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12.8k · Jan 2015
If silence is golden...
Hayley Jan 2015
If silence is golden,
What is noise?

If silence is golden,
What is a whisper?

If silence is golden,
Why don't we treasure it more?
3.6k · Jan 2015
Anger (10w)
Hayley Jan 2015
I just want to slap you as hard as possible.
My parents when they fight,
My friends when they act stupid
Myself when I lie.
3.5k · Jan 2015
Cold
Hayley Jan 2015
In my snuggie,
Like a mofukin thuggie
Im so sorry. Hahahaha
2.6k · Mar 2015
If I die young
Hayley Mar 2015
Hearing your voice puts knifes in my heart

You'd think by now the knife would be dull

But it reopens the wounds as easy as ever

These scars are never to heal

Hearing your voice makes my blood pulse

The new wounds bleed faster

You'd think I'd never forget this pain

But every time it feels just as bad

This blood will stain me forever

Hearing your voice makes my breath short*

My vision goes black

You'd think I'd wake up feeling confused

But I remember it clearly;

Your voice took my breath for good
2.3k · Jul 2015
Time Lapse
Hayley Jul 2015
When I showed up,
Out of breath,
Scared
At 1am
I did not think that taking off my coat could
Ever
Feel so intimate
At 1am,
It was as if I was naked, my arms were the parts of me that no one had seen
At 1am,
My coat was gone and suddenly so were my inhibitions
At 1am,
You pulled me into the bed,
Bliss
At 2am,
The fact that your mom didn't know made every feeling that much stronger
At 2am,
We did things I should be ashamed of
At 2am,
I felt so ******* amazing
At 2am,
We thought your mom was coming in (******* your cat)
At 3am,
My lips were numb
At 3am,
I still wanted more
At 3am,
It seemed you were done
You came,
And then left
At 3am,
I lay in your bed alone, hoping that we weren't
At 3am,
You came back and cuddled with me
At 3am,
You showed me way more than you have ever told me
At 4am,
We decided to stop
At 4am,
I remembered I was supposed to be at home
At 4am,
We talked, and laughed
At 4am,
You told me I was too loud
At 4am,
You kissed me goodnight,
Or,
Was it good morning?
At 4am,
I pulled my coat back on my shoulders,
And walked home alone
At 4am,
I was covered so no one could see me

At 10am,
I woke up thinking:
"wow"
2.3k · Jan 2015
Control + Z
Hayley Jan 2015
I want to delete my history of you,
but my keyboard is broken,
my mouse doesn't move,
and my laptop is already dead.
2.3k · Jan 2015
Fraction
Hayley Jan 2015
A number cannot describe
what it felt
to die

A portion was taken
and you
weren't even shaken

My body is but a number to you
but I
refuse

You now hold a piece of my heart
all because
I wasn't smart

A fraction is all I have to hold,
and honestly?

it's getting quite old
The title (book poem challenge) was from Twilight, by Stephanie Meyer
2.2k · Dec 2014
Logic
Hayley Dec 2014
The one guaranteed to break your heart,
he seems like a good idea.



"I hate you" will definitely get you out of this one.



If your lies spill out of your mouth faster than your heart is beating,
they won't even know.
Or are those impulses?
Hayley Jan 2015
Why is the shampoo bottle clear, but not the conditioner?

I have no trouble getting shampoo out of the bottle, but I'm thinking of ripping apart my conditioner bottle...

Hmmm
Probably a trick to make us use more than we have to...money runs the world. :/
1.8k · Jan 2015
Scary
Hayley Jan 2015
When you take a ****,

And I ain't talking no "ploop ploop" kind of ****,
I'm talking a HUGE MASSIVE MONSTER DUMP THAT MAY HAVE KILLED YOUR SISTER SITTING IN THE OTHER ROOM kind of ****.

