Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
646 · Jun 2017
the pretty has all worn off
as the man slowly took the roll from his lips, letting the smoke drift into the lights. still his breath produced puffs as it touched the night air. he watched the cold mix with the warmth of the smoke, dissipating and dancing itn the sharp, chilling wind. to the stars his eyes did carry to the yellow sky above, the hot stump between his fingers began to burn now on his skin. 'til he smelt the putrid smell coming from his numbed hand below. and with that smell and the city lights and the smoke that rose above he realized something he never before had from the loud streets and yelling cabs. that the world wasn't all that beautiful, he thought with tearful eyes, the pretty was wearing off, and the sky above that he used to love was absent of all stars
637 · Jul 2016
No One Else Would
You know there's darkness in all of us, throughout our lives
The darkness corroded with monsters and misted with demons
Those who walk in the shadows alone
Are different from those who hold a hand from the light
These people are held by the ones who love them when they couldn't support themselves

But us? Well when we can no longer stand
When we can no longer push through
The darkness and its inhabitants do just as the friend would do
That's why we won't, we can't let them go
Because they were holding us when no one else would
The demons, the monsters are the most caring things in our life

To this fact one would think our lives must be pretty ****** up
633 · Jul 2016
Nowhere
I dreamt of elsewhere
But elsewhere doesn't accept the broken

No person wants something that is broken
Would give anything to a thing that is cracked
Or is missing pieces, gaps unfilled
No one takes a thing so close to destruction
It's not worth the time or the attention

Elsewhere is for the people who were filled with hope, joy, and goodness
I once again forgot that I am hopeless, in despair, and darkness
So I traveled alone with my brokenness and empty voids
To a place that nobody could ever find or would ever want to discover

Nowhere
That's where the broken go
The ones with holes and missing pieces in their heart
Those who are labeled as darkness and hopeless
With no laughter, no joy, not even a smile

There are others hear that make the requirements
But we may not talk to one another
All our faces are blurred
For just as on Earth we must live behind a mask of foolery
A state you were always alone with
And you still feel the overwhelming feeling of loneliness, deep within

I have lived in Nowhere for some time
And it the closest thing I have to calling a home

I am from Nowhere
I grew up in Nowhere
I am going Nowhere
The place between life and death is Nowhere

Nowhere is for the people who won't be accepted by Death
And are no longer needed in Life
But they ultimately choose in the end

I am Nowhere for I am still making the decision
630 · Jan 2016
Sciamachy
Turn around and its always near
Shadows of a broken mirror
About, you face, or right behind
Having little faith in mind
You turn around and run to hide
From the silhouette inside
Jagged reflections start to overtake you
Fear, anger, and sadness are in its brew
And when it finally envelops you whole
All Hopes will force you to fall down that deep hole
Sciamachy: the battle against imaginary enemies; fighting your shadow
All my fights and battles aren't even in the world, they seem to be all in my head, but are just as real if they weren't. Just trying to make it more tangible as to not lose my mind once again.
624 · Jul 2016
These Four Walls
Room turns
Static sounds
Face burns
Back rounds

Surviving, is all this is

Legs wobbling
Black out
Mouth mumbling
Stomach, not proud

Living no life, trapped in these four walls

No eating
No drinking
No sleeping
No caring

Even when left, still captured within these four walls

Loneliness
Hopelessness

The only way out is through past experiences

Blades
Flames
Lids
Papers

Going through this, again, alone

Helplessness
Dauntlessness

So shall it end abandoned, neglected, isolated

Scared
Relieved
Prepared

Human connection was all that was needed

Key in ignition
Car in garage

So if someone you love has this look in their eyes

Slowly drifting to sleep
Slowly, a smile, spreads across
Fumes circle
Air's gone

Make sure they are comforted

Four walls cave in
Roof collapses
Doors blow out

Save them before they come to this state

Body still
At peace

Before they even think of such things

Asleep, forever
Serenity
611 · Jan 2016
I'm So, So Sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry mom for being such a burden and lying through my teeth
I'm sorry dad for not being more compassionate and stronger
I'm sorry for wasting your money to try and fix me
I'm sorry brother for not sticking around to see you do great things
I'm sorry sister for not spending more time with you when I could
I'm sorry for being weak and selfish
I'm sorry most of all to God because I'm such a poor sinner and a poor Christian
I'm sorry for wasting your time
And I'm sorry for portraying hope because, to tell you the truth,
I knew the whole time
I wouldn't be here much longer
This is it. It's tonight. There's no going back and frankly no one can stop me not even myself. This is the way it has to be I am in too much pain, to much suffering, and no motivation to be less selfish.
611 · Jan 2016
Short, But Tart
Slitting wrists
Chugging wine
Taking pills
Sanity's fine line

