I'm currently evacuating,
currently changing,
no longer lingering
in lullaby-scented halls
and too big shoes.

The walls have changed, you see,
coated in posters of
people I try to be
but the walls know my
real estate, my anxious being.

They know my exterior
is scared to invite you in,
because not everyone can handle
the mess within.

They know on the inside,
I'm dripping blood, ink,
my mind, like an overflowing sink,
saturated with love,
sunset pink.

Did we just act
on a whim
just to be loved
and feel loved
without asking
if either of us
could swim?
By now, I'd hope somehow
you'd know what to do.
Guess you still don't know
who's worth fighting
or dying for,
guess I still wear my heart
on my sleeve
up for lease too easy.
You've ignored its rent,
all your love, I don't know
where it went,
all my time, uselessly spent,
and since you're breaking
my heart in two,
I'll only ever get
skin deep with you.

I'd like to live in a small town
where no one knows me
deeper than my name.
I'd like to live in a small town,
living in a small house
where the kettle is always boiling
and where I might not be
so life controlling;
a town with no disasters,
an endless museum of skin
so we can watch all the flowers
break through the ice
we've brought in each other
and truly love what's within,
a town where we'd be smiling
from all the lovely things
said from all the lovely people.
And one day soon,
I might just have to roam away
to satisfy my wanderlust
before the hour of my decay.

I want to collect your dust,
adorn my soul with your heartbeat,
and my happiness will never rust,

Your arms will become
my most worn cloak
and my demons will
go up in smoke.

Somedays, even sunshine is dull
and somedays his name
will make me physically ill.

Somedays, I don't need
to be reminded
that my laughter is loud
and so obvious,
somedays, I don't need
you to pull me,
I just need a rope.

And somedays I won't comprehend
how you can't understand.

You're "sorry" but...
what does that mean?
You're remorseful, you're regretting,
sure, if I'm lucky,
you'll cry a few tears...

But are you really sorry?
Or is sorry just a convenient lie
to keep me by your side?
How long can I love a person
that ***** with my mind?

This is love gone wrong,
I'm a puzzle you just
can't complete
no matter how well
your kiss flows
no matter how many pecks
on my forehead you give.

Numb loathing cannot portray
all the words I could say,
I may shake but
my insides rage.

Here comes my sun,
to me, you're no one
I'll be alright,
I'll sleep tonight,

You're childish, disgusting
placing empty words
where "sorry" should be,
Sorry I spat you out,
I just detest sour coffee.

Watch me set
your words on fire,
Watch me pull out
the card that'll
end this game,
watch me wash
my hands clean of you,
watch me forget
your name.

- Crimsyy

I want to break free of your hold
but then I feel you sedate me.
You watch as my heart stutters and folds,
I feel you overtake me.

I fear they will not know what this means,
they'll keep me under their sockets,
barely worth trespassing into their dreams,
I'll learn to keep you in a locket.

I fear falling quiet;
have the years not taught me?
I fear your bipolar climate;
one day you'll strangle me,
I'll stutter through your riot
and starve you with the waves of the sea.

Have you ever tasted
being caught inbetween?
Had your soul
half stained, half clean?
I doubt you'd understand
how I stand so tall,
when you cause
everything around you to fall,
only so many stabs I could take,
Now it's you I forsake,
served you your own
medicine on a plate,
now you know I'm not
a piece of cake.

You're dreaming if you
thought you could
get the best of me,
you went too far and
dug our grave too deep,
you don't know what's
inside my skin,
you despise my strength
from within,
so now devour the
mess you're in.

You know I've had enough
and I don't want to know
if you've been crying,
I'm done self sacrificing,
You thought you could
break me,

but you could never sedate me,
You could never ruin someone
*so tough.

The sequel to "Graceful".... I don't think**
these sequels will ever end, Friend XD

"Define sublime"
Well, sublime is you,
your aesthetic heart
even in days sour and blue,

Sublime;
when your shoe is untied
and your eyes tell me
you've cried,
but you smile away,
and survive another day,

Sublime;
your midnight tears,
they eradicate our worst fears,
believe it or not,
they keep you here,

Sublime;
when the dark wants to love you,
but you push it away,
no explanation,
just a simple goodbye,
yet another toxic relationship
you leave behind.

