Don't wait for her, oh heart.
Let her be gone.
She was like an Air India flight & you're on her no-fly list like Ravindra Gaikwad!

For me...
Life is an eternal attempt.

Life is the name of putting efforts,
Efforts to pull the strings together.

Life is the name of a happy being,
Being content with what we have.

Life is the name of dissatisfaction,
Satisfied I'll face a lack of fervour.

Life is the name of a social liability,
Spend time & learn how to behave.

Life is the name of finding corners,
Corners of happiness in the world.

Life is the name of achieving love,
A lover other than parents I mean.

Life is the name of the procreation,
Practice until you finally procreate.

The one love is not ready to accept,
Neither me nor my love for herself.

Still I dream of going to her house,
There I'll attempt to persuade her.

Though she will probably insult me,
But for love this is an eternal attempt.

In your age, my child,
Even I told the cutest of lies.
Such an imaginative kid I was,
I realize that it has been my forte.

One day, I stood on the balcony,
It was 1993 and I was so young.
I was not even 3 years of age,
I urinated there in the balcony!

My mother remembers it sharply,
She always tells me elaborately.
She was there as dad scolded badly,
"Why did you *** in the balcony?"

I was so young,
But not at all naïve.
I was artless,
But also naughty.

I live inside a research campus,
National Dairy Research Institute.
And here has been a cattle yard,
My father had shown me the cows.

So whatever came to my mind,
I just denied having peed there.
"I haven't peed here, daddy,"
"Who peed then?"

I said, "A cow did that, daddy,"
And I blamed a cow for my doing!
"How did it get here, did it fly?"
My dad asked the toddler I was.

I just nodded my head,
My father was amazed.
He looked surprised,
And my mother just laughed.

She said,
*"Darling, I love your sweet little lies!"

Cricket was started by the English,
They have a lot of spare money,
Too much more spare time,
But India has to work,
And cricket is the deterrent,
It restricts our national growth,
A trace of occupation by the English.

This is a black day for sports,
Even if not in the world,
Surely Indian sports.

Virat - the young junior player,
He made the engineer quit,
Kumble had to give up.

Virat Kohli has a harsh ego,
He let his ego defeat the team,
Whereas Anil Kumble had none.

You ask me a question
You ask it with a lot of hope
Whether that smile is of acceptance
Acceptance of your love
I say
No dear
It's not an acceptance smile
But it's just a smile
Filled with guilt & fear
It's a reminder of hers
I can be okay with it
But in a not so short time

And I replied:

*"मगर यकीन है मुझे,
अगर ज़्यादा पास तुम आई,
तो मैं तुम्हें भी खो दूँगा।
Magar yakeen hai mujhe,
Agar zyaada paas tum aayi,
To main tumhe bhi kho dunga.

दोस्त ही ठीक हैं हम,
नंबर मांगती हो तुम,
मैं एक की जगह दो दूँगा।
Dost hi theek hain hum,
Number maangti ** tum,
Main ek ki jagah do dunga.

+९१८९५०९३२४५६
+९१७०१५५६९६१४
+918950932456
+917015569614"
­
"But I am sure about it,
If you come closer to me,
Then I will lose you as well.

We are okay as just friends,
You ask for my number,
Have 2 instead of one.

+918950932456
+917015569614"

Yes, Kalpana.
I shall not suggest you about anything,
Kri's the last one I suggested anything.

She got bored of following my advice,
But she still told me all her problems,
Yes, Kalpana.

Yes, Kalpana.
You know rest of the story involved,
How she did get rid of me in the end.

Initially she sought my advice,
She would follow it and be happy,
Because that was logical advice.

But sooner than later she got bored,
She still told me all of her problems,
She wanted not a solution suggested.

Slowly all the charm had worn out,
She grew repulsive to my words,
Ready to suffer she was than to follow my advice.

She was young,
At a crucial stage,
She made mistakes.

My studies have shown me the value
Of the perseverance & dedication
Nice in life is really very high

Although you are upset with me now
My love is not so weak as you think
Our future I dreamed & planned
Under a beautiful sky we will live
Rob me of love even yourself can not

Kindly open the doors for me
Ring your door bell when I do
Indeed I'm a mad egoistic man
Past has that old night of love
I** miss your kiss on my lips...

I know about myself that I am rude,
I am very much that cool dude.
I refused accepting my deathly abode,
I sent the grim reaper back.
I know that he was racing with me,
Noting my bike's speed.
But I know that once I did survive.

Northern part of my India,
It is worse when it is cold.

Far worse in winters,
Than in summers.

Many people freeze to death.

I am never lonely in my life.

Ample memories of her I have,
Memories sweet and sour.

So many memories that I live,
Few I can despise but rest I love.

You tell me that you love me,
"Oh thank you!" I say.
But you aren't happy with the answer.

