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lua Nov 2019
your light crept into the nooks and crannies of neighbourhoods
lighting up the darkest of alleyways
when i step foot into your house
the space shines with colours i never knew i could see
i'll breathe in your radiance
even when your light fades into a familiar glow
i'll bask in you
even when the skies fade into the evening's blue
and all i ask is to feel your embrace
to feel your golden arms around me
even in the setting sun.
lua Sep 2019
I'm an Icarus in the sky
Leave me to fall
I know what I've done
I flew too close
But it had called my name
Chanted it
Sung it, like a song
And I knew I had to
I knew its rays would burn the flesh of my body
But I'll bathe in them
For the only thing I want to feel when I die
Is the warmth of the sun
Against my skin.
inspired by the greek myth of icarus, son of daedalus.
lua Apr 2020
falling in love is frightening
it is a cruel, terrifying thing
to allow yourself to collapse into the arms of a stranger
to let them dissect each word you say
each thought, each laugh that escapes
each tear that rolls down your cheeks
and every inch of skin across your body
to allow your knees to buckle and shake at the very thought of their name
and to allow your heart into their palms
allowing them to do anything to it
truly,
falling in love is frightening.
lua Nov 2019
When the world implodes and burns from the inside, I will not fear God
I will hear the prayers of folks fallen to their knees
Calling out to you
Calling out your name
In begging for mercy
Clemency
Fear
Fear of death
That soon would swallow them whole
As the earth devours itself
But I will not fear you
I will not
So be it the planet dies
So be it it crumbles beneath my feet
So be it I shall die too
So be it the death I shall go through is slow and painful
So be it I will scream in anguish and agony as the life drains out of me
So be it the hundred, thousand hands grasping my ankles
Calling out to me to kneel before you
Crying out to me to beg before you
For your forgiveness
To be spared from retribution
To be spared from the cackling fires of Hell
I will not kneel before you
I will not ***** my knees for you
I will not cover them in bruises and mud for you
I will not bow my head in silence for you
I will not silence my voice and thoughts for you
I will not cower under your stare
I will not fear you.
You are nothing to me
lua Dec 2020
it's the ache in my chest
and the tingle in my palms
the ***** of tears at the corner of my eyes
that makes me think
makes me wonder
what it is to truly feel
what love is like
as young as i am
and as innocent as i seem
amidst the world
desensitised
and numb
i don't understand
and maybe that's okay for now
because from my own experience
from what my own fingertips feel
from what my eyes have touched
and from what my ears have solemnly listened
it is a kind of pain
we often yearn for.
lua Mar 2020
You remember the fire in black and white
Like an old movie
How the pictures on the wall burned
How they crumbled to the flaming ground
As if descending into the inferno
The fabrics singed,
The kitchen had fallen apart
The stairs to the second floor had collapsed
But the glass-eyed look she gave you
Was the only thing in colour.
lua Mar 2023
first love, loud evening
blaring lights,
she cries into a puddle on the floor
i help her up as she drips through my fingers
it's funny, i laugh until my cheeks hurt
she's sobbing into her palms
first love, a crying mess
lipstick smeared, chocolate cake stains on her teeth
when i sing, i can't help but think of her
how it would feel to hold her
more than a friend
but first love remains a first love
she goes home, a stumbling mess in the night
slurring her goodbyes as she drags her feet to the car
first love, goodbye and good night
stay as my first love, it's better that way
i'll meet someone like you soon.
lua Feb 2020
Morning comes, the world is set on fire
Our state is quite dire
But that doesn't stop me
From picking up a flower
A flower that bloomed in the spring
Alone, at a wasteland
The flower of the wasteland

