It was this fear in my heart
and challenge in my mind
that pushed me
to sky dive
with my dreams
and enjoy
the fall and
hope for an
awesome  
crash!

I caught my breath
chasing after another

I put my hand on my chest
to tame a raging heart

"Calm down ******"
I said

"But I'm falling"
it replied

I stood next to him
and felt the gap
of time difference

The Garden of Eden
could not match
her beauty
so it blended with it
and merged
her holiness
with
the fruit
of sin to
inject black
and white
in the world

It doesn't
have to
make sense
to make sense

What happened to you?
You were as strong as a granite rock
full of cracks, sparkly corners
yet strong and dense

What happened to you?
your heart was the therapist for others
immune to unexpected skipped beats

What happened to you?
You had it all planned
the blueprint, the 3D module
even the prize at the end

What happened to you?
You never needed anyone
you never cared

What happened to you?
You loved how big your bed was
versus how empty it is now

What happened to you?
You embraced your determination
then suddenly got sidetracked
by a passerby

What happened to you?
You learned the art of seduction
and heartbreak and inflicted it
now what?

What happened to you?
is the feeling of being alone haunting you?
is age creeping up on you like a perverted
murderer
wanting to slice years off of your life
without you even noticing?

What’s going on?
is this what you want to do?
stand up, from that chair of yours
grab your bag, take a step towards the door
and look back
marvel at that empty chair
and praise your God that it won’t ****
the life
out of
you

Get
out
while you
Still
Can

What ***** is that
poets don't ghost
because they
can't
un-write

The raindrops
that slide on glass windows
remind me of your tears
pure and intense
uncontrolled and dense
as they strolled down your rosey cheeks
when you told me
you love me
under the sheets

I solemnly swear
for every time
my body craves
a taste of liquor
I put my pencil
to paper ...

For my days
are being diluted
I have no memories
my recollection
needs collection
from every bottom
of every glass
I drank dry ..

I need to put the cup down
and pick my
pencil
up

Flip me to the side
where my darkest days
have a ball

Flip me to the side
where my innocence
dissolves into mature
realizations

Flip me to the side
where my naivety
transforms me
into a woman of rationale

Flip me to the side
where my smiles
are only read
by those close

Flip me to the side
where my chest
holds nothing more
but tar infused lungs
protecting a heart
that's too strong
to be loved

Flip me to the side
where my anger burns
through the ocean blue
of my eyes

Flip me to the side
where I no longer
hand you my knife
to stab me
in the back

Flip me to the side
where you'd meet me
undressed from all
the chains
that held me back
from speaking my mind
because
"good girls
say nothing"

I looked into his eyes
and melted into a sea of emotions
fearless of the unknown
I floated over tears of confusion

I looked into his eyes
and
earthquaked his nerves
shaking his hands
as he ran them through my hair
Tangled
with years passed
and knots of "i don't knows"
I just lay there
quiet
the night
fused my nocturnal sense
with my day time,
this magic over came
all things shy

I am flowing,
floating.. wait
what

My fingers
drew futures on his back
and he was the star that won my heart
My fingers lingered, generating ripples
of goosebumps echoing all what he wanted to say
but couldn't
numb under my control, my magic
my human touch that's so rare today

My breaths created a language
that I and only know how to translate

My eyes, my hands
my body
him, me
night, day
stars
Dawn..

Good morning love,

Take it with a grain of salt they say
little do they know
that one grain
does
make
things
salty

I misread
a lot of you's
I proofread most of your mistakes
you ****** at grammar

I silently made my red pen dance
on your blue inscriptions
that you thought
were unique

I scratched the wrong words
I indented your run on's
I even added a bit of sincerity  
to all your reality

I stepped back and looked at you
you were blotches of red on scribbles of blue
you were a mistake
that I thought I could fix
at the end of the day,
I took that paper crumpled it
and aimed at the trash
and scored

My red pen yearned for correcting many more
but my red pen gave up scratching
and wanted to create its own story
of its very own mistakes
of its own doing,
so it can create a masterpiece of
"me"

It burned
at the back of my throat
like a lump of cancer
killing every living cell of hope
I had for
myself

Can this be the cycle I feared
the one that bites you in the ***
after years of planning
and assessing?

Why have I found myself
rotting in this chair, scarring my eye sight
drying my creative juices
guideline by guideline?

I did the mistake
of thinking you're like me
and I am like you
little did I know
that you
celebrated Halloween
all year
long

I drew a halo
over your head
to show
the world that side
and keep
the demons for me

One hand
loses itself
in straight lines
as they curve
around that white
paper connecting
his mind to paper

While the other
taps, in synch
with those thoughts
balancing his being
between art
and
reality

"What is your greatest fear?" he asked.

