You bite your bottom lip,
Do you realize that?
When you're mad.
When you're thinking.
When you're concentrating.

You bite your bottom lip;
And I fall in love with you a little more each time.

With love,
With lust,
With loss,
With longing,
With desperation.

Say it quietly.
Shout it out loud.
Scream it in ecstasy.
Savor the taste of the words on your tongue.

All that I ask
Is that you speak them to me.

Just those three well known words.
Say them to me.
Think them with me on your mind.
Whisper them at night when I sleep.

I don't care how you say it.
Just say, you love me.

I...
    ...Loved...
                     ...You...

Today I realized
Why we never worked.

The problem was, you were
The only good thing in my life.

When the rest of my life was in shambles,
You were the only good I found everyday.

You took advantage of that.
Because I gave you my all.

But your life, your life was good;
I was just an extra piece of the puzzle.

When you realized that I didn't fit;
You just passed me off because I wasn't
Necessary.

The problem was my life.
I thought you were my life, because I needed
You to be my life.

Too much was going wrong.
Too much was ****** up.
But you were perfect
To me.

The problem was always me.
Me; and my horrible life.

Words are meaningless
When you've been hurt before.
When lies are what you've known,
Words don't hold the same weight.

I hate this feeling.
Like you're slowly distancing yourself
From me.

I hate this feeling.
Like all we have is slowly
Falling apart.

I hate this feeling.
Like everything you say to me
Is untrue.

The snows drifts lazily by,
Falling, flying, soundless.
Working on nights with
Only the snow for company.

A blanket of white on the ground.
The same covering the trees around.
Wind blowing the snow in my face.
Honestly, I love this wintery place.
It's home to everything I know.
In January, all we can see is the snow.

Today isn't my birthday;
But it is yours.

I used to love this day.
Just touching the start of the year,
Another day to celebrate.
Planning for months in advance.
Making sure every detail is in place,
Every "i" dotted and "t" crossed.

But now,
Now it's just another day.
It used to be one of my favorites.
And now I have to pretend it's another day.
But it's not.
It's your birthday.

I guess now I realize I was
Trying to make today memorable,
So that you wouldn't forget me.
But that didn't work.
I wish it had.

Happy birthday.
I'm so sorry.

Go to work.
Make money.
Spend all your time.

You have to do something you love.
What if there's no "salvation" waiting above.
Make the most of this time here
Take the day off with your friends and a beer.
It's this one life we've got.
Take this day as your one shot,
To be better, to live happier, to be you.
Tell me, friend,
What will you do
To make this day live for you?

The dark and the light.
It's not quite morning
And not quite night.

The sun still hides,
The moon, it's time it bides.
The day, yet to break
My bed, soon I'll have to make.

But in this moment there is silence.
There is nothing to do, yet.
Just lay, and listen to the silence.
The best moments hide in between
The end of the night and the start of the day.

Here,
In this moment I can be happy.
I can allow myself a respite
From problems and worries.

They say the dash in between your birth
And death
Is the most important.
And it is.
That's where the living is done.
That's where the memories are made.
Where love and loss
Happiness and sadness
All come together to make a life.
In between

No sun shine today.
Grey and dull
And cold.

A light snow,
A single bird,
This place is frozen in time.
Winter has finally hit us.

So long, we've hidden in warm weather,
Now free of those constraints.
The cold brings us out of hiding.
To roam the world again.
Winter things we are.

Morning brings us forth to you.

The Starman rose,
He created Changes all around,
There was Dancing in the Street,
And we all saw something new.

He became Iconic.
Rebel Rebel to the norms and stigmas we knew.
We found Golden Years in the lilt of his voice.
And we were happy.

But Heroes cannot stay forever.
Eventually they must ascend.
A final Magic Dance for all to see.
A legend we lost this day.

Now we face this question,
Where Are We Now?
We're without him
The Man Who Sold the World.

We have to go on, left on this earth,
This suspended rock holding life.
Our own little Space Oddity.
Rest easy Starman,
We'll take it from here.

"It only hurts for a while."
"It'll get better."
"It was just a relationship."
"Get over it."

They say a lot; without, but they know so much more.
They don't tell you some very important things:

How long it takes to move on.
How hard it is to let go.
How much you will miss those feelings.
And
How hard it is to accept that things change.

They say that it's easy,
but they know that it isn't easy.
They know that it's horrible to see someone change
That person you love
Turns into someone else.

Listen to what they say
But know that there is so much more to it than that.

