It is me who has had a weak memory,
Not you, Kiddie!**

Then how – I will pray – how could you,
How could you ever forget the promises?

But of course, I always knew it inside,
Keeping them was only my duty.

I am really sorry to have let you down,
But it's me who refused to give up then,
And I refuse to give up on myself now.

If not you, then I will surely find my love in someone else.

@Atul's Love
J*** and trance music,
Entertainment of all forms,
Not far away but near,
Naturally from within,
You inspire me too.

On the rocks, you are my beer,
Hug you tight, I am your bear.

Jest and fest moods,
Emanate from your name,
Not that I forgot your name,
Nickname you, I did, honey,
Yes, it's sweet and peppy to call you Jenny.

I love you as I love myself.

Miss, you are the one I miss,
I know we shall continue happily,
Soft love of yours landed here,
Softly on my faithful heart.

You reminded me to be carefree,
On the way to perfection, I need to be,
Untouched by real love I used to be.

Honestly, your love is the truest,
Of course, my parents love me,
Not demeaning them, I am,
Efforts of theirs to keep me alive,
You too will be thankful to them.

I had been extremely patient,
Wish she was a bit mature too.
With my love she was lucky,
I so wish that I was lucky too.
Hope she showered love on me,
Not a zombie but I am a human too.
But it is Karma and it is not yet shining!

I feel being transformed into the
Guardian Angel that protects you
From nightmares and evil spirits
That never-ever dare venturing out
Into the bright of day for they burn

They vanish from my splendour
I'm an Angelic Guardian indeed
Whose name on your cute mind
Would pour over them as hot lava
Emanating from that holy volcano

The nightmares would all cease
Get very pleasant sweet dreams
When you will not fear the dark
Yes you won't feel lost or defeated
You won't lose one more dear tear

Keep me as a memory of yours
I'll be your companion forever
Type of time would not matter
Be it a happy woken up day time
Be it some unwanted nightmare

Hold on to my arm then and
In the happier times I would
****** your cheeks lovingly
See my hand reaching your chin
Tickle you hard to see you laugh

You will laugh heartily then
Laugh at all of your sorrows
Laugh at all your nightmares
Your nightmares will get so tired
Desperately digging in your fears

Such a sleep will surely come
You'll stop getting nightmares
Start getting sweeter dreams
Not to worry we surely be loved
By each other if not by the world

So what if we are incompatible,
I will still breathe in your company,
After a maximum period of 5 years.
My strong love for you,
And your strong liking for me,
Are not much different.
I love you,
As if you are my equal,
And my opposite;
I love you as if
You are my mother,
And my child.

Blessed,
I am with wonderful heavenly abilities,
I just forgot how to fly.

Cursed,
I am with the gaping loneliness in my life,
I just do not belong here.

Seek,
I do a partner who understands me fully,
I just want that someone.

I** have treasured your memories.

Miss you I do not anymore,
I do not need your presence,
Slowly but surely I'm moving,
Smallest memories I remember.

Your steps away from my life,
Only shattered dreams left,
Under what jinx are you?

I never had a best friend in my life till I met you,
All I had were normal friends who were not close,
Or fake lovers.

The most genuine friend I have is none other than you,
I consider it lucky that me as a best friend you chose,
Your love is as scented as a rose.

And I will not ever disappoint you my friend,
I am learning youthful ways from you now,
Of our friendship there lies not at all an end,
They will notice us only getting closer & how.

For you, My Pooh, I write this poem as I am really happy today remembering all the good times that we are spending together.

Yes, I am possessive and selfish when I ask you solely and solemnly for myself,
Not because I am negative, but more so because I am hopeful that our sun will shine,
Your happiness is my main motive as I motivate you to stay strong for yourself,
Not because I will gain something out of it but as you are going to be happy in future.

In you I have seen an Angel,
So helpful and kind you are,
Motherly care for future family,
Now I conclude this post buddy.

