you found the crack in my wall.
all of you has made its way in me.
beneath the well polished surface,
amidst the chaos and howling storms.
you feel at home.
comfortable in this awkward mess.
relating to my weirdness.
our demons nod in recognition.
we discover our compatibility
in our brokenness.

Narrow minds plague our streets
Ignorant views and empty arguments
Hearts filled with hatred for no reason

Are we not a country that fought for equality
Has the long walk of freedom not been walked for us
Did I misunderstand the meaning of Ubuntu

What happened to love, peace and empathy
The simplicity of an act of kindness
Has fear swept all your morals away?

They bleed when they are cut
They cry when they are sad
We breath the same air
Laugh at the same jokes
and even dream the same dreams

We are the same
It's not even about colour
How is their black different to yours?
brother hating brother
They too are Africa

Soften your blows
Try on their shoes
Its hurting them
and it will hurt you too

the dutch colony ascended on our shores
replacing traditional african education on culture
with teaching slaves how to pray

we saw the deterioration of black schools
and state-mandated segregated curricula
whites being taught better than blacks
who was only destined for subservient jobs

policies of apartheid birthed the bantu education
and later forced us to learn languages
which was not our native tongue
the youth could no longer be silenced
soweto uprising saw them dying for the cause

we have protested throughout the decades
silenced by the apartheid government
simply ignored

with Mandela’s release we saw liberation, freedom, democracy
and a single education system, we were finally equal
however the legacy of black inferior education left a deep scar
which has still not healed
our parents not able to give us the education they were denied

now students are holding the government accountable
who promised free education for a vote
the movement trending as #feesmustfall

anger expressed by burning premises, striking and rioting
i believe in the cause but who are you really hurting?
why destroy the very universities that you are fighting for?

Under your gaze I become undone
Possessed by your everything

My soul feels bereft from its mate
and my heart cries softly from longing

Oh but this love is conjured in my head
for such perfection cannot exist

But how sad that day would be

When I have to let go
of such a sweet dream

“Business as usual” prophesied
by sombre faces with panic stricken eyes

Whispers of crooked plans
cultivated behind closed doors

Loyalty called upon from the poor few
that know the muffled truths
while honey coated promises blinds the rest

The innocent to be sacrificed
to spare the tragedy from the rich

Who is safely nestled on their lifeboats
while watching the ship sink

everyone has a story.
some, beautifully written.
others with torn pages and blotched ink.
you read, absorb, comprehend.
you learn
the fears and hopes and well hidden pain
the mountain of anger and regrets
the beautiful smiles masking lonely hearts.
after awhile you realise
that empathy,
in its cold uncomfortableness,
hurts if you give too much.
still you grow,
strong enough to love the world
yet empty enough to dine with its demons.

our conversations are shorter.
the excuses piling up,
intrigue slowly fading.
the scheduled hook ups
that never come to pass.
our busy life
a constant scurry
past each other.
have we shared too much
nothing left to discover
the distance in your voice
my lack of emotion
I refuse to hold on
while you letting go.
farewell luv,
I'm letting go too then

I believe life is hiding a secret from me
I don't think it's meant to be so heavy and equally so empty


I lie awake seeking the moon for answers, staring at sunsets falling asleep in oceans
I know it wants me to find it

With every breath I chase the passion that will help me discover it
Discover something
Discover more than the mundane

I believe I'm one step closer, with every poem, every adventure, every photograph


Fueling with more fire every time,
so that it can simply just reveal itself

I dream about tomorrow
every minute spent with you now
my heart hopes for tomorrow

Only in tomorrow
you will know the secret behind my smile
the intentions behind my stare
words I long to say

I patiently wait for tomorrow
when your feelings will surface
where love will prevail

I cry for tomorrow
come quickly I pray
take away all the pain
from the loneliness of today

Struggling to catch my breath
as the corporate noose tightens
with every mundane task flung my way

Slowly losing my contentment
with this poor disguise of slavery

Suffering alone in silence
with a fake smile plastered on my face

I swear I've been here before...
living the same year on repeat

This can't be it
there has to be more to this boring game

“Money can't buy life”
realisation burns like a slap in the face

I'm smarter than this
I won't get caught in this web of numbness
that comes from only existing

Opening my eyes with a blade
it hurts... the truth always does
Opening my eyes to life
...that feels good though

I play our history like a broken record.
Trying to piece together
the exact moment I let you go,
unsure of how it happened.

