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lua 3d
no one really understands
but i get it
i dont understand either
why this ghost in my body
why this ghost in my body writhes
and tosses
and turns
and makes me sob and weep
shrill and high
yet silently, unobserved
i dont really get it either
why this ghost in my body falls in love with everyone it meets
and makes me green with envy
and a chilling blue of loneliness
that makes it hard to see anything
other than red
and rose
no one really understands
but thats okay
i dont understand either.
7d · 72
envy
lua 7d
it's hate
that burns
quietly
silently
unnoticeable
the flicker of a candle's flame
bleeding into a bonfire
that swells
into a beast
so large
it swallows cities whole.
Jun 22 · 33
guilt
lua Jun 22
there's so many things i want to say
but every single letter
that slips through my lips
are stained with tears
and gasoline
i want
all these thoughts
into a burning pyre
set them ablaze
maybe that way
i can feel happy
without feeling guilt.
Jun 22 · 483
hatred
lua Jun 22
im not
in the right mental state
to say
'i love you'
back
because im scared
that ill dye
those words
with my own
self hatred.
Jun 20 · 83
how i learn
lua Jun 20
i like to put myself in the shoes
of people who don't exist
in order to feel things through their hands
and see things through their eyes
to know what the earth feels under their feet
and to know what pain—
all pleasurable and tragic,
all heart-wrenching,
all that gushes blood and sweat that drips down to be swallowed by the sun—
is like
in a metaphorical sense
that's how i learn.
Jun 20 · 206
magic
lua Jun 20
i'd like to feel that feeling again
the one that sets my soul on fire
and fills my veins with magic
leading up to my fingertips
leaving fingerprints lined with gold and glitter
that feeling of pleasant pain
the ringing in my ears
and the butterfly garden in my stomach
the feeling on the cusp of being called love
let me feel it again.
May 26 · 164
Rose-tinted
lua May 26
I like to fantasise
Romanticise
Every single part of my life
I like to walk through the streets
Wearing rose-tinted glasses
With little swirls of blue and gold
That engulfs each thing I touch and see
In rippling hues
Of pure fantasy and beauty
Even the trash along the sidewalks.
May 24 · 426
Seaside
lua May 24
Crashing waves against the crunch of sand
Touches my feet
Sinking into the softness beneath me
As the water stains my toes blue
And paints goosebumps
Paints chills
Across my legs
Up to my stomach
Full of the same crashing waves
Those which curl
And spin in whirlpools
Up to my chest
Into my lungs full of seasalt
And the bitterness of the morning sun
Down every branching vein
That reminds me of mangrove roots
Yet pale and blue
So small and delicate
It reaches my own shaking fingers
And to the rosiness of my cheeks
All I hear is the soft ringing of windchimes in my ears
And the splash that dissipates into nothing but tiny droplets
Maybe that’s what keeps me awake at night.
Apr 29 · 565
in a bottle
lua Apr 29
my words
might wash up
against your shore
in torn up shreds
each scribbled letter faded
obscured by time
obscured by rippling waves
that thrash and tear
each piece left vague
dowsed in mystery
and a lingering
a longing
to be read

soon
maybe
next time
i'll be mature enough
to put them in a bottle.
Mar 8 · 564
i could be yours
lua Mar 8
let me be your girl
your world
and all the inbetween
ill be the the moon, the sun
the stars and the seas
ill be the rain, the snow
the hail, and the heat
i could tell you all i know
and all youll ever feel
ill be your crash course
the cause of your all-nighters
ill be your wake up call
and the whisper in your dreams
ill be everything i could ever be
ill be yours
i could be yours.
lua Mar 1
i've long thought this
how sunsets no longer captivate me

when i walk in a crowd
no face is left unblurred
each passerby drab and uninteresting
nothing to catch my eye
nothing to tear my heart in two
or ever leave my mind

