The elements and I
Have a special connection

Earth:
I feel as though,
I am six feet under
Every day and night

Wind:
The gale's greedy fingers
Push me slowly
Toward the edge of the cliff

Water:
The strong ocean
Pushes me under
Continually

Fire:
The beautiful flames
Lick my skin
Slowly burning me to ash

I have a special connection
With the elements

Poetry is just taking

Fear
Pain
And anger
And forcing it into words

Poetry is simply taking

Sadness
Depression
And anxiety
And giving it rhythm

Poetry is merely taking

Worry
Love
And broken hearts
And making it a pattern

Poetry is taking these things
And writing it in blood
Pouring your heart out
And giving them life

Why is it
That the biggest hearts
Are emptied the fastest?

And the brightest souls
Are blackened
The quickest?

We're all in a race
The race of life

It's kind of funny;
Most people try to run
Away
From the finish line
Rather than
Toward it
At least in this race

But as we all know,
The rule of racing is
That you need to try and
Get to the finish line
As fast as you can

So don't blame me for
Trying to follow the rules

Usually my body and
My mind agree
It's just one thing

See,
My body is ugly
And so is my mind

My body is weak
And so is my mind

My body is sick
And so is my mind

However,
My body looks happy
And my mind is sad

That is where,
My body and my mind
Don't always agree

Why bother?
Talking to me
Encouraging me
Pretending to care
Why do you bother?

Why bother?
I'm gone anyway
I know no one cares
I haven't got delusions
So why do you bother?

Why bother?
With me in general?
No one else cares,
So why do you?

Why bother?

Going uphill is hard
But downhill is easy

Holding light inside is hard
But hoarding darkness is easy

Finding peace is hard
But holding chaos is easy

Somethings are hard
**But they are worth it

Dear Lord,

I don't ask for much
It's a simple request

You see,
All I want
Is to smile again

But not a fake smile
One that's for show

But a genuine smile
For all the world to know

Amen

Blue sky
Green grass
Yellow flowers
White clouds
Brown bark

Gray me

Bright sister
Glowing family
Sparkling friends

Dull ***** me

It's just a little checkup
To make sure my blood's still red
Not black
Or even gone altogether

It's just a little checkup
To make sure I'm more alive
On the outside
Than on the inside

Don't even try
To tell me it will be okay
That God will make it okay

Because I believe in God,
But I do not
Believe I will ever be okay

Don't even try
To tell me I can trust you
That you will listen and care

Because I will never trust you
And I know
That you will someday leave me

Don't even try
To say there's nothing wrong
That I am overreacting

Because there is something wrong
And I am not
'Just a little bit sad'

Don't even try
To save me
Like there's anything worth saving

Because I realize
That I am long gone
And that I am too worthless to save

*Don't even try

Nah, it's cool
I'm fine
You didn't stab me in the back
You'd never be that cruel

All you did was
Steal my spine
So I can't feel
Or stand up by myself

But here I am
I'm getting up again

And let me tell you
I can definitely feel
I hurt

But it's cool
You're fine
I hope you're happy though

Cuz I'm not

I'm fine, I say
My fingers crossed

No, really, I'll be
Okay
Truth is for weaklings, right?

Oh that scratch? I'm
Klutzy is all
A little lie is all
Y**eah, okay, maybe I'm not fine

Let me be your confidence
Let me be your strength
If you think you're not enough
Just remember;
You're always enough for me

Let me take your pain
Let take your sadness
If you think you can't keep going
Just please,
Please hold on for me

Let me hold you up
Let me hold your insecurities
If you think you're falling down
Always remember;
I won't let you fall

So New Friend
Let me be there for you
Please just let me in
You are not a burden

In fact,
You're my best friend

The ocean
Is the embodiment of sadness

The saltiness
Does not come from minerals
Or rocks
But from
Every tear
Ever shed

The conch shell's song
Is every scream of pain
Every released
Silent or not

The blue color
Is the color of sadness
Of everything the ocean has endured

And the grey
Is from all of the anger
The ocean has taken

So if you're ever feeling
Sad
Down
Or alone

Remember:
The ocean is there for you

To take your tears
In its vastness

Your screams
In its shells

And your pain
Sadness
And anger
In its colors

And if you can't take the pain
Any longer

The ocean will take your body
As well

So you are not alone
For the ocean is the embodiment of sadness

Dreams are mutated monsters
They've adapted to this world

They give you hope
Just long enough
To let their brothers in

And trust me
When that happens
The brothers will destroy you during the day
And the dreams will turn on you
And destroy you during the night

Dreams are mutated monsters

I was thinking....