Sublime;
Sublime is you,
Your aesthetic soul
even in days sour and blue.

How do I milk these thoughts?
I extract them from her skull,
I turn off the colour switch
so she won't want to exist in this dull...
I scream inside her
and she fights me,
endlessly, tiredlessly,
She's trying all the solutions in the book
but without a grain of confidence,
she's a fishing line with no hook,
sinking into my kind of
state of mind for eternity,
penetrating my inner walls,
she knows my name as she falls,
She has become me.

Love (if I'm capable of that),
Anti.

I'm a cluttered fairy
strewn all over the mattress
on my stomach,
hair; a cluttered catastrophe
but in the morning I know
I'll be able to comb away
all the knots from my heart
and songs will be the match I need
to ignite a spark.
And now, I am done
with being an actress,
I am done with
overdoing things, with
overthinking about you;
have you thought of me at all today?
Either yes or no, it won't matter babe,
Ain't sure I need you to live anyway,
if I didn't cross your mind, I won't weep
I'm not alone,
it's 11:55 pm
and I'm taken by sleep.

- Crimsyy

My heart's a fountain of blood,
spiraling out of control,
you're the one who tugs tightly,
I'm on constant patrol,

Drink me, make me feel real,
behold my soul to your eyes,
memorise every inch,
so you'll never say goodbye

Leave me now,
prowl for my mind tonight,
I'll invent a face
for my name's sake.

You never closed your eyes
when you leaned in to kiss me,
You never wanted to truly feel
because you knew how much
I could destroy you eventually
I could envelope you in flames
with the passion in my bones,
passion long dead for you now,
Metaphorically, I can't stand you,
Literally, I don't know what I'll do...
This, for you and for them,
is a teenage pseudo love,
a fire not bright enough to
be called a fire,
a forest not thick enough
to be considered a forest,
just a teenage wannabe love,
teenage wreckage love,
teenage - this'll end in tears - love,
teenage - first time - love.
We will break and we will fall,
and I will feel my heart twist bit by bit
while you will be the
perfect picture of indifference,
but at least I'll birth new poetry.

I know that everything has changed;
apart from my name,
nothing much is the same.
Now I wonder if awareness
is equal to happiness,
because somehow
moments stayed longer in my mind
when they were an inhale
I didn't bother to memorize.
Now I'm a museum
filled with stains
from all the different kinds
of pain,
now I'm dipped in paint,
dipped in so many colours,
aiming to complete
a thousand pictures,
not content with just one.
Now I'm confusing
hunger for love,
and my heart has lost
its gravity;
my ribs are its cage,
one my wild heart won't escape.
And now that I've walked
a road filled with scars,
instead of tears,
I'd like to swallow the stars.

I lay in a cluttered catastrophe
of sweat, shock, and sheets,
woke up just before I could see
what you had in store for me.
Say it now or leave me alone,
my mind is not the place
for you to roam,
won't you find
someone else to scare?
I want no part of
your decomposing dare.
I could grow fond of you,
but I'd rather not,
I'd rather not nurture you,
I guess you'll die with
an unfulfilled desire...
But who am I to
deny you your dreams?
Come in unannounced
and terrify,
terrify me.

- Crimsyy

Her head spinning,
her head numb,
and yet she refused
to leave

And maybe that
was all it took,
a selfless gesture
to make me feel
loved and understood

She said
"I really don't want to
leave you alone tonight,
will you really be alright?"

I'll certainly try.

1.  When I am bored,
     I will play with my hair,
     until I have more split ends
     than your ex.

2. I wish I could go back
    to not living inside my head.

3. I get nervous around you,
    although I know you're no
    danger to me,
    I just want to be loved;
    When I am poking you,
    I am actually poking my breath
    out of your arm;
    Forgive me if it makes
    you uncomfortable,
    I mean you no harm.