Maybe.
Just maybe,
If I close my eyes tight enough,
Everything will be okay.

Tonight, the monument's lights are darkened.
Tonight, the celebrations are put off.
Tonight, we gather together to mourn the lost.
Those we've lost are not ever forgotten.

Tonight, we stand with our oldest ally.
One world, one love, one night.
Some, who would use violence, try to tear us apart.
They fail to realize that only brings us together.
For tonight, we are not citizens of separate countries,
we are people.

The night may be dark
The shots have echoed through the streets
The explosions forever changing a city we all know so well.
But, that will not take our humanity.
That will not tear us apart.

Tonight we stand together as one people.
For those who have spent the night in fear,
We stand ready to fight for you at all costs.
For you, Paris, tonight we stand together.

You're allowed to feel lost.
You're allowed to be heartbroken.
You're allowed to hold yourself in sadness.
Remember,
You're allowed to be human.

Can I be good enough?
Am I good enough?
I'll never be good enough...
For you

It starts with horrible sadness.
The heart wrenching feeling that nothing will be good again.
You become hopeless.

Then you get angry.
Not just mad,
But totally irate.
"Why would he do that?"
"How could she do this to me?"
It's the time of:
"I don't deserve to be treated like this"
And here we lash out at that person.
We take or anger out on them.

Then there is acceptance.
No longer do we want that person back.
No longer do we blame them.
No longer do we feel the need for answers.
Here, hopefully we find peace.

Each stage is horrible.
Each stage breaks you down slightly,
But builds you up a little more.
They're all necessary.
Remember that.

We hold onto memories
Of the people we knew.
We can't hold onto people.
They change.
Memories are always the same.

My driveway
Crushed stone, over dirt.
That's all it seems to be.

But it is so much more than that.

That stone connects to the street
that street to the highway
that highway to your street
and your street to your driveway.

My driveway brings me to you.
It takes my heart, to yours.
Its a connection
A lifeline, between us.

But you don't see it that way.
You're there
and I'm here.
A while ago we might have been together.
But now
Now you don't need me
You don't want me
You've got your life
And it doesn't include me.

My driveway connects to you
It leads right to yours
But you're not welcoming me in
I wish you would.

I'm sorry the connections are gone

My blue eyed girl
My brown haired lovely
My gorgeous, amazing, woman.
How did I
Get so lucky to have
You smile at me.
To have you fall for me.
To have you want me.
Me, broken, beaten, and defeated
And in that darkness I found you.
You are my light, shining the way
Showing me that everything can be better.
You are the person I've dreamed of having.
The one of wanted all along and never had.
You have a way, of smiling at me
And making everything seem to disappear.
My fears, my worries, my hesitation
It all disappears in that smile.

You're gorgeous my dear, more lovely
Than anyone I've seen before.
You're love makes me whole.
You've fixed my broken ways and I love you.

Some days
I
hate
Who I am

Wake up loving life,
smile at the sun coming through the window.
Pull out the pans
fry up the eggs
spread butter, sprinkle cinnamon on toast
bacon crackling in the pan.
Morning tv,
movie and pasta for lunch
nap in the afternoon.

Its a good day.

Meat burning in the oven
sauce overcooked
dinner ruined.
Sit down with leftovers from lunch
start to think.

What did I do wrong?
What is wrong with me?
What will make this better?

It comes like an onslaught
the horrible thoughts, the degrading feelings, the self hate.
Questioning every choice ever made
every word ever spoken
every action ever taken.
Start to wonder (for the millionth time)
if its worth it.
Is this all worth it?

Life has to be worth it.
But its a bad night... I just don't know.

Isn't it lovely?
That no matter what
No matter how bad something is
No matter the horror it brings
No matter the heartbreak
No matter the pain and sadness
No matter any of it
Life goes on.

It simply does.

Every day
It goes on.

Don't
Give up
On
Your life.

Time heals all wounds.
You can move on from anything.
What doesn't **** you, makes you stronger.

It's all cliches and proverbs
But honestly
Life does get better.
Just be willing to give it time.

Reading through the old poems
Seeing how things have changed.
How I have changed.

Before, loss was my only friend.
All I understood was heartbreak.
But I survived it.
I think
In my heart
That everyone must know true loss.

True horrifying heartbreak.

It makes you stronger.
It shows you the way to real happiness.
It shows you what the smile of a true lover looks like.
What her touch truly feels like.
You know how her voice sounds when she means what she says.

