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lua May 2020
there's nothing i love more in the world than time alone with myself
but lately it feels like im talking to my reflection
my reflection that doesn't even look me in the eye
and it's an infinite loop of meaningless conversations
unanswered questions
and replies left unsaid
as the days blend in to each other
i don't even know what day it is
i don't even know what time it is
or how many days have passed by
or why the world seems so bright and hot
but i find myself curled up into a ball
shivering for god knows how long

i'm just a ghost, eating up boredom and fear
trying to pass the time.
until no time is left at all
and it all comes undone
crashing down into nothing but a hostless husk.

(reference to another poem of mine called Passing Time!)
lua Oct 2022
light me on fire
set me ablaze
i let you fan me till i grow big
and swallow forests whole
nobody blames the arsonist
just the fire.
lua Jan 2020
the sink's faucet drips into its empty metal basin
as the fires from the stoves all burn out
the lights are off
but the glow of the moon
high in the sky
leaks through parted black-out curtains
and it dances along the edges of the marble countertops
there is no sound
only the muffled hum of cars outside
as they drive past
and i lay unmoving
on my kitchen floor.
lua Dec 2021
my dreams laugh at me
with fingers pointed
a dunce hat on my head when i look up
so i laugh along
laughing louder than the crowd
until there is no sound left
but my own.
lua Jul 2020
skies of blue and cloudless nights
quiet places and blank minds
feeling tiny, feeling blind
remembering, forgetting, nevermind

missed calls from the unknown
answers for questions of my own
secrets in chambers left alone
the web of lies i have sewn

i'll set it aflame, watch it burn
set it aflame, all things i earned
leave nothing behind, no stone left unturned
these crumbling libraries, these lessons i've learned.

i'll begin again, as i always do
wash it all away, begin anew
open pandora's box, let the chaos spark
i'll leave my name, i'll leave my mark.
lua Nov 2019
there was a fire in his soul, i could see it through his eyes
how it burned and raged from deep within
a flaming pyre for what he lost
what he gave up
what he chose to discard
he let it burn
he let him burn.
lua Sep 2019
hold my hand
hold it tight
don't let go
and let's watch
as the sun swallows the earth.
don't leave my side
lua Nov 2019
kiss me like the dawn
when the light of your sun touches the earth for the first time
when every single thing lights up and bursts into flames
burning bright tongues of fire and warmth into my heart
it showers the hills with orange, yellow light
waking everything up
as if breathing life into them once more
i'll love you even if my moon has a dark side you'll never reach
i'll love you even if when i am awake, you are off to sleep
i'll love you even if the only times our fingers touch
is when the world silences
as it watches the eclipse

kiss me like the dawn.
we'll never know when the last dawn will be
lua Mar 2020
Of midnight dreary and starlight’s end
Singing gentle tunes in the lions’ den
Each growl muddled with a lonely saint’s cry
Drinking in the sorrows of sinners who’ve died
I pray to a dead god, an exploding star in the night
The words overflow, thick and bright
Like blood in my veins, like roses in the summer
It reaches out to me with its cold, bluing fingers
A lion roars, they wither, they die
And in seconds, ever wondrous, they breathe life
I see this, I scream, I shout, I cry out
I say, Take me out
Take me out!
Take me out!
Give me the thing I’ve yearned for
The thing that my heart aches for!
The thing that I crave!
S e t   t h i s   d e n   a b l a z e
lua Jun 2020
lipton tea eyes
with flecks of charcoal grey
the remnants of a smile
i've kept my words at bay
for the longest time
not a word to slip through
but i seem to forget everything
each time i look at you
and i eat my words
i chew and chew
this jumbled mess
i wish i could say to you
my heart soars
and beats too fast
these glances of yours
that takes me back
to summer days
and cloudless skies
this youthful craze
and the longing to cry
just take my heart
please
don't let it die.
lua Dec 2022
little words, little reminders of you
forming little stories in my brain
of when you lived in it
ill never see certain words the same
because all i can think about
is your handwriting
and the way you say
these little words.
lua Apr 2020
it's the scent of rain in the morning
and the sound of rain in the night
it's a feeling that overwhelms you
yet a feeling not quite
when all the world is fast asleep
but you sit there, eyes wide

