It’s beautiful.
Simply gorgeous.
“black is nothing,” people say.
Well you were once nothing,
The world was once nothing.
The world was created from darkness.
Black.
Black never changes.
It’s timeless.
It’s beautiful.
It’s simple.
It’s elegant.
It’s dark.
It’s darkness.
It’s bold.
It’s powerful.
It’s the queen of all colors.
It symbols death and grief.
It’s a part of me and a part of you.
We all have a dark side.
No color has any depth without black.
You mix black with everything,
There is a fullness to it.
It makes it real.
Black expresses the depths of the unknown,
and encourages the imagination of a different world from that of daylight realities.

For the first time in many months I wasn't afraid to admit that I walk this world alone...
And it felt great to be finally at ease with myself.

What is a monster ?
What is evil ?
Do those things even exist ?
Or are they created by humans, to give them reason of those terrible deeds done ?
What makes a monster ?
Someone who takes joy from hurting others ?
Who kills for fun ?

A monster cannot be defined in a dictionary,
because everyone’s opinion of a monster is different.
Sometimes a monster can be that person who stole your money and left you stranded.

Or maybe a mass murderer like ‘Jack the Ripper ’.
Or maybe a monster is very different inside all of us.
There is no way to define a monster,
because although monsters are all evil,
they start out good.
And although monsters enjoy the darkness,
they once enjoyed the light.
No one is an angel,
no one is a demon.
Those terms do not exist.
Because we are all monsters.
They hide inside of us,
Waiting for that perfect moment to strike.
We all started completely pure and full of light,
With our inner darkness unknown to us.
We all start out like little lights in the dark.
So what makes a person a monster?
You do.

Those tainted by darkness unknowingly taint those of light,
Turning them bitter, cold and wicked.
Most people learn to adapt to such bitterness.
But there are those whose hearts cannot withstand.

I am a monster.
What kind is another question.

What kind are you ?

It begins as a noise in the background
keeping steady beat as it makes its round
it can be found at any time of day
it's so simple, just push play

It creates a story for everyone's life
as if it understands your struggles and strife
it's impossible to stop, it's purpose will be served
as if not to judge on whether or not you deserve
to feel absorbed in something bigger than yourself
where there is nobody to ever ring the bell

Of complete reality and worry filled days
when life gets too real there's something that says
I'll be with you through the HAPPY and SAD
the really GREAT days and even the BAD

It lingers as if ready at any possible time
to lift you off your feet and begin to fly
away from all the grief, sorrow and pain
to tell your mind that it's free again

No judging or casting a nasty glare
nope, just to let you know that it's always there
as the shoulder to cry on when no one else cares
and casts you alone to face all of your scares

It will give you a feeling that no one else can
and open your eyes to the ever growing span
of opportunity and dare and even the strength
to end it all or just shoot blanks

It tends to all of our daily needs
not for us but with us so we really can see
the magic of you when in a crowd
nothing else will sound as loud

As the beats, bells, and whistles that are in your head
revealing to you a new path to tread
for you will follow no one your path will be your own
because your are lead by something that can't be owned

To be there for whenever you desire
is its one purpose, to light your fire
it can't be stopped if the will is steady
it can be unleashed, it's always ready

To light up your day or slow down the time
to yell at the world, or even to cry
to help you with whatever you may need
or just to be there for whenever you please

It will live until the end of time
serving its purpose, to let its light shine
remember family, friends and even pets
but most of all music never forget

How do you know me?
Why do you look at me, with recognition in your eyes?
You speak to me
When you have nothing to say
You listen to me
With words I haven’t spoken
You touch my skin
With your ghostly fingers
You light my soul
With sadness in me
Why me?
Why do you look at me, with recognition in your eyes?
How do you know me, when you have never been alive...?

I’m great, fine, spectacular
In a way I relish every night and I live every day.
I live, I laugh, I write, I sing.
I wonder what the new days will bring.
Then I get home,
And almost impossible task,
Is finally over,
And so I lie down and wait patiently for the day
That I die.
I cry, I scream, I bowl and sleep,
Even though I have promises to keep
I wait, and wonder, and cry some more
And I ache and burn from my every core.
Then, I’m not alone and the mask reappears:
Out goes the grief, pain and all the tears.
As I am a happy person,
Cheerful all the day
A world full of rainbows,
Not one shade of grey
Of course I’m not okay
I’m not fine
No matter how much I seem to shine
                           I don’t even know why I feel this                          
Why my existence is one long, endless abyss
But it is, and will be, so I cling to life,
As one day I might slip
And end with a knife.
But, I’m still here
No matter what my dreams may say
And I hope that one day
I will actually be okay.