"For words to flee" she said.

It's funny
that inspiration
only knocks on
the doors of your mind
in times of heartache
in times of heartbeats
but never
in times of peace
... and as twisted as it sounds
I like that

For once
I put my heart on hold
and it failed
to stop beating

For once
I detached it
from my body
and it failed
to stop feeling

For once
I scolded it
for feeling so much
and it failed
to stop giving

For once
I told it
to take a break
and it failed
to listen

For once
I ignored it
and it failed
at keeping me
at peace

My baggage
toned my existence

For what's a glow but a holy light?

I glanced at him
in the car ride home
we both shared the backseat

Dwindling between sobriety
and the hazy reality
just like the wine in the bottle
resting between my hands
our logic made no sense
it even gave up

As the mumbles in the car
increased so did the vibrations
in our silence
the back seat had a world of its own

Full of untold attractions
engraved mysteries only those
who specialize in none verbal communication
can decode

There it is again
that glance, he's not looking
but she lays her vision
on him, tripping through
a roller-coaster of bottled emotions
she opens her mouth, but nothing
comes out,

It's a complicated situation
that even the back seat of the car
can tell

He turned to sneak a look
she looked away
at the window, she smiles
to her self
to the thoughts that lay themselves
in front of her vision, her only vision

He slithered his hand
to journey all the way from his side
to hers, an adventure that seemed to be
the most dangerous one of all

It made it over the armrest
slowly...
She still staring outside, marveling
at what she knows, he knows

She felt a warm embrace
and entwine between her fingers
she still didn't turn yet
but she knew....
that he knew
what they
both
know

I will
forever curse
the day
I fell
for that smile
baring in mind  
it turned my world
to a hell

Empty cups
of poison
failed to fill
the
bottomless
pit
that keeps
getting eroded
drink
after
drink

Have I lost the touch
to fantasise
sober?

Am I wasting time?
or is time
wasting
me?

Her.

“Good Morning gorgeous”
echoes down the hall
her voice altered
into a decibel
that she created
a clear tone only meant
to the one who knows

I have looked at her for 27 years
and counting, I witnessed growth
naturally aligned with her stars
never gone astray
with a mind for a compass
a heart to balance and a body to embrace
those who need

Her strength bewitched me
from mishaps to miracles
her legs never failed her
from tree climbing to moving houses
from cartwheels to driving in foggy weather
Her courage moved me
from enduring unfairness
to teaching about fairness
her rationale calmed me
and it was when she carried her baby
that I felt mother nature adopt her into motherhood
blessing her with power unknown to man
with endurance with love, with intensified
fountains of love, waterfalling everyday
every night into her baby’s heart
filling her with a glow only she knows how to grow

I saw her in a different light
with her own world between her arms
marveling at the strength that body has
to carry and nourish

She has become a mother
even though from time to time
I still steal a glance at the sister I knew
but I, now, am the proud sister of a mother.

I severed
ties
and all I have
to give you
is a band aid
to stop the
bleeding
for I am robbed
of all my
FIRST AID KIT
of affection

Pensive Roses
are louder
than
CAPS
in
P(rose)

There was so much in our bodies
that they lost balance
and found themselves entwined
tangled legs on messy sheets
sideways far from bed frames

Senses heightened, sobriety abandoned
She's on top, her view was powerful
his view was magical, his goddess

TBC ...

I fall
and
f
a
l
l

d
e
e
p
e
r

into an

a        b    
     y
s          s

every time
till it
became
  
  /////\\         
|HOME |

I scared
the doubt
out of
me
When I
found m
                    y  
                           s
                                     e
                                             l
                                                       f

I have given pieces of my heart
to those who need it most
and yet I still found enough love
..to give my heart it's color
to let it blush
when it should, when it's struck?

I have juggled the knives
of insults that tried to paper cut
my skin as each one fell
a hairline away from my fingers
and yet I crave the adrenaline
that comes from defying such
near pain experiences

I have melted at the sight
of beauty, of music, of art, of poetry
of words, single or together
that kind of beauty
that moves your soul
the one that coats you
with a chill
that breathes life into
your blase presence
the one that's rustic
classic, that's ethereal
the one that creeps under your skin
and glazes your eyes with a glossy layer
for your body cannot explain
it in any other way
cannot digest
cannot comprehend
that such pulchritude
exists and
the best part
is that
it's real

do you feel that?
congratulations
You're still
feeling
&
that's a *******
blessing
feel..