Maybe humans are
More like our
Devices
Than we realize

You see,
We can die inside
All we want
And it's no big deal
No one really cares

But also,
As long as
We are physically alive
All we need
Is for someone
To replace our batteries

Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But words will never hurt me

Yeah
That's true

Except;

Broken bones
Give pain that causes strength

And words will not just hurt me
They will be what kills me

It's all about
Your *interpretation

Hearts of steel
Hearts of stone

Hearts of diamond
Hearts of dust

Hearts of paper
Hearts of plastic

Hearts of steel
Are strong
Sturdy
Reliable
But you can never see inside

Hearts of stone
Are strong
But from pain
In the past they were
Hot lava
But they've hardened
By the world's touch

Hearts of diamond
You can see inside
Their deepest fears
And weaknesses
But they are strong
You will never break them

Hearts of dust
Are vulnerable
Beautiful
But blown away
By the first gust of wind

Hearts of paper
Rip easily
But can be
Put back together
And be mostly the same
They record their life's pain
On their heart

Hearts of plastic
Are clear
You can see inside
They are melted easily
Damaged effortlessly
But kept safe
They are lovely
And wonderful

Hearts are not
Simply blood and tissue
They are
Steel and stone
Diamond and dust
Or paper and plastic
Or many more

*What is your heart made of?

My house is full
Of these pictures

They aren't ordinary pictures
They move in the frames
Like in Harry Potter

The pictures show a girl
I see her everytime I walk past

I'm quite jealous of this girl
She looks so happy
She's pretty
She looks kind
She looks peaceful
She looks rested

I'm nothing like that
I wish I was
So I'm jealous of this
Picture girl

But maybe I shouldn't be
You see,

These pictures have a special name
Mirrors

And the girl has a special name too
*Nicole

I used to want
To be a mermaid
To live underwater
Away from the noise
From the pain
From the sorrow
The guilt
The darkness

And now that I am drowning
In all of these things
I am once again
Dreaming of being
*A mermaid

I cut
So slowly

You could say
That I am afraid
That could be true

But in my mind
As I dig my fingernail in
Slide the knife sideways
Or bite my cheek so hard

I think
You deserve this
This is your payment
This is what you get

And when I see the blood run

I think
There go your sorrows
There goes your guilt
There goes your fear

And I am purged

I got what I deserved
I should feel better
The bad emotions left
With my blood

Or at least that's the purpose

*So why does it never make me feel better?

If you asked me
To use one word to describe myself...

Well,
There are quite a few
Words to describe me

Sad is just one
Fake is another

I'm a liar, that's true
I'm naïve, that too

I'm pathetic, I know
I'm tense, don't go with the flow

I'm stupid and lazy
And probably crazy

I'm lost as can be
I'm ugly, you can see

I worry too much
And shy from kind touch

I'm frightened and scared
I'm sure no one's ever cared

But you asked for one word
Only one word

So my question for you is
What's a word for
The opposite of perfection?

Because that's your answer

Pain is okay
Pain I can handle
Pain is quite simple

If you can't take it
Just go **** yourself

Hope is what hurts
Hope is what's hard
Hope is quite complicated

You see,
Hope is what keeps you alive
Beyond where you can't take it anymore

**Hope is not as hopeful as it seems

I made myself
Shoot friends and family
In the head

I'm "dreaming" again

I felt myself
Begin to fall
Off the cliff

I'm "dreaming" again

I watched you
Slide the knife
Across my skin

I'm "dreaming" again

I feel your
Hands on
My body

I'm "dreaming" again

I run to
Save my sister
But am never there in time

I'm "dreaming" again

I lose myself
In a horrible
Maze if terror

I'm "dreaming" again

I keep myself
Awake all night
So I don't feel this

*The nightmares are back

I just want to cry
I just to scream
I just want to let it out

Yet I am denied
This simple request
By none other
Than myself

I must be strong
I must hide my pain
I must never let my feelings show

This is a hard world
We live in
You show them pain
And they'll stab you where it hurts

I want to cry

But I can't
I won't
I am

*Now the tears are falling

My grandma committed suicide
When I was six
I'm sure it was my fault
Was I not good enough?
Did I not meet your standards?

What did I do wrong?

My best friend
For seven years
Left me last year
For an unknown reason
Was I not kind enough?
Was I just too weird?

What did I do wrong?

Someone said I am stupid
Lazy
And dumb
Am I really?
Am I mentally ill,
Do you think?

What did I do wrong?

I don't know what I did
But it must have been me
It's always me

*What did I do wrong?

You say that I
Am a work of art

And I'll believe you
Because you know what?

That picture you drew
At three,
Where you can't tell if that blue blob
Is an elephant,
Your grandma,
Or just a blue blob

*That's art too

Just hold on...
People tell me

Hold on to what?
Hold on *for what?

Nobody's coming
I'm not getting saved

But still I hold on
My knuckles are white
My hands are shaking
But I'm still holding on

I made a promise
And I keep my promises

You say
Just hold on

And I'm trying.
For you.