A graveyard of souls
Remembering life as if epitaphs, joy and sorrow come together like one
And the light and the darkness meet in that dim place
To collect the meaning
To find the knowledge
Secrets of the universe
Revealed through whispers to the spirit
And in tears and the soul’s agony
No will to face the world

If you listen close
You'll hear her voice
Drifting in the wind.
It pulls you in,
Like a melody being sung
To a fragile baby.
It ensconced you,
Pulling you into the deep,
Dark depths and never letting you escape.
Her cries for help are silent,
Where as her cries of happiness are heard.
“I’m just another story”
Is what she tells herself
Over and over again
As she tries so hard
To hold on.
She has a story in her eyes,
And those who choose to search
Unravel the mystery that she is,
And still remains to be.

Music is the souls language,
that's how we relate,
that's how unions are made.
Love comes after,
love is true when you are combined by your souls core,
therefore you become your own song.
Their laugh,
their cries,
everything they do becomes your favourite melody.
Your song.
Paradise,
thats where everyone wants to be.
Your Paradise lies in your own soul,
you just have to wake it up.
Wake it up and you will live.

12am
Alone
it's times like these
I wish
I was silently
wrapped around
you. . .

Outside lives a girl with a smile that will brighten up the room,
yet inside hides a girl with a frown full of despair.

Outside lives a girl with eyes of joy that brings you to ease,
yet inside hides a girl shedding tears of sadness.

Outside lives a girl with a beautiful laugh that's contagious,
yet inside hides a girl screaming her lungs out in unwanted anger.

Outside lives a girl with the personality everyone envies,
yet inside hides a girl full of insecurities and shame.

Outside lives a girl who is fearless and tough,
yet inside hides a weak girl who lives in fear.

Outside lives a girl full of life,
yet inside hides a girl full of pain, wanting to die.

Outside lives a girl with a perfect image,
yet inside hides a girl with regrets and mistakes.

Outside lives a girl of innocence,
yet inside hides a girl with tremendous guilt.

Outside lives a girl with goals and aspirations,
yet inside lives a girl lost in confusion.

What you see on the outside is my personal disguise,
What hides underneath you can't even begin to imagine.

You say that you love rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains.
You say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines.
You say that you love the wind, but you close your windows when the wind blows.

This is why I am afraid;
You say that you love me too.

The past is the past for a reason
That is where it is supposed to stay
But some cannot let it go
In their head it eats away

Until all their focus becomes
The person that they used to be
The mistakes they made in their life
Oh if only they could see

That you cannot change what happened
No matter how hard you try
No matter how much you think about it
No matter how much you cry

What happens in your lifetime
Happens for reasons unknown
So you have to let the cards unfold
Let your story be shown

Don't get wrapped up in the negative
Be happy with what you have been given
Live for today not tomorrow
Get up, get out and start living

Cos the past is the past for a reason
It's been and now it is gone
So stop trying to think of ways to fix it
It's done, it's unchangeable, move on

The playground of the tragedy and comedy echoes through the mind of the preternatural ones,
bound for time to certain roles and certain lies
but Devil or Angel which ?
And the mask goes deeper.
The storm comes with her starving glory.
And neither man nor creature shall know the difference of the dark and the light,
the crimson in our frail reflection, takes us all but who will wear the mask ?

When you don't want to feel,
death can seem like a dream.
But seeing death,
really seeing it,
makes dreaming about it ridiculous.
Maybe, there’s a moment growing up when something peels back,
Maybe ...
Maybe we look for secrets because we can’t believe our minds.

Because sometimes people do actually feel that way.
Sometimes your life feels like it’s caving in on you.
Sometimes people really do feel like they don't want to exist,
Like they want to just curl up in a ball, and go into that place between life and death.
Saying “I don't want to exist” isn't saying, “I want to die.”

It’s saying, “I wish that, for that time being, I could go somewhere and not have to feel.”
I don't think there’s anything wrong with that.
And if you don’t know how it feels to feel this way,
Then you have no place to judge anyone who does.