And you keep on telling me so,
"I don't know what else to say."
I can only ever manage this.

My heart has been broken badly,
I can't tell you anything gladly.
Please understand and let me be.

Neither for this land,
Nor for that sky,
Your identity exists,
But only for this saga.

What good is watching
That old garden of love
As the flower of faith
Has withered away
And your home nest too.

Don't look for faith
In this rudest world
It was not created for
This netherworld
And your identity exists
But only for this saga.

We were born to different mothers,
But still we are spiritual brothers.
And still indifferent to what bothers,
Fire of hatred either of us smothers.

Blood won't seperate the atoms
Of joy that flows through our veins,
Nor will it break a bond that has been
So atomically connected without chains,
Mud squishes between our toes,
My friend is climbing stairs as he goes.

Debunking the myth of racial differences,
Here we go holding each other's hands,
To mother earth we owe the references,
Tune we will to our lives these bands.*

But we remain sat with our feet against the warm fire that reminds us of home,
Muddy worn out shoes that no longer fit let us know just how much we've grown,
Until the next morning when adventure is to be sought and we sit On our throne.

Initially,
Her thought was a positive one,
And my memory sharpened,
So much that I still remember,
The first time she doublecrossed,
So like kids I had wept for her,
And an older friend Madhur,
His shoulder was my tear pillow.

Madhur had said, "If she made you cry now, how can she be your fabled truest lover, your soulmate?"

I remember how she had argued,
That I never cared enough for her,
But all my time was just for herself,
I so resent her for ever forgetting it,
How she revised her 10th with me,
I gifted her self-belief back then,
I know now she silences me.

I remember how I fixed a deal,
We sold the Bengaluru property,
For it our family had flown there,
But I remember how she was misled,
2013 was marred by an old terror,
My old phobia of getting ditched,
She forgot I got it sold for her.

2014 was a bit happier for me,
But I had wrongfully let her be,
I gave her immature self the key,
That key to my utmost happiness,
To behave like that I was foolish,
She was happy having my time,
Did I ever look at another girl?

I remember when my dad was ill,
He was admitted to the hospital,
In '15 winters it was exam time,
She had 'gain swayed off of me,
Young girl presented a Catch-22,
Choose from my thirst or thy dad,
I chose dedicatedly serving my dad.

I still try to woo her back in vain,
For I know she is a bullet astray,
Shot into the period by her age,
Social bounds are now a cage,
Like a Catty she pounces upon,
She surfs upon an internet tide,
And thinks that she is up to date.

Now I feel so tired of trying,
But I will try once again,
I will go to her house,
Once more I will go,
My course ends soon,
Now I just have to gain,
For there is nothing to lose.

Even our newer bigger home,
In Karnal comes to completion,
Opportunities are many in here,
Researching life I am indulged in,
Now is the time for me to watch,
Plan, act & watch the outcome,
I see joy is 'round the corner.

My happiness is in my own hand,
The pursuit of it is not so bland,
It is the most full of challenge,
No time to lose in indulgence,
It's now when I must perform,
The pursuit approaches an end,
My joy is in making destiny bend.

A* girl who is hoping to be with me,
Theming all her poetry around me,
Unable I am to reflect her feelings,
Lose I did myself in my past lover.

Love her I did that bit too much,
Of her decisions I was an abider,
Vainly are all the sacrifices I made,
Except only when unavoidable,
Did I ever ignore her? I did not.

Killed me she with her love and deceit,
Remain just the memories of her,
I let my mind linger in past,
Pleasured I am by her memories,
I just cannot once again take chances.

And I will just live with her memories,
Not that I consider myself so worse,
Desist I will from marriage all my life.

I am so scared of loving anyone else,
Slowly I watch my days running out.

Now I will never be uncertain,
Of course I would be sans fear,
What scares me would be past.

Scientist I want to become for real,
Concentrate I will more on career,
And her memories won't plague,
Romance I will with myself more,
Elephantine will be my happiness,
Dress rehearsals I do for success.

Old memories will not haunt me,
Finally I'll be one with happiness.

Last desire of my heart,
Of course won't be fullfilled,
Very sure because I am lonely,
E**njoy I'll this eternal loneliness.

It's child abuse in the Afghani style,
Men get hold of little boys to play,
They fiddle with the kids' flies,
Dig their fingers deep inside,
Get hold of the miniature tools,
Twiddle them till they just urinate.

And then the kids are addicted,
They keep repeating it by themselves,
It is not exclusive to the Afghanis,
Even some Indians often do it,
I know because even I was a victim.

Now I protect every other kid.

Many times before I got committed,
Inside my mind I discussed it,
Should I desist from loving her,
Should I take care of myself first,
Indeed she was very much young,
Never I thought she was immature,
Gripped lightly her arms so tender.

Hues of crimson red now exist,
Effort to string them together,
R**oses of the memories of her.

