Give you everything I am,
Let you in
Practically give myself to you
dragged it out for just over a year
and you choose to tell me now
Good ******* job you ****
*******

I practically tell you
How I feel
Without
Exactly telling you
I say goodnight
You say no
You don't let me go
You carry on talking to me
You don't want to end it there
Twenty minutes later
You say okay
I better let you go now
Goodnight

Grow some *****
You little *****
Be straight up
*******
Grow a ******* pair
Stop making a big deal
Out of nothing
I was upset
And you didn't even care
Didn't give a ****
Cool dude
Thanks for fucken nothing
**** boy
Get ******

Photography last
Need you to be here
But your not
You’re working
Having a good time
While I’m here in school
Stuck in boredom
I need you to be here
To be my photography model
But you’re not
Well…
****

Lunch time
In 10 minutes
Time to get the school
Wifi Password
Cause yes
I’m a teenager
Wifi is fucken God

Me: take me with yous hahaha jk
Him: yeah sure haha :)
Me: oh yay :p
Him: yay


Movies yay :) :)

What even is it?
Is it a perfect smile
Long golden hair
Blue eyes with long eyelashes
Tan skin
Perfect figure
Big ****
Big *****
Clear skin
Pale skin?

That stuffs all *******
What's a beautiful face
Without a beautiful soul
An ugly personality
And dark soul
Destroys that beautiful face
It means nothing anymore

Beauty comes from within
Stop straining yourself
To look a certain way
You are you
God made you who you are
For a reason
Love yourself
Be confident

I'm down
Hit the bottom
again
Nothing seems to be working out
right
Families fighting
People Distant
Alone
Down
"I'm Fine"
"I'm just tired"
"I'm okay"
"Just a bit cold"
I am tired
I am cold
I'm not fine though
I dont even know
What I am now
A hug from a friend
Well needed
Thankyou
You have no idea how much I needed it

Getting a phone call from a friend
She's choking on her words
All she's feeling is
pain, hurt, confusion
she doesn't know what to do
The happy bubbly girl you know
Calls you reaching out to you
for help
It's hard to hold back the tears yourself
But you have to stay strong for her sake
Talk to her don't stop
Don't leave the call
Until she feels okay again
I'm always here for you
Anytime
At all
Just ask

Let's go on an adventure
Just you and I
Some place new
Where we've never been
Before
I wouldn't mind
Getting lost
With you

I had this best friend
As a little kid
She meant the world to me
We had been friends since babies
I thought we'd be friends forever
We don't really talk anymore
I had this other best friend
I met her when we were five
I spent everyday with her
Got into trouble with her
Our parents were best friends
We got poisoned together
By nightshade berries
We did everything together
And last year we started talking again
And now we're inseparable again
We do everything together
Get into trouble together
Sneak out late together
Cry together
Vent together
Rage together
Everything together
Adventure together
I've always wanted that kind of friendship
And I'm so blessed to have a friend like her
Soul sisters

I feel like I'm starting a new chapter in my life
I don't know what it entails
But I have a good feeling about it
I hope it brings joy, love, and something to do
I've been offered an opportunity soon
So I hope that goes well
I'm ready to start this new chapter
And I'm happy

I
am
Depressed
I am
and I feel down a lot
I don't even know why
but I do
but when he's there
somehow everything seems to be okay
somehow he makes everything okay again
somehow his presence makes me feel safe
makes me feel happy again
and thats why!!!
THAT IS WHY!!!
that is why i can't let go
that is why I just can't let him slip away
why i will never give up on him
why I will defend him over anyone
he's the only one that has been there for me through everything
helped me through everything
always made time for me
even when he was super busy
I can't let him go
not now
not ever
I
I just can't
He means everything
And
he is the only one that makes everything seem okay again
he makes me happy
genuinely happy
safe
and smiley
like nothing is ever wrong
he makes every bad feeling go away
And I can't just let that go
I can't
it would be like letting my happiness go
He makes me happy
Genuinely Happy