Have you noticed,
That no one ever cares
About a bomb,
Till it explodes?

And when it does
People regret letting it live?

I have a knack
For putting babies to sleep
No one knows how
Or why

But I have a
Slight idea

I believe
That babies
Can hear my
Invisible tears
When no one else can

And they mistake that
For the sound of
Soothing rain
And that is why they sleep

If I fall
I doubt anyone would care

And if they did,
They'd probably be
Relieved

Not concerned

More of a
"Finally,
She's gone"
Sort of thing

Not a
"Oh no,
She's slipping"
Sort of thing

But if for some odd reason
You see me falling
And want to help

Just walk away
Just let me fall

You can't catch me
I'm too heavy
From the weight of
Lies and regrets

We would both fall then
And it would be my fault

So if you see me falling
Follow your instinct,
*And just walk away

If you wander off
The beaten path
Alone
Then you are
A lost hiker

If you wander off
The beaten path
With friends
Then you are
Adventurers

*It's too bad I'm always alone

You ask me
If I've considered suicide
Like I'm actually going to answer
Honestly

I mean,
What would I say?

Yeah that's all I think about
Please,
Put me on piles of medicine
So I can be crazy
As well as sad

But let me tell you
I most definitely
Have considered it

I've got the perfect tree picked out

It's got the perfect branch
For hanging yourself
There's a rope already attached

Or if you prefer,
It's easy to climb
You could always just jump

These are two options
But wait,
I've got more

There's a lake out back
It smells bad
But you could definitely still drown

Or better still,
There's a great knife in the kitchen
Really thin blade
But it's super sharp
For minimum pain
And maximum blood

Yet still,
There's more

I've got duct tape in the basement
You could make yourself suffocate

Of course,
You could use your pillow for that

There are the long ways

You could starve yourself
Sleep deprivation
Dehydration
Etcetera

So Mr.
"Psychological Doctor,"
I don't know...

Would you say I've thought about suicide?

Are you anorexic?

No,
I'm not anorexic
I've just got a
Stomach bug

I've never heard of
A stomach bug like that...

Yeah,
It's really weird
They just discovered it
See,
It actually spreads
Through your mind

Well, what are the symptoms?

It's simple,
You feel fat
And lazy
And stupid
All the time

And it makes you sick,
And then you don't eat

Sounds anorexic to me...

*I'm not anorexic!

I want to write my soul out
To pour it on the paper
To ease my breaking mind

But I am too confused
The words refuse to flow

Since the feelings
Won't come out as words
I want to release them with tears
But I am not allowed
I am supposed to be strong

Since the feeling
Won't come out as tears
I want to release them through blood
But no one can ever know
About this excruciating pain

I want to put this
Horrible pain in words

But it refuses to come out

And holding it in
Is making me want to die

This is what happens
When I meet
My old friend
Writer's block

ISTEP
That's the standardized test
Where I live

Istepped
Through great hurdles

Istepped
Low and sad

Istepped
Hard and fast

Istepped
Into stress

I did everything I could
ISTEP
So if I messed up,
I'm sorry

*Itripped

Dear Lord,
        
Please,
Take me home
I can't do it anymore

Everyone is laughing
While I sit here crying

Please lord,

I can't see
The purpose of this pain

Take me home
Please
Please

Lord,
Please take me home
I hate this world
I don't want to live here
Any longer

I just want to go home
I wish I'd never left

Please take me home lord

If you ask how I'm feeling
Prepare for a long talk
But if you want the short version
Then I'll try to sum it up

How do I feel?

I feel like
I'm fighting a battle
With a billion moquitoes

One bite isn't a big deal
Neither is two

But I'm getting bombarded
Bite after
Bite after
Bite

I am surrounded by the enemy
And no matter how many I ****
There's another to take it's place

I can't escape
They're ******* the life out of me

Even if they don't **** me
They hurt
Like you wouldn't believe

So how do I feel?

Like I'm being attacked
By a billion mosquitoes

Hello to
Hell

A simple hello
Can lead you to hell

Good to
Goodbye

All good things
Eventually leave

Word to
World

A kind word
Can give you the world

Simple changes
Make all the difference
In the world

Talking to you
Is the best part of my day

I've only known you
A little while
But that was all it took

You are my best friend

We've never even
Truly met
But still,

You are my best friend

You are great
You are amazing
You are wonderful

I don't know
What I would do
Without you

You are my best friend

So this will be
The last,
'To my new friend' poem

Because next time,
It will be called,
'To my best friend'

Can you hear that?
Time passing
Without a care?

Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock

Can you feel that?
Your time,
That's slowly running out?

Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock

Can you see that?
How long it's been
Since they texted back?

Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock

Have you felt this?
Clocks slowly
Counting your days
Hours
Minutes
Seconds

Till you're gone
Listen to them

Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock

Time is short
Make the most of it