4. I don't want to indulge you
    about what I ate today,
    I want you to examine me
    as a poem,
    maybe then you'll be able to hear
    the meaning of an "I love you"
    frozen in my throat;
    I will wait until the time is right.

5. I am but a balloon
    floating, floating,
    in the world in the
    body of a girl.

Maybe I'm not meant to be

normally spectacular,

overachieving,

the epitome of perfection,

or a bundle of weak bones

held up by mere accomplishments

that add nothing to my worth.

Maybe I'm meant to be,

like you;

Sublime words always ready,

ready to be spilt on paper,

ready to be read by accident

but kept on purpose.

Maybe I'm meant to be,

like you;

A mystery or a person or both,

a mystery status of alive or dead

circulating the air,

everywhere and yet found nowhere,

Maybe I'm meant to be,

like you,

roam the world without

an adieu;

a supernova for everyone to admire

but unreachable.


**A/N:  Thankyou all for reading! What do you think of this one?

Tripping over rollercoasters
of rhymes,
I can't sleep;

I'd put my nose in your mind,
Lace my fingers through
the unpeeled layers I'd find,

But this time, I know
I've been caught; you've come
armed with hand cuffs;

I try to break free
but grow weaker as
I'm being fought.

- Anti

one day maybe i'll stop
turning everything i look at
into gold

will i stop because i want to, or because i think i should?

i turn a thunderstorm
into a perfect night,
lamp on, window open,
heart happy

one day maybe i'll stop
turning every person i look at
into gold

but this is not the poem
where i apologize for seeing
the best in everyone
without even trying

this is not the poem
where i ask to be excused
this is not the poem
where i regret every time
that seeing the best in someone
took the worst toll on me

this is the poem
where i fully embrace alchemy
and all the beauty it
has let me see.

- crimsyy

a/n: why apologize for feeling and seeing until you burst? if you have a big heart, show it proudly - there's no need to apologize for it.

I have been thinking about you non-stop but I've only texted you
with 6 remaining hours of the day, and you can't even spare two minutes?
I thought I meant more to you , see this is where you utterly confuse me;  I bet you will not remember the date when you decided I was yours but I do and yet in 4 days when I'll ask to spend time with you, you'll be too busy for me.
Why can you not see that it is the little things that either raise me up as tall as Mount Everest, or shove me violently over the edge?
Punctuate your words, add a question mark to your "How are you";
Make me feel like I matter the way you matter to me;
Make me feel like I'm important to you.

You'll pick on all my flaws
(Tonight, I felt selfish ambition)
"Fragile", it never meant "weak"
(Anger clouded my vision)
I fight you with shaky hands
and inelastic lungs,
(My mind alone could
cause our collision),
You've chosen my skin,
my skin, my skin as your prey,
but your blades only
reach surface deep,
(Resisting you is my religion)
and contrary to common belief,
I'm not praying for eternal sleep.


- Crimsyy

In the middle of nowhere
is where I'd like to be,
clouds for a roof,
enveloped by trees,
driving into infinity
far, far away
from everyone and everything,
fleeing the persecution
of my mind,
here at least I know
my only purpose
is to breathe
and I shall write thoughtless verses
take me somewhere thoughts
cease to be.

When you unravel me,
do so carefully.
The world is a breath
of fresh air I have not taken yet,
not reached yet
and somedays I curl up
within myself
and other days I wonder
how many moments
and doubt - filled nights
separate me from you.
Somedays, I want to run
I want to own the moon,
and others, I still
find myself sleepy at noon,
and I wonder if this is normality,
if I'm the only one
going from one extreme to another.
So when you unravel me,
take time to savour
my incapability to dwell
in passivity.

I don't want that sinking feeling,
I don't want to fall apart,
but I'm ready, I guess
for this ride; I've
buckled up my heart.

Mind-cuffed, yet I
thought of you
and your one-sided-ness,
don't you know
for love you need conversation and
conversations work in two?

I will throw you shade
so you can burn,
we won't die from all
their camera-eyes;
I never fell in love with and
in the moment;
I fell inlove in the exact hour
my smile turned sour
because of you.