it is the aching in your heart
the stinging in your eyes
it is the sentences left unsaid
and the desire to rewind
but it is also the fear of embarrassment
the fear of crowds
but the desire to speak up
and speak aloud

but no one can hear you
no one wants to.
lua Dec 2019
I could feel the longing in her eyes
As we spoke
Each word she whispered stung and ached
Like the bite of a venomous snake
But every move she made had screamed
With unspoken apologies
Apologies for what,
I did not know.
She did not do anything wrong
lua Nov 2021
whispers of green that linger in the air
wafting through the grey morning breeze
the sun is shy today, i think to myself
while i hide behind my own wall of clouds

the water is cold and seemingly bottomless
when i dip my toes in the murky black
i watch it ripple
and fogs of blue leak from my lips

jump in
the tide is waist-high
and sends shivers spiraling down your spine
wash away the tearstains of night
and you'll find yourself
looking for the sun.
lua Oct 2020
it's the whisper of a weary goodbye
caught in a sea of hellos
the faintest touch against your lip
from a manicured hand
or one so callused
it's fingertips rough as they glide on your skin
it's that feeling of familiarity
in a place so foreign
where no one knows your name but you
or who you are
and when you wander around at night
to stumble into your kitchen
making the pots and pans rattle against each other
it's the burning in your chest that goes down your throat
and into your stomach
birthing butterflies that flutter around
it's the cold splashes of water on heated skin
the tear stained pillowcases, the tear stained sweaters
the near-bleeding red scratches of the night before
and the deep blues and purples of a bruise
and when you've had enough
it's the mind-numbing ringing in your ears
and the sudden wash of everything at once
when you take those rose-tinted glasses off
maybe it's love.
lua Sep 2019
Love feels like fire
Like fire in my skin
It's tingling,
And aching all over
But it's warm

Love feels like lightning
Like booming thunder
Rattling and nervous
But after the storm,
Comes the rainbow

Love feels like water
Like water levels rising
And it's frightening going down
But the currents are calming
And the deeper you go, the more to discover

Love tastes sweet,
And bitter, and salty, and sour
It's a flavour no one has ever truly tasted
But everyone will say it tastes like everything
Everything and anything and nothing at all

Love sounds loud
But quiet too
Like hushed whispers,
Sweet nothings,
And screaming into megaphones

Love is the colour red,
And blue, and green, and yellow
Love comes in a spectrum of colour
Filling each space like colour-by-numbers
It's everything we see

Love is everything.
lua Jun 2021
i'd like to feel that feeling again
the one that sets my soul on fire
and fills my veins with magic
leading up to my fingertips
leaving fingerprints lined with gold and glitter
that feeling of pleasant pain
the ringing in my ears
and the butterfly garden in my stomach
the feeling on the cusp of being called love
let me feel it again.
lua Feb 2020
i reach for the curve of your cheeks
with mangled hands,
bruised and blistered
and i hope you let them stay there
i hope you don't push them away.
lua Mar 2023
men scare me,
a deep rooted fear
of large hands across my eyes
gruff and built by hardened days
scraping against my throat and thighs
with dirtied nails

they scare me to death
with their wandering eyes in quiet evening walks
when i wander the supposed safety of my halls

men scare me, because they watch
and they talk about what they witness
and they talk with nothing to hide,
what they desire to do with me
tear my skin at the seams
rip me apart by their teeth,
how they would ravish me
a child.
lua Jul 2022
i dont recognise myself

i live life like staring into a mirror in the dark
cold glass against my finger tips
as i trace my silhouette
although, i'm not sure
if it's me

