You make me smile
by doing the smallest things.
You make me feel happy
when I'm becoming upset or angry.
You make me forget those things
that made me so upset.
I'm sorry I can't stop staring at you
but it's your fault my heart's not taking a rest.

I step in the shower
It feels like it's been hours
Since I turned the faucet on
but the transition makes me pause

I push the curtain to either side,
Making sure it lines the walls,
Spills are something I avoid
Then I can face the waterfall

It surrounds my every fiber
I start to feel like it's a part of me
I connect with my body,
Closing my eyes and remembering

But a loud noise startles me
I hate the anger I feel,
Every sound, crash, clang that's made
It rattles through me

And suddenly I have to face reality,
Reminding myself of who I am
I'm no longer seven or twelve,
I'm an adult in a safe house

The water covers me as I realize I sat down
Sometimes it's easier to find comfort on the ground
I get up and am covered in bubbles
It's nice to zone out and forget my troubles

We're all walking down this road,
Never looking back.
And we all know,
Where we plan to go.

But that doesn't mean that we're going,
Even if we're trying.
We can't predict anything.
And we're all confused.

Lost in outer views,
But we can make it through.

We danced a convincing number,
but your steps were always out of order  
you played me a beautifully painful song,
leaving my ears bleeding all night long

I wanted to keep dancing with you,
I wanted to sing by your side  
I tried to move slower, faster too,  
I tried to sing in the right tune...

Little did I know,
when you were looking away,
You were staring at the one
who couldn't dance the right way

Her bad moves, spread to you, maybe unintentionally,
Then you hurt me, you crushed me, you pushed me away...

Now we're no longer dancing.
We'll never sing again,
and I'm all alone now,  
Smiling again.

Sitting in the car,
I looked out the window
and there you were.
I tell her, "that's him!"
My heart was racing
as I opened the car door.
I hurried over to you,
we hugged
and I felt a million
I love yous
in less than a minute.

Ever since you left I've been falling asleep to this song
that I've started calling ours, and when you get back
home I hope you know we're going away to Mars to
live with the stars because **** this planet I'm tired of
us being apart.

What am I afraid of?
Here is some sort of list,
I'm afraid of snakes, bugs, bats, birds, and nearly anything that can fly!
Those aren't the only things I'm afraid of that are also alive though.
I'm afraid of horses, piranhas, elephants and heights
Pregnancy, loud noises, hospitals and walking outside alone at night.
I could probably go on and on with this list because fear is somewhat infinite and I will
I'm afraid of loud noises, being left behind and the germs of childhood friends and others who could've smothered them on my pillow from drooling at night
I'm afraid of school, females, males, and people in general. Failing. Falling. Drowning and death. Who knew there could be so many things haunting me?
****. Bridges that are taller than me, being lied to, aging, and foods that are too spicy.. It may sound childish, just stay away from me if you're eating spicy calamari..


Did you think I was done? Because I've only just begun..
I'm afraid of situations, such as when people distance themselves from me too quickly. It ties into my fear of being left behind,
Don't abandon me.
I'm afraid of my mom, needles, parties and more it's mostly because of past experience, but I'll leave out the gore..

But what if my dreams are your reality?

What if we're really Sims characters and we'll all fade away once someone quits their game?

What if my pink, is your blue?

What if my floors are your ceilings?

What if my water is your orange juice?

I think of you,
I Try to imagine what you'd do.
If you were beside me.
In this particular timing.

But it can be difficult,
You're just so kissable.
You distract me in an
Instant please don't become-

Distant, with me.
You see, I love thee,
And I wonder if,
You think of me..

Do you miss me too?
Because I'm losing sleep,
Just imagining how it'd feel to-
Embrace you.

when the clouds pass me by I'm at peace
The stars spark joy,
the moon feels like a mirror
being in nature helps things become more clear
The wind holds my hands for seconds
and I feel like I'm being held
The ground beneath me tells me I'm strong
The rain that pours down on me
feels like hope and security
I want to believe it's who I'm becoming

What do you do when love dies?
What do you do when the glow in their eyes fades..
When you remember how love drunk you once were,
And hang your head down low in shame.
What are you supposed to do?
Do you tell them the truth,
Or stick around?
Do you share your smile a while longer,
Or express your deepest of frowns?
What if you still love them in a way,
But not in the way you once did.
How do you really know when it's over?

I feel like such an idiot because,
My thoughts are masochistic.
I don't know if I should feel-
Embarrassed or desolate.

Maybe scummy is a better word.

When you're homesick,
you should go outside and close your eyes.
Then look up into the night,
see all the clouds in the same blue sky.

*It feels like home doesn't it?

Grab my face in your hands,
And kiss me as if the Sun were pulling us in.
Imagine it's really the end,
And hold me close to you.
Now we're trapped inside of a flooding room..
When you see me, for the first time..
(When I see you, for the first time..)
Pull me into your arms and don't let go.
(I'll pull you close to me, and refuse to let you go.)
But just know, it's only because I love you so..

Who am I?
Someone tell me because I don't know, all I know is that I'm scared of myself and hurting. I don't like the way I'm turning. I hate myself and can feel the burning. I'm not infuriated I'm just sad. I'm a sad shell of a person who lost themself in someone else; something else. What did I ever really want? When did I change and why? Who am I? Someone tell me because I don't recognize who's looking back at me in the mirror. What I see is a whirlpool full of my deepest fears.

Sometimes I wish I could turn off my brain and fall dead for 12 hours, when I'd wake up I wouldn't remember.

