"I'm okay" "I'm okay"
whispering to myself, hanging upside down
tears dripping down to my toes
when I break down mid stretch.
"Just breathe darling"
I coach myself, nearly rocking back and forth
on the wooden floor
while the clock reads 12
and everyone else is asleep.

The muscles wrapped around my chest
and my back draw tighter still
-like piano strings:
they wait, poised for the merest sound of footsteps.
And the air doesn't quite find my lungs
my mind won't come off high speed
and I thrash through piles of *******
to find the water-stained, warped, ripped notebook
and a gaudy pen.

Then I begin to scribble, compose,
quietly wail and rage
as stroke for stroke
I map out my traumas and my guilt;
            slowly tattooing my hurt
            like poetry on my skin.

I can’t help but remember the night where everything ended.

The make up running down your face.
The clocking stating that it’s 2 AM.

The door of my cheap apartment room closing as I watched you left.

It’s 2 years later and I’m still in the same apartment room.
Instead of me remembering,
I drink and I forget.

But I slowly begin to realize.
That everything...
S t a r t s

To go

b
     l

ur

      ry

And I can’t seem to put the pieces back together.
I wake up and it’s all bleak.
It hits me like shattered glass.
It comes in fragments.

But I’m okay with this.

Because I remember the night it all ended.

Your makeup running down your face.
The clock stating that it’s 2 AM.

You leaving my cheap apartment.
And me staying there.
Just to stay.
And think.
And believe.
And hope.
That someday.
You would finally come home.

who knew it was going to be this way?
for you to believe that your life is amazing and nothing can break this stream of happiness you are drunk on.
for you to only then realise that this is a world you have created as an illusion for this dystopian world that surrounds you.

no one can hurt you.
or so you thought...

you've only ever been open to everyone around you.
this is the source to your ultimate weakness.
and you're the only one to blame.

you're vulnerable and have no opportunity to fix this.
maybe this fact isn't a bad thing; we're just viewing through a negative perspective.

on the road to self-destruction...
and i didn't even notice since i've been blinded.

Light shines through windows,
painting on comfortable carpets.
Stairs creek after steps passed
and throats clog after whispers caught.
Waves crash against sand,
playing soft symphonies in lonely ears.
While hearts break as glass smashes to floorboards
and bodies fall into pieces.

Her head spinning,
her head numb,
and yet she refused
to leave

And maybe that
was all it took,
a selfless gesture
to make me feel
loved and understood

She said
"I really don't want to
leave you alone tonight,
will you really be alright?"

I'll certainly try.

a protective mechanism;
unsightly, yet all you need
to keep out deadly passions
some may call is masochism
yet it is the fear that i'll bleed
from digging at the lesions
of a love long lost
and then i met you

as if you were a blanket
shielding me from the hurt
this world can cause
only your warm touch blank it:
all the pain that has been inflicted
oh, how i long to be yours.