i dont recognise myself
this body is not mine
nor this face
nor brain

i dont know who i am.
lua Jun 2020
Sweet simple tunes
Under the light of the moon
So tender and bright
When the sun had died
All things had dimmed
Each fiery red into cool blues
But beneath the light
Of the Moon’s gentle gaze
Her soft fingers graze
The lands where we lay
And from her downcast eyes
Tears drip down her face
Each poignant drop falls
Onto grass and soil
And bloomed
These meadows
Valleys of white
These small flowers of the night.
lua May 2020
dark blue skies
indigo nights
the splatter of white
flecks of light
through tiny holes
on your muddied clothes
and freckles speckled
on skin riddled
with words to say
the transition from day
to the cloudless eve
i cling to you to breathe
as the sunlight fades
and leaves without a trace
hold on to that smile
your hands in mine
fingers merge
and intertwine
you cling to me to cry
as the sun dies
for the moon to rise.
lua Jun 2020
she's glowing green with envy
but her cheeks stain red
as the light dances on marigold hair
and along the branched off lines of blue veins
under white porcelain flesh
she's raw beneath and pink all over
but violets bloom on untouched skin
and across this whirlwind, this hurricane
of a multicoloured mess.
lua Mar 2020
skipping stones across a still lake
each jump fills the calmness in temporary chaos
rippling then dissipating into nothing
as if it never happened.
lua Oct 2021
before i knew it
the pink shatters
the filter of gold disappears
her curves, bittersweet and angular
unlike what i thought before
her soft voice
now sickly
coarse with demand
how come
i never noticed it before?
must have been
the tears blocking my vision

i think he's noticed it too

nevermind.
lua Sep 2020
you're this weight in my chest
eyes of nightshade i've repressed
but i see you at the street lines
even in the late nights
i can't get you out of my head
when you stare into my soul
i look into your void
the pools of ink in your face
that fill the space
with obsidion stares
that could probably hold stars
like a universe so far
far away.
lua Jun 2020
falling asleep
as your mind wanders
in these lonely
barren lands
each footstep
echoing
in the nothingness
you run away
but find yourself
where you started
as your skin melts
and drips into a puddle
and it's mind numbing
it's banging against your skull
you reach up into the sky
and grab on
but you're fingers slip
and let go
and you're falling
and falling
and falling
fal l  i    
          n  
                 g
f
   a
       l
          l
             i
                n
                     g
                    
                                 d
                                  e
                               e
                           p
                                 e
                                       r
                                        
                                   i
                                n
                             t
                        o

nothing.
lua Nov 2019
From his back, grew feathers
Those so dark but when the light hits them, a thousand colours shine through
The skin around his hind legs bulged and swolen
And with each right step, he grew flowers
And with each left step, it leaked fire

His face morphed from person to person
Yet his eyes, they stayed the same
They followed me, every move I made
Meadows behind his shadow wasted away to ash

I rest my palm on his cheek
He rests a feathered wing on the back of my hand
"Who are you?"
I ask him

He tells me:

"I am everyone and anyone

I am someone you see everyday

I am the face you see in the crowd

I am the thunderstorms in the night

I am the gentle breeze that hits your face

I am the sound of children's laughter in your ears

I am the wind below your feet

I am the first tear that drips down your cheeks

I am the sweat down your temples

I am the tremble in your hands, the shiver down your spine

I am the place the light can not reach, yet I am the light

I drink yet I do not thirst

I eat yet I am not hungry

I breathe in air that does not exist

I want what I do not need

I take what I do not want

Yet I am not a god

I am not a man

Nor anything in this world

I am no one

I am nobody

I am nothing."
lua Mar 2021
i've long thought this
how sunsets no longer captivate me

when i walk in a crowd
no face is left unblurred
each passerby drab and uninteresting
nothing to catch my eye
nothing to tear my heart in two
or ever leave my mind

