you’re beautiful to me
my daytime apparitions
wet with my own grace
i look into you
my scars laid into you
insecurities of my shadows
sweetness laid into you
ripe withholding your touch for days
smiling for me
brightness laid into me
your power inescapable
deliver to me your sincerest affections
your taste diffuses my inhibition
for a creature of excess
you’re more than enough for me

telling me to grow up
it feels constructive
when you insert the potassium chloride into me
gay as morbid men’s amusement
spill into my bloodstream
some children cry
but sometime ago
i let out so many tears that i died
chloride can only preserve what i’ve seen
it’s all nothing
there’s no more dreams
where do i go at night
i can’t tell you the last thing that child uttered
his final breath didn’t matter
boys don’t cry after all
they **** their minds and **** what’s left

kiss away my pain
softly please
all i can ask for
is that you don’t hate my dismay
because somehow someway
after yesterday
when you kissed me
i got the rush
that i once felt in the dizzy of our laughter
and this morning it hasn’t gone away

precision to
envision what i need
my wants
are very difficult to place
ritalin though
helps me
but i can’t imagine the continuation of what feels like a sin
wording is everything
i’ve only tried it ten times
******* pornographic depictions of your ******* fixations
fuel my motivation for more
to give you and i the world
and continue to love you my little *****
i shouldn’t say these things
but the nasty ways
we profess our love
are the most raw and beautiful displays
of human nature

the world will sell you something fake
and its lies will seem real
if you want to believe

white lies are simply just the truth refracted
in order to keep us pushing
its warm embrace feels safe
but like a lying mother
its tight grip is suffocating

her warmth revealing itself
as radiation rather than devotion
activating the cancers within us
just to **** what she was meant to take care of

searching for a door
to the forest
i can’t seem to find the way
the crickets echoing cry
can be heard in the halls of this sprawl
what will become of me?
is the envisioning of the murky waters
behind the woods going to give way or
will we ever overcome the weight of the greed around us?
will the pits filled with cellophane and bisphenol break hold of gravity
can the earth fall to the bottom of the universe?
will we feel the blow of the astronomical damage that we have done?
can the money you paid to wipe away your sins truly be forgotten of?
when the world begets its metamorphosis
to the hell it’s always meant to become
you won’t see me
your money will be gone
i’ve always been meant to see the inferno
but this is your doing not mine

intrusive thoughts help me sell my soul
i want the love of all
can prayers to the unholy one
who resides in my head
help me achieve my desire
for opulence and adoration
or will it feast on my insecurity
until i have nothing left to offer

you don’t want me anymore
the touch of my skin crawls from your insides
what is it baby

you used to love laying next to me
now you stare off when you say I love you
if you’ve fallen out of love with me
please lay down by my side one last time

i know how it feels
you finally typed out that sentence with tears in your eyes
it’s more real than ever

im so sorry you’re hurt
but i still want to hold you

each doubt in my mind
feels like a break in the atmosphere
inexplicable apologies flood my already clouded mind
there’s a lot in this life i want
you’re more than each to me
sad eyes
****** walls
and overwhelming feelings that control me
when the night falls
new moon clearing the air
of what’s unsaid
telling you all the ways I want me dead
i want to know what eats you
the cardinal tragedies that keep us apart
all day i silently search for blueprints to your heart
too afraid to ask
i have to face my fears if i want you

never look down
it’s weak
never miss what’s lost
it’ll never be found
move forward
be your own god
give thanks to the lord
because his reflection is yours
you’re your own creator
this is your world now

stand tall
brace
don’t let them see you ******* cry
it’s weak
just look in the mirror and love it
lie even
just change every ******* thing
pain is a gift you return
everyone is deserving of demise
do not pretend
live as new
anything but the raw affliction can show
put away all your sorrows
nobody gives a ****
now look everyone loves you
stand tall

second choice boys
and last choice girls
live in the realm of abandonment
they scream into the void
unrequited love and its sorrowing embrace
feel like a swan dive
the butterflies soon rot away in you
as if they regress back to caterpillars
and feast upon your insides
they grow just to consume you
to eat away at your everything
the sad truth to the friendly hugs that feel empty and cold
they will never love you
it’s best i tell you first
before you’re too old

im trying my best to abstain
from the thoughts
that make me want to eat you alive
i used to rely on the hearts of others
nutrients of their blood to fulfill my thirst
the things we do more than satiate me
no longer do i need
to break the ribs of empty promise
in order to breathe

give me your pain
let me take it all
like the man i am
my filthy hands can feel the scars
behind your breast
the healed incisions of years before
i only want to give you everything i can
in exchange for your discomfort
i want to bear your heart’s burdens
you brace for the unknown
every time you feel alive
i pray to you my god every night
so that i may keep your heavenly embrace
and never feel the malice that’s left
your eyes show what’s unsaid
it’s only fair to bring you back from the dead

sins of the past
linger about
i’m sure they’ll evaporate
after we consummate
or maybe they won’t
But i need to know