I am of November's start,
wild woeful, stubborn smart-
fighting life with drugs & art
to withstand urges, here I impart:
As water signs, we all have a sting
Once felt, forward tears we'll bring
each drop a note- a full song to sing
the melody a beautiful & tragic thing,
Music, wisdom, wrath & beauty,
facets of a cosmic duty
drawn in the stars, until they show
all trials of us Scorpio
You showed me what fear isn't,
and told me to remember that fear, fears you.
You learned me what love should be placed in,
and told me to never let a mere man mean
everything to me, for that he never gave you air.
You taught me what it means to be a family,
and told me that a brother has never held a knife.
You scared me when I started doubting,
and told me that you spent every night doubting
for me and there was no need.
You helped me when I froze my fingers,
and told me, you wouldn't let it catch
Are you willing to take that chance, give into my suductive tone, let me generate your body energy with soft slow strokes of my fingers? Submitting yourself for an experience that could be your deepest intimate moment. So let's go as far as much time you permit while my poison runs thur your bones. Let's be discretely devoted while my key strokes still gives you the chills. It's not just about the zodiac symbol, its all about you.
Aries: We are walking in the forest. You are slightly in front of me and talking about your favorite tv show. You ask a question, I can tell because the end of your sentence raises. I apologize for not paying attention, you say it doesn’t matter and that it was a dumb question to begin with. I know you’re upset, but then again, we are breaking each other’s heart while trying to keep the other one alive. Our heart beats sync into one and I wonder if this is heaven on earth.
Taurus: It is nearly October and although the leaves have not all fallen, we are playing in piles of orange and brown. You are laughing about a distant memory of your dad that has somehow made you forget all the bad he has caused. I grab your hand, which makes you stop mid-sentence. You start rubbing my palm with your thumb, you draw a heart then close my hand. We were never the type to have completely comfortable silence, but at that moment I believe silence is the only thing that feels right.
Gemini: I am ringing your doorbell on a spring day during grade 12. You told me to come over before you left to go back west. I love seeing you smile and it is the first time it has been genuine in years. You finally answer the door and greet me with a hug that felt like it could take away all my problems. I have often wondered what it would be like to be yours but then again, you have always been mine.
Cancer: We are talking about a future neither of us are well enough to live until. I often hope you will outlive me, because it will be hard to explain to everyone why my happiness fled post-mortem. The sun is almost rising and it is now that we realize how much we will miss the other. There are still broken plates from the night before and we try to sweep them up as well as our half eaten hearts or maybe bagels. We have each other but that does not always mean we are there for each other.
Leo: Christmas was never either of our favorite holidays, which gives our families another reason to call us the black sheep. We are driving down a wooded road and your hand is on my knee. I turn down the radio where some classic rock song is playing a guitar riff that reminds me of your dad. I open my mouth to say something about how much I wish we were happier but then I remember that bringing those things up will only make you more upset. Maybe this is the year that Christmas is no longer blue.
Virgo: We are sitting across the table in your dad’s condo while drinking some form of mixed drink we didn’t bother to name. It is super bowl Sunday and your father is making himself a sandwich. He’s been living alone for quite some time now and I can tell it hurts you to see him lonely. I am watching you, watch him and it makes me smile. I realize that although we are alone, we are alone together.
Libra: We are sitting in your childhood treehouse when it starts to rain. I am tugging at my own sleeves wondering if I am still able to feel my own body warmth. It is Thanksgiving break and our hometown seems like something out of a young adult novel that became a movie. I want to tell you that I missed you but soon the drugs will take effect and then I’ll be able to blame my feelings on that. Our high makes our heads fall on each other which causes you to fall asleep. Your breaths slow and you start making sleep noises that remind me of Saturday morning cartoons. Your hair tickles my neck and it is then that I realize, this is love.
Scorpio: There are raindrops on your shirt as you walk in our favorite coffee shop to meet me. You’re wearing a slouchy beanie that makes you look like an indie rock musician. I smile and wave from across the room, hoping you won’t notice my tear stained cheeks. You take a seat across from me and I start wondering if you are running late on purpose or if you really did lose track of time. You ask me how I have been and I the same, but it is different. Not forced, per say, but more so it seems like having small talk with me has become a chore. I look back at my overdue essay, the cursor is taunting me and you alike. We spend the rest of our date in silence, minus the occasional sips of Chai and keyboard clicks.
Sagittarius: You call me well before sunrise yet it is still late. You are sobbing quietly and of course I ask what happened. You explain to me how life does not seem worth living more than usual tonight and how better off everyone would be without you. We continue to talk up to sunrise and it is then that we can finally say goodnight or I guess good morning. I let you hang up first because I know how easily your heart gets broken. I want to tell you how I wish I could’ve held you or even held you longer but it is too late. We are across the country in apartments so similar it’s scary. I wish knowing people loved you from 2000 miles away was enough for you to stay alive, but we were never that black and white.
Capricorn: We are driving down a country road where your grandfather used to take you. You take a turn too fast and dirt spirals up, blocking my line of vision. You laugh as though death was on either of agendas. I have always loved your laugh and nothing, not even the fact that you are leaving in two weeks, could take that away. I want to tell you about my classes and new friends but I know that will cause the weird jealousy that overtakes you during the fall months. You have always been my favorite color and I am terrified of running out of paint because you are so rare. I love the freckles in your eyes and the way you sometimes elongate my name as if in tune to a nursery rhyme. As the sun sets I am reminded that this was never a reality just a more truthful fallacy.