I miss the us we had,
our conversations and silly jokes,
long silent hugs that feels like home,
and your smile that warms my heart.

I fear too much time has passed.
It drifted us so far apart,
erasing the way back to your arms.

I want you back by my side.

I'm holding onto forlorn hope
of dreams that only involves you
and all the endless possibilities
of what we could be...

i am the book my son reads
and i often wonder what he sees
empty pages filled with the mundane
or a colourful piece of art

does he see my fearlessness
and my backbone made of steel
perhaps the circles under my eyes
betrays me

will he understand that life
is filled with moments that startle you
to heed the call of the world
and every adventure that beckons

i often stare at my reflection and wonder
am i, what he would want aspire to
fervently grasp opportunities and believe
to not settle for mediocrity

each time i boubt myself
i silently promise him
every part of me will strive
to better the next chapter he reads

i don't know my mind
filled with fear and pain
i don't recognise the world I dwell
nor the person staring back in the mirror

it constantly feels like i'm stumbling
not knowing if i will ever catch myself

i spend my days staring at white walls
pacing the room, up and down
trying to leave my shadows behind me
but they're always stalking

you may not see my scars
my monsters are still real
even though they are invisible
they still rip me from the inside

the pills made the voices stop
now i'm surrounded by silence
the cage i'm held captive in
has become very lonely

i love the way we met
unbeknownst our paths aligned
and a mutual understanding was formed

it’s true that the best alliances are the ones
you never saw coming
i’m not quite sure what we are
perhaps just two people that chat

i really think we can be more than friends
you are someone
I would start a really small gang with
you can by my person
i’ll have your back

the pinch of daring I need
like tabasco and tequila chicken wings
beautiful in its unlikeliness

... compare war stories
and overanalyze the depth of your scars...

I can’t breath.
Your holding a pillow over my face,
and call it love.
I am not quite sure when you and me
became we, and us and ours.
You talk about forever
and I listen, halfheartedly.
While watching your lips move,
I plan ways of escaping.
You were too much
and yet, still not enough.
After awhile I questioned
why I was holding on so tight.
I held on until my fingers ached
and calluses formed,
and it no longer felt right.
I was choking on the silence
of all the words I wasn’t saying.
Suffocating.
Slowly my heart became a tomb
and you, the mourner.
I am truly and deeply sorry for your loss.

We screamed to be heard, marched to express our rage. To bleed with our fallen sisters, for I am her, and she is me. We all lived each other’s suffering.

The dust has settled now, quiet returned.
Yet I still can’t breath. I am still not safe.

I cry silently for my country. I no longer connect to her. My love and pride is only filled with disappointment. She has left me sad, and empty and afraid.

My son asked me, “Why do you refer to South Africa as a she?” I look at him dumbstruck, he continues, “Perhaps SHE has always been a HE!”

This realization is hard to swallow.
This... scares me half to death.

i pray for silence.
a quiet moment from the storm.
my mind possesed by unwritten lines
burdened by the weight of life.

i am unable to feel
beyond the thunder and trashing
of my own mind.

slowly losing myself.
chaos breeding inside my head
of words that are slowly dying.

my battle has always been
between overwhelming thoughts
accompanied by poems,
versus... not feeling anything at all
with pages left blank.
i prefer either the scorching passion
or the cold numbness.

this is much worse!
with each thought not articulated,
i'm missing pieces of myself;
which i can only find
in the calmness of writing.

I choose to be inhumane
undressed the layers of emotions
that occupied my heart
suffocating me
I need to breath
I choose not to care
allowing my mind to wander
beyond a single feeling
while others dwell blindly
in a perpetual repressive state
I observe beauty with a cold mind
destroy without hate
save without love
remain silent in a chaotic world

i have been in this boat before
just going with the flow
not contemplating the course ahead
blissfully swaying with you

then the stream rocks a little louder
and we, exhilarated by its motion
invite its all consuming power
raging with the rivers of passion

we cascade with the water
not realizing we've reached the edge
and we fall.... deep and hard
along the way you let go of my hand

i wake in the dark, cold and alone
shimmer of light overhead
blurred by my tears
heartbroken I claw myself out;
out of this well of despair