what is beauty to someone who can't see?
or to someone who sees
that nothing is beautiful anymore.
as an artist, i like to find the beauty in everything, no matter how grounded or detached it is. lately things just seem grey and uninteresting, as if im viewing life through a black and white filter.
Mar 1 · 153
butterflies
lua Mar 1
let me tend to the butterflies in my stomach
so when you step into my world
you'll see a garden full of colour.
Jan 28 · 2.1k
i wanna be
lua Jan 28
i wanna be a fairy girl
with see through wings
so thin and frail
that glitter and flutter
jingling like a bell
humming bird girl
small sweet sounds
drink the nectar
from the flowers
nymph in the woods, deer girl
tree girl, mermaid
with magic in my veins
i wanna be a goddess girl
bow down
the sea licking at my feet
i wanna be.
Jan 28 · 610
unburied
lua Jan 28
i'd like to live in my mind
of fantasy lands
and overgrown worlds
bustling and shaking with life
in all forms
of giant snakes that zoom through the air
of witches and wizards in constant war
of golden knights and fair-headed dames
princesses wielding swords off to battle
and magic coursing through my veins
my blood is liquid dreams
and my heart beats to the melody of a lullabye
oh how i wish to live in my head
untouched by the grime of time
unburdened by the weight of my reality
unbroken
unburied.
Dec 2020 · 410
jealousy
lua Dec 2020
my hands bled
small red crescent moons
etched deep into my palms
that drip onto my lap
when i watch
                 i    c a n ' t    s a y    i t
and i breathe
shakey
spelling out your name
across my skin
in goosebumps
but my blood goes cold
and boils too hard
bubbling into my temples
popping in my brain
a banging
a raging
anger
my vision goes red

and yet.
Dec 2020 · 126
forgetting
lua Dec 2020
it had slipped
from my grasp
that warm toned memory
                        a   l o o s e   t h r e a d
                    t h a t    s n a p p e d
yet left its indentations on my mind
its fingerprints behind my eyes
i can still remember how bright the sun was that day
and the tilt of someone's lips towards the sky
someone i can't seem to recall
someone that doesn't ring a bell
but whose laugh still floats around in the air
i can't seem to
               remember.
Dec 2020 · 360
feel
lua Dec 2020
it's the ache in my chest
and the tingle in my palms
the ***** of tears at the corner of my eyes
that makes me think
makes me wonder
what it is to truly feel
what love is like
as young as i am
and as innocent as i seem
amidst the world
desensitised
and numb
i don't understand
and maybe that's okay for now
because from my own experience
from what my own fingertips feel
from what my eyes have touched
and from what my ears have solemnly listened
it is a kind of pain
we often yearn for.
Dec 2020 · 247
yellow
lua Dec 2020
you feel like the colour yellow
bright and harsh against my eyes
like sun rays
in the noon sky
like etchings of gold
that drip into my hands
or the soft petals of a wildflower
growing in a field
or even the celestials
the divine beings dripping in light
all that's holy and whole
once again.
Nov 2020 · 174
below the surface
lua Nov 2020
lately ive been dreaming of red
of swimming in the dark
and the roots of trees that snake around my ankles
in the cold
lately ive been dreaming of a shore
of mangroves in the deep of night
and the burning silence that fills the space
fills my ears with water
a peaceful demise
below the surface.
ive been having a recurring dream of being pushed into a dark inky ocean, and trying to swim to safety towards an island of trees. but ultimately, drowning.
Nov 2020 · 744
speak
lua Nov 2020
take them
the words i long to speak
that lodge in my throat
these words of mine
take them out
so i can breathe.
Nov 2020 · 117
one day
lua Nov 2020
one day
maybe
i'll meet someone
who writes
their heart into a page
just as i do.
Nov 2020 · 1.7k
romance
lua Nov 2020
i find it funny
how often i speak of love
when i myself
don't quite know what it is
and don't quite know what the difference is
between romance
and romanticised.
Nov 2020 · 226
the patient
lua Nov 2020
"hello, what is your name?"

the familiar vibration in my ears
that creeps its way into my blood
a buzz
a hum
constant
beneath my skin
when days were louder
like the crash of pots and pans
in my grandmother's house
where the ceiling was littered with butterflies
like the static from empty radio stations
akin to that of crunching snow
and the harsh grating of metal

they are the memories dipped in sepia
and overexposed flashes of light
dripping as they walk on
leaving footprints
a silhouette

it is the fear of our wrinkling hands that drive us closer to the edge
to the end
as the sun and moon rewind in a never ending cycle
a loop
right before a leap of faith
towards that never ending youth
the desperate sliver of summer at the end of a blurry december's haze
when nothing is recognisable
a restart

