Save a life, of course
Pick you up, pouring rain
But get your beer-coated breath out of my face




Stop shouting, we'll buy your smokes
Putting your hands on her arm
Dragging your fingers to trace
My hands shove you back
Sit down in the back seat
You push me away

She's driving
For God's sake she's driving
   Stop whispering in her ear
     She's yelling
   Stop whispering in her ear
     She's whimpering
   Stop whispering in her ear
     She's sobbing

Get your lips off her
Sit down in the back seat
We are on the highway
We cannot stop
We are on the highway
Sit down in the back seat
Don't park the car
**You can't park th-

I'm crazy,
but what does that make me?
My breath is ragged
from my thoughts.
My thoughts.
My thoughts don't stop.
They jump and leap,
and make circles,
chasing each other.
My thoughts I do not keep --
they keep me.
Is this reason to applaud,
or reason to weep?

why am i
so afraid
so stupid
so unconventional
so depressed
so hopeful
so cut off
so open
so worried
so trusting
so afraid
afraid
afraid
terrified
of every **** thing
every ******* thing
unsure
unwilling
to give myself
impulsive
inclined
to give everything
pulling back at the last second
he offered me forever
and i ran away
the truth hurts
hurts
hurts
i am afraid
so very afraid
to make a promise
for i fear it will be broken
before it's made
this is my truth
i throw myself into the mess
and rip myself out
to hide tattered
in a corner
i don't want to be broken
broken
broken
because it hurts more
to put yourself back together
than to fall apart
understand
understand
understand
this is my confession
i will run
if you give me a chance
i will run if you ever decide
to try
try
try
with me
don't let me run
i know you don't want me
no one really ever has
and i hold the blame
but if you try
don't let me run
hold
hold
hold
me close
and i will hold you
please listen to me
for this is a truth
you must know
i will hurt you before you hurt me
because that's how
i've learned to survive
survive
survive
don't let me break you
break myself
if you give me a try
don't let me leave after one night
show me it's okay
safe to stay
*stay
stay

I am my own favorite joke.

I tried to recreate the memory you once confessed you loved
I just didn't expect you to confess you were in love
You have lost the weight I have gained
You have made new memories that layer over the only ones I own
How can I stand next to you yet feel so far from home

I       f       a       w       I       t       a       y
          a       p       h                h      b      o
            l        a       e                 i       o      u
              l        r        n                n      u
                         t                            k      t

Can't look anyone in the eye,
I hate myself for what I'll do tonight.
I already know I won't improve,
Can't, so what can I lose?

No one cares,
No one 'll miss me.
Not at all loved,
She just wants to 'kiss' me.

I am a trophy;
Up on a shelf.
(Look at this girl --
Danger to herself...)

This time I shall be perfect,
                                  if you'll come back.

no matter where i look
i can see my inadequacy
reflected in
everything i do
everything i say

everyone is worse off
with me around
why can't i just fix myself
permanently

if someone else isn't
breaking me
i am

I've been hit,
I've been grabbed.
I've been pinned down,
I've been forced.

But wanting you
And living in fear,
Compared to the acts themselves,
This almost feels worse.

I am cold
And you're far away
My hands are covered in stars

I am crying
And you're probably asleep
My hands are covered in snow

I am candlewax
And you are matches
My hands are covered in sins

You all want to be my friend
Shower me in compliments
Until you actually get to know me
Then you disappear
And I feel even worse

She wore a smile everyday,
Laughed and shrugged her cares away.
She wasn't scared, not afraid.
That was why he was so worried.
She talked of knives and scars unseen,
He thought it was just a joke, a tease.
She casually mentioned their hate of her,
This he thought ridiculous, absurd.
She never slept at all during night.
And he worried, but pretended it was nothing.
Until he saw her hip, her scars,
Heard the things they've done.
But she was still unafraid,
So still he pretended it all was nothing.
Then one day he woke up,
And she was finally sleeping.

Everyday I wake praying it was all a dream.
I open my eyes hoping to find you beside me.

It's fancy meeting you here
I say as if I haven't been
Planning this run in for weeks.
And you give me
A smile in passing,
As you join the girl
You always prefered.
And I say it's okay,
And I scream it's okay,
To myself more so than to anyone else.
Because who am I
To dare
That you could ever
Love me again
After the way
I left you?
So before you go,
I just want to say,
You were my biggest mistake.
Not because you tried,
But because I walked away.
I recall all the attempts you made.
You wanted to fix my world,
Save a scared little girl,
And I threw you out.
I threw you away
Before with opened eyes
I realized
I needed you to stay.
No one else has ever looked at me --
Not the way you used to.
So it's funny,
Running into you here,
When I've been running
For all of these years.