Down once more
But it is the last
To go heaven-bound
And come to pass
610 · Oct 2016
Aberrant Selection
To this day
I cannot conceive
How such a pure and beautiful soul
Would ever love a monstrous and grotesque thing as me
606 · Jul 2016
I Could Love You
I have so much love within myself I know not what to do with it

I could love you
I would love you
Because I fall in love with everything that  is beautiful and strong and kind
I would love you with all my heart

But I only wish to be loved with just as much love that I give
Only, I expel my love to things that I cannot have
Things that don't want me
So many times I have talked to people that do not know of my heart
Yet to them I am just another face amongst the rest
A forgotten memory by the next year

I could love you more than anyone ever could
I would love you for all your flaws and all your gifts
Your dark side and light

But I have always felt alone in my love
As it is never returned
So I sit in the solitude of my dying heart
And my eyes grow dim
For the heart lights a candle to your soul
And your soul shines out of your eyes
This very thing allows me to see the Beautiful Ones

I have loved more people than I can count
I remember the beauty of their souls that shone through those eyes
I remember their faces, laughs, happiness, but especially their sadness
I remember my heart breaking each and every time
I remember growing up having to know the painful truth:
That I will never be loved the way I love others because who could ever love a person like me

I could love you
I would love you
And you could love me in the smallest amount
It would be enough
It would be enough if the sight of my love would show your smile
To not feel alone
For just a small while
To feel loved
To feel company
To feel important
To feel needed
To feel wanted
To feel the beauty of your soul light up in my heart
And maybe I might lighten yours with the love of a thousand lovers

For one to feel my love
For one to recognize the amount of love I have for them
That would be worth it all
Just for one, to feel it all
To feel my heart beat and I feel theirs
To know I am here
To know I am loved

I could love you
You could trust me
I could care for you
I could protect you
I could give you my heart
I could give you my life
I could love you with a love that has been here since the beginning of time

I could love you
I could be there for you
I could love you
I could love you

I will cry out again:
I could love you!

Through my frozen lungs it only leaks out a pathetic shout of pain
And no one ever seems to hear
This is how I truly feel. My heart has been broken more than most in their life time, and I am not even past eighteen. I am mute in the presence of the ones I love. The Beautiful Ones. If you look very closely you will find them, and I guarantee that you could not help but secretly love them.
602 · Nov 2015
Shelter
Sitting
Waiting
Watching
The walls melt around me and I am left in its puddle of creamed colors
The floor is weak beneath me and it moans with threatening cries
This room I've built is falling apart
The only shelter around for miles is quickly being reduced to rubble
And all I can do is sit there
Waiting
Watching
For it crumble down once more
Even if you don't succeed
Even if your heart is still beating
And you are still breathing
You died that night
The night you thought you'd see the light
583 · Dec 2015
Worst Enemy
It's like this:
I was thinking the other day,
And like always thinking about how ****** up my past is
Which in conclusion, how ****** up my future is,

Anyway, I was thinking about the fact that through the years I've always been alone
Never with company, and especially not now

You see when you're alone, so truly alone
You are your best friend
But, in turn, your worst enemy

And sadly, in my experience, hate seems stronger than love on this godforsaken earth

So tell the truth:
Wouldn't you want to slam your enemy's head in a wall
Watch them bleed and suffer
Make them become extinct to the people who once loved them
Push them slowly into shadows
Dead to the world

