Wake up loving life,
smile at the sun coming through the window.
Pull out the pans
fry up the eggs
spread butter, sprinkle cinnamon on toast
bacon crackling in the pan.
Morning tv,
movie and pasta for lunch
nap in the afternoon.

Its a good day.

Meat burning in the oven
sauce overcooked
dinner ruined.
Sit down with leftovers from lunch
start to think.

What did I do wrong?
What is wrong with me?
What will make this better?

It comes like an onslaught
the horrible thoughts, the degrading feelings, the self hate.
Questioning every choice ever made
every word ever spoken
every action ever taken.
Start to wonder (for the millionth time)
if its worth it.
Is this all worth it?

Life has to be worth it.
But its a bad night... I just don't know.