And then you realize,
*There is no toilet paper.
0.0
Fml this just happened hahahahaha.
Sorry I found it so funny.
1.5k · Jan 2015
10 Things I Am CRAZY About
Hayley Jan 2015
1)* Boys (gotta love being on your period and wanting to make out with *everyone)
2) Poetry (writing and reading)
3) Reading (mostly romance)
4) The Idea of Love (who isn't?)
5) Death (the who, what, when, where, why and how of it)
6) Perfection (striving for the impossible)
7) Myself (my nose is too big, my thighs are too big, I'm too big)
8) Making the Most of Every Moment (see #5)
9) Unimportant Stuff (such as why I may be liking him again?)
10) Making the People I Love Feel It (I ******* love you to pieces)
Not sure this is what you meant, but imma just roll with it...
1.5k · Jan 2015
Imaginary Friends
Hayley Jan 2015
It seems that the only lips to speak my
name
in longing,
are those that hide

in my head

The only creatures that ask for me
for more than just a friend,
speak to me
from

under my bed

The only people who hate the world I live
are those who live

within.
1.5k · Dec 2014
Tainted
Hayley Dec 2014
Seeing all these words
Written in spite of our latest
Mothers
Haters and
Lovers

Makes me realize:
Writing is not a cure
Writing does not help

Poetry will not close the door in his face
Poetry will not tell him "no,"

These words do just the
opposite

Telling our latest
Mothers
Haters and
Lovers

They have caused
these words,
once beautiful,
to become

Tainted.
1.3k · Dec 2014
We Are One
Hayley Dec 2014
I've been called "******" so many times,
It seems to be written in the stretch marks of my thighs.
1.2k · Feb 2015
Scents in Your Memory
Hayley Feb 2015
When I smell dandruff shampoo, I think of my father

I guess my nose remembers him better than my head

When I smell a ***** shirt, I think of my grandmother

I guess my nose remembers her, even though she's practically dead

When I smell my old perfume, I think of him

I guess my nose remembers him, and everything he said
Every time I smell it, I get dizzy and sorta wanna puke
1.2k · Feb 2015
"take a deep breath"
Hayley Feb 2015
Why would I inhale all of my problems, when I can let them go?

I can breathe quickly til I pass out

I can hold my breathe til I die

Or let it all out with a sigh

I'd rather **** myself than choke on the words of others.

Honey, just leave me be.
1.2k · Jan 2015
I am Sick
Hayley Jan 2015
Thank you.

While everyone else is partying,
Having fun with friends,
Dancing into the New Year,
I am at home
In my basement

Alone
Im crying myself to sleep tonight. Literally im the only one home right now, and I have strep throat. Happy new year! I hate you all
1.2k · Jan 2016
Auditory Learner, Over Here
Hayley Jan 2016
I'm so sick of saying sorry when i don't mean it, I need it.
You can borrow mine if you want, it's right on the tip of my tongue,
oh but don't grab the words I saved for my notebook,
for that other version of you that I believe will love me after I tell him the truth about how I feel.
And don't grab that poem about how much I love you when you say you love you, I mean me.
Right?
See, I think you grabbed the wrong words, you grabbed the I'm
but left the sorry,
and took the right?,
but left the question mark.
I'm left with the sorry?, and I have no choice but to use it.
I honestly wrote so much in my notebook but this is the only one i wrote on my phone
1.1k · Sep 2015
Silent Suffer
Hayley Sep 2015
I can't even cry loudly in fear that my tears will wake the people who truly live here
1.1k · Jan 2015
**SCREEEAMMM**
Hayley Jan 2015
This morning, I just wanted to sleep,
Instead,
I was violently woken by your voices

The worst kind of wake up call is
the one that teaches you that nothing
is ever going to change.

I've given up on trying to find a way out,
I've stopped believing I'm not alone
Yet,
I'm still surprised every. single. time.

I thought by now I'd be used to this,
I thought I was the King of Hatred
The Queen of Disappointment

Everytime she screams, or he screams, or
I scream
It hurts just as bad,
I still can feel the weight of my family's dysfunctional fuckery crushing me,
Soon,
I will be nothing at all.

But for now,
I get out of bed,
Look in the mirror,
And smile.

The fakeness of my family lives within me, too
Actually happened this morning.
My mom made me leave the house with her.
Hayley Jan 2015
*******.

Those poems were from a year ago.

I just deleted all of them,
are you happy now?
Oh wait, you could never be happy, because anything that I'm involved in makes you angry for no reason.
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. The past is in the past, but let's not forget YOU cheated on ME.
******* x 475037290
881 · Jan 2015
Happy New Year, Hayley!
Hayley Jan 2015
Sitting all alone in my basement
With less than an hour til 2015

Lying to myself by making
Resolutions

Still, I tell myself
I will be a better person

What.
*******.
*******.
Happy new years!
877 · May 2016
No name
Hayley May 2016
I have this teddy bear you gave me

I have this teddy bear you gave me for Christmas

I have this teddy bear you gave me for Christmas because I asked for it

I have this teddy bear you gave be for Christmas because I asked for it and you didn't know what else to get me

