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SeaChel Nov 2017
"You'd be prettier if you just smiled,"
they tell me.
What they don't know though
is every single time I've been told that,
my frown has etched itself deeper into my skin.
Maybe it will one day be so permanent
that I can't even fake a simple smile.
Have any other women (or men too, I know everything happens on both sides) gone through this?  Strangers, family, friends... it's all the same.
SeaChel Apr 2018
"You look so happy!"
The biggest lie I have ever told,
was agreeing with that statement.
SeaChel Apr 2013
I am almost certain that if one was to bury
a casket-less body deep within the earth
flowers would sprout...
SeaChel Feb 2018
Twenty-three words needed
until I have penned one-thousand on this site.
Appreciation to all
who look through these words I write.
23 words.
Didn't even mean for this to rhyme and didn't realize it did until I read through it all the way...
SeaChel May 2013
A walking contradiction;
I do not want anyone to be dependent
upon me.
Yet, when no one needs me
I collapse.
Not in any way poetic, just word *****. I had to get this off my chest and what better way than to complete strangers?
SeaChel Nov 2017
just hearing your name
starves my lungs of oxygen
and shatters my heart
Haiku-ish.  Am I cheating by tying the title into the first/last line of the poem? -.-
SeaChel May 2013
Here I am, trying to convince the world,
trying to convince you,
trying to convince myself, that
I am fine.
A three-word sentence that hides the pain;
not from oneself but from watching eyes.
My troubles stack one on top of the other
forming a skyscraper that burdens me.
Each day it grows bigger and taller
until it collapses
as did the towers on 9/11,
as it does right on top of me.
SeaChel Jan 2018
These bruises and scars on my skin
help me remember,

"Yes,


I am still alive."
SeaChel Feb 2018
Another year gone,
yet I do not feel any
older than before.
SeaChel Apr 2013
A black hole within
my soul threatens to consume
what is left of me.
SeaChel Feb 2018
My heart is not ice.
It is a lie to fool those
who are too greedy.
I’ve always made jokes about not having a heart even though the irony is that my heart is too big for its own good....
SeaChel Nov 2017
Please stop with the ads.
My bank account can't handle
all this temptation.
"Happy" Black Friday.... I will not be spending a single penny today, unless it is on local businesses.
SeaChel Sep 2018
We used to say in the beginning
how it felt like such a dream.
Though, somehow
somewhere along our journey,
it turned into a nightmare.
The memories of us together,
I’ve now hidden.
Yet, I know where to find them
and sometimes I find myself
flipping through an album
of moments captured in time,
a reminder that at one point it was
most definitely a dream
and not just a night terror.
SeaChel Apr 2013
I have never understood why people
fear death.

To me, death is like a simple
"good-night"
that one never wakes up from.
SeaChel Oct 2018
A force stronger than gravity
pushing down.
Stumbling,
reaching out,
unable to find purchase;
Falling,
falling,
falling...
but does it ever end?
SeaChel Apr 2013
This black hole to nowhere
appears underneath me
from out of the blue
just to swallow me whole.

The longer I fall
the less I can see
the faster it gets
before I am consumed
e n  t   i    r     e      l       y
to the darkness.

*I am my own savior, yet I cannot save myself.
SeaChel May 2013
You tell me I'm not passionate
although, I cannot grasp
how you presume this.
Passion is a form of art.
Please tell me which two artists
paint,
draw,
compose,
write,
interpret,
express
objects in the exact same way?
Just because we see/do things differently than others does not mean they do them wrong or do not do them at all.  It's called viewpoints and being individuals.
SeaChel Oct 2018
How beautifully melancholic is it
that the person
who makes our whole world
also holds the power
to tear it
d

o


w



n
SeaChel Mar 2018
When life got harder
you were physically there still,
but your heart ran off.
SeaChel Feb 2018
I'd much rather hear
your lonely silence,
seemingly with no end,
rather than
your empty words,
which never held any sort of value
to you




nor to myself

anymore...
SeaChel Jan 2018
I read far too much

to be considered a conscious part of this world.
SeaChel Feb 2018
In this society,
you cannot be at peace with who you are.
You must always find something wrong
with your biological makeup
and every choice that has shaped your personality.

They say, "love yourself,"
yet shame and call those who do narcissists.
Well,
I chose to separate myself from this hypocrisy.

I am beautiful,
I am clever,
I am funny,
I am not perfect,
I am me.

I chose to accept all of it;
the ups and the downs,
my vices and virtues,
every single experience I have in life
that will help me grow
into who I am becoming.