Just hold on baby girl Pooh Bear,
I am here as your guardian angel,
None more other than you I love,
Xerox my love and give it to me,
Easier than me you can't love anyone,
Drive you to ecstasy I will for sure.

Not fearing the future anymore,
Or not fearing their judgement.

Mighty love will take us to our port,
On the port of satisfaction we'll land,
Roam as much you want in my heart,
E**xceed my expectations always you do.

Scent of flowers,
Coming up my breath,
Forms a Haiku.

Her love was limited to words,
So was her promise to swords,
And my fate was terminated...

Come oh my partner,
Accompany me to the hills,
The streams of cool fresh waters,
And calm tall trees of pine,
Await your presence.

The snow glows white,
Incomplete without you,
While it's just me alone here,
I think of you as nearer,
The sun glows bright..

Wind blows so softly,
As if saying your name,
With each of soft gust cool,
Accentuating just 'you',
In the winter nights...

Because there is just not a particular button
Either in the real world, or in my memory
Not even key in my mind to stop myself
From loving you Oh ignorant fellow!

You are still here lodged inside my mind
Like a bullet, from a war of olden times
Always I wonder who is my destroyer
Was it you Oh young persecutor!

Come, my love, come to me,
We will go to a higher level,
Deeper in our love we will,
For longer periods of time,
Oh beautiful, come to me,
So very deep inside such that,
We will be mother & father together.

Harshly I trod upon the ground,
Even as I get tired I do not stop,
Atypical life I am leading alone,
Very lonely I edge towards death,
Youth seems to be fading away.

Blessings all seem to fade away,
Lying on the bed I will take rest,
In my usual days I suffer pain,
She has given me enough of it,
Too much is never a definition,
Easy is to bear this pain I invited,
Reddish-brown these toes get,
Should not be anything else.

On my head lingers this probability,
None might be with me during my end.

May my sufferings end soon,
Yes I need help with my state.

Toiling hard to lose weight,
On a weight loss spree I am,
Exhausted is the will to live,
So hard I strive to survive.

Showering her love she is not anymore,
Her healing touch is not here any longer,
Owe I do my life to my parents today,
Unending ordeal it may seem today,
Let some time pass and it may shine,
Dub the suffering as another exam.

Now I just wish you to shine, oh life,
Of light be the torch bearer, oh life,
Today I will request you, oh life.

Beautifully you can also be bettered,
Exploring you I have been always.

Do not be so harsh, oh life,
I** am definitely so tired now,
A ray of hope I see in the future,
Better be somewhat happier,
Especially when I request,
Till few days I want to live happily,
Eating some good ice-cream,
So please let me breathe, oh misery.

Don't wait for her, oh heart.
Let her be gone.
She was like an Air India flight & you're on her no-fly list like Ravindra Gaikwad!

Here in my heart,
You are housed like the life-force.

Here in my mind,
You are housed like the conscience.

I feel victorious in your company,
I feel prosperous.

I feel completed in your company,
I feel inseparable.

When I say that I love my own cost,
My own personality I love the most,
When I saw my reflection of a ghost,
My intriguing eyes I got within lost,
When I tried not to see the far coast.
My lover tried not staying the post,
When I wanted to be with the host.

I could buy her a fortified castle that floats in water,
I could buy her a car that flies effortlessly in air,
I could buy her a dress that shines like the sun.

I could get a carriage pulled by snow white horses,
I could get a nursery full of toys for two babies,
I could get a crown of brilliant shining diamonds.

I could own shiny soft-grassed neat & clean lawns,
I could own a farmhouse surrounded by berries,
I could own the full-moonlight every other night.

I remember my childhood
I remember the occasional bruises
I remember the rare cuts
I remember the tetanus vaccines
I remember the injuries from wood

Shots on the ***
Intra-dermal injections
My father told me
"It is funny when the nurse does that,"
I was young,
I was shy, I still am,
Shy in my own ways.

I am very ticklish and
My lower back is more so,
My dad tricked my fear away,
I would lie stomach facing the bed,
Papa staring into my eyes smilingly,
And the nurse would ***** my ***,
I would feel a tingy sensation,
And I would laugh in fear!
Literally — I don't lie.