My blood's gone blue,
and my hair might be wild,
but you're still dealing
with an inexperienced child;

I wasn't told a soul
could become so cold,
you have a beautiful face
but nothing as nice to say,
and I have a mouth that screams
"I love you" in **bold.

This is a poem for me, to me.

You have a horrible singing voice
but God knows,
singing while you wash away
dishes somehow makes
cleaning your heart
less cumbersome.

I've been worried about you;
you seem to be craving
a psychopathic thrill,
the kind where you feel
everything but remorse;
what a change of course,
you didn't let the monsters change you,
did you?

Intensity sprawls over
your dainty skin,
either full equilibrium
or capsizing until you sink,
either confessing to possessing
a soul gone obsidian
or your confessions completely shrink.

Girls like you
are the reason why you don't see
many small kids out late at night;
you're either fully pacific
or completely acidic,
either lulling stability and resolution
or chaos enveloped by your convulsions.

You're a ******* storm...
Now make sure the world knows.

I don't want to write poetry.
I want to rip apart my brain
and feed it to my thoughts of decay.
I do not want to think of you,
because it is evidently clear
that you cannot be a constant,
So I shall extract you
(and all the thoughts, words,
and phrases too)
from my mind.
You may not enter this home,
I locked you out long ago.
Your little petty games
did you no favours,
tied tight to immaturity,
it looked too much like
not committed,
so I sent it all away from me.
In this case, not knowing no grey
is an advantage,
I would rather not choose to
sedate my appetite with your
little crumbs of "love"
(good morning, how are you?
every birthday).
It may take years but I won't forget
that I am not in the business
of decomposing yet.

Acetic Acid*

Did you darken my skin?
Have you erased
any traces of light within?
You turned heartless,

I became lifeless,
all that life inside my bones
wasted in all the minutes
my analog clock ticked,

Proving to me you were never
going to keep your promises,
and it wasn't a matter of time.

I know now it was not
the fear of failure that kept you
from trying.
It was the fear of responsibility,
for you could never take any.

Vinyl Chloride

I will never believe
in you again,
There is harm in
trusting a delusive
person like you;
Your damage replays,
others can see the
debris from your mistakes;
if only I were made of bricks,
then maybe, you
wouldn't weigh as much,
but because I'm
not made of bricks,
I'm vulnerable,*
starring tired flesh
and equally tired heart.

I thought my words
could change your mind,
And I hoped the end
you wouldn't find,
I hoped you'd be able to
put down your gun,

And so I punched myself
in the gut
a couple hundred times,
to block the backdoor
to your finish line,
to stitch every scattered piece
together in time,
but I couldn't quite fill the gap
of a lie in your "I'm fine"
We're so very far from fine.

Now do me a favour,
and quit the suspense,
Do me a favour,
listen to me when I say:
the night is black but
look hard enough
you'll see the sky is grey;
you're not meant to go away,
You've so many reasons to stay.

My voice is tired of repeating itself
over and over again,
monologues are only meant to stay
inside one's head,
and I'm too terrified
to stay another night,
all I can say is "hold on tight,"
all I can say is "hold on tight."

Carbon Monoxide

I would like to believe
I was born in the clouds
amongst the angels,
bathing in so much sunlight
that now I can't help
but despise it.

The truth is,
you denied my heart
too many beats;
my heart's a bombsite
filled with carbon monoxide
and all your lies.

My own blood curses me,
dripping with your name,
I try to tell it we're
not the same;
I can't stand you,

You heartless, cruel monster,
imposter.

Tar

Remorse is a fundamental *****
you just don't seem to possess,
and so your mistakes are repeated
over and over and over
and it never matters to you
because they're just another
bad habit you can't be
bothered to break,
and I couldn't stay with you
because staying with you
to feel happy,
was like smoking to let
my lungs breathe.