I miss you so much
Talking to you last night helped a little
But not really
I want to see you
In person
I wanna run up to you and hug you and not let go for ages
I wanna laugh with you again
I want to play yellow car and punch you softly again so you'll tell me my punches are too soft "like a breeze"
and we'll laugh and you'll get me to try punch my hardest
But I won't scared of hurting you
But then I do and it's still not hard
I want to walk in the dark with you
Where we just talk about everything
When you point something out in the bush in the darkness
Just to scare me so I'll move closer to you and be like oh my gosh what?
And then you'll laugh and Ill push you again
And then we'll both laugh with your arm around my shoulders
Walking together side by side in happiness
Or go back to camp
And you let me sleep on your chest
Gently stroking my hair as I fall asleep to the sound of your heart
And your steady breaths on my neck
When you cuddled me because I was hurting
And I fell back asleep on you again with your chin on my head
Squeezing my arm slightly moving your thumb up and down on my arm
Back to the time at camp
In the cave
In pitch black
And I grabbed your arm
So I wouldn't get lost and you grabbed my hand instead
And I squeezed your hand as tight as I could
scared of falling and getting lost
And you'd squeeze it back
And everyone would ask if I was okay and where I was
And you called out that I was fine that I was with you and I was safe because you had me
Back to the time you hugged me tighter than ever because you missed me too much and we stood for ages hugging each other and saying we missed each other and it was cute
To the time you hugged me because I was hurting inside and I went to let go and you pulled me back into your chest and hugged me tighter
When you gave me a piggy back just cause
Or lets go back to the time we hardly talked
and just looked across the room at each other and smiled shyly
I miss you so much!!!!
Good Luck at your competition
I know you'll do well
Stay Safe x
<3

Fake a smile darlin
They'll never suspect a thing

Why
Why is it
So hard
To simply
Express your
Emotions
Your feelings
About someone
Special
Someone
You care dearly for
Why is it so hard
To simply say
I like you
Why is it so scary
Why is
The fear of rejection
So empowering over us

You burnt me
You've given me bruises
You've hurt me
So much it hurts to walk
You've strained me so much
I needed medical help

But I guess the best things in life hurt you the most
Food burns you
Exercise strains you
Sport bruise you
Shoes blister you

I miss you so fucken much its not even funny anymore!!! :(
As soon as your back
and I get to see you
prepare yourself
because imma run up to you
and almost bowl you over with my hug
okay?
okay
:D :) <3
x

I want you and your sleepy cuddles at 4AM sleeping next to me while I'm asleep in your jumper holding onto you with my head on your chest as you play gently with my hair to help me fall asleep again

I'm resting my head
On your chest
My hand on your shoulder
Your arm around me
Playing with my hair
Gently stroking it
Helping me fall asleep
Your other hand
Holding onto my arm
gently moving your thumb
Up and down
Your chin on my head
I can hear your heart beat
Your arms tightly round me
Holding me
Making me feel safe and happy
Genuinely happy
Even though it was the worst sleep
I've ever had
Because of the little space we had in the tent
It was one of the best sleeps
Just because you were there
You move and your cheek is pressed against mine
I can feel your breathe on my neck
You moved your hand into my sleeping bag
And pull my top
And gently rub my back
Because I'm almost in tears
With how sore my stomach is
I giggle quietly cause it tickles on my side
It starts to get cold
So I move closer to your chest and you hold me tighter
You're dreaming
A nightmare possibly
Sounds like your crying
My arm isn't on you anymore
You make a weird noise
And I pull you closer to me
And you seem to feel better
It's cute really
You felt better with my arm around you
Just like I did
Continue stroking my hair
As I fall gently asleep on your chest
Feeling the steady rhythm
Of your heart
And hearing your heavy breathing pattern
And you light airplane sounding snore
From you being sick
Slowly falling asleep
In each other's arms
Happy
And safe

Walk into class
Stop and stare
The tables been taken
Forced to sit with the rest
Myself and one other
Forced to do the unthinkable
Socialize

I find it kinda strange
How everything
Seems to be working out
Lately

I'm not used to this kind of happiness
Something usually bad happens
That causes me to not stay happy
But right now
I genuinely am
Happy

I don't really know
What to think
What to feel
Because nothing seems
To be wrong

It's not what I'm used to
I'm used to pretending
Used to faking a smile
And hanging out with people
That don't make me
Feel that wanted
Used to being just okay

Now everything different
Is changed
For the better
It's a good change
But I'm not used to it
It feels weird
But I'm happy
Genuinely

So this is what it feels like
To be happy
Genuinely happy

I can't sleep
The insomniac back
I want him
I have him
But not quite
He doesn't know I like him
Idk if he likes me
I'm stuck
Idk what to do
I'm upset
Fustrated
Sad
Angry
Messed up
Verge of tears
This fucken ****
*****
I hate this *******

Your jacket
Smells like you
I've carried it everywhere with me
All weekend
Kept it by my side
In my hands
Or on me
The scent of you
Lingers
Helps me sleep
It's his jacket
I have to give it back soon
By the time I give it back
It will smell like me
His jacket

