Meet me
At the place
We laid in
The long grass and
Could see Boston
On the distant horizon.

Would you travel
From lake Michigan,
For one last dive in
The Atlantic with me again?

Meet me
At the place
You teased me saying
You hated the hill and walking.

Meet me
At the place
I teased you showing
More skin than I intended.

Meet me
At the place
Where the lights aren't so harsh,
And I gave you all my stars,
Letting you trace constellations
One by one,
Until you could map me -
Navigate me.

Would you come
Meet me there
Once more,
So I could try to
Give you all the things
I could not before?

I'm looking for someone to take me out
Because I can't quite seem to do it myself
I need to go, I need to cease immediately
I'm making a ****** mess of everything
Causing bigger and more severe problems
That spiral outward like my depression
Taking out everyone, everything around me
Except I'm still here, and that's unacceptable

My hope died
But my want thrives.

It's not you, it's me
I'm not upset with you
Not even slightly
I'm upset with me
For lying to myself
I knew you didn't want more
Yet I told myself to worry later

Told myself for months
That he wouldn't let me
Wouldn't let me make myself a fool
Not if he cared
He says he doesn't want to
Hurt me like they did
This is why
I like to know where I stand
So I know when to stop
I didn't really stop
Not before now

But I already suspected, and knew too
I lied to myself for months
That somehow I wouldn't get hurt
But I always do

And that's why I hate me
Because I let myself love you

Why are you trying
It's like you know I'm dying
I'm watching you die
You hurt but lie until you cry

You have every reason to leave
But you can't
And you're being so nice
It's like you know I don't want to survive

You tell me you cried today
Because soon I'll be leaving
Leaving you with them

You are broken, diseased
The doctors tell me
And father...

I'm sorry mother to soon leave you
With two men who degrade and berate you

Faking "I'm okay"
Almost hurts
And definitely makes
Me worse

Why do I let myself hope anymore,
When I already know what's in store?

Look at the fresh blood
Poring from an old wound
Reopened
By you

she spends her days
walking into walls
hoping to fall into arms that intercept her
rather than
fall
collapse
on the ground
bleed
get up
again
walk
crash
burn
fall
collapse
bleed
get up
again
but to ask for him
is too much of a burden on him
her thoughts are poison
home is a petri dish
to add
to spoil
with her infection
she is an infectious disease
or so she believes
her soul
has caught a black cancer
consuming what was once left
of her light
brilliance
joy
innocence
on occasion
sparks of joy
illuminate her life
but promptly burn out
no one gives her much to live for
there are a select few who give her
teases and tastes
of love
of hope
but so many years have gone by
and she's been left all this time without a meal
forget anorexia nervosa she's starved
of affection
of authenticity
and it's not her at fault
or it might be
either way it's herself she blames
she doesn't see who will miss her
yes
her funeral will be attended
and for a few weeks they might
talk and speculate
but all within a month
she knows
she'll be forgotten
the only brief
fleeting
memory
that she took her own life
she can't take the emptiness
despair
needs a reason to persist
but thinking
looking for one drives the inner pessimist
she can't find a reason to stay
how appropriate
because no one ever stayed
not even him
she now waits for a reason enough
to run from her latest hope
waits for it to backfire so she can say
she's done
book it and run
straight to her blade
only this time not take care to
hide
but forget to care and
die

Please, dear god please, please
just see me
only me
just want me
only me
just touch me
only me
just kiss me
only me
just need me
only me
just love me
only me

I need
I need
I need

Burn
Dance
Tickle my skin
He laughs and says
*You're my favourite sin

I'm afraid of being hurt,
so why do I continue to cause
myself pain.

So I want to write about you,
But words aren't coming.

So I want to write about you,
But emotions are complex.

So I want to write about you,
But I seem to be incapable.

So I want to write about you,
And I want you to know,

That I want to do more to you
Than just write about you.

shiver and shake
is it my temperature
or you
that make my bones
rattle
that make my muscles
ache

i strain
for warmth
for you
somehow
i've got both confused

I'm bleeding and breaking,
and look at me shaking.
Funny how triggering
the seemingly benign can be.
For once I had a good day,
why must it end this way?

Oh, you stupid insomniac...
Staying awake all night only
makes me feel more lonely.

Everyone is sleeping
while my heart
I stop from beating~

I'm at war with myself,
Fighting for the right to*
try....

hi
nice to meet you
i'm just a ****** object
***** of her innocence
(or should i call myself it
to complete the analogy)

When you finally reply to my messages,
Why am I so relieved I could cry?