I hope you feel my absence
as a mighty wallop of pain
all over your chest,
and I hope your lungs
will be coated in regret,

Our friendship was a cigarette;
alluring, seemingly okay,
addictive;
our friendship was another
bad habit I inevitably fell into,
but maybe I'm thinking
of the wrong bad habit.
Friendship is not a bad habit,
the bad habit was
you.*

Excuse me if I quit.

Nicotine



I cannot ignore

how loudly love knocks

whilst you and I exchange

meaningful eye locks.

You are my Lucida,

my brightest star,

though I never intended

for you

to take so much space

in my heart;

I cannot tell where

your fervency ends

and my love starts.

You are an iota of heartache,

mixed with a hint of nicotine

and sprinkled with flaws,

reminding me broken beings

should be healed with love

not bandaids or empty promises

(though they're the same).

My darling, sublimity scintillates 

in your eyes and

I cannot explain in a rhyme

the many ways you make me feel sublime.



A/N: Hey guys! An update after a long time!! I know this is not the order that the poems go, but I felt inspired to write about *this person and so I thought why not? If you'd like to, comment some feedback, thoughts, and / or questions  (:

Tar

Nothing will remain un-inked;
Wounds bleed and
feelings can ****
and that is why
everything must spill.
I can't keep this pent up fire
caged inside my mouth,
the anger, the unfairness of it all
erodes my teeth.

Your medicine wasn't
medicine at all;
more like subtle attempts of
mutilation than a velleity.
And your arms felt like home,
until all love left them,
and they felt like smoke
enveloping me;
you never made it easier to live,
right next to you I couldn't breathe.

I will not miss you because
there is no place safer than
inside the skin
I've slowly learned to love,
inside eroding flesh, eroding cells,
someday I will possess
a brand new vessel,
a stranger to your hell.

And when you'll come knocking
Your utterances will have no gravity;
You cannot heal scars
with a mouth that exhales tar.
You exhale and what your breath
touches falls prey to decay -  
*I wish to remain.

Nicotine*

I have seen rapture come
in the shape of the person I love,
in his arms,
in his mischievous eyes,
but rapture is only ecstasy
and ecstasy will eventually
fade into habit and
this fictional fairytale won't
seem so sparkling anymore;
glass loses its luster once the
sun goes away
and fragility is all that remains.
It's up to us to dig through
years of pent up baggage and
discover love in each other's rust.

Butane*

I swallowed knives,
coughed up blood,
your un-inked mistakes
entered my body
and you didn't feel
like love anymore,
you were mind-numbing,
a flame guzzler,
itching for someone
to love you
no matter how
fake you were.

Ammonia

My mouth became a cemetery
for all the words I didn't say,
I bought them all
tombstones and coffins
and buried them,
a self destructive funeral.
I could rip you in half,
turn into a lurid scream
and shatter your spine;
I think you would be
the perfect picture of putrefaction,
mutilated, in monochrome;
the very shade of my heart.

Toluene*

If I decide to unpack all
my belongings in your arms,
would you let me stay?
Would you still be as mesmeric
as you were when you believed
people were temporary?
Would you let me live
inside your skin?
Because I can't tell where
rapture ends and abstinence begins.

Vinyl Chloride*

I try to soothe
my haggard mind
late at night,
I try to run from you,
because your damage
soaked all my bones
and all the happiness I owned.
Your name dug my grave
ahead of time,
I'm sorry, but you crossed a line;
You cannot trespass my heart,
you cannot say you loved me most
because when I bled in the dark,
your presence was a ghost.

Acetone

You're my hopeful undertone
and *that is where
all this love is
vulnerable like acetone,
because if one day
this all ends,
where will hope go?
I must place my hope
in the stars,
because even if all else crumbles,
they will still be there,
shining, burning,
reminding me dead
things in your heart
get lighter the more it gets dark,
reminding me that a star lit sky
is capable of fixing
a person's broken parts.

Framing me as "good"
will do twice the harm,
admit that I'm faulty
no more false alarms,
I reside in every face,
any religion, any race.
Always buffeted between
right and wrong,
from head to toe,
I'm flowing with flaws,
and to escape this bloodstream curse,
I'll write my misdeeds out in verse.
- Anti.