I feel myself slipping.
The ground slowly crumbles
from beneath me
to swallow me whole;
into that dark abyss once more.
I know it’s coming for me.
I can’t escape it.
My legs are full of lead,
too heavy to lift;
weighing me down
and helping me fall faster
to rock bottom once more.

Head to heart
is as
trainer to animal.
I've always been able to tame
the wild creature in my chest
with logic and reason.
Although,
when it comes to you,
the ***** is a feral beast.
Just one glance
and my heart pumps so viciously,
that it escapes the bone cage
made up of my lungs
and runs free;
wild and untamable.

That day was a penultimate beginning of the end.
She had known it too
somewhere deep inside,
but it threatened to compromise her “happiness.”
So, she chose to disregard it completely,
although seemingly ridiculous notions
already started swirling through her mind.
Anxiety began to bubble up and
s
p
i
l
lllll  over.
Her locked away thoughts and feelings
ate away even more at her festering heart.
Then, it ended.
Slowly, so slowly,
she healed; returned to normal.
The scars are still there,
but she stands stronger than before.

A force stronger than gravity
pushing down.
Stumbling,
reaching out,
unable to find purchase;
Falling,
falling,
falling...
but does it ever end?

Quite often, I ponder
“What’s worse?”
a love that once was
or a love that could have been
and the ”what if” that follows it?

How beautifully melancholic is it
that the person
who makes our whole world
also holds the power
to tear it
d

o


w



n

We used to say in the beginning
how it felt like such a dream.
Though, somehow
somewhere along our journey,
it turned into a nightmare.
The memories of us together,
I’ve now hidden.
Yet, I know where to find them
and sometimes I find myself
flipping through an album
of moments captured in time,
a reminder that at one point it was
most definitely a dream
and not just a night terror.

Every waking day
I am still haunted
by your lack of presence.
Even in dreams,
you’ve stopped showing,
as my soul has recognized
that you are no longer beside me.

Upon waking every morning,
he'd study my cerulean eyes
so intensely, it was as though
he saw they held the secrets to life
and he was a desperate man in need.

I’m riding this roller coaster
called life,
but the highs
are losing frequency,
and the lows
keep getting lower.

There's something about you
that still draws me in,
though maybe it's just remembering
how your lips tasted like sin.
There was the uncontrollable attraction
neither of us could deny,
but I've sobered up now
I'm no longer trapped in the high;

The false reality
that I created in my head
was just distraction,
like all those times in your bed.
Your tender touch
and sweet caress
were all just a ploy,
though you'd never confess.

Now I'm gone,
although you still try
to make me think you care,
but I won't fall for the lie.
I'm completely done with you now,
I'm over this strife,
so this is my spell
to cut you out of my life.

I know I should not
let anyone's opinion of me
diminish my self worth.
Yet, the second after you told me
you no longer found me desirable,
all the confidence
I had been building up for the past decade
plummeted.
Faster and harder
than any star ever has ever collapsed before;
into this black hole,
which now consumes me.

I'm a closet hopeless romantic
hiding my heart away under the facade
of having a block of ice in its place;
an empath in an apath's clothing.  
I can pick out the fuckboys from a mile away,
hands tied behind my back and blindfolded.  
I don't want your meaningless physical touch.  
Why settle for something less
when I can just do the job better myself?  
What I crave is that connection.  
The kind you feel upon first locking eyes,
where your soul and their soul interacts,
and something just clicks.  
When two people share that soul connection,
it's not just *******,
it's a whole beautiful experience.
And though it's only been a few moments
since I had something like this,
to my soul,
it feels like a millennia

Your brown eyes
fill my gut with butterflies
fluttering their wings violently,
they render me silent-ly
I would gaze at you from afar,
but now we've progressed
we're getting drinks at the bar.
This pitter-patter in my chest
keeps increasing it's pace,
especially when your face
is so close to my own.
Perspiration builds on my skin,
yet I'm calmed by the scent of your cologne.
I just want my heart to win
this round of heart versus head
because the beginnings are so sweet,
yet it's the end that I dread.