I have this teddy bear you gave me for Christmas because I asked for it and you didn't know what else to get me because you actually don't know me at all

I have this teddy bear you gave me for Christmas because I asked for it and you didn't know what else to get me because you actually don't know me at all even though we had been dating for a year

I have this teddy bear you gave me and I cuddle with him, with zero thought of you

I have this teddy bear you gave me and when I break up with you, I'm going to keep him

I have this teddy bear you gave me and he has never, and will never, have a name

I have this teddy bear who? gave me
855 · Feb 2015
theif
Hayley Feb 2015
She gave him her heart,
thinking very hopefully,
"He'll return it soon enough,"
But he held a trophy

With this valuable heart given to him,
He smiled to himself,
"I guess I'll take it now",
And placed it on the shelf

One day she came over,
And saw the display
"Baby, what's this?"
She asked with dismay

He grabbed her by the wrists,
And whispered in her ear:
"Your heart is mine"
And this filled her with fear

She shivered once more,
And looked into his eyes
"Please, give it back"
And the next event was no surprise

He slit her throat and laughed aloud
"you stupid ******* *****!"

Her blood was already staining,
His perfect hardware floor.
Not sure, it just came to me. I'm not even sure if I like it myself...
840 · Jan 2015
Telescope
Hayley Jan 2015
Beyond the trees you see,
I see the monsters

Beyond the trees you see,
I see the darkness

Beyond the trees you see,
I see the birds

Beyond the trees you see,
I hear the music
827 · Jan 2015
much like love...
Hayley Jan 2015
Energy cannot be lost or created, it can only be transformed.
SCIENCE
611 · Feb 2015
I'm so close
Hayley Feb 2015
I can hardly breathe
My eyes are wet
I'm breaking down
How bad can it get?

I've already cried this week
Honestly you can stop
Just shut up
JUST SHUT THE **** UP
I'm gonna lose it
602 · Jan 2015
Untitled
Hayley Jan 2015
Ever notice that thick and thin start with the same three letters?
600 · Jan 2015
"Youth"
Hayley Jan 2015
Shadows settle on the place, that you left.
Our minds are troubled by the emptiness.
Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time.
From the perfect start to the finish line.

And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones.
'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs.
Setting fire to our insides for fun
Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong
The lovers that went wrong.

We are the reckless,
We are the wild youth
Chasing visions of our futures
One day we'll reveal the truth
That one will die before he gets there.

And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones.
'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone.
We're setting fire to our insides for fun.
Collecting pictures from a flood that wrecked our home,
It was a flood that wrecked this home.

And you caused it,
And you caused it,
And you caused it

Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette,
I'm a lifeless face that you'll soon forget,
And my eyes are damp from the words you left,
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.

And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one,
'Cause most of us are bitter over someone.
Setting fire to our insides for fun,
To distract our hearts from ever missing them.
But I'm forever missing him.

And you caused it,
And you caused it,
And you caused it
Youth, by Daughter.
Honestly one of my favorite songs of all time, I encourage you to look it up, I would love to share the beauty of it.
593 · Jan 2015
even in death
Hayley Jan 2015
we cannot be rid of our Shadows,
our Shadows will always lie behind us,
our pasts are Shadows we can't escape

even though the Shadows are not always in sight,
they never leave us

our Shadows, our pasts, are always a part of us,
like in this,
the Shadow of the bird's beak seems to be the beak itself

the outline around this bird resembles a pedestal, raising this dead dove above the ground

the darkness of the bird itself makes you see the Shadows as a part of it

I can hear the waves just beyond

the bird was so beautiful, and now it's dead

I wonder what it looked like flying. . .
I went to the Art Institute of Chicago the other day. I was looking up pieces before I went, and found one that inspired this poem.
"Portrait of a Sea Dove - Dead" by Marsden Hartley.
The URL: http://www.artic.edu/aic/collections/artwork/65945
Art is so beautiful
586 · Feb 2015
im still hungry
Hayley Feb 2015
When I was younger, I used to eat Lucky Charms all the time. I used to pick out all the marshmallows, leaving all the terrible, yet still very sugary "frosted oats." I made myself eat all of the bad part first, then as I reward I would eat all of the marshmallows at once.

I'm thinking maybe I should go about life like I used to eat my Lucky Charms...

Save the best for last, get the bad part over with, then have all the good stuff at once.

But what if I have more frosted oats than marshmallows?

