In trying not to lose you
I lost myself
I had to let you go
To find who I am again

Nothing shocks quite like
The unexpected backhand of love
Slapped across the face

Heart sustaining blow after blow
Bearing scars that will never be forgotten
Wearing invisible wounds as a badge of honor

Pick myself up, withstanding more
If love is a battlefield
Then I am ready for war

Meet me in the clearing
In the forest of my dreams
We can lay by a fire
And count the stars
Pointing out shapes
In the cotton candy clouds
Drinking until we’re dizzy
And bathing in the moonlight
You and I, side by side
All through the night

I wrote I love you in the sand
The waves washed it away
Before you got the chance to see

I whispered I love you
Sleep stole you away
Before you got the chance to hear

Maybe this is meant to be
A missed connection
Between you and me

I loathe myself for loving you
Despise the way I care
I continue to throw myself at your feet
Lay my heart out bare

You are self-centered and thoughtless
Living your life without regard
For a child you left behind
Is saying “I love you” really that hard?

Why do you distance yourself?
Is it because I remind you of my dad?
All the pain you caused
And the life you could have had?

Though I walk a fine line
Of replicating your mistake
I know I won’t
The thought makes my chest ache

I want to repair our relationship
I long to let my heart mend
Make up for lost time
Before we reach the end

I dance until I’m numb.
I sing until I’m free.
Music is my escape;
My way to be me.

Twinkling Christmas lights
Brighten up December nights

Freezing cold air
Wind tousling my hair

Raindrops turn to snow
Putting on a beautiful show

Curled up by a fire ablaze
My favorite way to end each day

Music, laughter, and Christmas cheer
Hustle and bustle as the holidays near

You are the notes to my staff
Together we create music
That transcends languages
Tickling the ears
And strumming the hearts
Of everyone we touch

You are the ink to my paper
Together we create stories
That will be passed down
From generation to generation
Leaving the reader filled with hope
That they too will find true love

You are the match to my fuse
Together we make fire
All it takes is one touch
For you to light me up
Shining bright
For the world to see

You asked me why I like you
But I didn’t want to tell
Some of my reasons are cheesy...
But here is why I fell

I love the way your lips curve
When I make you smile
It makes me want to pull you close
And kiss you for awhile

I love the way your eyes twinkle
When you talk about things you love
I truely believe
You are a gift from above

I love that you are compassionate
You have such a big heart
That was the first thing I noticed
Right from the start

I love the way it feels
When you hold me tight
I finally feel safe
Like I could sleep through the night

I love that you don’t judge me
For my less than perfect self
That is more attractive
Than any amount of wealth

There are so many more reasons
But I’ll start with just this few
Maybe someday
I’ll give this poem to you

:)

Staring at the sky
One of my favorite pastimes
Watching the world go by

The crisp air
Biting my cheek
Wind tousling my hair

The grass is damp
Running my fingers through the soil
Forever leaving my stamp

Searching for my identity
Amongst the stars
This is where I find serenity

My soul is the night sky;
and you are the stars that light up my darkness

You remind me of a star
So beautiful,
But so dangerous,
I can only love you from afar

If I try to get close
You burn me alive
But without you
My sky would be empty

In the light it’s easy to pretend
But when the dark comes
it’s clear;
You light up my world

When darkness falls again
There you are
A constant reminder
Of what will never be

I’m afraid my heart has forgotten
How bad it hurts to be broken

Some things are natural
Predictable and constant
Like falling leaves in autumn 
And flowers blooming in spring
Hopefully the same can be said
About you and me

Why does love have to be a constant battle? Why is it wrong to just tell the one you love that you love them? When did it become more socially accepted to hide how you feel, and treat each other like ****? Why is it normal to push away when someone gets close rather than embrace it? Why is everyone so afraid to love? I am so tired of playing games. So tired of the power struggle. So tired of playing hard to get, but not too hard to get. Sick of feeling like I am clingy or wrong for wanting to be around people I care about. Why are those who express how they feel viewed as weak? It takes a lot more strength to share how you feel than it does to close yourself off from the world. It’s no wonder people feel sad, lonely, miserable, unloved, and alone! Why do we do this to each other.

Betrayal cut her like the sharpest of knives
Leaving wounds that take time to heal
The trust she had; now broken
Her heart is left to reel

Rebuilding trust is no easy feat
For once bitten, twice shy she has become
A guarded heart became her shield
She fears letting herself come undone

Although every step forward feels like two steps back
She knows what they have is worth the pain
Side by side they fight for their love
Getting through together is their ultimate gain

You said love is fleeting.
That we should be happy
For the time we had
When we had it.

You saw us as a grain of sand,
While I saw us as the hourglass.

You said love never lasts.
That the hottest
and brightest flame
Burns the fastest.

You saw us as a firework,
While I saw us as the sun.

Losing friends is inevitable
I’ve lost many before
Death, distance, and lifestyle
Has already taken its toll

You were the friend
I couldn’t bear to lose
Although you are gone
My hope is not spent

I will keep you in my heart
Holding on to the sentiment
Even the lost can find their way home
If you leave the porch light on

In regards to promiscuity
A man gets a cheer and a clap
While a woman gets a slap
On the wrist
And a tsk tsk

Oh the double standard

We laid in the grass
In the park by the school
Listening to the music
And the laughter from our friends
As the tears rolled down my face
All I could think was
How lovely it would be
To be in your arms
Instead of under them

I must be the problem
I can sense the annoyance
Their lack of words leave me shaking

I am sorry
For being me
Existing, perhaps

They're tired of it
Needing reassurance
My anxiety

Repurpose your pain
Create a masterpiece
- Art

on the rare occasion
that you chose to show me affection

it was two bodys together
two souls apart

I used to shower
immediately after ***

to wash away the filth
to scrub away the feeling

let my tears cascade
like the rain from the showerhead

watching my pain ridden bubbles
slowly disappear down the drain

when I emerge you ask me
why my eyes are so red

I tell you I got shampoo in my eyes
you laugh and say how stupid I must be

tell me, who is the stupid one?
me with red eyes? Or you not noticing i always cry after ***?

I lost myself
Unable to see my own eyes
Staring back at me in the mirror

It wasn’t until I saw
My reflection in your eyes
That I could finally see myself again