I run the back roads
to our hill
and stare at Boston
in the distance

I wish you
were that close,
close enough to see
so I know you're there

i am breathing, breathing
breathe in and out
get your head outta the clouds
someone get me down

got myself stuck
looking for an easy way out

disappear, disappear
just let me float away
held my heel, held my weakness
immortalize my brain

got myself exposed
looking for an easy way out

half ghost and half wannabe
cross the border
let go of a piece of me
chaos, disorder

got myself severed
looking for an easier way out
just an easy way out

half ghost and half wannabe (breathing, breathing)
cross the border (in and out)
let go of a piece of me (get out, get out)
chaos, disorder (someone please get me down)
chaos, disorder (get me down)
chaos, disorder (easy way out)

just cross the border

You watch a movie
About a girl with cancer
Dying in a hospital,
A boy who loves her holding her hand.
You start to cry,
Because that was you,
Sitting in a bed waiting to die.
Sweetie
They call you, the nurses,
You have a brain tumor,
They tell you.
And it’s growing,
It’s inoperable,
Dead center of your head.

Dead.
They use that word.

You are dying,
Because your cells are trying too hard,
Just like you do everyday.
You are crying now watching this movie,
That girl was you.
Dying.
Scared,
In a Boston hospital room.
Numb.
Except no one was holding my hand,
No one is.

Now you lie
Awake at night,
Few years later,
Torturing yourself.
What if it grows back?

stomach twisted
this is what I do for you
can't eat, can't eat
must look how you want me to

there is pain in beauty
my mother always said
I agree with this acutely
the hurt fades for soon I shall be dead

And I can't tell you that it hurts
Cause it's not supposed to
And I can't tell you that I miss you
Cause I'm not supposed to

And I can't tell you that I need you to sleep
Cause I'm not supposed to
And I can't tell you I want to talk to you more than anyone else
Cause I'm not supposed to
And I can't tell you that I wish I could watch you smile once more
Cause I'm not supposed to

And I can't tell you I'm sorry
Cause I'm not

Paper skin
     The ink runs right off

Straw hair
     I can't seem to chop

Glass hands
     No one can hold

Plaster legs
     From a broken mold

My silence is a barbed wire I choke myself with.

I want to be your light
       You aren't my light, you are the electricity that turns me on
I want to pretend that I can
       You don't have to pretend, I love you as you are, won't have you
          any other way
But
       So
I can't shine like your night sky
       You might not shine like stars but you are the only thing I see
I can't even fake a smile
       *You don't have to fake a smile, just your hand in mine is all I need

He just wanted to help
An arm is grabbed
Her heart skips a beat
No, not good, not good...
She can't move
Can't breathe
Inhale, exh-
Inhale, exh-
Can't breathe
She is red, airbrushed porcelain
Can't meet his eyes
Says please don't touch me
He laughs
Please don't touch me
Her body is shaking
Her mind is racing
P-please
He lets go
And she's still alone

Why are you my lion that shies away like prey?
Your doe eyes have taken this too far.

The bounce in your step has made you Tigger,
And I'm your Pooh bumbling after;

I'm the coyote continuously trying to catch up,
But you hit the ground running and you won't stop for me.

Oh, shooting star, I'm the one burning out it seems;
I'm jumping through wormholes, tearing myself in more than two.

In this garden you're the rosebud and I'm the thorns
Climbing my way up, only to never reach you.

If you're the life of the party, then I'm the death at a funeral.
Tragic how I can never quite seem to catch you for a moment.

You're the arctic wind whistling, calling me to you,
Though it seems my whole life I'll be stuck swimming with penguins.

My crazy little snowfall has become a blizzard,
But darling I was built for your sunshine.

The way you bring out my stars has made you my new moon,
And I fear I'm the uncommon eclipse consequently making day dark.

I'm the words and you're the melody;
I'm humming you all day, but you refuse to say my name.

I didn't know it was a crime to love you, I can't be caught now,
Can't stop, can't turn back, for it seems I've already committed my offense.

All you do is look at me
And the wounds are bleeding
Healed for months
Only to break open
I'm on the floor
Crying out to the ceiling
But it doesn't reply
I choke out why
You look down and
Reach out as if to come to my aid
Pain shoots through me
Agony draws out a scream
This is out of control
I shrink away before you can cut new holes
We're slipping on the blood coated floor
Please don't come any closer
My hands become knives
My grip on my own skin is more than I can bare
My expression pushes you off the ledge
And you wind up beside me

Somehow
Before I blackout
I feel our hands finally touch
And I smile

He reassures me over his plate of food that I'm not that insane

He  reminds  me to consider medication
I      remind    him that it's my life
He  reminds  me to consider eating food again
I      remind    myself I need to hide it better

He  reminds  me that I have good inside
I      remind    him that I hurt the ones I love
He  reminds  me that I've been worse
I      remind    him I've been better

He  reminds  me about how I ruined us, but that's past
I      remind    him that I ruined us in the first place
He  reminds  me we were naive
I      remind    him that it was never a game to me

He  reminds  me I have a future
I      remind    him that I have a past
He  reminds  me that I have a present
I      remind    myself that I shouldn't wait, should act

I end up at your door
Desperate
I am only a temporary value
When I am boring
When I'm annoying
I'm tossed aside, thrown out
Let me change clothes
Hide my face
Stop talking
Don't have to say I'll
Become anyone you want me to
Just don't give me away
Don't pass on your toy
I need this demented attention
Or else I am nothing
Keep me close
I'll come over when no one else is home