"hello, what is your name?"
a poem based on The Caretaker's Everywhere At The End Of Time
lua Oct 2020
how does it feel to be loved by the gods?
that in every movement
the swirls of your hair around your face
the flutter of your eyes
and the shake of your shoulders when you laugh
sends shivers down even the gods' spines?
yet you don't know it
the longing stares that they send you from above
how the vines of the earth seem to crawl towards your feet
to graze against your skin
and kiss against your knees
you don't even know it
how your smile is ever so radiant
that even the sun has to shield his eyes
how every step you take
sends the earth rippling beneath my feet
or how every word that escapes your lips
makes the sky tremble
as the gods swoon
and yes
when i look at you
and when i touch you
and when i laugh with you
and spend my days and nights with you
i might as well call myself a god.
Oct 2020 · 227
love
lua Oct 2020
it's the whisper of a weary goodbye
caught in a sea of hellos
the faintest touch against your lip
from a manicured hand
or one so callused
it's fingertips rough as they glide on your skin
it's that feeling of familiarity
in a place so foreign
where no one knows your name but you
or who you are
and when you wander around at night
to stumble into your kitchen
making the pots and pans rattle against each other
it's the burning in your chest that goes down your throat
and into your stomach
birthing butterflies that flutter around
it's the cold splashes of water on heated skin
the tear stained pillowcases, the tear stained sweaters
the near-bleeding red scratches of the night before
and the deep blues and purples of a bruise
and when you've had enough
it's the mind-numbing ringing in your ears
and the sudden wash of everything at once
when you take those rose-tinted glasses off
maybe it's love.
Oct 2020 · 232
crave
lua Oct 2020
it's a vibration in the air
that leaves tingles in the back of my throat
as my hairs stand on end
it's the electric currents in my veins
the magnetic pull of all that i touch
which draws me in
and yet
it's like a shiver down my spine
a hot mist through my nostrils
with a scent and stench
as drool and blood dribbles onto the floor
splattering
from the corners of my lips
when i wheeze and cough
and it comes in waves
that shake my knees,
my hands
and the flesh that binds me whole

a craving.
Oct 2020 · 313
escapism
lua Oct 2020
gasp
heave
pant
the ringing in my ears
the lump beating in my throat
the sound of my heartbeat caught in a flame
that burns bright and angry
in my lungs
as i taste iron on my tongue
and blisters bloom
on the soles of my feet
like flowers in a summer's field
and yet the stench of sweat
the cling of cloth against my skin
raw and pink and thick with grime
but i'm running out of time
i won't ever stop to breathe.
Oct 2020 · 263
without a sense of purpose
lua Oct 2020
i think i've lost the feeling in my fingertips
and the words that
graze my lips
slip
and dissipate
into meaningless thoughts
onto a page
it's the banging against my window panes
the clang and drip of rain
it's the constant reminder of the sun
that 'yes, i live'
'yes, i am here'
'yes, i will stay'
'for as long as you will let me'
it's like listening to the sound of crashing waves
against the shore
as i dip my toes
in the moonlight
but
there is that fear
of the unknown
the slippery tongues of the abyss
that lap and lick against my heels
the tremble of my lip
the shudder down my spine
as it snakes around my legs
it's the longingness to runaway
and disappear
to leave without a trace
no new names, no fake identities
not a smidge of existence
no footprints left behind.
it's been hard to do anything lately.
Sep 2020 · 361
coup de foudre
lua Sep 2020
it was like a shock
at first
like lightning strikes
in the silence of midnight
breaking through the calm
like a raging storm
that thrashed and hurt
in white-gold veins
harsh against the clouds
an electric current
that creeps into my blood
and settles in my chest
when i first saw you.
Sep 2020 · 122
ellipsis
lua Sep 2020
the tired eyes
and sluggish hands
in a late night rendezvous
that starts with a touch
that explodes in your chest
the fire at your fingertips
that splatter all throughout
and it's the sparks in your lungs
the brightness against a groggy gaze
which fills the spaces between your words
the ellipses between your sentences
the pauses between each breath you take
every hesitation
and never seems to end.
Sep 2020 · 466
nightshade
lua Sep 2020
you're this weight in my chest
eyes of nightshade i've repressed
but i see you at the street lines
even in the late nights
i can't get you out of my head
when you stare into my soul
i look into your void
the pools of ink in your face
that fill the space
with obsidion stares
that could probably hold stars
like a universe so far
far away.
Aug 2020 · 318
starry night
lua Aug 2020
the solemn sighs in empty halls
these vacant thoughts that line the walls
a chilly breeze through a midnight flare
waiting for the heavens to bear
to bear a heart that's ice cold and blue
thawing in the light of the moon
and with each beat that pains, that hurts
that explodes into starbursts
of woad and gold in the vastness of the sky
on this lonely
this lovely
starry,
starry night.
Aug 2020 · 189
dark place
lua Aug 2020
and there is darkness once again in this place
of the gentle strum of a broken guitar
and the old crumbling walls that surround us
eager to give in
and let the ceiling ripple
crashing like giant waves
on a bright beach's shore
but we escape
from all these things birthed from ruin
and the tenderness of a warm hand
we escape
each fragmented laugh that echo the halls
and the days etched into the earth
we escape
and leave our souls behind
one piece at a time
and plant it into the soil
hoping it could grow and flourish
in this dark place.
Aug 2020 · 240
achilles
lua Aug 2020
fierce and benevolent
these eyes of gold
warm and shattering against the light
of sunkissed skin on marble floors
he's sweet as figs
and sharp as a sword
and his heels pink and unmarred
by the heat of the sun
when our bodies touch for the first time
two souls intertwine
sewn together by threads of fate
i feel nothing other than him
and his gentle gaze and soft hair
but dawn comes around
during the pouring of blood from our cupped hands
onto tainted sheets
of dishonour and rage
and when i breathe my last breath
he roars, like a lion
loud enough for the gods to hear
and does not stop until his face hits the earth
with a smile.
patroclus and achilles
Jul 2020 · 190
lessons i've learned
lua Jul 2020
skies of blue and cloudless nights
quiet places and blank minds
feeling tiny, feeling blind
remembering, forgetting, nevermind