Dark and cold
New and old
There is no light,
And the bugs tend to bight.
We are not fun,
We hide from the sun.
We stalk the night,
Sending out fright.
From nine to five,
We dine on people’s lives.
Do not run, you cannot hide,
From our fast and powerful stride.
The flow of red,
Drips from the bed.
We can’t help but taste,
Using all our hast.
A wonderful smell,
That brought us from hell.
A bed and a box,
Without any locks.
The box is sealed,
Take a guess at what’s concealed
Is what shining real?

I always knew that love would come find me someday
but never did I know that it would be you who was headed my way
you caught me off guard and took me by surprise
but you simply captivated me, the same way you do when I look into your eyes

It's true that every good and perfect gift is from above
you were presented to me as a beautifully packaged gift full of humour, talent, intelligence, beauty and love
"it isn't finding the perfect person but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly"
we all have our flaws but when I view you through my eyes, perfection is all I see

From when you laugh to when you're upset, I still love the little things you do
especially hearing you laugh and seeing your nose wrinkle the same way mine does too
coming into this relationship has been hard at times but we've made it through
I know as long as we're on this journey together, there's nothing that we can't do.

Sometimes I wonder if what we have is too good to be true
too scared to get my heart broken and scared of the thought of losing you
but in the end, I trust in the author and perfected of what I believe
because what we ask for in Him, we in return shall receive

"Where your treasure is, your heart will be also" is how the saying goes
I may not know what tomorrow may bring, for God is the only one who knows
the one thing I do know is that you are my one and only
a treasure in my heart that I want to devote my whole life to completely

I know I don't need to prove my feelings to know they're true
because what I've known in my past, doesn't come close to the experience I've shared with you
I've had the experience of being in relationships before
however, this is the first time I've been truly happy... I couldn't ask for anything more
it's an honour to know that I am yours, as you are mine
and I trust God that He'll bring us together in His beautiful time

For now, I'll be waiting patiently for that day when we'll be together
that precious moment in time when I'll say, "it's you that I want to be with forever"
God made everything beautiful, precious and new
just as beautiful and precious as the day will be, when I look into your eyes and say, "I Love You"

There is something about the broken;
Maybe it’s the way they live.
How they’re here,
But yet they're not.
How they wander,
Looking for someone to piece them back together,
Even if they know they'll fall apart all over again.
Maybe it’s what they've been through
Those little memories that have them all torn up inside.
It’s the hidden look in their eyes;
If you look there,
It’s almost as if you'll see everything,
Even the things you've never noticed before.

There’s just something about the broken that’s captivated me and pulled me in.

I was on top of the mountain.
My feet weren't stable any longer.
The climb was long and painful
And was far from rewarding when I reached the top,
And saw there was nothing there.

My heart felt heavy and my head was spinning.
No oxygen was getting up to my head at the peak.
I needed to get down.
I needed to get to safety.
I needed to step back.
People are there to catch me, but I was afraid.
Falling was never the problem.
The weightless feeling always brought me peace.
It was if I ever hit the ground, was what truly worried me.

Falling never hurt, but landing did.

How do I tell you I’m sorry
With a gesture, a look, a touch?
How is it I never realized
I hurt you so very much?
I do not ask forgiveness.
A comfort I’ll never deserve.
I merely want to let you know
But I cannot find the nerve
To finally confront you,
Face-to-face
To look you in the eye
To face your wrath, your apathy
Too terrified to try
You called me selfish
I turned away
I festered and I fled:
Cutting and wounding
Lashing out
Just to see if you bled
Betraying and deceiving you,
I surely had no right
To ****** away such a precious gem:
A dark thief in the night
3 months and forever passed
To bring us to this day
When I present these simple words
I never thought to say
The time has come
It’s long past due
To put aside my fear:
Would this confession torture you?
Or have you longed to hear?
To hear those forbidden words
To vanquish all the pain
To understand my dearest wish:
To know you once again
The months aged me remarkably
Though they have not made me wise:
I do know I erred
Irrevocably
For that I apologize

Books open your eyes,
Everyone’s got a story.
Authors and writers are always depressed.
Sad.
Melancholy.
“Why ?” You ask.
Because, the only one who listens is a blank sheet of paper.
Each word
Is a warning.
The author never wants the reader to experience the pain
He or she is going through.
A book is like a guide.
The character is advising you to change and to learn
From your mistakes.