Yeah, me too
A little rough but I'm pretty ****** right now, so poetry.
583 · Jul 2017
Hiku? Hikoo? Haiku?
cloud's rain moonlight
night sky, beneath you and I
sleep, dream I must leave
581 · Mar 2016
If Only
I feel so much pain from everything
I’ve lost all my friends
I can’t stand to be around my family
My past haunts me
My future ages me
My being disgusts me
My life has no point
All this pain could have been avoided if only I hadn’t of gone downstairs
If only I kept the pills down
If only
If only, then I would be happy
I’d be free
I would no longer be alone and in pain
The pain and the loneliness is killing me
It will **** me eventually
572 · Jan 2016
Avoided
And I wonder now if this could've been avoided
If I've kept getting help instead of pushing it away
But I guess this is what would've happened eventually
Because I never really wanted help
I just wanted to leave this hellish world
569 · Jul 2016
Obligations
He joined because his father and his father's father had
But he had other dreams

He shot the guns and ran with the pack
But he hated the deafening noise and the crowd
He flew overseas to a base
But he'd rather be home
He killed people
But cried every night for those souls
He saved a comrade who'd lost a leg
But he hated the blood and the screaming
He shot civilians, they said it could not be prevented
But he could never sleep at night for the images and guilt wouldn't cease
He served extra months
But all he wanted was to be held by his momma at home

He went into the next takedown with his team
But came out alone
He couldn't contact his base and was told the drone came in at 1530
But it was already 1527 when he crawled out of his team's grave
He would die an honorable death, serving his country
But he never wanted to be there

He had two minutes, it was not possible
So he lay on his back and looked to the sky
He smiled for he felt a peace he hadn't felt in awhile
But began to cry when he thought of his Pops and Mommy and his two baby brothers
He let out a cry of pain, despair, but relief

For there was to be no more blood, no more death
No more children corpses or all the noises
No more running, no more exploding
No more missing limbs, burnt bodies, or wide-open eyes
No more crowds, and the smell of death lingering
No more orders, no more sleepless nights
No more guns, no more screaming, no more nightmares
No more moving or fighting
No more homesickness, no more suffering, no more pain

His life was never to be this way, never to end this way
He never liked guns, violence, or even confrontation
He learned to accept all things he hated of this never-ending war
Because he felt obligated

He loved his family, saw them for the last time, fifteen months ago
But even they became a dream amongst this hell
And in hell dreams don't come true
He just wanted to see them one last time
Hear their voices
But at his end he just wanted to escape the violence and his sadness
He died a hero
But lived a lie
He protected you and I
But in return he died, in sorrow, pain, exhaustion, and alone

He wanted to be a marine biologist ever since he was five
But he died at the age of twenty
568 · Jan 2018
Confined
I feel trapped
like I can't escape
whether it be this room, this town, or this wake

Whatever it is; there's no way out
and its suffocating to feel so much doubt;
to dream, so much,
yet have nothing to say

Because the meds work too well
and I can never remember myself
for any thought, I might have had,
has now become lost far in the past

So here I exist, alone, in the now
never lost but never found
anchored down, gagged and bound
waiting 'til hell's end comes dancing 'round
566 · Jan 2016
Blunt & Frank
I'm 60 lb. overweight making me a fat *****
I'm ugly as hell
I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer
I **** at pretty much everything
So alone
So weak
So cowardice
I can't stand to God anymore because I can't stand what I've done
I have no business being happy or seeing any light in anything
Just the facts of me
564 · Oct 2016
Wandering #1
walking into the darkened forest
i go to rest my head
lit only by a floating crest
i roam, the walking dead
549 · Jul 2016
Touched
I just want to be touched
To be held in the arms of someone who will protect me
Someone who cares

I crave to be touched
For someone to see everything inside
How sad I am, everything that is happening
And because of what this kind person saw
They feel compelled to hold such a broken soul
To try and squeeze it's pieces back together