missed calls from the unknown
answers for questions of my own
secrets in chambers left alone
the web of lies i have sewn

i'll set it aflame, watch it burn
set it aflame, all things i earned
leave nothing behind, no stone left unturned
these crumbling libraries, these lessons i've learned.

i'll begin again, as i always do
wash it all away, begin anew
open pandora's box, let the chaos spark
i'll leave my name, i'll leave my mark.
Jul 2020 · 289
velvet smile
lua Jul 2020
the first thing i felt as my toes dip
was your quiet gaze
and that velvet smile
but i shudder
as the cold creeps up
and when i feel your hands around my waist
every kiss on my body bursts
into fireflies that glow against my skin
and against your flesh
sparkling in your eyes
and that velvet smile.
Jul 2020 · 531
when she leaves
lua Jul 2020
the warmth of an embrace
from the depths of her soul
yet slick like oil
and all that slithers
between every crack
and every place
the light touches
in its soft
luminescent
caress
each kiss blooms a delicate blossom
in a garden of words
but withers with the seasons
when she leaves.
Jul 2020 · 291
in the end
lua Jul 2020
the words blur
and swirl
and slur
these mumbled thoughts of yours
each sentence caught
in a murky sea
of things left unspoken
and all things that came to be
all things that fall apart at the seams
all things that rewind and disappear
and all things that come undone
in the end.
the days are blurring together
Jun 2020 · 396
Pyre
lua Jun 2020
Beneath my skin, a raging fire
Pulsating, throbbing within me
A suffocating heat, a blistering pyre
Don't touch me, you will get burned
But there is nothing I want more
Than to place your hands upon my heart
To thaw and melt
The ice which binds them.
Jun 2020 · 146
Elysium
lua Jun 2020
When I blinked, the fires were gone and so were you

And for the longest time
I walked along the shores
Aimlessly
Panting and shoulders heavy
As the sound of the river's currents followed my every step
The coarse dirt and sand felt like a thousand needles pricking the soles of my feet
The black sun rises high in the skies
Sweat rolls down the apples of my cheeks

When I called your name, what echoed back was only my voice
Coarse and rough from exhaustion
From the dust and smoke that choked me
When the fires began to burn

I shut my tired eyes
And I try to imagine your face
But all I see is the smokey sillhouette
You left behind

I wandered and wandered
And with each aching step,
My knees shake like jelly
Weak, as they buckled
In the corner of my eye I see Charon's boat
His tall looming figure clutching the handle of a paddle
Hunched over, murmuring
As his eyes follow me like the currents of the river
All knowing
I felt transparent
And they were the last things I saw
Before my face met the ground
With a thud.









I rise to the sound of rushing water

My eyes flutter open
To see nothing but a grey haze
I lay
Unmoving
As water drifts my motionless body in gentle currents
And when shore hits my back
I stand
The blades of grass tickling my skin
Prickling my flesh

Where am I?