The winter months of 2010 were not happy,
It was a hellish time for me to pass through,
So intense were the splinters of a lonely past,
It might be much easier to have rather died,
The ghosts of loneliness had made me mad.

I waited for you since many years it seems,
The pain now numbed with you by my side,
Relieving is the precious presence in my life,
The mere voice of yours acts as a painkiller,
I wait just to touch your cheeks with mine..

The hug will tell you how much I love you,
It would take me to that far away oblivion,
So you would then be able to feel me there,
It shall bring much peace to me ultimately,
The trip to happiness lasts for a lifetime.....

My lover you are,
Youthful you are,
Sweetest you are,
Now who knows,
Which angel you are!

My lover you are & always will be,
Youthful you are & always will be,
The sugar in my cup of life you are!

Have a Merry Christmas my Christian friends.

You shine on my horizon,
Like a nascent rainbow,
After the shower of invisible tears.

To your wrist, I want to hold on,
May I never see you go,
Now that my love towers.

Mares & studs run amok,
In my mind, they so do,
And they sprint around in circles.

Enthused by the falling droplets,
Even peacocks dance,
In my mind, I am all smiles.

The beautiful aura of yours,
I see it with inner eyes,
That of a Đévī it closely resembles.

In your eyes, I see a infantile glint,
Not many get it, darling,
You are my first baby girl.

All the beauty in my world,
Now shines 'cause of you, and
I try to summate it in written word.

How long will you stay uninterested?
In this relationship like me, even you have invested.

My idea of intimacy is based on my lifelong emptiness.
Have you too felt the pangs of loneliness?

How long have I been lonely in this world?
Well, essentially since my lonely & difficult childhood.

And now you might ask me another counter question.
If I had my parents along, why this notion?

Now, tell me, is having parents sufficient?
Surely, we need siblings, friends, and a joint family.

Grandparents help you endure the pangs of loneliness.
Dear, have you ever been directionless?

I grew up without their guidance,
All I had were my busy parents.

How can you judge me based on your experiences?
Come to my world, but take your time to assess.

You say that you chose me as you hope maturity,
But now you know that I'm impulsive like you.

I rhyme a lot,
I whine a little.

I write a lot,
I speak a little.

Allegorical reiteration of my story,
It keeps happening, I keep repeating.

Either you like me,
Or maybe my life.

Or maybe you don't,
Either way you're mine.

Time will bring us close,
Like you say, like you say.

Time will teach you how to love,
Like I express myself, so will you.

Yes, so will you,
Dead sure, so will you.

No, you won't be scared,
For my soul is more scarred.

Than my imperfect body,
My mind is more beautiful.

From my jobs,
I earn money and reputation.

I audit the Railways,
Working for the Government.

Comptroller & Auditor General of India,
My employer.

Indian Railways, the North Eastern Railway HQ,
My paymaster.

While we audit their expenditures,
They even make our paychecks.

I invest in the money market,
And even in the Providence.

But I have reached where nobody speculated,
No, not even I could speculate this.

While I knew that I must succeed,
Even my mother was unsure.

Nobody else knew this for sure,
Well, nobody, nobody except for my father.

Whilst I prepared for the exam,
My mother provided food so nutritious.

Only my father had faith in my potential,
He laughed away all the speculations.

They suggested weird, insulting alternatives,
Sadists the people are oftentimes.

I thank my parents for bringing me here,
And it was my father who gave me the power.

He remained calm throughout,
And his oceanic calm is contagious.

My mother did convey the speculations,
But my father invested his hopes.

Although there is no need to reiterate,
Hope is the most powerful of all the words.

I'm on a train right now,
You might meet me soon.

You need me in your boredom,
I can calm down your roaring,
Fill up your emptiness with love,
I can spice up your bedroom,
And love your unlovable soul.

Patience is the word
Of the wise, spoken
Or written through
Jargon of expertise
And experience...