**** society,
**** the media,
and *******.
I apologize that this has no structure and is just utter word *****... You really can't even call this poetry.  
I've been going back through my writings from a few years ago and feel they have more of a flow and style.  I'm obviously very different from who I was then, however, so I'm re-defining my style.  
Sometimes you have to destroy it all and find the new out of the chaos (word *****)
SeaChel Mar 5
Head to heart
is as
trainer to animal.
I've always been able to tame
the wild creature in my chest
with logic and reason.
Although,
when it comes to you,
the ***** is a feral beast.
Just one glance
and my heart pumps so viciously,
that it escapes the bone cage
made up of my lungs
and runs free;
wild and untamable.
SeaChel Apr 2013
The fierce kisses that bruise my lips,
he must be punishing them
for not being
her own he's kissing.
They way if she passes by,
his eyes will linger.
"I love you,"
surely is not intended for me
when she is around
(or if she is not).
The saying,
"You never forget your first love,"
is all too true.
I see it in my own first love.
I can see his pain,
although, he tries to lock it away.
I just don't understand how...
How can he love her
after she tore his heart right out
of his chest
and ******* destroyed it so that
it could belong to no one but her?
Something I've always feared and recently noticed more so... It terrifies me
SeaChel Nov 2017
Oh,
how easy is it for me to simply
forgive the hurt
you caused my soul to endure;
Forgetting
is a whole different matter though.
You must have me under your spell,
for when you’re next to me
I forget every wrong doing you've done,
but as soon as you leave,

every

single

thing

comes down upon me.
Like a wave crashing angrily upon the shore
when the sea is storming;
Like getting caught in a sudden downpour
that drenches and chills you to the bone.
These things I can’t forget
climb into my mouth
and slither down my throat;
keeping my lungs from filling with air
and keeping the heartbreaking sobs in.
SeaChel May 2018
I don't want a boy
who will dote on me like a princess.
I want a man
who will worship me like the goddess I am.
I want us to be equals in each other eyes
because I will treat him like he is my king.
SeaChel Mar 2018
I always find myself
in the same frustrating predicament.
There’s something my heart wants,
though my brain can’t figure out what it is.
It’s like a wild goose chase;
My mind thinks it’s on the right track
My heart seems to agree,
then my pursuit comes to an abrupt halt
and my heart runs away maniacally laughing.
This is why I listen to my head over my heart always.
SeaChel Jan 2018
I am a night owl,
a lone wolf
always howling at the midnight moon.

The sun sets
as the people do too
and Darkness comes to caress the minds
of those still holding on
to consciousness.
Many are plagued, violated
by the shadowy tendrils reaching out
to stroke the thoughts of the sentient.

However, I embrace Darkness
as though I would a lover.
Together we maneuver through my mind,
no area left untouched,
yet every scenario and possibility
touched on.

And when the first rays of sun
try to peak from around the curtain,
I somberly say, "So long," to Darkness
and then let Sleep cradle
my unconscious mind.
Who else has bad insomnia?  And by "bad," I mean being stuck up until 7 in the morning before you can fall asleep....  My body has gotten used to 3 hours of sleep again though (if you don't count running into walls and being unable to construct sentences).
His
SeaChel Jan 2018
His
soft lips
sensuous touch
hands pulling my hair
eyes boring into mine
fingers tickling my ribs
breath on my skin


wasn't yours, darling.






And that's why I couldn't do it.
SeaChel Nov 2013
There is more romance in a simple coffee stain
than there is in a single bone from my body.
SeaChel Nov 2017
I try to not to feel lonely
when you're talking to your friends,
a huge smile on your face,
laughter coating the words you speak,
your eyes crinkling like they do
when you're overjoyed about something.

I try not to feel self conscious
when you don't touch me like you used to.
You no longer hold me to your chest
like I'm something precious from a dream,
which you desperately try to cling on to.
You never look at me,
at my body,
with stars in your eyes
and fire at your fingertips.

I try to not feel jealous when I see you
with a glowing screen accenting your plump lips,
which are smirking at an irrelevant post,
but that I want kissing my own.
And those eyes of yours I've gotten lost in
too many times to count,
focusing solely on your 3x5 screen,
with me wishing, hoping, praying
you'll look at me again with even just an ounce
of the love we had.

I try not to be selfish
when I ask how your day was
listen to your, "It was absolute ****," rant
and then wait into the early hours of the morning
for you to ask me if I'm alright.



Because I'm not.....
SeaChel Feb 2018
My brain is moving

a million miles per hour,

though it pleads to stop.
SeaChel Jun 1
I feel myself slipping.
The ground slowly crumbles
from beneath me
to swallow me whole;
into that dark abyss once more.
I know it’s coming for me.
I can’t escape it.
My legs are full of lead,
too heavy to lift;
weighing me down
and helping me fall faster
to rock bottom once more.
SeaChel Mar 2018
Your brown eyes
fill my gut with butterflies
fluttering their wings violently,
they render me silent-ly
I would gaze at you from afar,
but now we've progressed
we're getting drinks at the bar.
This pitter-patter in my chest
keeps increasing it's pace,
especially when your face
is so close to my own.
Perspiration builds on my skin,
yet I'm calmed by the scent of your cologne.
I just want my heart to win
this round of heart versus head
because the beginnings are so sweet,
yet it's the end that I dread.
I usually don't write rhyming poems, they're not my forte nor my favorite, but this is what just flowed out of me.
SeaChel Feb 2018
I want to smother your lips

with my own,

to kiss you so hard

your lungs beg for air,

and spots dance in your vision

like fireworks on the Fourth.


I want you to forget.