And I see it
The outline of a figure
Walking through the fog
Sitting atop a jagged rock's edge
As the sun peaked through
Its thick wall of clouds

And it's beautiful

It almost looked like you.
part 5
finale
Jun 2020 · 191
nothing
lua Jun 2020
falling asleep
as your mind wanders
in these lonely
barren lands
each footstep
echoing
in the nothingness
you run away
but find yourself
where you started
as your skin melts
and drips into a puddle
and it's mind numbing
it's banging against your skull
you reach up into the sky
and grab on
but you're fingers slip
and let go
and you're falling
and falling
and falling
fal l  i    
          n  
                 g
f
   a
       l
          l
             i
                n
                     g
                    
                                 d
                                  e
                               e
                           p
                                 e
                                       r
                                        
                                   i
                                n
                             t
                        o

nothing.
Jun 2020 · 332
Persephone
lua Jun 2020
The meadows fill with sweetness
The scent swirling in her lungs
Each blooming rose red as blood
As spring awakens
Softly in her touch
Cradled in the depths of her arms
But I watch from afar
As everything she touches
Pulsate with life
And grow til they touch the ends of the earth
Her smile rivals the sun
And I watch from afar
Counting the days
As the carriage in the sky drags the night in place
As the heavens sleep above her
Soon
She will leave these fields dry
And take back what she has given
When the leaves fade to brown
And are crisp and brittle
I know
She has returned.
Jun 2020 · 521
Moonflower
lua Jun 2020
Sweet simple tunes
Under the light of the moon
So tender and bright
When the sun had died
All things had dimmed
Each fiery red into cool blues
But beneath the light
Of the Moon’s gentle gaze
Her soft fingers graze
The lands where we lay
And from her downcast eyes
Tears drip down her face
Each poignant drop falls
Onto grass and soil
And bloomed
These meadows
Valleys of white
These small flowers of the night.
Jun 2020 · 314
lipton tea eyes
lua Jun 2020
lipton tea eyes
with flecks of charcoal grey
the remnants of a smile
i've kept my words at bay
for the longest time
not a word to slip through
but i seem to forget everything
each time i look at you
and i eat my words
i chew and chew
this jumbled mess
i wish i could say to you
my heart soars
and beats too fast
these glances of yours
that takes me back
to summer days
and cloudless skies
this youthful craze
and the longing to cry
just take my heart
please
don't let it die.
Jun 2020 · 380
burst
lua Jun 2020
a fiery heart
with cool toned shadows
the bluest flame to burn
eating away at the amber of the flames
and the beige and brown of flesh
scattering sloppy purple bursts.
Jun 2020 · 219
gold
lua Jun 2020
when we kiss
it's as if i press my lips
on precious gold
so smooth and cold
it cradles the light
in its grasp so tight
and leaves me blind
and asking for more.
Jun 2020 · 244
multicolour
lua Jun 2020
she's glowing green with envy
but her cheeks stain red
as the light dances on marigold hair
and along the branched off lines of blue veins
under white porcelain flesh
she's raw beneath and pink all over
but violets bloom on untouched skin
and across this whirlwind, this hurricane
of a multicoloured mess.
Jun 2020 · 185
summer
lua Jun 2020
we took each other's hand and ran
in between the packed city crowds
under flickering orange lampposts
on a hot summer's night
and the flecks of light in your charm
the way you tilt your head back when you laugh
it still echoes in my head
and that devilish grin
with an angel's gaze;
the eyes that just knew exactly what i was going to say
you're a living contradiction
and our chests heave
as we fall on the ground
lungs on fire, hand in hand
the sweat dripping down my temples
the rush of blood into the apples of your cheeks
the trickle of laughter
pouring out of parted lips

and we keep running
and we don't stop until our legs give in
because we're young and we're dumb
and we make promises we know we can't keep
a question mark
but maybe you're what summer is
if summer breathed air and put their head on my shoulder
and laughed until you clutch your sides in pain
making my heart race
and bang against my ribcage.

but seasons come
and they go
maybe
i'll see you soon.
Jun 2020 · 265
you
lua Jun 2020
you
twilight kisses after the afternoon rain
raindrops dripping off of blushing fingertips
as bright red blood rushes through your veins
and under the skin of your soft lips

as you pull me close
held so tight and held so warm
the brush of nose against nose
i see the sparkle of your charm

eyes wide, forever surprised
forever amazed and stupefied
our fingers graze against each other
they intertwine, merged together

yet each rose grows thorns
and if unplucked, draws blood
if i had only seen your face of scorn
then i should've thrown away the unbloomed buds.
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