We are similar. You and I.
We are layers of secrets
Chaotic intertwined emotions
A thousand thoughts colliding at once
We are lost within ourselves
I know what we are
I also know what we are not
Similar but not compatible

unbeknownst to this world
outsider looking in
absorbing, peculiarly
the arrogance surrounding me

oblivious to most
and easily ignored
for my skill is in books
and not in the well known

surrounded by immense talent
and the jealous meek
men that has learnt to walk
without having any feet

yet the stench of inequality
leaves a bitter taste
so easy to differentiate
the humble from the pack

more I pity the minions
wanting to be known
strip the fame and popularity
focus on them bare

will you still like the person
you've mounted in the air?

more often misunderstood than not
i dance in spectrums of gray
where right and wrong is blurred
and faded edges
complicates this maze

i get lost in my own mind
blissfully wandering off
fixating about trivial things
staring at the moon for hours
waiting for it to answer me

perhaps im too different
beautifully broken yet starry eyed
quiet demeanor with a chaotic mind
and you, unfortunately,
are too the same

oneday i will find the soul
that finds peace in all of me
and we will wonder
and wander
together

My words are trending
now I'm seen as a poet?
Your algorithm is flawed
that little sign offends me!
I dont write for you
I don't care to impress,
fame and glory is not what I seek.

I give voice to my world
with a pen as my weapon.
Bleeding onto pages
every feeling, emotion and thought,
bonding it forever in ink.

Profoundly thankful for the ability
to captivate with a spell of words
to weave together a phrase
that tugs at your heartstrings

I share what I feel
and see and hear and wonder
I am glad you can relate
however please bear in mind
this I do for my sanity not yours.

I have a dream
from which I refuse to wake

holding on to it so tight
that my reality is slowly fading
what drives me now
is what I see behind closed eyes

Titles do not impress me
what you do for a living
your bank balance or your car
the number of likes
or your amount of followers
these are lies that you regurgitate
to yourself that you've made it
self-approval for mediocrity

my question to you?
what does your heart ache for?

the more you focus on your dreams
the more the nine-to-five
only living for the weekend
paying bills
occasional holiday *******
becomes a sad existence on repeat

is this it?
each time i ask myself this crucial question
the lyrics from a song
the artist and title unknown to me
keeps ringing in my head
"there's gotta be more to life
than chasing this temporary high"

sadly I judge others
that doesn't see the world like I do
that fills their dreams with excuses
but I cannot be angry with them
since my life as it is now
is not what I wish it to be

as the bible say
"let he who is without sin
cast the first stone"

I have my head in the clouds
and my feet cemented to the ground
every part of my being
wants to throw caution to the wind
but whispers of doubt
painstakingly reminds me
I have studied so long
worked so hard
for this career
that is slowly
******* the life out of me

like a dying patient
hooked up on ventilation machines
who's heart is slowly giving up
each time I silently scream
do not resuscitate
i sadly ignore my own plea
and the shock of my responsibilities
brings me back... to this reality

and yet
I still have a dream
from which I refuse to wake

We lock eyes across a swarm of strangers
and for brief moment time slowed
It is only your presence I notice
I force myself to look away but I can't
Content with being stuck in this moment
Compelled by your familiar eyes

Day after day we share these looks
Even when I don't see you
I feel your eyes upon me
As if pulled towards the gravity of your stare
Tempted to discover your intentions

Oneday I take in all of you
My eyes run over your entire body
and rests on your hands
Where I see the band on your wedding finger
My eyes drop to the floor

I have averted your gaze ever since
Your intense, passionate, all-consuming stares
Should be afforded to your wife, not me

We are worlds apart
seperate lives
each on their own

We don't talk as much
or make the time

but when surrounded by heartache

We reunite,
We find our way

We hold each other's hand

Wipe each other's tears

We stand together...
united by blood
to say goodbye to the fallen one

The jagged edge of the arrow
penetrated my heart

What a fool Eros was

What was meant to be love
evolved into nothing
His apathetic ways
left me shivering
and I, to protect my exposed heart
feigned indifference

