If I were newspaper,
And you fire;
Your flames, consuming me,
Would burn higher.

You eating up my words,
I'd go on unheard
As you read over me,
A decent fuel, finally.

Oh, that's rich
Yeah, you think I'm a *****
Well have you spoken to your girlfriend lately
Her, the only one you let call you baby
She's so lovely, just a peach
Thank God she ain't nothing like me
"Loyal, devoted," she keeps public face
Faker, cheater, been all over the place

I might be loud, I might be troubled
At least I ain't walking all over you honey
Sorry you're blind, sorry your fooled
She is the one ******* every other dude
Maybe I'm fractured, just shy of crazy
But for you I'll always be here, waiting

Magazines tell me how
                                           pretty
I am.
School tells me how
                                           smart
I am.
"Friends" tell me how
                                           funny
I am.
Instructor tells me how
                                           talented
I am.

Can't I just be
                                           me?
With no comparative quality necessary?

I was standing atop the mountain
and the wind blew west
and I could see the leaves follow after her

I was standing atop the mountain
and as the snow fell I could see the smoke rise
and the ash became angels

I was standing atop the mountain
and the rams were fighting where she used to stand
and as one fell I had to look away

I was standing atop the mountain
and the sun was setting
and I could see the colors bleeding all over the sky

I was laying in the valley
and the rain made me cry

Babe,
You've been distant
The whole time
You've been home...

I see you out with her,
And my soul is crushed.

I always thought,
That out of the two
Hearts you broke,
I was your favourite...

painting my nails
tastes like kissing you
- george

Forgive me father for I have sinned
I threw my soul away
I rejected the gifts given me
Because I didn't believe in happiness

He asked me if I loved him
I told him yes because
I liked the heat of his breath
I told him yes because
I thought that I'd be too happy if he left

She told me this was what love was
I nodded my head because
She smelled nice and
Made my headaches stop
I didn't know that
She'd make me question everything

I told myself that I wasn't depressed
My life became an Icon For Hire song
I was a happy girl that's what
My parents told the psychiatrist back
When I still showed them my sketch book

They told me that I had friends and
I thought that that's what the bottles were
They told me that it was okay
And I thought that's what I was
But we were all wrong

Finally I tried to stop the questions
The ones I couldn't answer
That all echoed in my head
So I tied some knots outside
To match the ones inside
And tried to say goodbye

I didn't believe in happiness
So I thought that I'd just die

Please, no
Don't go again
I miss my best friend

I miss getting hugs
Though I was ridged
Because you knew I needed it anyway

I miss the easy humor
Back and forth banter
Questions and answers for hours

I miss seeing you, talking to you, touching you
You were my life
You are my death

The sky bleeds into my hair
Sunset leaks into my eyes
In this moment I look changed
He asked me to stay in this
Moment with so many words
Where my hair is more gold
My eyes are caramel not black
And my smile shines bright
But I let the sun slip down past
The horizon because I was
Afraid so he left for his future
While I stayed drowning in
Our past now I don't want to let
It slip away this time,
                                      *into the snow...

Yeah, I know you liked my costume
I wore it with purpose for you
Your hands were on me, she was in the next room

What do you think they would do
If they knew this was how we behaved
Come closer to me, for right now
It's just you and I, here on this couch

You mean nothing to me
That's why I can do this
When I'm lonely and hurt, I can torment you
Let you have just enough
To feel powerful before I cut you off
How twisted am I, a witch
To cast a dark spell on
You, my boy -- me, your *****

Come on, take a hit
We're both alone and need this
Put your lips to me and inhale all you can
Before I burn out and leave you again

I was the mistake
       The twisted pervert
       The freak freak freak
       The try too hard to fit in
       The anorexic miserable *****
       The depressed neglected waste of time
I am the nothing
       The girl who keeps getting scar after scar
       The girl who begs to be hurt so she'll feel
       The girl who can't find comfort in her own blood anymore
       The body limp waiting for someone to find me

I can still feel the wrongness of your fingers caressing me
I can still feel my heart beating so hard it's trying to jump out of my throat
I remember trying to move your hands off of me
I remember your hands kept coming back
It broke me when you held me still
It broke me when you got to decide
I'm still numb from wanting to love a monster

Maybe if I fight he'll go away
Maybe if I fight he'll give up
Maybe he can't see I don't want this
Maybe he can't tell
Maybe I did something wrong
Maybe if I stop moving he'll stop
Hands
There are hands everywhere
My hair my throat my chest my thighs
Maybe he can't tell I'm crying since it's dark
There are hands and they won't let go of me
There are hands that rip out my heart
And they leave it
Right there on the floor
He steps on it before he leaves

If I love you
It means you
Can break me
If I don't
I could miss
Out on
Someone and something
Amazing

Scrape the safety out of my eyes
Let the tears wallow, watch me cry
She saw my wrists and laughed at me
I've "cursed myself" is what she believes

She never understood
My favorite type of art
Tells me it's evil work
And I'm breaking her heart