Evening comes, the flames have died down
There are ashes on the ground
Not a single sound
But the light is still here
Hope never disappeared
Even here
In this wasteland
In this wasteland
a song by me
lua Apr 2020
my flesh is sore
and tender
covered in deep violet buds
and the blooming yellow flowers
that grew in patches on
dry,
rough skin
and every tear would let blood trickle down
in between the petals
concealed
but felt.
lua Dec 2020
it had slipped
from my grasp
that warm toned memory
                        a   l o o s e   t h r e a d
                    t h a t    s n a p p e d
yet left its indentations on my mind
its fingerprints behind my eyes
i can still remember how bright the sun was that day
and the tilt of someone's lips towards the sky
someone i can't seem to recall
someone that doesn't ring a bell
but whose laugh still floats around in the air
i can't seem to
               remember.
lua Mar 2022
skin made of fire
organs made of flame
each strand of hair a wisp of smoke

living in a forest
one touch can blow it all away
but there's nothing like
free oxygen.
lua Oct 2022
the ice breaks from above me
as sunlight streams in
i feel its warmth
kissing the hairs against my arms
i would swim
to the top
to bang my fists against the frozen sheet
to pry each shard away
to pull myself out
but my blood hardens beneath the flesh
and i sink
watching the sky from the cold currents.
lua Aug 2021
i cast no shadow
beneath the white sun
amidst the sea of swaying green
and my skin is see through
and passes through
the blades of grass
like a projection
a hallucination
in no one's head
am i
even
real?
there is no colour on these sickly bones
but i feel the warmth of red
seeping through my transparent mind
am i
even
real?
i feel like a ghost
with no grave
a ghost that has not died
just yet
a ghost
trying to look for
something
for anything
for everything
while having
no eyes.
lua Mar 2020
ang pawis na tumutulo sa aking pisngi
tumutulo sa aking mukha
tuwing kumakanta
sa ilalim ng tinding init ng araw
hinihintay ang sikat ng buwan sa gabi
at nananaginip habang gising.
lua Apr 2020
give me your all
every lick of sweat that rolls off your body
every clever word and cunning comeback that you utter
every pretty sound that escapes from your parted lips
every hazy gaze between your lidded eyes
every hair that stands on end when i whisper into your flesh
every thought you think
every action you do
your skin is mine and mine alone
your heart is mine and mine alone
you are mine and mine alone
give me your all.
lua Jun 2020
when we kiss
it's as if i press my lips
on precious gold
so smooth and cold
it cradles the light
in its grasp so tight
and leaves me blind
and asking for more.
lua Nov 2019
the road home wound and swirled like a coil
the music on the radio tuned out like white-noise
and the sun had set to a point where everything lit up in red
a crimson so deep
it stained the trees, the grass
the tall towering buildings, the calm suburban neighbourhoods
the cracked pavements, the dark alleyways
the glass shop windows, the exposed brick of an abandoned structure
the glossy sides of the cars that drove infront of us, the concrete we drove on
the faux leather seats, the metal of the adjustable headrest
the tips of my hair, the tips of my fingernails
my skin, and all of the things that sat with me in silence

i close my eyes

and i feel.
other title: crimson hour
lua Oct 2019
there are some people in the world
who we forget to say goodbye to
even if its simply going to school
or to work
to the moment their body lays limp on their deathbed
a simple "bye"
or a "see you later"
would suffice

if you can say hello
you can say goodbye.
before it's too late
lua Mar 7
the shell chipped
and fell into the bowl
two yolks swirling around
one whole and deep orange
the other paling in comparison
fragile membrane pricked by ivory
bleeding into the white