What a fool Eros was

Upon accepting this painful truth
I ripped out the arrow
that was deeply anchored in my heart
and I slowly bled to death

you are destruction
in your wake lies corpses of chaos
you bellow your fury like a beast
sparing no innocence

demolishing all in your path
enemies that you have conjured
i now understand why
storms are named after women

remember this
as you make deals with the devil
and continue to birth revenge

my world only understands harmony
try your best to break it

rather spend some time
to repair your broken soul
that's barely hanging on its hinges

I believe in love in spite of it all
in the resilience of the heart
I appreciate its ability to move on
albeit shattered

I believe in fairy tales
and happily ever afters
In the magic of soulmates
As farfetched as it seems

I believe people are good
and can get lost in someone's smile
My eyes still search for the heart
that can keep time with mine

So yes I still believe
Yet I refuse to put my life on hold
whilst waiting for love
on this broken road I'm on

I walk across a barren field
air so cold it burns my lungs
while the earth cuts my feet
despite the pain I carry on

Finding my way
to where we once laid
during happier times

It feels so empty now

You are missing from me
and I from you
so here I will wait

Come find me, be quick
at the place only we know
before I drown on dry land

i have never liked jealous lovers
it's such trivial emotion
since being with you I feel it more
envious of the mundane

the sun that sees you first as you wake
the coffee cup that kisses you good morning
your work colleagues that spends hours with you
a smile, a look, a laugh I've missed
the moon that knows your midnight secrets
your sheets that touch every part of you whilst sleeping

i realise jealously makes me fragile
it means i will tolerate no rivals
it means i'm scared
of the very thought of losing you

yesterday you said tomorrow
tomorrow I'll do this,
tomorrow I'll start that
how many tomorrows left in your box?
on your last tomorrow you'll wake up
with a box full of yesterdays

Your mind is filled with beautiful things and I can listen to you for hours. Even your silence is comfortable. We somehow, in such a short time, just got each other.

My favorite moments with you is when my lips is settled on your collarbone, I close my eyes to the sound of your breath on my neck, and your heart beating against my chest.

I am intoxicated by your presence, it feels as if I'm swimming in the deep waters of you and I am unable to touch the bottom. It is equally frightening and exhilarating.

This whirlwind I feel is not butterflies in my stomach but rather a tornado erupting through my body; with every look, and kiss, and touch.

I must admit, the thought has crossed my mind; to simply melt into your arms and stay there, then I realise, it has only been twelve days.

It simply feels as if, we have always been.

You spit cold words,
mine evokes empathy in stone hearts

I must confess
I fear to love entirely
and the inevitable
pain and misery it brings

perhaps my gypsy heart
was too often left out in the rain
and now, incapable to love

I hope I will find a heart
to occupy
the dusty hallow space
where mine use to be

for I fear in the end
when death comes knocking
I never got to tell
my one true love story

Chaos of my thoughts
refuses to settle.
I try to drown it in ink,
to calm it in poems
that paper can't handle.
Hours later, here I lie.
Kissing the darkness
pleading to starless skies,
to silence,
the demons of my heart.

i close my eyes
welcoming the darkness
drowning in hurt unbearable

bound and motionless
waiting for time to slow
and swallow me

here i lie covered
rooted in misery and despair
as a corpse waiting for burial

pleading silently for words
to will my spirits to lift
and set my sad soul free

i finally find my way through
after each fall i eventually rise  
gracefully learning to cope

we finally met
somehow I knew
nothing will ever be the same
my world has been divided
between before you
and after you

I need so say goodbye
I know it will take some time

slowly my name will fade from your lips
the labour of your love will turn to ash
all the pain that demands to be felt now
will soon be a distant memory

slowly I will be forgotten
oblivion is inevitable for me

my unconquerable heart
will repeat these words
to the next person that dares to love me

i hate layovers, the long stops
the nothingness of the in betweens
suffocating of boredom
surrounded by strangers
all anxiously waiting

there is a universal oneness here
regardless of race, religion or age
something which everyone endures
a temporary pause in time
where reflection is forced upon us

reminiscing of what we bid farewell to
and the hope, love, fear or excitement
awaiting us at our next stop