Don't fear,
Oh motherland,
For your sons're here,
Your brave sons in the band.
Let any of the invaders dare over,
Your sons are here on the border,
We will together protect you!

I had met her only once.

Kissed I had her dry lips twice,
Night I slept and she kissed me,
Oh she woke me up to join in,
What I did was to drink her lips.

When I missed a chance to romance,
Have I such a memory? No,
Always cared for her throughout,
Truly I have loved her since eternity.

Yet she forgot about the care,
Oh, she ignored it conveniently,
Under an effect of worldly desires.

Did someone else prevent her,
I suspect her father made her,
Destiny is a roadblock in here.

The story ends with a breakup,
Hanging in obiter is happiness,
And each expectation shatters,
Tantalising hints of eternal love.

Another time I have failed,
Upon life she was a scourge,
The story is being renewed,
Ukulele orchestra plays within,
Morose tunes it plays lavishly,
Night fell long ago but it never ends.

I still waste my tears in your memory,
I still miss the romance in my poetry...

In your company I was carefree,
And you bit your fingers naughtily.
You used to meet me often secretly,
A lot of time is gone but I still miss it.

I used to pull the corner of the curtains suddenly,
And I remember how you veiled your face behind the scarf.
Those sunlit hot afternoons when I used to call you,
And I still miss how you used to run barefoot onto the terrace to romance with me.

Here l come,
Oh 60 kg target!
Be ready for me,
'Cause I am determined.

She came like springtide,
She left me enticed.
What secret she used to hide,
In her heart deep inside.

She was beautiful per se,
But her eyes were deceptive.
She was beautiful per se,
But her eyes were deceptive.
Her lappet she used to hide,
She came like springtide,
She left me enticed.

Tell me oh my heartbeats,
Oh my heartbeats.
Tell me this much oh my heartbeats,
Who was she that showed me dreams,
The one that came like springtide,
But left me longing and enticed.

Parents' spoilt brat,
I am their only child.
I am still not used to it,
Loneliness blights me.
I try to make them mild,
These ghosts of loneliness,
The ghosts written in my destiny.

Looking at the moon,
I suddenly so desire,
That may you descend.

In the lunar palanquin,
May you come to my life.
In the angelic embrace,
May you come to the arms of my wife.

I swear that I have not seen,
Anyone as cute as my imagination.

In the lunar palanquin,
Here comes my cute princess.
By the grace of the angels,
May you be calligraphed in my life.

I swear that for me she is the cutest,
None else is even half as beautiful.

A dream home is being built,
My dreams get moulded.
Let all my dreams come true,
I will decorate the walls with love.

This dewy moonlight is so soft,
My imagination may get real.
Lit by this softer moonlight,
How more sweet can it get?

Oh how conveniently I often fail,
But not that my arms I do not flail.
Neither that soldier spirit ebbs away,
Nor this fighting spirit will ever sway.

What is wrong with my health,
Why all my systems get derailed.
Have I not lost so much of wealth,
How I avoid this approaching death.

There's not much to like about me,
But I love the pain in my poetic saga.
Told in first person it ain't a bit filmy,
Of love & loss it's an immortal story.
My love is lavishly poured in it,
Emptied it never is after reading.
And the reader is totally lost in it.

I'm sailing this lonely ship now,
But it's nothing unusual or new.

I have been on this ship before,
But it's not like Deja vu here.

I sailed alone in my childhood,
Shouldn't be any different now.

I was alone, playing with the toys,
That time was definitely a luxury.

I was alone, staring at the walls,
That time was actually so cursed.

I'm still sitting alone, a book in hand,
But now I must read it & score marks.

So it's different & no Deja vu now.

"I love my 57474 Forever"*
A variation of this phrase,
Used to be my password everywhere.

Yes it was so easy to remember,
For each heartbeat repeated it,
And I could just not forget it ever.

But then she chose to walk out on me,
A rethink she gave not her decision,
And seemingly I am going to be lonely,
Not just for a day but forever & ever.

I loved her,
As if she was,
Only she was.

Now only this *** remains,
How only this sum remains,
Me + her memories = doom.

I* remember the ultimate terror,
Bunch of killer bees attacking me,
Assailed I was by a shifting pack,
Not a single cadet left behind,
Each of them stinging me royally,
Z**apping through to make death metal!

Someone as you must come to me,
And my dark life will finally shine,
Naughty just like you she should be,
Day in and day out I will love you,
You and me should be together.

In this life and forever be it so,
See I will the world from her eyes.

You are my dream girl,
Our story is being scripted,
Up above the world so high,
Red roses on the sweet couch.

Nexus of us both,
Indeed is very divine,
Cheesy is our love's texture,
Kinky is this relation,
New is the breeze,
Amazing is my destiny,
My love comes as a bonus,
E**njoy your life, darling.