what is beauty to someone who can't see?
or to someone who sees
that nothing is beautiful anymore.
as an artist, i like to find the beauty in everything, no matter how grounded or detached it is. lately things just seem grey and uninteresting, as if im viewing life through a black and white filter.
lua Sep 2019
Lips red and sweet as wine
And eyes that will never leave my mind
Her voice is calm and puts me in a trance
But loving her is a crime
And I'll accept the consequence as it is
For a chance to have a dance
And I'll seal my fate with every kiss
And hands intertwined.
lua Nov 2020
one day
maybe
i'll meet someone
who writes
their heart into a page
just as i do.
lua Jan 5
one good pose, one good picture
the perfect timing
perfect conditions
clouds lined up
as the planets do
he puts his arm around her shoulders
and they talk
gazing over the cityscape
as if they're the only people in the world

he's no gentleman
he's no man
she tells us stories
of his lies
we listen because
why wouldn't we?
we are them in physical form
a reminder of
why they're together
in the first place


i snap a photo, a couple more
i don't dare
utter a distraction.
lua Aug 2023
one night, i counted the seconds
the ones i could hear from my broken wall-clock
each tick was one second, and i would tap my fingertips together to count
reaching to the hundreds

running to catch a moving train,
id lose my train of thought
and start again

each tick, every second
is the amount of time to dot a page with the tip of a pen
to stipple it with ellipses
for a quiet read

one night, i counted the silence
the ticking between the words
i counted the periods, the commas
every pause that collected thoughts
and i wondered with my jumbled mind
on what the amount of time in a person's life is spent on thinking before speaking
pondering on what to say
til the last second

i think it comes with the fear of stumbling over your words
to get tongue-tied and garbled
the fear of embarrassment as you pick your sentences up from the floor
not knowing what to use in an appropriate manner
yet time ticks by, each second dotting the space
as you race for a response against
looking like a fool and looking like a fool
one with words unsaid and one with the wrong thing spoken

one night, i counted the seconds
i counted the dots when i would type a reply
the three dots of contemplation
and the conversation ends.
lua Nov 2023
I don't look like either side of my family
an outlier in plain sight
soap-bleached, dry hair in puffs of smoke
and rolls of skin
undesirable on either side
and i feel the heat

could i have been born well?
untangled as i felt the first few rays of light
maybe meant for a different mother
the storks dropped their package
on the wrong address

my mother, could you dry my eyes?
just for the night
before you empty your wallets
at the big house
before you ruin your liver
and fill the gaps with
*****

maybe i was meant for a different light
a different face, a different body
a different name, a different brain
a different person in my mirror everyday
i sing songs of wanting to escape
as i rattle the metal bars on my windows
i am not mistreated,
rather not treated at all
walking in silence as my sister
freely wails her sorrows into her pillow at night
tiptoeing to not be heard
my brother cackles and screams slurs
at the top of his lungs

they were made for them
perfect children of god
carbon copies of my mother's face and demeanor
i
only through my eyes

only through my eyes.
lua Dec 2021
eyes out of focus
listening to the world through a filter
all i feel is grey fog
and the strumming of acoustic guitar

in and out of sleep
missed calls pile high
blinking back nonexistant tears
as i curl up in bed

there's a weight in my stomach
not heavy enough to keep me down
but it's covered in spikes and hooks
and rolls around

who is that in my mirror?
i never knew i looked like that
or maybe i don't
and i'm just looking at someone who doesn't exist.
lua Dec 2021
hey brain, take this brush
and paint by yourself
these hands of mine are rough and calloused
unable to lift and bend my cracking joints
paint your thoughts by yourself
because my arms are limp and weak
and shatter when touched

i've always wondered why you never thought of leaving
voluntarily staying in my withering home
so kindly and destructive
when you paint on my walls
forgetting that lead settles in the pigments
in the lines that drip from excess

though each stroke pains me the longer you create
i'll always compliment you
with a voice tone-deaf and ugly
thankfully, i feel pretty when you do
i feel pretty when i become your muse
and feel a little less incomplete.
lua May 2020
The anxious feeling bubbling in my stomach
The heat up my throat
I hear the gentle ticking of the clock
I close my eyes
And time feels like water down my arms
As if my body is floating away in a pool of
Something
Warm
Yet cold
And every breath I breathe travels around
Like curious ghosts
Eating up boredom and fear
To pass the time.
lua Mar 2020
Coffee cups and midnight snacks
The gentle breeze as the people pass
The sunset against the windows of a car
Observing life from afar