But every time someone gets to close
I flinch and walk away
542 · Oct 2016
Figments of False Reality
They were trying to leave me
I cannot maintain sanity if that were to happen
The pain and suffering
The loneliness and sorrow
And the loss of all hope
Would increase to unbearable heights
I would cease to exist
Lest I become a madman
542 · Dec 2015
Lie Detector
Dead
That’s how I am
That’s how I live
That’s how I know
Of the people who roam this ground
Who feel the same as I
All you do is look in their eyes
Then you will surly see
The distance
The dimness
Set there
And you will now know
Of the people
Who roam this ground
Dead
542 · Jan 2016
The Craziness Of It All
You feel like your ******* going insane
Lost all your marbles
Losing your mind
NO hope
No help
And you know you’re already too far gone to ever be saved
Saved by yourself, another person and even God Himself cannot save you from the fate that awaits because of course he already predestined this to all happen
And you can’t escape you cannot escape the inevitable
It’s impossible
And there’s going to come that day, it always appears in this spiral in hell
That day when its 4 o’clock in the morning and your holding a knife and a hand-full of pills, your knuckles bruised and you’re stained with *****,
You’ll see one thing in sight because this time its different
It’s just so different
And you’ll take the pills and slash your wrists and hang from a rope because you want to make sure that you succeed this time
I can see it how peaceful the bliss of coming home and escaping this hell we were all put on.
Of course I’m already dead I just need to dispose of this corpse roaming the earth taking up space just a waste in the middle of some people’s heaven
537 · Nov 2016
Wander #4
Run to the mountains
Escape Eternal Fountain
For it is not true
And they have no clue
536 · Apr 2017
Friends of the Dead
Is it wrong to miss my friends of the dead
Though shadows of dread
And all in my head

Still skin I shed
For them I pled
Even though I've gotten ahead

My tears turned red
From my eyes they bled
Drips of crimson, watch it spread
The flashbacks are the worst
The thought of the gulps of water and the pills hitting your stomach
Passing out, imagining how it was to be discovered barely breathing
Throw up everywhere, blood dried on your wrists
Bottles scattered, white skin
But worse than that the regret
Not the regret of the action but the regret of the result
Thinking of the pain that would have been avoided if only you stayed in the car far away
So far your unexpected existence has not been justified and you fear it will never be
Just another failure to write on your skin
529 · Apr 2017
Toby Boy
my father was a *******
my mother, an angel

i heard his words
and cried with my brother

i listen to fights
and hid in the closet

my sister never spoke
and hung in the rafters

i cared too much
and showed too little

i am lost
i want mommie

but she flew so high
while father screamed below
529 · Aug 2016
Cancel Out
How I felt
How I wondered
How I dealt
How I plundered

Towards the roaring river
In the thunderous storm
The animals dodge nature's aimed quiver
As I stood on the upper cliff form

Marveling the rain, clouds, lightening, wind, and thunder
The screams of my head
Were overtaken by these blunders
Greater noises up ahead

Here is where I can finally hear silence
For all that yelling inside my mind turns mute
And all external hullabaloo are but a ring in noiseless
For if I can match each one's volume and ******, a pure, beautiful quietness goes on as a loop
It was silent for some time
But the darkness breached my mind
Shrieks of laughter and smiles unkind
Come you spirit intertwine
For you and I follow no signs
527 · Jun 2017
All He Saw Was Red
he stared at his hands with his knees held close
his arms hugging his folded legs
the water ran red that night
his clothes providing an infinite pollution
as they held fast to his weakening frame
the mop upon his head fell in strands around his face
the deep crimson falling by his gaze

she always complained about his hair
how the dark veil covered his crystal emerald eyes
he now struggled to keep from whimpering
as the pipes shifted he involuntarily remembered:

the sadistic snickering, the suffering screams,
he tried to stray his thoughts but it just became louder,
the ghastly scene which had laid out before him
the numbness of the mind the freezing of a breath
and a frail, innocent bird broken on the ground

he saw it all
how he lost her all
so he killed them all

And all he ever saw was red; that was all
A little, ambiguous story
525 · Dec 2016
Worse Than Hell
i have seen hell,
and its not what many believe
for the sickening screams and ghastly gore
the melting of men and the definite damnation
are the suffering souls' torment
but no pain comes from the skin
instead they are numb

the mouths are sowed shut and the lungs are collapsed
cannot feel a knife plunged into a head
cannot feel sympathy for those around
no anger or sadness
no happiness or love or hate
the only thing felt is loneliness
completely alone forever

the horror and shrieks come not from pain of the flesh
but from the loneliness of the spirit, heart, and mind
for loneliness is fear, confusion, and hopelessness

only minds can process such
and only hearts can feel such
only souls can remember
these are the instruments with which the screeches come out
for the mouth is sowed shut

most of you might think this is a story, a lie
you have never been alone
for those who know are very few
because most do not survive

alone
it is the worst punishment of all
there is no other that causes greater misery
or reduces man to such madness
I don't know what happened
It's like all of a sudden I stopped feeling guilty