i cursed
could have been
more careful.
lua Sep 2021
wind chimes in early morning breeze
the sizzle of shadows
from the blazing sun
kisses my skin
all sticky from sweat and heat
i twitch
the whites of my eyes are painted with tears
take a step
and jump
plunge myself into the blue
and bathe in the grey afternoon clouds
til i wait
for the sunset.
lua May 2020
Graceful is the way death floats down to earth
Like a feather, a bird
Placing its hand upon a young person's shoulder
It tugs on their clothes as a child would
And the young person kneels down
Grabs death's small arms with a smile
And they walk, hand in hand
To where? I don't know.
dedicated to my friend who passed away.
lua Jun 2021
there's so many things i want to say
but every single letter
that slips through my lips
are stained with tears
and gasoline
i want
all these thoughts
into a burning pyre
set them ablaze
maybe that way
i can feel happy
without feeling guilt.
lua Jun 2021
im not
in the right mental state
to say
'i love you'
back
because im scared
that ill dye
those words
with my own
self hatred.
him
lua Apr 2020
him
the remnants of his laugh was the mere ringing in my ears
and the touch of his fingers
a phantom feeling
yet my skin prickles
and a shiver slithers
down the length of my spine
how could i forget the colour of his eyes?
ones that held the sun inside
every stare lights my flesh ablaze
how could i forget the colour of his voice?
each word spoken lined in gold
dazzling like his smile
oh, that smile.
and when my words faltered
and stumbled on themselves
he'd card his hands through my hair
but the world has different ways to torture someone
i won't be forgetting him anytime soon.
lua Oct 2020
how does it feel to be loved by the gods?
that in every movement
the swirls of your hair around your face
the flutter of your eyes
and the shake of your shoulders when you laugh
sends shivers down even the gods' spines?
yet you don't know it
the longing stares that they send you from above
how the vines of the earth seem to crawl towards your feet
to graze against your skin
and kiss against your knees
you don't even know it
how your smile is ever so radiant
that even the sun has to shield his eyes
how every step you take
sends the earth rippling beneath my feet
or how every word that escapes your lips
makes the sky tremble
as the gods swoon
and yes
when i look at you
and when i touch you
and when i laugh with you
and spend my days and nights with you
i might as well call myself a god.
lua Jun 2021
i like to put myself in the shoes
of people who don't exist
in order to feel things through their hands
and see things through their eyes
to know what the earth feels under their feet
and to know what pain—
all pleasurable and tragic,
all heart-wrenching,
all that gushes blood and sweat that drips down to be swallowed by the sun—
is like
in a metaphorical sense
that's how i learn.
lua May 2020
love doesn't cost much, to say the least. ive never bought love before but i know people who have. some say it costs an arm and a leg, some will say it's about a dollar and two cents. no refunds, as everything goes. sadness is an acquired taste, but it costs nothing more than the entirety of your youth. it has an interest rate too, so if you cant pay it all immediately, you're gonna be in debt for the rest of your life. sometimes you dont realise you bought sadness in the first place. sometimes you mix things up in your shopping cart and that's okay. it happens to the best of us. fear, on the other hand, is something you don't buy. it's just been there for as long as you can remember. some people have more of it, some people have less. sometimes people like to share their fear to other people, or even force it into a poor, unsuspecting fool's hands. everything else is a hand-me-down, opinions and what-not. kids these days like to take those opinions and cut them up and add new stuff to it, making it something new entirely. it's interesting, and it's become some sort of new trend nowadays — a trend i gladly participate in. but there's one thing i don't think i can buy, not for now atleast. happiness. happiness is something i see in a store shelf, a price tag with an ungodly amount of digits sticked on it. happiness is the item in the shop that i pick up and inspect with a longing in my heart, but never can buy. i don't have enough money for happiness. sometimes people drop their happiness as they go about their lives, and i would be the person behind them to see it. there would always be an inner debate within me whether to keep it for myself, or to return it to the owner. on most occasions i am a model citizen, and return it to the person who dropped it. but sometimes i place it inside my bag and bring it home, to where id take it out and feel the corners of my lips twitch into a smile. i know it wasn't mine, but the rich people who can afford it tend to be so careless, as if they don't want it. i know i took someone else's happiness away from them. so i'd place it back in my bag, go back to where i found it and place it there, hoping the owner comes back and finds it. then i'd go back home feeling accomplished, yet heavy inside. it was the right thing to do, i'd repeat to myself. one day i'll buy my own happiness. happiness to call my own.
lua May 2022
my eyes hurt
tears feel like shards of glass
cutting me when i blink them away

my heart hurts
like my blood is on fire
burning my veins and arteries
with every beat

