Always loud with a mouth ready to be opened

So I will collect this life

Into a chipped tea cup

Slightly jagged edge that nips my lips

With every sip

Like our conversations

Gathering up tidbits

Of current events, laughter, and insults

Pour them across the table

Come Friday

So I will sip

This life slowly

Let me sketch you

With words

I will frame

Your body

With descriptions

Of the way

I view you

Ignore all the definitions

The world

Placed on your shoulders

Recreate a language

Using your name

As the beginning

So you can relish

The sound of every letter

Learn to adore

The sound of every vowel

Then maybe your reflection

Will become more within your eyes

Your eyes were always black as night

But when they lit up with a galaxy

I found myself lost

Floating, drifting along your sea of stars

Until I fell into your sun

Burning up in your gaze

I dissipated into the solar system of your smile

That was when I realized

Darkness was as beautiful as light

Vowels and consonants

Pool together into words

As my emotions rain down

The grim and grit

Of every memory clings

To each sentence

Until I step in

Then they collect on me

Dampening fingertips

And soaking my tongue

I jump in

Splashing out thoughts

Until I am coated in my imagination

I stomp through

The puddles of letters

Saturating me with words

And sentences are dripping

From my chin

The fusillade of promises
Poured from your mouth
And pooled at my feet
Cold against skin
The sentences broke apart
And they nibbled at my toes
Leaving lies knotted around my ankles
And I watched you
Shifting and squirming under my gaze
You hoped my emotions
Flooded my eyes
So I wouldn’t see the growing ripples around my feet
Vibrations of disappointment rumbled
Until they erupted into the last time
And I walked away
Leaving you with incomplete sentences

Bucket list dog-eared
Worn on the edges
And my youth
A scribble
Dancing and twirling around
Wild loops bounding
Off the page
And I sat there
Reading each demand
I had laid out for my future
And now were only questions
Open ended and I had no answers
And this ignorance
Perplexed me
For I once could react
And now I knew I never had the answers
So with a new sheet of paper
I scribbled out my truth
And tried to find my journey
Between the lines

Sparks, electricity
And we light up the city
Dancing along the streets
Passion is a conversation
We continue to have
With coffee afterthoughts
Our words collect like steam
Upon our eyes
And I can’t help myself
From nibbling on your name

Flickering, you shine within my eyes
Shooting stars, and I grab your hand
So we can fly, you take me to the moon
And show me the world
In the curve of your smile

Purple, slowly dripping
down her back
gently stroked, a tattoo
Irises were her favorite
so she built a garden
upon her back
Irises bloomed, spreading
from one shoulder to the other

the sunlight
finds my
face

and I no
longer
can sleep

how rude
is the
sun

to force
me
to wake

a rowdy
child
tugging at me

so I can
come and play
with them

I am a single daisy
lingering in a blue vase
and I hold

the room

I am a half full of glass
so I am either
drowning in dreams
or suffocating with fear

swish me around, around
so everything blurs
and I am fishing
to find myself in the jumble

People leave

Little ghosts dangling

And you see the gaps

Muddy footprints and outline bodies

There is a crime

Or maybe I think there is a crime

When a friend

Yanks themselves from your life

And you find yourself

Talking to yourself

Contemplating if they had

Just imaginary

and routine changed,
frivolity found a way to play
time collapses as you set aside order
grabbing chaos and you find
fun takes over, and you slip into change

One shoelace

a few bolts

ticket stubs

a half of a picture

souvenir key chain from Florida

fragments

of him

tiny ghosts

tucked in the corners

so I always find him

never quite

let him go

always reappearing

clinging on to my skin

leaving the residue of his name

I still felt their hands
Upon my skin
Their names tattooed
Upon my tongue
And my love life
Flash art
Plastered in peripheral gaze
Each man
Holding a tattoo gun, waiting
To tease at my skin
I heard it in the morning
Instead of the birds
My body, a canvas
Possessed by each man
That whispered I love you
In my ear in error

absent
in a soft glow
I find myself asleep
lightly gripping
a shadow
laying down, I see
the perfect outline
before dawn
it seems to glow
and I find you
before you disappear
into the daylight

How do you
Intervene with
A heart
So bound and determined
On self destruction
That rationality
Leaves it with each beat
My heart
Has always been my downfall
Racing into each burning building
Because there was the possibility
Of love on the top floor
How many time do I need
To try to save someone else
Before my heart understands
It needs to save me first

These days, anxiety pools around feet
And I drown, which means
I wake up randomly gasping
Pulling at the air, searching for a ladder
Flailing in early morning
As if I am trying to fly
I want to fly away or pull the moon down
So I can build sandcastles on its surface
Then move in, taking residency up in the stars
Fear comes in waves, ebbing and flowing
Over my nerves, breaking down sandcastles
Anxiety, a fountain, always overflowing
Seeping into the corners of my eyes
And I cry for a raft in this tumultuous sea

The summer is memories

Of chalked drawings and hopscotch squares

I still find it under my nails

Thin layer of dust in pastels

Crammed under, compacted

With summers of my childhood

Reduced to hieroglyphs

Incomplete scribbles, a broken language

Of friendships long forgotten

And places long lost

I can’t help but feel regret

For I was willing to reduce my childhood

To nothing more than chalked reminders

Beneath my nails

I used to talk to fill up the space

Words tripping, fluttering from my mouth

And I became my own white noise

Felt you always lurking in the hallway

Peeking through the doorway until I slammed

The door, loud crash that would reverberate

Slamming into the walls, I hadn’t always

Been so welcoming to you and you had been patient

While I clumsily stumbled and I pushed you away

Afraid of your embrace, my nerves ****** and jumped

Moth wings my lips, and the words tripping, fluttering

From my lips, and you had always been a light

Flickering, hand out-stretched, your smile invited

I don’t know why I had been afraid