the hours sped by like minutes
as my eyes cling to the rising sun
in desperation
for light
and reassurance
that i am indeed awake
breathing
alive.

The angel returned
It had enclosed me in its fiery embrace
And burned through me
With a thousand incendiary gazes
From a thousand eyes
That as if spoke to me whispers I could not hear
In tongues I could not comprehend or understand
But I did not quiver in fear of the flames
As they cradled me in a familiar warmth
Even as the flames grew brighter
And I felt my skin drip off my bones
Into the nothingness below me

The angel disappeared again.

when dawn comes, i will rejoice
and beat my chest to the skies
because it is a reminder
that i lived through another day.

my heart hurts
it squeezes
and bursts in my chest
as i cough up petals
she talks to me in flowers
and the sweetest of curves
but not about me
not about me at all
not me and her
and im left to yearn
yet to smile for her
bring the balloons
answer her questions
and watch them together
this is how it always ends
anyway.

a rifle fires a bullet into the night
its sonic boom shakes my bones
and rings in my ears
i watched it fly across the sky
its metal glinting like a shooting star
yet my eyes were too sluggish
unable to see where it might have hit
whatever it may have killed, lies in silence now
a corpse for me to find when i am older.

there is no beauty in her words
only a hatred so strong
it turns every breath of hers to ash.

lately ive been dreaming of red
of swimming in the dark
and the roots of trees that snake around my ankles
in the cold
lately ive been dreaming of a shore
of mangroves in the deep of night
and the burning silence that fills the space
fills my ears with water
a peaceful demise
below the surface.

she was a doll strung together with elastic
and her skin was of the finest china
smooth, crafted with the highest of care
and not a scratch to disturb her perfection
beneath her porcelain flesh
are bones of malleable gold
soft to the touch
expensive

truly,
she was not just any collector's item.

the want to destroy but the need to create
the need to grieve yet the want to celebrate
to build a temple not to worship
but mock a god
to raise a building only to watch it fall
the desire to say no but you can't seem to refuse
the want to love but hatred is all you use
to be angry and scream
but you can't help but smile
the need to live in reality
but be stuck in a lie.

it was like a shock
at first
like lightning strikes
in the silence of midnight
breaking through the calm
like a raging storm
that thrashed and hurt
in white-gold veins
harsh against the clouds
an electric current
that creeps into my blood
and settles in my chest
when i first saw you.

and there is darkness once again in this place
of the gentle strum of a broken guitar
and the old crumbling walls that surround us
eager to give in
and let the ceiling ripple
crashing like giant waves
on a bright beach's shore
but we escape
from all these things birthed from ruin
and the tenderness of a warm hand
we escape
each fragmented laugh that echo the halls
and the days etched into the earth
we escape
and leave our souls behind
one piece at a time
and plant it into the soil
hoping it could grow and flourish
in this dark place.

when death arrives
it will feel like
a gentle forest breeze
that carries whispers of ghosts in its palms

it will feel like
the earth shaking, ever so slightly
just enough to rattle you awake

death knocks on your door
like a freezing child in the wintertime
and asks for a sliver of stale bread

it will look like the reflection in the water
that disappears when you touch it
rippling into the surface

but it's a warm embrace of soil
the shower of ash into the sea
it's a mother's gentle kiss goodbye
and yet the harsh crack of wine bottles against your head

soon, death will offer you blood and nectar in two hands
but it's not a choice that you can make.

they came to me at night with messages to bring

i won't ever forget the silence they carried to me

in arms that cradled words i could not understand

each syllable they uttered through chapped lips vibrated in my head

they reach out to me with molding skin

i see it fall to the ground in rotting clumps

they wrap me in their decaying embrace one last time

and when i awake

i find myself crying.

perspective shifts in all directions
a blur, out of focus from the earth
as spring blossoms in my throat

bloodied petals dried by the sun's rage
would it be my fault if i shielded my eyes?
away from his piercing glare
burning as he rises

ripping vines out of my mouth
tearing through my field of vision
until i close my eyes
and fade to black.

When I blinked, the fires were gone and so were you

And for the longest time
I walked along the shores
Aimlessly
Panting and shoulders heavy
As the sound of the river's currents followed my every step
The coarse dirt and sand felt like a thousand needles pricking the soles of my feet
The black sun rises high in the skies
Sweat rolls down the apples of my cheeks

When I called your name, what echoed back was only my voice
Coarse and rough from exhaustion
From the dust and smoke that choked me
When the fires began to burn

I shut my tired eyes
And I try to imagine your face
But all I see is the smokey sillhouette
You left behind

I wandered and wandered
And with each aching step,
My knees shake like jelly
Weak, as they buckled
In the corner of my eye I see Charon's boat
His tall looming figure clutching the handle of a paddle
Hunched over, murmuring
As his eyes follow me like the currents of the river
All knowing
I felt transparent
And they were the last things I saw
Before my face met the ground
With a thud.









I rise to the sound of rushing water

My eyes flutter open
To see nothing but a grey haze
I lay
Unmoving
As water drifts my motionless body in gentle currents
And when shore hits my back
I stand
The blades of grass tickling my skin
Prickling my flesh

Where am I?

And I see it
The outline of a figure
Walking through the fog
Sitting atop a jagged rock's edge
As the sun peaked through
Its thick wall of clouds

And it's beautiful

It almost looked like you.

gasp
heave
pant
the ringing in my ears
the lump beating in my throat
the sound of my heartbeat caught in a flame
that burns bright and angry
in my lungs
as i taste iron on my tongue
and blisters bloom
on the soles of my feet
like flowers in a summer's field
and yet the stench of sweat
the cling of cloth against my skin
raw and pink and thick with grime
but i'm running out of time
i won't ever stop to breathe.