my mind hurts
pulsating, swollen in pain
writhing in its cage of bone
as if it wants to crack through
for a breath of fresh air.
lua Mar 2021
let me be your girl
your world
and all the inbetween
ill be the the moon, the sun
the stars and the seas
ill be the rain, the snow
the hail, and the heat
i could tell you all i know
and all youll ever feel
ill be your crash course
the cause of your all-nighters
ill be your wake up call
and the whisper in your dreams
ill be everything i could ever be
ill be yours
i could be yours.
lua Jul 2021
no one really understands
but i get it
i dont understand either
why this ghost in my body
why this ghost in my body writhes
and tosses
and turns
and makes me sob and weep
shrill and high
yet silently, unobserved
i dont really get it either
why this ghost in my body falls in love with everyone it meets
and makes me green with envy
and a chilling blue of loneliness
that makes it hard to see anything
other than red
and rose
no one really understands
but thats okay
i dont understand either.
lua Oct 2019
i don't want to die, not yet at least
but the world is eating itself from the inside
and i feel your fingers slipping away from my grasp
the dogs are barking, their howls resonating in my head
bouncing off the walls of my subconscious
like sirens, a sign
a sign of the end of times
one that all should know of
when the waters begin to swallow nations whole
when the fires begin to devour the earth
when the earth freezes over and shatters, drifting across the solar system
when the earth burns to nothing but ash—

—"but i don't want to die"

i'll take what you said to the grave
even if its the last thing i'll ever hold on to.
part 2
lua Aug 2022
quietly
i stumble in the dark
to lock the door
and stare at the darkness
staring at me

laying next to the ghost of the night before
wondering why its warm
feeling the indentation of her shape

when i sob softly into my pillow
i dream of nothingness
only school hallways
in dead silence

i'd rather be awake
but i'd rather be asleep when i am

there are no thoughts
that race through my head
nothing that lingers

how can i see haziness in the dark?
i see with my fingertips

i wish
i hope
i want
i dream
dream
dream.
lua Feb 2020
i fear no one today
i am my own escape
in this world of pain
i fear no one today

i'll scream and i will run
the fun has just begun
i'll fall, and my knees scrape
for i fear no one today

i'll live life like a dream
one no one's ever seen
i'll cry til my lungs ache
i'll fear no one today

i'll love with all my heart
for love is but an art
i'll give this heart away
'cause i fear no one today

i've cut off all your strings
what does tomorrow bring?
i am my own escape
i fear no one today.
a song by me
lua Sep 2019
There are certain things that are easy to understand but are hard to accept
And there will always be the guilt that comes with it
And maybe the ignorant should stay ignorant
Because then they wouldn't know what hurts.
lua May 2023
i have always been her
she has always been me
yet lately, she's been growing up
wrinkling her skin when she smiles
and i will always be a child

i have always been her
she has always been me
yet lately, she's been seeing wider horizons
opening her eyes to broad daylight
and i will always hide behind the moon

i have always been her
she has always been me
yet lately, she's been transforming
a metamorphosis, emerging into something new
and i will always be a caterpillar.
lua Jan 2022
i killed myself
with an axe to the head
in a dreary dawn's forest

i try to light a cigarette
with an empty lighter
while i watch the sun rise

i give my dead body her own stick
and we let the paper burn
ash dribbling down our chins

my blood is sticky on my hands
and it's cold

i sit next to myself
in my pool of blood
watching the red
drain from my face

what do i do?
do i cry?
i feel numb
and my head feels so heavy
like it's splitting open

sobbing, weeping
weeping as i bury myself
six feet underground

planting me like a seed
that won't grow back.
lua Nov 2022
death had soft hands
with veins snaking beneath
paper thin skin, touching my palms
     how could i forget?
      the warmth of his presence
        that demanded all attention
          for my gaze to fixate on him and him alone
            like the sun
              setting on the final day of summer
                 when all memories of youth
                    were merely bygone thoughts
                       in overexposed dreams
                  
and he was beautiful
a smile of pearls
   a voice like honeysuckle and
     the gentle afternoon breeze
       like wind chimes blowing
         had i forgotten?
        