I also stopped feeling happiness and joy and love
Every "good" feeling had left me

Therefore I only obtain those "bad" feelings
And these grew bigger
Due to the filling of the vacant space
That once belonged to the good

Hatred, anger, hostility, rage, violence, and vengeance comprised me
In this state I exist
In this state I ****
The only thing left
To rid the world of such an awful creature
I just hope that when I do I can feel some sort of relief
Some sort of good
521 · Dec 2015
One-Hour Home
I lie through my teeth every time I go to her office
Every time I sit in the middle of that gray couch with pillows on top and blankets all around
I isolate, still, even in this place, from all warmth and company

At first I could not fool her from what I was feeling what I was planning
But now she believes me
All the lies that slip through my lips and into the small cozy room
I would be lying if I said I didn't look forward to our meetings
Of course how are you to trust me now that you know my secret

My therapist is the only person who I feel comfortable around, without guards
And even then I do not ask for help
Even then I do not tell the truth
520 · Apr 2017
Blissful Ignorance
once you know the truth there is no going back
you cannot unsee it
there is no longer a choice to stay oblivious to the unknown

all these answers you search for cannot be found for a reason
watch the show
stay in front of the curtains

don't look behind
for ignorance is bliss
and wisdom is prison
516 · Dec 2016
The Day I Died
When I came to
It wasn't the tears
Or the screams and disappointed looks that broke me

It was the fact that I could see
Smell, taste, and hear
It was that I was so close to success
And they weren't supposed to wake me
When I could almost touch death and breath my last breath
All I saw was darkness
Floating in oblivion
Alone in a dark space
The past is blackness
The present is darkness
The future cannot be found
I went numb
My heart froze
Though I still breath
And ever since
I have not escaped
514 · Dec 2016
Enigma
When it all happened
No one knew why
But now everyone knows
At least those who are alive
510 · Dec 2015
Outbreak
Heart beats
Face heats

Hands shake
Legs quake

Eyes dart
Tears start

Gasping for air
As the voices blair

Happening every night
Due to this, I write

The only time I can speak
Are on these pages as my lungs leak
507 · Nov 2015
Fourth Wave Down
It's so bad again
It's getting so bad again
I can guess but I can't see
I am so fearful of what is to come
But I can't tell a soul, no, I can't tell a soul

Why can't I?!?
I deserve that, just like everybody else
Don't I ?
Do I not?
Maybe I don't

Of course you don't look at yourself, look at the life you have lived
506 · Jun 2017
Such Silly Questions
Please don't ask such silly questions
Don't believe society's lies
For the truth is:
No one knows
And if one claims so
Then grows his nose

For man just drifts and drowns
Sinking sorrow then surrounds
Falling fastly to the ground
Where your screams make no sound
As you plunge down
Never to be found
504 · Sep 2016
Better Day
They all say that it will be better someday, somehow
But it will never exceed the 'better day' you had last time
So through the downs and piking ups, your better days get worse

It comes to a point where your best days are not cutting through an artery
Or walking out in front of a car
And avoiding driving your car off a bridge to your peace, or as others call it, death
Then waking up is a better day


And then it comes down to the air you breath
Each breath is your better day
Until even breathing is too difficult
But there will be no more pain or suffering
And maybe better days were not meant for you to use here
But somewhere else
Some place better
A better day
503 · Dec 2015
Shots From The Past
As I run through these empty streets
My face hastily heats

There is the past to out run
Which has fired from a gun
A bullet piercing the air
And misses me by a hair

But it reels back
With another pac
And will never stop firing
Until it hears my last breath expiring
I just feel like the past is haunting me, and no matter where I go or how hard I try to escape it, it will not leave me be. It will destroy me in the end, I will destroy me in the end.
503 · Dec 2015
At Sea
As I drift in the middle of this body of water