I always find myself
in the same frustrating predicament.
There’s something my heart wants,
though my brain can’t figure out what it is.
It’s like a wild goose chase;
My mind thinks it’s on the right track
My heart seems to agree,
then my pursuit comes to an abrupt halt
and my heart runs away maniacally laughing.

It's funny
in a not-so-funny sort of way
that the three months post us,
DecemberJanuaryFebruary
and now onto March,
have flown by.

Whereas the final few months of us,
S e p t e m b e r
O  c  t  o  b  e  r
N   o   v   e   m   b   e   r
(then onto the final month of)
D         e          c          e          m          b          e         ­ r
seemed to crawl by,
slower and slower as the days went on.

My mouth
may be as ***** as a sailor's,
but I promise you
my lips
are as sweet as honey.

Not a poem, just a (silly) question.  I remember a few years ago being able to select italics, bold, strikethrough, etc.  How do you italicize/bold words now?  I've seen it in recent works from others, but for the life of me can't figure it out.

Thank you,
Seachel <3

"You're better off without him."
"You could do so much better."
"You deserve better than that."

Better,
better,
better.

I don't need,
I don't want
anyone's sympathy.
Take your pity party elsewhere
to someone who cares
for the attention.
Because I need space
to contemplate.

My exes have probably heard
the same spiel too,
"You're better off without her."
"You could do so much better."
"You deserve better than that."

Better,
better,
better.

But,
what if they are
the ones who could do better
than me?

The words left unspoken
are always harder to stomach
than those which were said.

My heart aches
to feel something.
My head longs
for my heart to feel
anything.
Though I feel absolutely
nothing.

Goosebumps dance
on a pale stage,
following after
where your fingertips traced.

Your hot breath pours
across the nape of my neck,
sending a tsunami of shivers
down
down
d
o
w
n
my spine
and through my limbs.

I open my eyes
needing to look into your own,
but am met with
the ****** ceiling.
I was dreaming
again
and yet I wasn't...

I dream that you're out there,
my dear,
living your own life
and maybe dreaming of me too.

I've had people ask before,
"What was that scar from?"
then a,
"Why did you do it?"

Why,
why,
why,
why,
why?

That question mulls itself
over and over
in my mind like a mantra,
until my brain becomes dizzy.

Why did I?  
Why am I?

To feel?  
To distract?
To numb?

I have no direct answer,
only a question for their question.

Then, I realize
this might be the only thing
I am completely unsure of
about myself.

I have this
increasingly annoying
affliction with affection.

I'm sorry if my
insularity doesn't comprehend your sincerity,
I've just had the actions of others be
catalytic to the inner cynic
in me.

I try to push myself to feel
an inclination, but it ends in agitation
instead.

I've realized it's
unfortunately an idiosyncrasy
of mine, though I hope to someday come across a
carrefour in life where I'll find my paramour
who will understand.

I'd much rather hear
your lonely silence,
seemingly with no end,
rather than
your empty words,
which never held any sort of value
to you




nor to myself

anymore...

In this society,
you cannot be at peace with who you are.
You must always find something wrong
with your biological makeup
and every choice that has shaped your personality.

They say, "love yourself,"
yet shame and call those who do narcissists.
Well,
I chose to separate myself from this hypocrisy.

I am beautiful,
I am clever,
I am funny,
I am not perfect,
I am me.

I chose to accept all of it;
the ups and the downs,
my vices and virtues,
every single experience I have in life
that will help me grow
into who I am becoming.

**** society,
**** the media,
and *******.

I have never understood the concept of
soulmates,
twin flames,
being one half of a whole.

I have never needed somebody in my life
to make me feel whole
because I am absolutely complete
on my own.

Every single wish I spent on

shooting stars

or pennies thrown into wishing wells

was wasted on you.

What is it about a stranger
that makes it easier to
p
o

u


r



your heart out?