Just like the Mxyzptlk can be killed,
I can solve all of my problems too.

By making it say its name backwards,
Nemesis of the Superman is killed.

Reverse engineering all problems,
All my problems can be solved.

My life that feels complete with you,
It'll all be just incomplete once more,
Be incomplete and so might be yours,
But I'll always & exclusively be yours,
Be it all that romantic nights to come,
It'll be me shielding from downpour,
My promise no drop will touch you.

Beneath the crescendo,
There are a few notes,
Softer but no less mellow.

This love,
This love I feel for You...
I feel,
And I feel it's so new...

Beyond the rising sun,
I see the endless space...
I see you smiling there,
Behind that veil of lace...

This feeling,
This feeling that I get...
I know,
And I know it's so true...

Northern part of my India,
It is worse when it is cold.

Far worse in winters,
Than in summers.

Many people freeze to death.

Yeah,
She couldn't bear the distance with me,
And she could just not be strong.

Excused,
For she is really young right now,
She has a whole new youth ascending.

Promises,
I still have mine in my mind to keep,
I will do what I always used to do.

Unaffected,
Whether she reads any of them or not,
For this is my release and it's unaffected.

Read my sole desire,
Oh my future children,
Burn my pyre when I die,
For I don't want to rise again,
Rise again when the angels cry,
And when they cry the dead rise,
Cry they may on the Judgment Day.

I don't want to be the walking dead,
As a blight may I 'come for earth,
Don't get me counted in them,
No, I don't wanna be buried,
Burn me after my death,
Oh my successors,
Read my will.

As I don't wanna walk again the floor of hatred,
And I don't wanna witness again that blood red,
As I don't wanna see the sky turning crimson red,
And I don't wanna waste some land as my bed,
Rather give me an electric funeral, my people,
For soon they will run their tanks over my grave,
And they might displace it and insult my grace.

I imagine that moment when I'll hold it,
My breath I mean while I hold you tight.
Yin & yang we will complete each other,
I'll be dad of whom you'll be the mother.
Never will I betray you by being so weak,
For me to climb you are the highest peak.
I will be really strong and faithful to you!

Parents arranged my marriage with a girl.
I liked her at first sight—young and chirpy.
And I made up my mind to marry her soon.

In the followup to the marriage,
We interacted with each other,
In the beginning, I liked her.

Soon, courtship turned one-sided,
I was the only one interested,
Insulting me, she started.

She had a problem with quick love.
Berated me for saying it so soon,
She told me to behave mature.

I accepted her remarks,
The criticism of my ways,
I focused on all my means.

I proudly told her that I didn't give up.
The coma-inducing accident, and
Injuries couldn't reduce me.

I told her about how I literally won a war,
A war against time and disability,
The doctors labeled me as 42% challenged.

"But I didn't give up," I told her.
I defeated my disability,
And all of their speculations.

When I passed into that coma,
After the accident, I'd die,
They had speculated.

When they diagnosed me 42%,
I will do some easier work,
They all had guessed.

They wanted me to drop out of college,
Oh, they want me to be humble,
Be humble and accept fate.

Not that the other job is easier,
But they wanted me to set up a shop,
For daily needs, stationery & photocopy.

Even my mother wanted me to drop out.
Leave the B.Tech. Biotech incomplete,
Opt for an easier course instead.

But I told her that I didn't give up,
No, I did not; I did not give up.
I fought my way to the top.

I cleared my B.Tech. degree in Biotechnology,
Not only that degree, but my story continues,
Attained an M.Tech. in Animal Biotechnology.

I initiated a PhD in Animal Biotechnology,
However, I had to quit it due to COVID19,
I lost my opportunity due to the pandemic.

But she, out of her own regret,
Regretted about not being able,
To clear exams, me she insulted.

"People with disability achieve more."
I felt belittled, but she continued,
"They even crack UPSC-CSE."

I'm not disabled since birth.
No, I'm not, I'm not, I told her.
This disability I acquired in 2010.

I told her the same,
But she did not realise it.
How wrong she was.