Ancient tongue we no longer speak
Upon my skin in chants to preach
Simple font in words concrete
I write about the things I've seen

I feel so inexplicably vulnerable
I'm naked behind the fogged glass
The water running off my skin
Off in drips, in streams
I can see his silhouette on the other side
But can only imagine what he sees
I am so much more than naked, bare

He mutters shush, hissing like the snake he is
Through the water, steam, and fogged glass
I swear I see his lips curve into a distorted, manic grin
On the other side of the breakable barrier
I am just as equally breakable
I'm too afraid to move
Why are locked doors forbidden in this house
His hands lift and his fingers graze the glass
On the barrier he traces crooked lines
That bend and curve like I do
I can feel myself shaking
As lines create clear windows between us

And he stops
I feel faint, nauseous
His eyes are staring
And mine are tearing

When he leaves
I sink to the floor
The water running off my skin
Off in drips, in streams

Call me your knife
For I am the one moving deeply against your flesh
For I am the slick blade that finally draws blood
For I am the weapon that at last pierces straight through

Burn my throat as I swallow the same air
Here we are choking on laughter that's grown stale
Don't let me cry out -- no -- don't let me cry out
Apart from this madness perhaps we'll find clarity
Rip off my arms and keep them for your lonesome self
How much good do empty words do us anyway
When you wake up remember I'm done waiting
Poison I've injected into your eyes and hands
Hopefully you can stay subdued and ignorant
You'll miss the parts where I'm on the floor
Gasping for air and nearly lifeless as I'm convulsing
We can smile about the times we bled into each other

You were my everything,
Proud of me, and my insanity.
You were my comfort,
Crying in your passenger seat.
You were my anchor,
Grounded me, helped me breathe.
So why then
Did you have to leave?
Yes, you came through for me,
For one night, back in April.
But am I worth more
Than one night? Than one hour?
I used to be.
And you used to be my everything.

back to the time before we were broken
back to when we weren't yet fractured
back to the time before we were glowing
back to when we weren't yet acquainted
back to the time before we were oddities
back to the first time you had just met me

can we go back to that dark, shadowed night
when I wasn't quite broken
when you weren't quite alright
we were just strangers
shadows on the wall
with nothing yet to lose
and no reason yet to fall

I miss your arms on my sides,
And you biting my lips at night.

Remember that day on the beach?
We didn't see a ray of sun in that tent.

Your hair always smelt like oranges
And you tasted like peppermint.
I would always play with your ears
While you toyed with my fingers.

You had this funny way of getting me
To open up for you, my heart, my legs.

When I inflicted damage onto us,
You were the patient repairman;
I was the pain for your scream,
And you were the sorrow for my tears.

Somehow we made sense...
Until the day dream ended.

Maybe I'm not the one who threw rocks at windows
Maybe I just laughed drunkenly at the sound of shattering
Maybe I'm not the one who wrote or changed the law
Maybe I'm just the one who blindly defied or followed
Maybe I'm not crazy or an insomniac or dangerous
Maybe I just told myself was so I could have excuses
Maybe I really ****** everything up
Maybe I don't have to anymore

Thank you world, you tried
I tried not to look gross today
And you tried to pretend it worked
Though we both know I did anyway

Some said I looked nice, cute
I even got a "**** dat *****"
But it's clear that's not true
I'll never be pretty to you

Have you seen the boy
   with eyes blue and
   deep like the sea?

                               Have you seen the boy
                                  with eyes sweet and
                                  puppy-dog brown?

Have you seen the boy
with eyes that flicker
like golden flames?

                               Have you seen the boy
                                  with eyes greener
                                  than spring grass?

Have you seen any of these boys
   who promised to last?

Whisper
Whisper
Whisper
She sings the sea calls to me
But I can hear the wind that howls
Unfurling above her sea

I can't stop staring
I'm in a trance
Holding a razor
I start to laugh
Why did I believe
I could be okay
My breath's a waste
I've no reason to stay

Look at my hips
Look at all of me
What a joke
A blob-ish mess
Needs to go
Press the blade
Gently into me
Or is it deeper
I can't tell
I stopped feeling today
Downward *****
I'm on again
I should end me quick
But I just can't

I laugh again
Oh how tragic
Girl hates herself
But deep down
Is scared to end it
Look at the blood
Pool at the incision
Until it drips down
Over my hip
And slow down
The curve of my thigh
It feels so good
Addictive high

If I felt pain
Maybe I'd stop
Maybe the red
Hitting the floor
Would frighten me
But I'm not scared
Not of blood
I'm scared of hurting
The ones that I love

So clean up the blood
Put the razor away
Grab some bottles
Paint, polish remover, glue
Whiteout, Windex
Anything to inhale will do
Wish I had a
Bit of ***** too

Waste myself away
Try to cope another day

Lace covers his tongue
That tastes like oxygenated copper,
The sand caught in his lashes
Looks so harsh against warm brown eyes.
I want to unwrap him, unbind him;
He used to be glorious in his vanity--
Now he is drowning in concern.
Wanting to be everyone's favorite
Has never been an easy game.