You are the gentle breeze on a roadtrip to nowhere. The sweet smell of rain after a few sunny days.
That cold thrill that shoots through my spine, as I run wide armed into the ocean.
You are the mix of all my favorite songs that I sing super loud in the shower.
The first star I see at night while talking to the moon.
You are my first cappuccino in the mornings and the last chocolate brownie on a dessert platter.
You are the simple things in life that puts a smile on my face... effortlessly making me happy.

i am not your kind of perfect
i am strange and difficult
and somewhat terrifying to love

have some patience
just wait and endure
don't stray, strengthen your pursuit

you will find beauty
seek further
beyond the walls, for my waiting heart

albeit old scars may be evident
together the heartbreak of yesterday
will be buried beneath the ash of our pain

if after all this
when you finally see all of me
and love me still

i vow for the rest of our days
to throw caution to the wind
and stay true, to only you

we wake the next morning
barely able to look at each other
torn between guilt and shame
replaying every decision
that led to this

i feel i need to apologise
for allowing you to jeopardise your forever
for a fleeting just-for-now moment

a moment purely born from lust
unadulterated passion
that made us forget who we are
this has truly shaken my core

my mind torn between the beautiful act
that consumed me for a few hours
and it's destructive consequences

my heart cries for the woman i betrayed
as much as the hatred i felt towards
the woman that did this to me once
when did i become her, the "other woman"

i hope you find your way back home
and the reasons why you strayed

now i need to say goodbye to you
to someone i never knew
a stranger i'll always remember

try to forget a memory
that will linger
like the bitter taste
of our unspoken secret

They may not have met the right way. After a thousand words shared, they knew they found magic. She came unannounced and
he caught her off guard. His soul greeted hers like a long lost friend. The road of their love may not be paved smooth. Her stubborn heart surrendered to his persistent hand. Whispering promises with a mouthful of forevers. She was not the first person he loved. He was not the first person she kissed. They were not afraid of each other’s scars. They held each other with hope and the warmth of forgiveness.
She knew whether his a storm or the sun or distant. They found their miracle.
All her love had a place to finally call home.

we have lost our sobriety
drunk off each other.  
i taste it when we kiss,
cancer dripping from your lips;
the poison consuming me.
i love the taste of you.
hopelessly, endlessly.
it is intoxicating,
each time your tongue touches mine,
i crave more.
slowly slipping, confusion settling in.
i am a stranger to myself.
lines blurred between lust and infatuation.
i can no longer tell the difference.
this is effortlessly painful,
and you have come to destroy me.

i always yearn to travel
homesick for places I've never seen
i chase the sun across the sky
to all the corners on earth calling me

i want to dig my feet in foreign soil
and breath the air of everywhere
awakening to new skies
and experience things that startle me

i want to meet new people
breath in perspectives and history
experience life through different eyes
and their points of view

i am not lost
between the here and there
the stops and long flights
my heart is always mindful of home

after each journey
my greatest souvenir...
all the places that made me discover
a little more of me

Thoughts of you raises a pleasuring pain
While the devil's whispers roar within
Its deafening persuasion to ignore what is right
and lust after that which can never be mine
Torture so sweet, I beg at your feet
To crawl under my skin and consume me

Dealt with my feelings by not dealing with it
Ignored it
Discarded it
Suppressed it so deep within me
that it slowly disappeared to everyone else

Whatever happened
the deeper I hid it

I appeared heartless, untouched
didnt care what I did to others
compared to how i felt
they meant nothing

but alone, with just my thoughts

I was a scared little girl
hiding in a corner
clutching my knees to my chest
afraid that if I lifted my head
and acknowledged it
it would eat me alive

If I reached out and touched it
it would burn my fingertips

It grew within me
and became too much to deal with

It started manifesting itself
in everything I did
the choices I made
the way I approached life

Writing became its way of escape

bleeding onto pages

now its banished to die.

When I look up at my ancestors and the struggles of my family tree
I realised I was made from bleeding hands and shattered hope
Pouring their lives from cup to cup, generation to generation
All the things they couldn’t be
I was made by them but also for them
Passing down onto me their tears and  hardships, and all their untold stories
You see, they chose me
To uphold their legacy, unravel their truth
Breath the air and smell the soil of places they could never see
I was made to be everything they weren’t allowed to dream
My path will sooth their pain
I am meant to live loud and carry their sacrifices as my war cry