Lonely Lullabies
                 Lull Lost Adults
                                 Loosely into Lockdown
                                                     As they drown in
                                                                          Sleepless Slumber

I took your hand in mine
and walked down the streets
of tiled memories
yet to be carved

I stole your cigarette
from between your fingers
just like you stole my feelings
without noticing

I lit it in the passenger seat
next to you, just like the way
your eyes light up when they fall
upon my sight

I looked at you, next to me
and mentally snapped moments
without you noticing

I took a drag from your cigarette
the same way I take your breath away
when you kiss me

I filled my lungs with sinful smoke
the same way I fill your mind with wicked
thoughts of me

I exhaled fumes of sighs
the same way you do when I embrace
you for a while

I rolled down my window
and felt liberated, like you do
when you lie there on my bed
with a smile on  your face

I put my hand out
to dance with speed, feeling the wind
caress my hand like you do
when you want to comfort me

I took a sip from that cheap can of alcohol
and smiled, it was cold and sweet
just like your skin, when you sleep next to me
in winter

I felt sedated, borderline drunk
just like you when I lay my skin
on  yours overdosing you with heaven on earth

I rested my head on the seat
and marveled at the night sky
wondering how such simple beauty
can be so mesmerizing
the same way you marvel
at my eyes,
when they wake up
and
light your
dawn

She's angry boys
looks like we're burning fast
"lighter noise"

There goes Larry
he was always toasty
and with that drink,
I think it's a beautiful death

Here we go
into the purse
I wonder, where she'd forget us this time
or if we'll soak up her drunken
thoughts

It's 5 am, have some mercy on your lungs!
Oh, I am the last one
struggling to stand up straight
in that crumpled pack
half awake, half dead,
swinging between sleeplessness
and drunkenness

I welcome my fate
I want to dilute in her breath
I want to kiss her with sunrise
I wish I my nicotine would mend her thoughts
I wish my filter, would cleanse
that stress
I want her to exhale cremated
bits and pieces of me
with the crisp breeze of dawn

Alas, I am burning
along with her awareness
along with her energy
she kisses me
one last time
I burn
I burned
along with
her night
Oh,
I burned

I slipped and fell from reality
Going down, I saw the silhouette
of myself waving back from the cliff of reality
getting smaller and smaller

My fall carved the air
with a bundle of chaos
dense with fear
and weightlessness at the same time

I am lost
between letting go and wanting to go
everybody goes at some point anyway  
between waving goodbye to what's better
and saying hello to what's bad
between loving to love, and loving being loved
or both,
I am lost between loneliness and aloneness
between confidence and bitchiness
between opening my heart and keeping it
and giving it to you, naked, want it?
between sobriety, and faking it
I am scared of changing and I am attracted to change
of walking away, when walking is my favorite hobby
I fear losing something, when there was nothing to begin with
I am addicted to turmoil, I lather my skin with recklessness
I inject my veins with the soothe intoxicating taste
instability
I question my lust for instability for chaos
for heartbreak and heart-mend
for unreciprocated love, for ... everything that doesn't make sense
I question my fabrication of a future, before I even say hi.

I am confidence wrapped in anxiety, that wears me like a gala dress
hugging my curves, with self-doubt
I am fake, a hypnotized being, programmed to smile
to blend, to speak less, to love less, love like that,
to compare, to compete
I am tired

Call out
to the muses
for I have lost
my inspiration
to the sickness
that has boiled my
body feverish
and my mind
numb

Resting my head
on my hand that rested
on my elbow
I was
facing her

and..

I asked the sun
to stay asleep
for an hour longer
the other night

I asked it to keep the stars
awake for one more hour
being selfish, I wanted to devour
every bit of darkness
left before, she awake

I asked the moon to glow
on her face, to show me every wrinkle
to show me freckles
to show me scars
in the most magical of ways

I asked the stars to leave
some shine in her hair
because the night needs more stars
and she' should be
the brightest of them all  

I asked the night sky
to fall on her skin
silhouetting that beautiful
valley between her chest and waist
I asked the sky to
calm all sense of anxiety
warming it with its silence
for when she rests
I rest too

I asked the wind
to caress her being
as she lay there, next to me
serene, breathing
shunning away all the nightmares
that haunt her, behind closed eyes

I spoke to her dreams
I asked them to introduce me to her
once again
I asked them to tell her
to show her, that it's me
write a memory of me
that she'll remember in the morning
that she'll wake up smiling to
I asked her dreams nicely
to put me in her mind
again

I asked the mystery of the night
to give me the courage
to tell her what goes on
in my mind
with her

I ran my fingers slightly
removing those curls that hide her face
only to see her
smiling
in her
sleep

My body
can only
hold
so many
chapters...
before I
explode
in
volume(s)

I have loved you
to a point
where my system
created an orbit
that only revolves
around
you
and you know what
I can
f$%king say it
guilt-free

I am in love
with so much mess
it will take so many years
to sit and contemplate
on why my
heart beats
so fast
at the presence
of chaos