How she had insulted me and my struggles,
I can't marry her,
The man I am today is after my struggles.

Though she loved my poetry,
The 'Angel?' Saga the most,
But she insulted my history.

She even compared my life against others.
As if she knows all the people like me,
My dreams shattered due to that accident.

No, she knows everyone not,
She doesn't know others who gave up.
Look at me; I didn't give up, but I'm victorious.

But she was not impressed.
She is rigid and argumentative.
Never going to apologise & accept.

I told her mother that I couldn't marry her.
Why? Because she doesn't know humility.
Obviously, she can never respect me either.

She wanted me to respect her.
She thought that only hers matters.
Because I live in the inferiority complex.

Even the second one I shall give to you,
Whether to kindle it or to break it,
It depends entirely on you.

Don't you get tired, Dear Uncle Time?

Well, it's a different case with her,
My lover, she does get tired,
Her afternoon nap keeps her cuter.

Had you been here with me,
I would've seen a new day - everyday.
But you are not here with me,
I must see the same old sun - everyday..
One day you surely will be mine,
I'll then see a new sun rising - everyday...

The day you would be mine,
I would see a golden morning - everyday...
The day you'll fill my life,
I see a complete life with you - everyday..
The day you are mine,
I feel like the richest man - everyday.

The thought that one day I'll surely be united with you,
Makes me happier - content - satisfied and much more.
But till then, I sail alone in *The Lonely-Lonely Ferry...

Someone as you must come to me,
And my dark life will finally shine,
Naughty just like you she should be,
Day in and day out I will love you,
You and me should be together.

In this life and forever be it so,
See I will the world from her eyes.

You are my dream girl,
Our story is being scripted,
Up above the world so high,
Red roses on the sweet couch.

Nexus of us both,
Indeed is very divine,
Cheesy is our love's texture,
Kinky is this relation,
New is the breeze,
Amazing is my destiny,
My love comes as a bonus,
E**njoy your life, darling.

Addictions are hard to dispel,
Some are evil and some are not.

Sometimes you learn how to lie,
And you're soon a habitual liar.

It is not damaging for yourself,
It damages those around you.

Sometimes you learn how to love,
And you're then a habitual lover.

It is damaging for yourself only,
If you don't know how to move on.

Sometimes you fail to make any sense,
And you're not gonna like living ever.

I am a habitual lover,
I loved a habitual liar.

=======
Demons seem stuck in my nose,
Eerie suffocation haunts me often,
Vile are the consequences,
Irked I am to say the least,
A choking sensation threatens me,
Throttling my breath away,
Even the best medicines won't help,
Day of surgery beckons me.

Nostrils struggle to keep hydrated enough,
Awful is the nasal sound that I make,
Sniffling loud enough all the time,
A snorting man is not so pleasant,
Losing my years, I am, due to it.

Seldom passes a minute I don't snort,
Elephantine this issue becomes,
Putting a bad impression of mine,
Taking care not to let people be friends,
Ultra irritated I am by myself,
Must is an intranasal surgery.

Today I received it!
My own novel!
7 Seconds: A Typical Guy, Atypical Life!

I had only started recovery
After that inglorious accident
That I was faced with a seeming
Herculean task at hand as student
When I was to tackle ten exams
An attempt with forgetfulness
I broke no sweat in doing it

Vision of the future*
Blind man's bluff and hide & seek,
Tied with your scarf and at home.

With both our kids enjoying on a Sunday,
Future'll get ripe with our family warmth.

Settled on a cotton sheet in a picnic park,
We smile as we play the Monopoly game.

Flowers & buds of Lilies & roses,
Will be pleasing for all our eyes.

You had ditched me,
Not out of love for someone else,
But due to boredom.

Not due to my nature,
You're bored of my faithfulness,
Just due to your vice.

To his waistline so tightly
To the ****-bag and throw
Him in a secret dark lake to drown him!

All his money stuffed into
His money-craving jaws until
The rogue head-banger dies-dies & dies!!