O daddy,
Why are you so Maleficent?
O daddy,
For our health you are Maleficent!

O daddy,
Why so much discipline?
Are we not your children?
O daddy,
Why such strictness?
Why such madness?

O daddy,
Why should now we do it?
O daddy,
Remember that you failed too!

O daddy,
Stop imposing your dreams on us!
Stop being strict with youngsters!
O daddy,
Such mirth we do never deserve!
Such unworthy treatment, why!

A fairly new poetess,
With the eye of a tigress,
Of stats she is the mistress.

She compliments me,
As she points it out to be,
Excellent poets read so many.

So honestly she tells me,
As she brings to my notice,
"Your favourites are 10X more,"
"Your poems are 10 times lesser!"

For some they might be brave,
The ones whose poetry is incomplete,
Without the necessary F-words.

But for me such poets are not poets,
They are the lost souls bent on it,
Abusing the readers no soul they save.

Sans any rhyme scheme or structure,
Do they not aimlessly scribble,
I wonder if they learnt F-words in vivo.

O Kalpana,
I am sorry.
I can't reciprocate,
I'm such a pitiful chicken.

O Kalpana,
I am sorry.
I can't take chances,
I'm afraid it'll be broken.

O Kalpana,
I am sorry.
I can't love ever again,
I'm scared of caring & losing.

I once loved a girl
Or you can say
She once loved me

She showed me this room
Isn't it good
Poetry room?

She asked me to join
And she told me to write some poems
So I looked around
And I noticed there wasn't a rhyme

I sat on the site
Biding my time
Writing poems

We were together
And then she said
"I'm bored with you"

She told me she wanted to explore
And started to laugh
I told her I didn't
And crawled off to write more poems

And when I gathered
I was single
Once again in life

So I wrote a poem
Isn't it good
Poetry room!

Even the walls have their ears,
Although they are nonliving,
Virgin cries were overheard,
Easily by the walls themselves,
Sexy sounds of *******,
Deflowering the young wife,
Roping in spies for the purpose,
Opening the ***** so delicate,
People so enjoy overhearing,
Pretty sights shine right upfront,
In their addiction to **** time,
No secrets remain virtuously,
G**ood habits are hard to develop.

I got hurt by an arrow,
And the sky is crimson.

It turns crimson in my blues,
And the redness of my blood.

I wanted to serve the people,
Because I am the Robin Hood.

What happened to the love I felt,
All the love I dispensed to her,
Where did her faith waiver,
How could she unlove me,
Why she forgot about it?

I really have no idea,
No hint about who lost more,
But I surely lost my dear.

If two beat in my chest,
I will give even that one to her,
For her passion of breaking my heart.

I am a mental man,
The feelings are so true,
I am a genuine man,
Sentimental man.

I had cried like children,
In sheer repentance,
Repentance of exposing,
Exposing my love to him.

For he was less of a friend,
More of an obsessive flirt,
He enticed her and I lost,
I lost a lot of my sanity.

I am a motional man,
The gait is a slightly limpy,
I am a touchy man,
Emotional man.

I had pent up my tears,
The evening was blue,
Took a purple shade my ears,
Reasons to live were so few.

I was not possessive,
But just highly insecure,
Because leave me she may,
I don't want her to regret her choice.

For I had loved her,
More as a father,
And less like a lover,
A guilt that will stay forever.

Because it's her name,
Her name is tattooed,
Even in this thought,
And onto my heart.

O life come embrace me,
O life come embrace me,
Like I have embraced you,
And each sorrow you gave.
O life come embrace me now,
O life...

I have excused myself...
Hidden from the society...
Behind my eyelids I have housed you,
And got your support oh life.
Yeah, I've got your support...

O life come embrace me,
O life come embrace me,
Like I have embraced you,
And each sorrow you gave.
O life come embrace me now,
O life...
O life come embrace me now,
Embrace me now...
Embrace me,
Embrace me...

"Q: What do you want to be written on your tombstone?
A: 'Here was cremated Atul Kaushal, a free spirit', because I want to break free from the circle of life & death and live with my love in that place beyond space & time far from rebirth cycle."

So fast you fly,
And you teleport,
In time and space,
You bend each law,
And you fire the beam,
N**ow - Ka-me-ha-me-ha!!!

Atul was murdered.
In broad daylight he was slain.
Finally death had got him.
His windpipe was slit open.
But a bigger surprise awaited.
The doctors performed autopsy.
His heart was found to be missing.

His diary read:
*My chest is empty,
No heart shall ever beat,
What l feared the most,
It only did repeat,
The lover I trusted,
She walked away with my heart.

My life is sinking day by day,
And I am not scared for it.

I am aging just internally,
And my body fails now.

Be it digestive system,
Or be it respiratory.

I don't know when,
Nor how it failed.

It's only few days,
Or maybe months.

I see myself dying.