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Iz Dec 2019
I remember the supervised showers
The crushed ice
The cries at night
The feeling of losing control
The idea that earbuds with the right twist and ties could make me die
The sewn on pillowcases
The weapon in scissors, mirrors, handles, sheets, bedposts, bags, shampoo, straps, glass, pens
The misdemeanor
The boy who’s anorexia was his slow suicide
The girl with two siblings that killed themselves
How everyone wanted to **** themself
The 7-year-old that only cried
The lime green hallways that haunt my mind
Found this poem from a year ago
Nemis Oct 2019
As the night grows darker,
Deeper go into the abyss I.
Circling thoughts of past
Threads of the future unknown
Fused with the time of present
Deeper go into the abyss I.

My eyes sees the journey through,
Oh how my body it grows.
Gliding over the blankness I go,
The soul reaching out to cosmos.

Scatters my body to particles infinite,
As I cover the distance in the dark of night.
Chasing the dark with the speed of light,
Deeper go into the abyss I.
I wrote this while traveling via train and looking outside in the dark and reading cosmos.
Sometimes
You go to the
Hospital

And it's no one's fault
It's just something
That happens sometimes

There are some good things about
Going to the hospital:
Smiley nurses, chocolate pudding,

Cool laser-machines
With big, ugly laser-jackets
That you put on to not radiate,

But most parts of the
Hospital aren't fun at all,
Some are really scary

They can poke you,
They can probe you,
They even electrocuted me

Ten times,
Four on my left side
And six on both sides

But no matter
How bad it hurts
Or how afraid you feel,

Just remember:
♡It's not your fault♡
It's just that something

That sometimes
Happens to
People

All People,
Big people,
Little people,

Old people a lot,
But beautiful people go too!
And even animals have hospitals!

Everybody gets sick!
Everybody gets hurt!
Everybody eventually dies!

That's when you
Go to hospital
But they can't fix

The thing:
Your hurt or your sick or
Your crazy

And then you
Get buried and turn
To dirt and get eaten by worms

But most times,
Every time for me so far,
You get out better

Maybe not great,
But better
And better can be a whole lot

When your feeling low
Or when your worried you might die
Getting out is the best part!

But you'll probably go again
Because that's just what people do
We go to hospitals sometimes
I don't like hospitals
...
But I seem to
Attract them
....
Written outside
The UNI Psych
Ward

(Not currently a resident)
Calliope Dec 2018
The beautiful girl with the raven hair.
A sleeve of pain she doesn’t remember.
A past of stolen innocence and growing up too fast.
A life of raising her sisters but losing her daughter, because money doesn’t grow on trees and 22 weeks was all the time she could get.
A heart of gold but a facade of steel, too scared to let anyone back in.
A soul that rages of fire, power, and more grit than anyone I’ve met.
A future that my heart wishes for her more than she will ever know.
She will get everything she desires.
Her sobriety will be the medal around her neck.
Her life will be the trophy she won back.
And her beautiful children will be the emblem of strength that let them be born.
I just got back from a psychiatric care unit and the people I’ve met have changed me forever.
Her Nov 2018
some days
i miss the psych ward
being away
from society
left with only
my demons

not being able
to be hurt by
anyone there

i wish
i could find
that comfortability
out in the real world
instead of hiding away
in these locked away rooms
i don't wanna leave
faith Jul 2018
lock me in a building
a room, if you will
padded ****-me walls
to terrorize my mind
and, most importantly,
fix me
and i wonder
are psychotic girls a good ****
7 - 12 18
thursday
Camila Jun 2018
I really dont know how to put what I'm about to say in a way that sounds like poetry without leaving stuff out and I think this is an important issue that must not be left to interpretation of the reader (like poetry does).
I wrote a poem almost a year ago (its down here somewhere) about a friend that commited suicide (I will call him R from now on) and even though I still think about him constantly this past week he's been more in my mind, I dreamed about him last week and woke up in tears and then I heard about Kate ***** and Anthony Bourdain, I talked to some friends and they were thinking more about him these past days sooo.... background story.
I'm a doctor, I'm a resident. I'm lucky enough to say I have a lot a good friends some of them are my med school classmates, R was one of them.
After graduation we all pursued doing a residency and thankfully we all got into what we wanted, most of my friends, including R, got to stay in the same city we all studied together, which was nice because most of their families lived there and they didnt have to pay rent and stuff like that.
A few months before the residency program began R called me and said the most shocking thing, he confessed to me that he had been diagnosed with depression during our third year in med school and that he was doing well enough that his psychiatrist considered he didnt need medication anymore, but was going to keep an eye on him in case he needed them again, he had been off the medication for 8 months by the time he called me and this were his exact words after he said all that to me "I know I'm not okay, and I know this because I have everything I ever wanted, I have friends that I love, I have an amazing family, I have the career that I want, I got accepted into the program I worked so hard for and still I think it would be better to die, and it scares me a lot" I talked to him until his mom got home so I knew he was safe, the doctor gave him medication again and he was good to go. Two years passed and then he decided he wanted to go into Neurology and he got accepted into the most important hospital in the country, that was in another city so that meant he had to live on his own for the first time in his life, and get another doctor there, I called to congratulate him a week before he left, that was on February, we made plans to see each other in July.... he died in May.
Why do I think this is important?
1. My friend didn't look sad, he was always smiling, he gave the warmest, longest hugs and when he told me he was sick I was shocked that he had been going through this for three years without anyone noticing.
2. He was very aware of his disease and he knew he had a lot to be happy about. So this proves that it can happen to anyone and is not about feeling sad for a certain situation, like getting bad grades or having a breakup. Its not something you fix by "focusing on the good things".
3. Another friend was feeling weird and she told me she was trying to "shake those feelings off" until he remembered R and decided it was best to seek for help, she was diagnosed with anxiety and started getting treatment.
4. Another one told us he was feeling very bad, like if he was not being himself, and that he was thinking about going to a psychiatrist, because he was scared of going through what R went.
5. I miss R everyday and he left a huge hole to fill, and there are so many things that remind me of him and that I wish I was able to tell him right know but at least he opened the eyes of the ones that were close to him and made a few of us do and internal check up and actually pushed others to get help.

My message for you who read this is dont be ashamed of asking for help and dont make others feel ashamed, encourage people to know that the mind gets sick too, just like the heart, and the stomach and any other ***** in your body. R knew people loved him, R knew he was lucky to have the life he had and still his mind and his depression made him think it was not worth it to keep on living.
Its been a year since he left and he is still making impact on all of us who where lucky enough to know him
Ren May 2018
I'm going crazy
I'm trapped in my head
But you're gonna give me drugs instead?
I'm lost, I'm confused
I come to you
But you're gonna give me another pill?
Just listen to me once
Just listen to what I have to say
Don't give me another drug
That
Dulls my thoughts
Suppresses who I really am
Why can't you just
Help me find myself?
Can't rely
On you to care
So I go to my friends
Who are always there.
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