Forget your name

and where you came from

because in that moment

it will only be

us.
SeaChel Apr 2013
Body, Mind, and Soul:
I am weak.
I feel nothing.
SeaChel Feb 2018
Letting them win,
all those who hurt you,
made you question yourself,
and put you down
isn't in the form of a wall.
Put your defenses up,
but remember to let it down
from time to time
for those who matter.

When their actions
freeze your heart through,
you turn as cold as they,
when you can't be content,
and happiness is all but a lie,
then that is
letting them win.
SeaChel Jul 2018
I’m riding this roller coaster
called life,
but the highs
are losing frequency,
and the lows
keep getting lower.
SeaChel Jan 2018
The simplicity
of a haiku is sublime,
though quite vexing too.
I love the minimalistic nature of haikus, yet also wish I could fit more emotion in sometimes.  Writing haikus definitely helps me expand my vocabulary and test out words I'd often not use.
LSD
SeaChel May 2013
LSD
Faces morphing
Colors changing
Hearts convulsing
Ceilings spazzing
Hands shaking
Reality vanishing

-

What

is

anything?
Very controversial topic, yet, art at its highest peak.
SeaChel Nov 2018
That day was a penultimate beginning of the end.
She had known it too
somewhere deep inside,
but it threatened to compromise her “happiness.”
So, she chose to disregard it completely,
although seemingly ridiculous notions
already started swirling through her mind.
Anxiety began to bubble up and
s
p
i
l
lllll  over.
Her locked away thoughts and feelings
ate away even more at her festering heart.
Then, it ended.
Slowly, so slowly,
she healed; returned to normal.
The scars are still there,
but she stands stronger than before.
Milestones hold some invisible power over me, but almost, almost I can breathe again
SeaChel Apr 2013
It feels as though




nothing




exists within me.
Even though nothing is technically something.
SeaChel Jan 2018
Every evening in the moment where
the late night turns to early morning,
my mind becomes stuck
on the same loop of thoughts.
Over and over again they play,
just like a scratched record
that won't stop repeating itself.
The difference though,
is a record player can be stopped much easier
before the skipping drives one crazy.
These looped thoughts that haunt me
from 2am to 6am without fail,
might just drive me to the brink
of insanity.
"What did I do wrong?"  "Could I have done something differently?"  "I wasn't important enough to acknowledge..  I don't mean anything."  "I'm too much.  I always love too much."  "Yet, no one ever wholeheartedly loves me."  "Nobody will ever genuinely love me without getting sick of me."  "Maybe I'd be desirable if I said things/acted as promiscuous as her." "The pattern just keeps continuing."
SeaChel Mar 2018
"You're better off without him."
"You could do so much better."
"You deserve better than that."

Better,
better,
better.

I don't need,
I don't want
anyone's sympathy.
Take your pity party elsewhere
to someone who cares
for the attention.
Because I need space
to contemplate.

My exes have probably heard
the same spiel too,
"You're better off without her."
"You could do so much better."
"You deserve better than that."

Better,
better,
better.

But,
what if they are
the ones who could do better
than me?
SeaChel Apr 2013
I fatten them up first
by breaking their spine.
They sigh with thanks as they unfold
their tightly compressed pages.
Each dog-eared corner is a
goodnight kiss;
A place in which I bid to them,
"See you soon."
I am a surgeon to each of them as well;
a master in gluing and taping.
Because we all know a healthy book
is a worn book,
and as long as the pages
are all in order
it is craving to be read.
SeaChel Nov 2017
They idly sit upon my shelves;
Some collecting dust from years of neglect,
others with tears, stains, or crinkles
adorning their once pristine, white pages.
There are a select few I revisit frequently.
Yet, most are still strangers to me.
These are my only friends,
though I’m positive if they could sprout legs,
they would leave me too.
SeaChel Feb 2018
Aquarius Sun
Capricorn Rising
Scorpio Moon
This combination is antagonizing.

Detached all around,
yet intense emotions still rise.
Head and heart always fighting;
there's no compromise.

I can give zero *****
and care more than I should too.
Though ***** me over once and
I'll bid you adieu.

Although it is taxing
I wouldn't change anything at all
This is who I am,
I just have to endure the inner brawl.
Definitely a mixture I would not wish on anyone, but I still love it because it makes me who I am.
SeaChel May 2013
The feeling of not being good enough,
inadequacy,
pulses through my heart,
out both ventricles, through the arteries
to deposit the tingling sensation throughout my body like
a thousand red ants
crawling up and down limbs.
Trees have stronger roots than I.
It takes a mere sentence
to break my stance and split me
in two.
You don't notice me
stitching myself back together
piece by piece.
You never notice because I am simply
not good enough.
SeaChel Apr 2013
Even the stars are
not infinite; they too, will
someday fade away.
SeaChel May 2013
What makes it so easy
to write personal works
from the heart,
the soul,
the inner workings of my mind
that then you, strangers,
read at your own will,
like, and comment?
Things I cannot even bring myself
to admit to those closest to me
or even yours truly.
The fact baffles me each time
I start typing.
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