What if the amount of frosted oats is too much to swallow?

I'd never be able to finish
Not really a poem, just thoughts
Hayley Jan 2018
why should he deserve something that i worked so hard to have?
because life isnt fair
why should i be expected to just be ok with the fact that i participated more and yet he still gets the spot?
because life isnt fair
i spent 5 months perfecting my piece, spending full saturdays performing for strangers, while he did not, while he performed for one teacher once a-freaking-week, and yet im not enough?
because life isnt fair
i forgot;
im not gay
im not a guy
and im not a girl performing from a guys perspective
he is gay, a guy, and a guy performing from a girls perspective, though
much more likely to win with a piece like that
because no one wants to hear,
or rather, everyone has already heard
the white girl cry about how hard it is to be a girl
my bad, i forgot that life isnt fair
**whoops
560 · Apr 2015
maybe?
Hayley Apr 2015
I've been wanting to hold your hand, but every time I think about it, mine get sweaty.
I'm just scared you'll pull away
556 · Jan 2015
Confused
Hayley Jan 2015
How is it,
that I want you back?

I never had you to begin with.
545 · Jan 2015
Pain
Hayley Jan 2015
You know it's bad when you wake up at two in the morning, moaning.
Then the moaning turns to crying,
The crying to sobbing,
And
Suddenly it's seven,
And you have to face another ******* day.

*Great
536 · Dec 2014
"Sor-rey"
Hayley Dec 2014
The only thing I can't stand is hearing sorry from someone who doesn't mean it.
Makes me want to scream
Hayley Apr 2018
We are mistakes
We are apologies
We are saying sorry when we don't mean it, we need it,
Someone else should say it for a change
We are “it's okay”
“Of course it's ok”
We are “My bad”
Creating excuses from the vibrant corners of our mind
The only parts that aren't dusty with misuse

We are dependent, if nothing else
We are unhappy if you're unhappy,
Our feelings are a bed of nails that only admit to being a bed,
Because of course as long as you're careful you won't get hurt.

Our ears are pressed to the carpet,
Listening to your every move,
Keeping a tally of missteps that
we won't ever tell you you took

We are quiet
Until prying our own chapped lips open,
we are apologetic,
We are every bottled up “I hate you”
And “go to hell”
And “*******” that we never got to say
And we keep it down, swallow it whole, refuse to breathe so it can't escape, be sure it can never escape
Because, like a moth flies towards the light, we are always flying towards resolution
Nevermind our feelings,
We will be ok,
Are you ok?
We're happy if you're happy, after all.

And then they come and sew our mouths shut,
Pat us on the head, so we know we are the ones at fault,
They say “shh” because our words are too sharp for their ears,
And god forbid they bleed instead of us
Isn't that the point of it all?
We are your shields and you can never be rid of us,
Like every hair on your body,
We stand up when fear takes over,
Like every shiver in cold,
We will attempt to bring you back to normal,
Like every single time the moon falls,
We will be back to shine in your darkness

We are underestimated
We are under acknowledged
Under viewed
Under appreciated
Under valued
But we know we are not unused or unloved

We are not understood either,
But understanding is an understatement when it comes to us

We are every moment you need a friend and
Every time a friend needs a moment
We are the impenetrable armor that everyone wish they had in their army
We are the gun, too
Loaded, but never fired
Saving ourselves for the right time
492 · Jan 2015
it all makes sense now
Hayley Jan 2015
I'm finally understanding why you meant so **** much.

Why I still find you in the cobwebbed corners of my mind.

You were the only one, out of all the guys in my past, that has actually liked me, for me

The others, they saw my ***, and were instantly drawn in.

For you, my body was a plus, an advantage to being with me.

It was the first time I had ever been touched by a guy, and it was also the last time I was loved for more than my body.

You knew me for more than a big ****, but
you still didn't want me

When I broke up with you (or did you break up with me? It happened so many times in my head, I'm not really sure how we ended)

When we broke up, you weren't just breaking up with my body, like everyone since you had, you were breaking up with my personality.

I can change my body, but my personality is permanent.

That's why you meant, mean, so much to me. You not only rejected my body, but you rejected me

**I finally figured it out
Andrew...I hope you see this. I hope you can finally understand why I never stopped loving you.
486 · Dec 2014
Untitled
Hayley Dec 2014
He and I were Cat and Mouse,
drawn together in a deadly embrace

It could be proven deadly to only one of us
in the end

We switched roles, he and I.
I could be a chasing Cat, he a fleeting Mouse
or,
I could be a weak Mouse, he a dangerous Cat

Being the Cat - that was power,
but it went to our heads

Being the Mouse - that was vulnerability,
we both gave in.