Diamond glints on cracked road
The embroidered patch that I sewed
On my bag that rests on the empty chair
It says "I don't mind, I don't care"

Life goes on as it does
As lonely as it may seem
The flowers will bloom, the bees will buzz
I'll live life peacefully.
lua May 2023
wilting flower
crumbling in pieces into the grass
i know it's real when my fingers graze it
crunching against a gentle touch
i know it's real because it's dead

real things can die
fictional things are only forgotten,
at least for a brief moment

yet fictional things can live on
living on indefinitely
an immortal being
a constant in change
an independent variable

but people are flowers
we grow from seeds
rise into stems and enclosed buds
and bloom, some earlier and some later than others
only to wilt away
petal by petal

i wish i was
unreal as the fictional things are
even if i am to be forgotten
just so i may stay as i am
forever.
lua Jun 2020
The meadows fill with sweetness
The scent swirling in her lungs
Each blooming rose red as blood
As spring awakens
Softly in her touch
Cradled in the depths of her arms
But I watch from afar
As everything she touches
Pulsate with life
And grow til they touch the ends of the earth
Her smile rivals the sun
And I watch from afar
Counting the days
As the carriage in the sky drags the night in place
As the heavens sleep above her
Soon
She will leave these fields dry
And take back what she has given
When the leaves fade to brown
And are crisp and brittle
I know
She has returned.
lua Jan 2022
my heart's not in it anymore
this tired deck of cards
with bends and tears at the corners
my fingerprints stained across the backs

i've had my fun with you
and you've stayed by my side
but my fingers are numb

i think it's time to say goodbye.
lua Apr 2020
i could see the sun in her eyes
and the yellow light that danced on lashes
that drooped downwards
casting a faint shadow over blown out pupils
and pools of amber
pools of honey.
lua Jan 2022
There's a feeling stronger than to loathe
Especially when your hand is intertwined with his
And he gazes upon the pearls in your hair
Your high brow, your blank stare
And maybe even the cut of your dress,
The lace it holds, the earring that sways as you dance
You know it, the way he looks at you
And if you will deny it, simply keep in mind
How he lets his fingers linger onto yours,
And despite the sharpness of your snark and wit
Maybe you'll catch yourself looking
His high brow, his blank stare
His eyes like pools of honey
And you'll know, there is a feeling stronger than to loathe.
a poem i made in 2019 that i found in my notes hehe
lua May 2020
a puzzle with one piece missing
i try to find it
i look inside the box it came with
i look underneath my carpets
in between the couch seat cushions
but to no avail
so the puzzle remains
incomplete.
lua Jun 2020
Beneath my skin, a raging fire
Pulsating, throbbing within me
A suffocating heat, a blistering pyre
Don't touch me, you will get burned
But there is nothing I want more
Than to place your hands upon my heart
To thaw and melt
The ice which binds them.
lua Sep 2023
summer passed
quietly in the night
said his final words
in a mumbled phrase
drunk off of a morning haze
stuck in a dazed state

it didnt phase me
at first
nor did i notice
when his body turned limp in my bed

summer passed
and he did so in silence
because he wanted me
to sleep
and to rest.
lua Mar 2020
i can take the pictures down
and place them in a box
i'll seal it with tape
and i'll keep it in the attic
until you return.
i know you won't but i like to think you will
lua Nov 2020
i find it funny
how often i speak of love
when i myself
don't quite know what it is
and don't quite know what the difference is
between romance
and romanticised.
lua May 2021
I like to fantasise
Romanticise
Every single part of my life
I like to walk through the streets
Wearing rose-tinted glasses
With little swirls of blue and gold
That engulfs each thing I touch and see
In rippling hues
Of pure fantasy and beauty
Even the trash along the sidewalks.
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