Aquarius: It is a rainy April night and we are listening to cars pass over the wet street, both of our favorite soundtracks. You are watching a cat run into the alleyway across from your apartment. I get up off the grey ottoman that separates the living room and kitchen. When you first moved here, you were scared of the vastness that a loft provides but you said with me there it felt more like a home. I am reminded of this everytime I see you with someone new, which seems unfair to you but then again it is me that you are hurting. I put on another kettle to make more tea although neither of us enjoy the taste. You are watching me now and I can tell you want to say something but decide against it last minute. I want to ask you what you’re thinking but I already know the answer. After half drank tea cups dictate your coffee table, we reside to our respected places in your unmade bed. You take my hand in yours and place it on your heart; it is then that I realize you were made for me yet I was not for you.
Pisces: I am drawing shapes on your back as you drift off into light sleep, only waking up to describe new ideas for movies neither of us are motivated enough to make. You sit up abruptly and run your fingers through your unwashed hair. You check the time and say we should get going. We are meeting your family for a dinner, most likely with a discussion we won’t be prepared to have. I fix your tie, it’s the one your father let you borrow for your great uncle’s funeral last fall. You give yourself a thumbs up in the bathroom mirror which makes me laugh. I can tell you are nervous by the way you’re chewing your bottom lip. Taking your hand, I reassure you that we are real and this is real. On our way to your childhood home, I can’t help but think we are each other’s missing piece.
She's cries under the pressure of finding love
She turns her back on what lies above her wanting nothing more than to be wanted and accepted
She walks in the path that screams save me from myself with threads of emotions attached to her
Her body aging from what was once new to what is now older with an imagination so vivid that it causes her salted wounds to raise above what nobody else sees
Somewhere in her heaven there's peace like no other
A journey to find the smallest faith in the world that takes away her reason to breathe; her reason for finding out who she is
She counts her days in seconds and her breath in hours like a discombobulated calender
What she hoped for was simply the lost part of her; Her heart to be completed not by those who she consider family or friends but by the one that will save her from despair
Only a woman now that was once upon a time a little girl
She cries with her body more than she displays tears
A piece of hope in the world of the
She walks that path
By: Leory Santana Dawn
Say you don't love me, woman
But your eyes speak brighter than
Any green fucking light in any God damned book
Quote them authors I've never read
Tell me about heartbreak and letting things go gracefully
But though you may think that we're over
I can promise that we've only just begun
I have lived
And I have grown
In this garden
Not even the clinking of your anklets
Long after you have gone
Will convince me to leave
Even if this means that my tears
Are what water the jasmine bush
That you so smelt of
Everytime we made love
After the first rain showers
The butterflies have come early this year, I know,
And though you are humming my favourite song
In my grandmother's kitchen this dawn,
I know that it will be someone else doing so when next they swarm
Each day is drenched in memory
From my head to my toes, I still feel your kisses
Drowning the rat tat tat of rains
Against my window
Bombay hides you in it
Despite all my shallow pride
Cannot seek you out
Because while every breath you breathe
Is stolen from against my chest,
I know that your stone heart will seethe inside me forever
In anguish I shatter the mirror
That once held so much Promise
Because no matter what time of day it is
I can only see your sunset eyes
Reflected in mine
After an afternoon
Of red wine
I folded my heart
And put it in your sleeve
And you left it there
Even as I stared at you across the hallway kissing her
Thirty years later
She hands me your first child
And asks me to be Godfather
I smile through heartbreak and remark
On just how much her lips resemble yours
The very rosebuds that kissed me that one night
At 3 am during that sleepover
When I became a man
They buried me
In rolls of fabric
Giggling at my tears
Thinking they were bride's fears
Not knowng that
Even after all this time I hear
Your terrible poetry ringing between
Every toll of my wedding bells.
You have said many loud things
As I politely hum our song
While burning your best shirt
I am the witch, the crone, the scorpion hidden
Underneath your sheets, you say,
But through five long years of excellent sex
It was only today you bothered to say
That mummy dearest thought
My skin too dark for a wedding gown
Do not doubt karma, my love
Know that four years from now
As you hold my children (Each the colour of a midnight sky),
It could have been you
And not your brother
That they call 'father.'
You tired of the chase when you finally knew
That I was running not from you
But into the arms of
A universe I was hell bent on making
With or without
Your stolen kisses on the back of my neck.
You held me as I
Splintered against the cruel night
Bones shattering like crystal shards
That slip into the earth's ears.
I'm sorry because
I was never in love with anything but
Your steady hands
That held my sorrows
For this little while
You were nothing more
And nothing less
Than my favourite idea
But you were not meant to be trapped between
The pages of my bookish heart
And no matter how many times my lips studied
The almonds of your thin fingernails
You were never meant
This quiet, scholar's nest
So when the universe called
You stood up, packed up your bags, left them behind
And floated on to your next vice.
Lost in the ever widening oceans of your silence, I succumb and take a deep draught of you.
At last the teapot does not rattle when I serve us evening tea.
I stare at the layers of your lips wanting them to brush against my skin like peddles dancing in the wind when it's spring;
feeling the fine print of your hands well defined by your touches
like no other has ever touched me
As I watch you leave the front door exiting our palace; I beg for God's mercy to bring you back safely as you came that fist day we've met on the ocean side in the late spring
I count 23 days with the celebration of having you in my life plus the months
You say worry no more but I can't help but realize how much you mean to me and how much I want to make this small beginning a forever...
How much do you love me?
You ask so boldly
Little do you know I love you with everything that makes me who I am with my flaws and perfections
I love you like everyday is the last day to tell you that I love you
I love you that much to tell you ahead of time that I'm in love you
By: Leory Santana Dawn