My past always finds
a way to drag me down
it sinks into my mind
during the worst times
why do you haunt me, always?
When I finally think
yeah, I'm over things,
a new memory appears
and hurts me.

you remind me of a certain someone,
someone who i was close to like no other,
who caused me so much pain and stress.
exhaustion is a mess and I won't do that to myself again.

When I die...
Will you visit me sometimes?
Wearing a nice suit,
Would you leave flowers by my name
and say a few words to get through a bad day?

Please, don't make me wait.
Please, just take me away.

In my dreams
we're surrounded
at the bottom of the ocean
by a school of fish.
We're holding hands
and embracing all of it.
The light barley shining through
as the current indecisively moves,
The ocean may be deep
and sometimes spooky
but at least I'm swimming through it
with you.

I hate words,
they never come out right.
They always feel slurred
or awkwardly uptight.

All these words smothered on my face,
I smile anyways.

I should be thankful,
To be able to live the way I do
To not rely on my parents
To no longer suffer from abuse

This is the way I make a living
But it's hard for me to show up.
It's hard to explain it,
How I feel is tangled up.

I don't know what happened to me.
I used to write beautiful things,
but these days I seem to ramble on
until the notes match, only my song.

It makes me wonder why I'm still here
on this website to explain ever tear
to anyone who'll read.

And you were there,
When no one else would care.
You helped me see,
What's most important to me.
No one ever saw me hurting so deep inside,
But you broke through the walls I built up so high.

Every time you look at me,
I just want to scream.
So I get a pack of crackers
and move to the next room,
the one that smells like dust and old things.
Every time I see you glancing over your ***** shoulder
I get chills up my spine
and just want to cry.

Is something you called me once.
Is it so bad that I thought it was-
Adorable as ****? I hope it's not,
Because that sure would ****.

We use to be closer,
I wish that we still were.
But you and I are in-
different, time-zones that is.

My self confidence has lowered,
Since we've become distanced.
It's true Thunder Lord,
Do you fear my existence?

I wonder if you do.
While you're up top,
Being ******-Dooby-Doo!
You know I have no clue.

I'm gig- gig- giggling so hard,
Right now. Who knew that this,
Scrub Lord could be such a clown?
I guess I knew, somewhere deep down.

I feel pretty silly writing all of this now.
After all you've labeld me.
Which I've done to you as well.
But it sure as hell wasn't easy.

I wrote this kind of fast.
Using memories from,
The past. A past that
Includes you in the cast.

I hope you don't mind me,
Spilling all of this out now.
I just didn't know how to say-
This stuff, it's kind of sacred.

Like a cow is to someone who-
Believes in Hinduism. Oh man,
I feel like I'm crossing some lines,
So I'll finish up, just give me time.

But it is true,
I do miss you.
And I wonder,
If you miss me to.

I don't care about what's happened.
Really, it's in the past now.
And I don't go there that often.
Just when I need to remember something.

So tell me ol' Voli?
Am I still your Annie?
I am being so cheesey.
Just say you'll support me.

And I promise I'll carry-
You.

Up until my eyes are bloodshot.
I think about my life until my stomach is in knots,
I feel sad, happy, mad, sometimes it gets confusing.
In the end I do fall asleep but tomorrow I know what's awaiting me.

24 hours ago I was someone different
but right now I'm crying right where I'm sitting:
in this old photo booth on the side of the beach
where you left me after saying that we should end things
because this wasn't turning out the way that you expected it to be.

You hide the truth.
Everything you say to me
feels like glue.
I get stuck in it
and don't know what to do...
I always end up finding out the truth,
just not from you.

Leave me alone*
I removed you
from everything
for a *reason.
You're wondering
why- maybe you
should've paid
more attention.
My point being:
I'm better off
without you.
*Goodbye.

You said that I've lost the glow in my eyes,
Ever since I began to stay up late at night.
But you don't know how long I've been crying.
How often I would lay in my bed denying,
The tears that devolped so long ago.
I never gave you a chance to though.
You said I had a smile that made you feel nice,
And that it seemed to have disappeared over night.
But you didn't know that it was painted on.
One night I just decided to wash it off.

I throw my phone across the room
and scream as it shatters against the wall
how could you ever assume that I'd want
to see that content.. Tears easily escape my
eyes as I sit on the floor in distress and hide
my face in one hand. I hate you.  *Hate.

Your ability to cheer me up is impeccable.
What's more incredible is your beautiful smile.
How do you always grasp my attention so easily?
It's like your inside the air that I'm breathing.

I feel naive wondering if I even stand a chance?
Thinking about you sometimes puts me in a trance.
I can't help but point out that it's completely in vain,
Have you noticed this, or am I just going insane?

And I hope that you can forgive me for shutting you out.
I never really meant to, it was because of my doubts.
Doubts that you'd do that to me at some point I mean,
It's happened so many times that I've become apprehensive.

Afraid; anxious.

Angry tears are falling
when you ask me why
they worsen, and now
angry words are spoken.

Stop trying to control me
since when was I banned
from showing my emotions
even in private I can't recall.

But you of all people should know
that locking me away from the world
will not strengthen our bond,
it will worsen unwanted hatred.

Are you happy now?
Don't pretend you're okay.
Don't say it's just another day,
Because I know the truth.
I can see it in your face.
Those puffy eyes..
I remember them.
On mine.

Quit asking me what I want to do
if all you're going to do is shoot
the idea down.
I know to you I'm just a clown but
I have dreams and will take flight
with them once I figure out how to.
I know I'm in a pretty bad situation
one that was partially my fault but
not completely.
I just wish you'd let it go.