Eventually,
we both became the Cat,
chasing to no avail.

We, then,
both became the Mouse, and
we both fell.

Exausted from running

From a cat that wasn't even there.
478 · May 2016
There are no words
Hayley May 2016
I can finally understand why people cut
Its a feeling of loss of control
Like a car swerving in front of yours
Like knowing when you'll die
Like being aware as you drown
Like déjà vu
But the kind of déjà vu that leaves you uneasy and confused
Angry or sad or indifferent arent the right ones to describe this emotion
Its the feeling you get when everything is going wrong
When the things you love become the past
When the things you love become the last thing on your mind before
*bliss
476 · Jan 2017
Ssssssssssssssssss
Hayley Jan 2017
Love him one day and hate him the next?
It's the teenage obsession with ***!

Do anything to get him to notice you
Find out that all along that he's a snake, too

Other than looks, what more does he have?
The opportunity for a good, hearty laugh

Overall, what are you to do and say?
Just pray that this obession will go away
Meant to be read as a cheer
472 · Jan 2015
Understand
Hayley Jan 2015
The only tears on my scarred cheeks are hot and angry. As they race to my chin, they burn paths, searing my skin, causing my deafening screams to Intensify

They take their sweet time kissing the tender skin on my neck with their Scorching bodies

I remind myself,
I did this

They find themselves on my collar. Advancing. Painfully. Slow.

On the top of my *******, they sit for a moment, Singeing holes in my body, contemplating their next move.

They make a quick dash.

And suddenly, I'm missing the slow calculated movements the tears had previously Modeled.

These Beasts of Anger, Beauties of Scorn,

Dissolve when they reach my heart.

The only sign they were ever there is the fire Burning in my chest
Tears of anger. Tears of defeat. Tears of hatred.
454 · Dec 2014
how many goddamn times
Hayley Dec 2014
How many times do I have to
prove to you
that I
do.
not.
lie?

How many times do you have to
prove to me
that I
am.
not.
strong?

How many times do I have to
say "sorry"
before the word
communicates
my
remorse?

How many times do you have to
say "go to sleep"
before I
do.
something.
I.
*Regret.
Figure it out
449 · Apr 2015
vitality
Hayley Apr 2015
This feels so pure, unlike anything I've felt before,
We haven't even kissed, but my body needs you more

You held my hand, and I couldn't help but smile,
I could do this for a while

I've never wanted to know this much
About a person I hardly even touch

Come to me,
Make me feel alive,
Your hands are the key
I didn't know I could feel this good.
447 · Jun 2016
Bizzare
Hayley Jun 2016
It's so odd to see you,
The person whom I used to tell anything,
And not say anything at all
#ex
440 · Dec 2014
Fourteen
Hayley Dec 2014
Young enough to say what you feel,
Old enough to know your feelings are wrong.

Young enough to embrace love,
Old enough to let it go.

Young enough to laugh openly,
Old enough to be embarrassed.

Young enough to cry freely,
Old enough to stop

Young enough to feel pain,
Old enough to know there is more to come

Young enough to write,
Old enough to communicate.
439 · Mar 2016
Im no fish
Hayley Mar 2016
Crying feels like drowning
When you cry for long enough, your nose starts feeling stale
You know when you're swimming and inhale water?
Sniffling has that effect on you after a while
As if your feelings are getting caught in your sinuaes, chemicaled with the chlorine of what you did, and the pool cleaner of how you tried to fix it.

His water is suffocating me because I forgot to turn the ******* hose off.

Its cold in here
437 · Dec 2014
2:04 a.m
Hayley Dec 2014
I cannot function.

These words may not make sense the morning,

but that's the beauty of writing,
isn't it?

You write what works, what flows, what feels right in the moment,

Then reflect later, thinking

"What the ****?"
Wrote it 12/29
Didn't post it til today
429 · Dec 2014
12:55 a.m
Hayley Dec 2014
This pitch black room conjures thoughts
of the horror movies I've watched,
those I haven't,
and those I've imagined

This room,
once a safe-haven,

has become a Hell drenched expanse,

waiting for my mind
to breathe life

into its
Lungs
Wrote this last night. My stepdad makes me turn my phone off at ten so I couldn't post it.
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