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Amanda Hawk Apr 2021
I should have chosen Bermuda
Triangle over making that call
But never could turn away a friend
No matter the trap
Each button of the phone snaring me
Pulling me further into this three-way
Conversation, and I, the unlucky participant
In a love triangle I became enlisted in
When my best friend’s boyfriend
Decided the center more
On his crush for me than his love in her
So the random act of all of us going to a movie
Became a ruse, and I should have never
He should have never
Picked up the phone, once he said yes
I was done for, exiled
Drifting alone on campus
Guilty of his infatuation
I should have chosen Bermuda
30/30 Day 4
Amanda Hawk Apr 2021
The night clung to me
Like a cold sweat
Pressing my dress
Against my skin
Until the dampness of my panic
Ran with my mascara
I nestled my keys between my fingers
Makeshift Freddy Krueger
Lashing out at shadows
As they slinked around my feet
Fear sliding slowly along my face
And wiped it away quickly
So I could forget
I was alone
In the middle of the city
At night
Leering glares and catcalls
Loitered doorways
Tugging at my sleeves
Twisting their claws in my hair
Offering up glasses overflowing
In broken promises
And blatant lies
As I tried to rush by
Looking for a vacant streetlights
To hover, fluttering near with paper wings
So I could forget
I was woman alone
In the middle of the city
At night
30/30 Day 3
Amanda Hawk Apr 2021
The open door
Allowed the light in
To split apart the darkness
Drawing a path
Across your chest
You started to shift, rumble
Off the bed, and I captured you
By the hand, whispering stay
And the light was jealous
Of your glow-
The natural radiance of your smile
The stunning luminosity of your eyes
Your laughter cascaded
Over the outline of our bodies
I watched as the light
Danced, flickering over our hands
And this is the fluidity
Of love
30/30 Day 2
Amanda Hawk Apr 2021
Before, our love
Became inanimate
It had flickered, pulsed
Its own heart
Beating as we slowly
Danced across the floor
The light in our eyes
Lit every corner of the room
Leaving no room for doubt

After, our love
Became inanimate
Our hearts, clanging bells
Calling for each other
Absent our names
Only shadows filled the room
And doubt, positioned
In the middle of the floor

We knew how to sit
On opposite ends of the room
Inanimate expressions
With the absence of hearts
30/30 Day 1
Amanda Hawk Mar 2021
I live in a shoe
And before you ask me any questions
Or if this a metaphor
Or try to sell me a spot in the latest **** development
Let me assure you, I most definitely live in a shoe
It is the left shoe to be exact
Worn down and some spots extra layers of duct tape
To keep out the winter cold
And when it gets icy, I have to be careful
For if I jostle it just right, the shoe can slide a couple feet
You may ask me why, when, what and how
And this is what I will say
I used to work at a school, a crossing guard in the morning
Lunch lady in the afternoon, and chaperone seeing the children off in the afternoon
And with budget cuts, my job was the first to hit the floor
And so was my pension
My retirement was limited and with no health care
It was impossible to see a doctor for my growing aches and pain
And I was left with nothing, until I came across this shoe
Abandoned and tattered, I took to fancying it up
Scrubbing it out, making it into a home
It took me a winter or two to get the insulation right
And the city has all but forgotten this area
So for now, I am safe
Before the corporate giants clamor over the countryside
Pulling up homes like weeds so they can plant their boxed in communities
I am okay in my little spot
Not long the runaways found me
In school the children always ran to me for safety, and now
Their children have found me, these lost children
We are a little family of misfits, foraging off the land
Keeping each other safe
In a world that doesn’t even care if we are alive
Amanda Hawk Mar 2021
Sitting next to me, a ghost
Playing with your phone
I watch as you are scrolling
Through Tinder once again

And I know, I should let you go
In that moment, alone my heart
Whispers how lonely I feel
That I grasp my hands together

To feel some support
I scroll through all your fake promises
Flipping through my brain
Every memory of I love you

You were whispering
In someone else’s DMs
While telling me everything
I wanted to hear

To keep me sitting here, alone
A partner to your ghost
As it stitches your name
Deeper into my heart

Plunging the needle deeper and deeper
Until it grinds against bone
To remind me of this cage I built myself
In this one-way love affair

Every compliment followed with a goodbye
And you take me for granted
Whenever you meet up with her
Making my heart the fool once again

To keep me wanting you here, alone
A hostage to your ghost
As it rips apart my seams
Until my heart screams out your name

I wonder if I spoke a ghost
You would hear me
Over the clattering of keys
And grumbling of your greed

I take for granted your warmth
Tucked into fake promises
You dress everything up
In a few pleasing words

To keep my heart vying, alone
A fool to your ghost
Leaving me to piece myself back together
Slowly sewing each scar with care

I can’t help but wish
I had tattooed your name upon my feet
Then maybe
I could walk away
Inspired by the songs "Lonely" and "Tattooed on my Heart" by Bishop Briggs
Amanda Hawk Feb 2021
I remember the water
How it felt
Upon my skin
And I am thirsty
To drink in each drop
These parched lips
Miss the rivers
Where I could swim
Freedom, ebbing and flowing
At one time, I was a part of the sea
And I covered everything
But these days, my skin cracking
Heart slowly thudding
To stop, my fingertips dust
And I am a whisper
Of the girl I once was
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