he breathes life into me
  as he takes it away
     and gladly
     i let him
     it would be a crime not to
    
he pressed his lips
against mine
   and with a sigh
                                      finally
      i let him in.
but he never truly loved me
  i would know
    i felt him slip away
      passing through me
        when i lean in
i weeped
          shrill
          coarse
          deafening
          sobbing until i had nothing left to cry
            do i blame him? of course not
                  they never stay
                  never will
                  it's not my time yet.
lua Apr 2021
my words
might wash up
against your shore
in torn up shreds
each scribbled letter faded
obscured by time
obscured by rippling waves
that thrash and tear
each piece left vague
dowsed in mystery
and a lingering
a longing
to be read

soon
maybe
next time
i'll be mature enough
to put them in a bottle.
lua Jul 2020
the words blur
and swirl
and slur
these mumbled thoughts of yours
each sentence caught
in a murky sea
of things left unspoken
and all things that came to be
all things that fall apart at the seams
all things that rewind and disappear
and all things that come undone
in the end.
the days are blurring together
lua May 2020
i stay in the past
out of hatred for the present
and fear of the future
inside my mother's cocoon
as my father works day to day
tirelessly, puffing smoke out of chapped lips
and the cigarette boxes pile the hallways
i live in a dream inside my head
where i paint my walls a different shade each day
and flowers bloom between the cold metal frame of my bed
the cracks in the ceiling
and the dusty gaps in my window
as if i had not heard my sister cry in the night
or nights
and my brother slams the door from outside
yes,
i'd rather stay in the past.
lua Mar 2020
Roses and daffodils
Peach blossoms too
Sunflowers, bright and tall
I reach out to you

Valleys and flower fields
Ranges and runes
Magic spells, hieroglyphs
A world just for two

Crystal ***** and hooded cloaks
The future and more
Blinding lights and silent thrills
This dream of yours

Armour and the clang of steel
The monsters you slay
Broken glass upon the floors
You push me away

The brave warrior's battle cry
The fire in your soul
The dreams that you set aside
The blood overflows

Strong hands that once were warm
Ones that held me
You lay there upon your crimson pool
The Gods will hear my scream

Sunflowers, bright and tall
Roses, red and blue
Your memory stays close to me
As I reach out to you.
a witch falls in love with a knight, but fate has different plans
lua Sep 2023
i became an island
wrapped myself in an earthen blanket
and crawled into the ocean

i slept, the most peaceful sight
fetal position as i embraced nothing

i became an island
lost at sea
disappearing in the high tide
my sandy shores raked with coral
under the moon

under the moon
when i rise
to watch the waves lick at my soles

under the moon
i became an island.
lua Jan 2021
i wanna be a fairy girl
with see through wings
so thin and frail
that glitter and flutter
jingling like a bell
humming bird girl
small sweet sounds
drink the nectar
from the flowers
nymph in the woods, deer girl
tree girl, mermaid
with magic in my veins
i wanna be a goddess girl
bow down
the sea licking at my feet
i wanna be.
lua Mar 2020
bawat na tibok ng puso'y umaagos ang luha
sa mga matang bukas,
nakikita ang ilaw ng kadiliman
at ang pagbuhos ng tubig galing sa langit
na tila umiiyak din.
lua Dec 2021
who do you reach
my ink-on-paper pal?
in this ink-on-paper world on the brink of tearing

if i had known better, i'd've paid more attention to english class
and leap
from my tower of arrogance
step off this ****** horse
because where's the fun in being smart when everyone believes otherwise?

am i just another burnt out prodigy? maybe
but i was never considered a star in the first place
too small to be a planet, dull to be a star
and yet my skin is torched
flaking with charred ends

i'm not talented, nor skilled
jack of all trades, master of none
and yet i spout my lies like spiderweb
to feel like a predator amongst the ants.
lua Dec 2020
my hands bled
small red crescent moons
etched deep into my palms
that drip onto my lap
when i watch
                 i    c a n ' t    s a y    i t
and i breathe
shakey
spelling out your name
across my skin
in goosebumps
but my blood goes cold
and boils too hard
bubbling into my temples
popping in my brain
a banging
a raging
anger
my vision goes red

and yet.
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