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Nicole Dawn Jun 2019
“Don’t eat all the green olives”
She says

“I don’t like the black ones”
She says

I frown a little
Shock biting my heart

“I know it’s stupid”
She laughs

“It’s just how I am”
She shrugs

I force a smile
My mind in the past

“Don’t eat all the green olives!”
She shrieks

“I won’t eat the black ones”
She pouts

He runs away with the bowl
Laughing as he steals the olives

“Come and get them!”
He calls

“I’m eating the green ones!”
He says

We, the oldest,
Exchange annoyed looks

“Hello? Anyone home”
She teases

“Where’d you go?”
She laughs

I offer a weak smile
And look away from the olives

Hiding from the memory within them
So. This probably doesn’t make sense to you all. But my sister recently died and she only ate the green olives. I went out to eat with a friend who also only ate the green olives and I’m just trying to capture how it made me feel. idk

Also, the italics are a memory. This still needs editing but the feeling is hard to write and I’m just trying to get something out there
Nicole Dawn Jan 2019
They say time will fix me
But you are still gone
I miss you each Christmas
Each birthday
Each day

They say time will fix me
But that is an idea for children

They say you are in a better place
But how can I be better without you
Who am I without you?
Without your smile
Without your love
Without you

They say you are in a better place
But that is a story for children

They say "sorry for your loss"
But how can they understand?
They don't know you
Know your quirks
Know your insecurities
Know you

They say they are sorry
But that is an excuse for children

They say there is a reason you are gone
But what could be the reason
I lost your beautiful soul
Beautiful heart
Beautiful mind
Beautiful everything

They say there is a reason
But that is a comfort for children

They say things like I am a child
But I have not been a child since you left
You are gone
And I am alone
I lost my sister
Nicole Dawn Dec 2018
As I stand and face my killer
I think back--
When life was good

When the only things that mattered
Were behaving like I should

As I stand and face my killer
I think back--
When things got hard

When the biggest thing that mattered
Were lost friends who left me scarred

As I stand and face my killer
I think back--
When everything got worse

When the hardest thing that happened
Was losing family to a hearse

As I stand and face my killer
I think forward--
When life improves

When the best things that could happen
Happen, my fears life soon removes

I stand and face my killer...
Then I turn the mirror around
Well I tried. I'm gonna revise later
Nicole Dawn Nov 2018
I am sad
I see blues and purples
      Sometimes even reds
Sometimes the colors hurt
Sometimes they hurt a lot
Sometimes they hurt too much

So they gave me pills
Pretty little pills
To hide the blues and purples
        And sometimes reds
They say to find the yellows
And greens

I take the pretty little pills
And the blues and purples hide
But I've lost my yellows and greens
And all that's left

Is grey
Work in progress
Nicole Dawn Oct 2018
When your favorite time of day
     Is the time you are asleep
When your favorite time of week
     Is when you are alone
When your favorite place to be
     Is too drunk to remember

When you cannot get up
      To do the work you should
When you cannot make yourself
       Take care of your health
When you're too exhausted
       To even move

Why not sleep forever?
Why not lose yourself forever?
Why not forget forever?

Why not give up forever?
Why not heal yourself forever?
Why not rest forever?

When you ask yourself
Why not

      Why not?
Nicole Dawn Jul 2018
I see it

I see it
Swinging open

I stretch out a hand
Then let it fall

I lift my eyes
But rest my head

I know I should get up
I know I should go through
But I can't
I can't

I see it swinging

There is light through the door
But darkness in my heart

Deep in my soul
I ache

My mind sweetly whispers
Little lies, little secrets
(You won't make it)
(You're too weak)
(You're not worth it)

I lay for a moment
Watching the door
Then I close

Goodbye, I whisper
Forever gone
Nicole Dawn Jul 2018
I quietly watch you walk away,
Calling over your shoulder
  "I'll never leave you"

(But we both know you're never coming back)
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