This vast abyss reminds me of our time on the earth


The waves unpredictable 

Yet you can see them coming


The sun cool at first

But then grows hotter

These people that either give you hell or give you help


This storm of bad fortune

Makes the waves grow taller
And the people grow smaller


As they go away to their shelters to leave you at sea

Because when this place is at it's worse

That's when you are left alone 


That's when you must fight the wind and the waves all by yourself 

To get back to where you belong
498 · Apr 2017
There's Smoke in the City
Its the haze of talking all around
The slow moving of the train and a push against your back
In the streets where the sun never shines
And the clouds touch the ground

Where all you wish is to get up
But you keep falling down
Fog's in your head
And mist films your eyes

The constant buzzing in your ears
The smell of rotten beer
Puffs of smoke dance about
The ache of your feet upon the ground

Open the door to your twelve by four
And it feels so frightening
Vision starts whitening

The silence is so loud
When your head isn't in the clouds
Do you ever hear things that aren't there?
Like blood-curling screams
Your name being yelled
A radio playing 40's music and commentating on a derby
Or Arguing

Do you ever see things that aren't there?
Like a shadow creeping closer and closer to you every time you blink
Floating orbs
Or a man who is supposed to torture you and **** your parents

Do you ever mistake the world inside your head for the world outside?
A best friend who isn't real
A family who isn't dead
A scary man who isn't alive
Or an event that isn't circumstantial

Do you ever predict the future?
A death
Or a life

Do you ever think yourself to be insane?

Yeah, me too.
496 · Nov 2015
Cause and Effect
Do you think, maybe, I can't handle the hyperactive imagination that has been placed upon me? 

Do you think maybe that's why I snapped? 

Why I completely lost myself.
495 · Jan 2016
160th
This is my last poem
I bid you farewell
It is such an odd thought
That my body might repel

But I thank you for your attention
I might be at peace when you read this
So pray for my soul to meet God
And ask Him to take me even though I don't deserve bliss
Thank you and goodbye.
494 · Jul 2016
Confused Passion
If only I could begin to describe her

Eyes, cool as ice, blue as glaciers melting in Montana's summer

Her every expression painted on the corners of her mouth, the bridge of her slender, button nose, her eyes they are captured

Her emotions intertwined with her brows and the crevices lightly carved into her forehead, it all sweeps my mind away, the former


Telling you her name would be a crime

It doesn't matter for our encounters are lost in time

For she has already forgot of me

Is it wrong to write of what a person frozen in those memories I can see?

She shall never die

For in my words she shall lye

Only those of magnificent souls

Might've been chose


For I fall in love

So my heart breaks and destruction comes to the dove
493 · Nov 2015
My Own Hell
I make my own hell
But instead of being near the ground, it's in the sky
Some times I love it for what it can tell
Yet other times it might cause me to cry

Help was given than taken away
Because that thing floating in the heavens
Is trying so hard to get everything inside itself at bay
My sanity could be lost because of what happens at seven
I don't believe I ever truly thought, sadly, I was going to leave these kind of things behind. I don't plan on getting help, even though I should. Why does my brain work like this? Why do I work like this ? I should be able to function normally, with normal situations, but it all turns to **** it seems. I am so very confused.
I am afraid for the person I was two weeks ago
And for the one I will be one week from now

The constant torture of being in two minds in one place
Keeping up with two outlooks on one topic

Because when I'm in these moments I have no control
You could say one never really loses sight of themselves
But then you'd be lying

You see I do every night when I'm in this state
I know the outcome, the end of it all
And take it with open arms and chin upheld to the evils of everything I squandered
489 · Jul 2016
Fine. Give A Reason To Wake
It is to the point that there is reason to get out of bed

No motivation for any task
No drive from anything
No inspiration from the mind

No writing
No reading
No television
No food
No school work
No music
No socializing

Everything that once meant something or was required
Now lost in the cloud overhead

Every morning a reminder of what today will be like is revealed
Open the letter, read the letter, find out it's the same letter everyday

Depression
Self-loathing
Fat
Ugly
Worthless
Failure
Sadness
Anger
Family problems
Anxiety
Hopeless
Lonely, completely alone
Bored
Exhausted
Confused
Guilt
Regret
And the weight of the past, behind, pushing into the ground

Darkness
Pain
And torture
Are what to face waking up

But what if there was no waking up
Would there be no more suffering?
Next page