"I love you"

They're just words. But
on her lips, they are my saving grace.
When she says that
This broken heart knows that she means it.
I've learned, through failure,
What the true love sounds like.

It's not just a phrase, its a feeling, a rush, a fluttering in your chest.

Windows show only crowded darkness.
Face lit with artificial light.
Keyboard clicks maddeningly in time.
A million thoughts
A thousand reasons
A hundred unanswered questions.

Who to blame for this night?
Was it me?
Was it you?
I don't really know,
I only know that I can't sleep
And I don't know where you are.

It's another late night.
Another hour passed, a minute gone, a day lost.
Without ever knowing why.
And in the Darkened window mirror, I see your face
next to mine.

And I wonder why.
Forever, asking why.

Worry not for
The man who freely sheds tears
In the face of grief and loss.

Fear, instead,
The man who feigns
Bravery and deference
In the face of sorrow and sadness.

It is the second man,
Who will act without emotion.
He will hold inside
The turmoil and sadness
Until it boils over.

Like a ticking clock counting
Down the seconds to the end.
It will be he
That needs the support the most.

In the face of death
We need one another.

When I crashed my bike in the driveway,
She was there.
When I fell out of the tree and busted my wrist,
She was there.
When my first love broke my heart into a million pieces,
She was there.
When my dog, my first pet, my best friend, had to be put to sleep,
Still, She was there.

Through every injury,
every heart break, and heart ache;
Through every day that left me behind,
and the problems that were always on my mind;
She was always there.

Now that I have grown
become the person she always wanted for me to be,
Now I know,
that I am here.
I am here for her
Like she was always there for me.

For you, mother, I will do anything.
For you today, I say this:
Happy Mother's Day, I love you with all my heart.

"******, I am certain I have a reservation here"
"Sir, I think maybe you have a stay some where near?"
After this latest crazy guest, I'm gonna need a beer.
Check everybody in.
Throw more towels in the bin.
Out through the door, let out a cheer.

I want you to know me.
I want you to here me.
I want you to feel me.
I want you to love me.

But there's some things you should know....

It won't be easy.
It won't be simple.
It won't be every day that you find me perfect.
But hopefully
It will be worth it.

I think you should also know...

That I have hated myself
That I have wronged myself
That I have hurt myself
And if you hurt me
Then I won't be able to do this anymore
I won't have the heart to keep going.

But most of all....
No matter everything else...

You should know that I love you

It's okay
Once in a while
To have to let go.

You want them
To stay
But some people can't.

Some people need to move on
And you should too

I cannot help but blame
Myself for every time you've failed.
I cannot help but blame myself

For every time I've held you back
For every time I've let you down
For every time I've been the issue
For every time you had to pick me up
For every time I was at fault
For ever one of your failures

I cannot help but blame myself.
I should have been stronger.
I should have been better.
I should have been more capable.
I should have done more.

I gave up on my life because it didn't seem worth it. Now you're giving up on yours
Because you've followed my example.

And so I'm blaming myself. I'm hurting myself
Because I did this all to you

I blame me.

Every morning I put on a brave face
But inside
I'm give up

This light
It left me
It was gone quickly.
My world stopped moving forward
And yours went on without pausing.
I got lost, looking for you to
Still love me
Even though you wouldn't.
Is something wrong with me?
Or maybe something wrong with you?
I thought you said forever
And that meant forever.
But you lied.
And darkness filled my mind.

On the edges of the sharpest knives
   In the middle of the darkest nights
   Always knew that I'd find you here

For the longest time
I blamed me.
Forever and a day
I hated me.
Every morning and at night
I didn't want to be
Me.

I wanted to be another
To be the other you wanted.
To still be your smile.
To still have your heart.
To be that one
But I'm just me.

You broke me.
You tortured me.
You hurt me.
You made everything about me.
But it wasn't me,
You did this.

You gave up, not me.
You stopped trying, not me.
You forgot loving, not me.
You changed,
Not me.

But you left me.

That's where I broke and fell apart,
That's when everything didn't make sense,
When it all seemed like a horrible nightmare,
Where everything good was gone,
And all I loved was lost.

But really, I was still me.

Some nights I still have those nightmares.
But they're not as dark, and not as painful.
Some nights I still dream of you.
Of the life and the love we had.
But it's not the same now. Now I know
That you broke us.
That you destroyed us.
That you, and only you, gave up on
Us. Not me.

And that's how I got better. That's how I found
Me.