Look into the dark eyes of pain
And you will see your eyes
Search through the dark faces
And you will see your lies
Feel the cold of the night on your neck
And you will know you’re alone
Touch the ground as you slowly fall
Touch the faces of those fallen before you
Dirt hits your face just like those you’ve betrayed
See them smile as they lower your grave

Some days,
I feel everything,
Crashing down on me
As if I’m an abandoned ship
In a ocean of sins.
Some days,
I feel nothing,
A touch of numbness
As a cloak of emptiness
Wraps around my body.
But I don't know what is worse,
Drowning in an ocean,
Or
Swimming to nowhere.

Remembering things that aren’t to be remembered,
Can bring back memories of when I would surrender
My love, my heart, and my thoughts to your accusations.
Am I really the only one who has any patience?

You know I loved you when everything was as it seemed,
But when you turn your back on promises,
You turn your back on me.
I can’t stand the feeling of losing everything I own
To one who can’t bear to see that my heart has grown.

I’m not the sight that you saw the first day.
I was together; the puzzle pieces knew their way.
Now I am shattered, and the shards seem to stay
Just out of my reach; they’re just too far away.

When the night wind blows, do you think about me?
Do you think about the place in which I’ll always be?
“My heart is yours, take it,” no, I don’t want it anymore,
If violence can take the place of whom you once adored.

And I am not giving in to your little games.
“Come closer; you know that it’ll be okay,”
But it's not okay,
And who could ever even say that it was.
I bet your harsh words leave you with an adrenaline rush.

And I’m not the sight that the first day.
I was together; the puzzle pieces knew their way.
Now I am shattered, and the shards seem to stay
Just out of my reach; they’re just too far away.

Feeling down, feeling out, but not ready to give up,
I left this old house; I figured I had been through enough.
Who would’ve ever thought that you’d come chasing after me
Saying, “Please, oh please, you know I never meant those things!”

But you did mean it, and there is no changing the fact
That when you raised your fist the last time,
I was done with all that.
That was my home, before you put bruises on my face,
But you know what? I don’t think that I’m gonna ever miss that place.

I’m not the sight that you saw the last day.
I was shattered; the shards were just too far away.
Now I am together, the puzzle pieces have finally found their way
And I know for sure that this time, they are here to stay.

"I understand."
You don’t.
You don't understand the self hatred I have for myself.
You don't understand how it feels to be constantly compared
To someone you will never become.
You don't know what it’s like to lose yourself.
You don't know what it’s like to feel as though you're a failure
And you don't know what it’s like to know that you're different
And constantly reminded of your fault by your own mind .
If I could cut off my head I would,
Because the more I think,
The unhappier I am.
I'm convinced that’s why people hang themselves.
The head is a source of;
Power,
Knowledge,
And Control,
But also Destruction.
You don't know what it’s like to be so desperate and so tired of who you are
That you just want to quit
And i hope you never have to experience the mental and emotional pain that I have.

That is exactly why you don't understand.

There are many different types of fear.
Most fears are selfish.
Like the paralysingly horror of your own death,
The strange ominousness of being alone at night.
We're often afraid of the inflicted on our own emotions and our own bodies.
Sometimes it’s impossible not to be afraid.

But even worse than this was the fear for others.
It’s when you love somebody more than you love yourself that their danger frightens you.
And I had endured this fear more than once.

I have been afraid and still am afraid.

I don't think they realise
How sleepless nights
Can affect you
Or
How overthinking
Slowly kills you,
I don't think they know
How it can turn your mind
Into thoughts you wish weren't yours.

I was on top of the mountain.
My feet weren't stable any longer.
The climb was long and painful and was far from rewarding when I reached the top, and say there was nothing there.

My heart felt heavy and my head was spinning.
No oxygen was getting up to my head at the peak.
I needed to get down.
I needed to get to safety.
I needed to step back.
People are there to catch me, but I was afraid.
Falling was never the problem.
The weightless feeling always brought me peace.
It was if I ever hit the ground, was what truly worried me.

Falling never hurt, but landing did.

I think little by little
I'll be able to solve my problems
And survive my pain,
But that’s the thing about pain;
It demands to be felt.

And I'd like you to know the stories
That I've carved into my skin.
But I hate to live them again,
Because my thoughts
Have destroyed me more
Than blades never could.

And each night,
I put my head to my pillow,
I try to tell myself that I'm strong,
Because I've survived one more day.

The things that frighten me the most don't even have a physical form;
Thoughts,
Words,
Love,
Lust,
Fear,
Loneliness,
Heartbreak,
­They're the things you feel with every component of your body,
But will never see in its entirety.
That is why I believe the scariest things are what we can feel,
But never touch.