This girl, this blue eyed girl.
She makes me smile when
I think I just can't.
When my world crumbles to pieces
She's there to help me pick them up.
When everything seems like heaven
She keeps me grounded.
If I had to use
Only three words for her:
Beautiful.
Amazing.
Perfect.
But words couldn't describe
The way she makes me feel.
How my heart still speeds up
When she smiles.
How my mind races
When she says "I love you". Words can't describe
Something that can only be felt.
It's been an amazing year @jenna_joensen
Here's to many, many, more

I want to be alone
I want to be sad
I want to think of the past
I want to mourn what I've lost.
I want to remember the friends I had
I want to think of the people I knew
So well
I want to sit and think and not face
Another tomorrow.

The point here
Is that life always goes on.
It leaves you in the dust
Sobbing and thinking of loss
Holding on to small things
Remembering cute smiles
And loving eyes
And whispered feelings
And heart break.  

Life cares about none of that.
It simply doesn't matter in the
Grand scheme of things.

So what we must see is this:

You can hide in the night.
Cry your loss to the darkness.
Ask the moon and stars for solace.
But in the end
No matter how hard you've cried,
No matter how many horrible thing you've thought,
The sun comes up anyway.

It's that simple.
The sun comes up anyway

Some nights I wish
For the dark to go on forever.
For the night to never end.
For this day to not become the next
but to simply stay as this one night.
This perfectly, quietly, peacefully, dark
Night.

At night, the darkness is the worst.
Not the lack of light
The lack of courage in my soul.
My demons rush in
The monsters come out
The worst thoughts make me want to hide.
But I can't.
I don't get to run from the past
I don't get to hide from my mistakes.
I only get this night
And the morning that follows.

When the darkness closes in
And the monsters bare their fangs
I hope for you then.
I hope for your touch
For the smell of your hair
For the light in your blue eyes
For the whisper of your words
Of your love.

I hope for all those things.
My shields against the terror
My beacons in the darkness
My guiding light through the fog

I hope and wish for you
In the darkest night

Swiftly running,
walking quickly,
champion
oh ye achilles.
writer scratch pen and scribble
breakest morn
oh eggs ye dribble
wander now oh complacent traveler
and know ye hear
that blood doth spatter
kings afoot and kings abhor
this deceitful day of Elanor

Our religion is time,
Our life is work,
Our love is sleep.
And we say
"Look at how free we are"

A million things to apologize for.
Ten thousand times I wish Id said
"I'm really not ******* okay".
A thousand days I want to do
Over again.
A hundred times whispered
"I hate who I have become"

Ten days that all I saw
Was the end I need to carry out.

And one
Just one
Simple step.
Slide the knife
End your life.

But instead I held on.
I hoped for better.
I prayed I could be more.
And I found
That I'm not.

I'm still broken,
Still shattered,
Still lost.

I still hate who I've become.
Only now I scream it in my mind.
Hoping the world will hear
But praying no one will bother.

I don't want to be a burden
I just want to love her.
But maybe broken people are meant
To stay broken
And to break the things the touch.
Maybe I'm broken
Because I'm meant to be this way

Smiling
While inside your breaking

I need you
That's how it is.
I need your smile
The way it is when you look at me.
As of I, somehow, am incapable
Of doing any wrong.
I need your kiss
Softly on my lips.

I

Need your eyes.
The bluest I've ever seen
A thousand worlds spin in the blue sea
And I'm the center of them.
This feeling
I need it

I

Need you whispering "I love you"
Because I know you mean it
Like no one ever has.
I know you mean those words
With every ounce of your being.
And that

That....

I've never had that.
Please don't ever leave me.
I know I'm no where near perfect.
But I love you so much.
Can that be enough?
My love for you.
To see us through
All the bad and good
Forever?

I need/want/have/desire/love you

On this night
The king-god Zeus does battle
With the titans of old.
The sky is livened
By his hurled bolts of lightening.
Their targets simply
Unseen to the mortal eye.

The calm is shattered
By the clash of thunderbolt
On stone and molten rock.
Our protector, he remains.
Though many have forgotten him
To myth, legend, and lore
We have forgotten the safety
That his lightning strikes provide.

On sunny days
Cloudless nights
We are allowed to forget his ways.
But on this night
In these dark and stormy hours,
The true believers remember.
That Zeus has watched over us
For millennia. Battling an unseen
War, waged in the tales of old
But carried out before our eyes.

We must recall that he,
The one King-God, Zeus, has
Watched over us dutifully since time
Before time before memory.
He has kept us safe
From the titans of old.
And the lightening strikes
Remind us of stories untold