You showed me what it was to love myself
To feel good in my own skin
How to care about another person more than anything I ever have before
You showed me how it feels to hold your hand
You showed me I could get butterflies just from cuddling you at night as you played with my hair til I fell asleep
You showed me how much one person could care about me and my safety
You showed me how much you cared about how safe I was more than you needed sleep
But everything's changed now
It feels like
I'm left feeling hurt
In tears and I don't know what to do
Do I let you go
Or try a little harder
cause now we hardly talk
and you have no idea how much that hurts

I went to my church
Well Youth group tonight
And we went to this Worship
We all sang the worship songs
and tried to feel the presence
You probably don't care
But this was big for me
I felt the holy spirit
And I am fully
In belief of God
Right now
I felt the Holy Spirit
And started crying
which is normal
for some people
to cry when they feel it
And yeah :)

I really like you




I like you so much
It hurts sometimes



When your not here



I'm so scared of losing you



You have no idea

I honestly wouldn't mind
Getting into trouble with you
I wouldn't mind hugging you forever
I wouldn't mind sharing my house with you
I wouldn't mind sharing my bed with you
Just so I could get your sleepy cuddles every night
Just so I could feel you with me
I honestly wouldn't mind
Doing the stupidest things with you
I wouldn't mind walking 2 hours for food
in the middle of the night with you
I wouldn't mind getting your grumpy side
I honestly wouldn't mind at all
Because all this means having you here
with me
and that's all I want

That's what it feels like
Depression
I've never really talked about
My depressed days that much
Its just a part of me
I can never really reveal to other people
This is hard
It never really leaves you you know
Its like your just numb
You can lay there for hours staring
At the ceiling
Doing nothing
Thinking nothing
Or you can be
Lying on your bedroom floor
Tears streaming down your face
Crying silently alone
Burning all the memories
You want to never remember
But somehow can never let go of
You can have the blade in your hand
Running across your skin creating
Lines of red
Lines of pain
Lines of anger
Of heartbreak
No one even knows
You hide it so fucken well
The pain is unbearable
But you can't let it show through
Smile
Laugh even
No one notices
No one notices the scars
You keep your jumper on to hide them
Even on hot summer days
Your skirt hides the lines on your thigh
No one notices
No one knows that the happiest person they know
Truly isn't
They're broken
Cut up
Terrible

When you miss someone
So much it hurts
Like physically hurts
And it makes you cry
It *****
I miss you heaps

Sitting on the steps outside
Middle of winter at 1am
Sick
Tears streaming
Heartbroken
Just take me

Thankyou
So fucken much
I went to a party
And only had one drink
Everyone was drunk
I got hit on
Followed
I told him
He made sure I was okay
He had a huge day the next day
That he needed a lot of sleep for
But stayed awake
Just to make sure I got home safely
I don't know why he cares for me so much
But I can't explain how grateful I am
Goodnight :)

Do you ever just wonder
What if

What if I took a chance
What if I just went for it
It could turn out perfectly
But then it may not
I'm scared
Scared to take a chance
Even if its something that
could make me
happier than ever
But
If it goes wrong
It could crush me
Break me
Wonder why
Do you care so much
For little old me
But not feel the same
Its all so weird
Isn't it
So confusing
The things you wonder

You
Yes you
You confuse the **** out of me
I love you
But
Seriously
What??

They say drugs are bad
They're addicting
That's why they make them illegal
But honey love is the most powerful drug
It's the most addicting
Causes the most pain
Yet legalised
Cause
You're my high
You're my drug
Somehow I keep coming back
Cause its so **** addicting
That good feeling in my soul
Even if it only last a little while

Thinking back
Back to those dark days
Where I didn't think
I'd ever live to be 30
To get married
To even get a boyfriend
Thinking back to the day
I would harm myself
To ease the pain
Just for a little while
To the days I'd cry and cry
In the shower
So it wasn't obvious
To the days
I didn't think there was a way out
Of this dark hole
Called depression
But now
I've still gotten bullied
I'm 16
And still going strong
I have the most amazing best friend
I could ever ask for
This guy that was merely a stranger
I knew of him for five years
And we never spoke
But now he protects me
Keeps me safe
Makes sure I'm okay
Won't let me sleep
If I'm upset
Won't let me sleep til
He's made sure everything's okay
And he's bid me goodnight
My best friend stands up for me
Like no one ever has
She doesn't just stand beside me
And watch me get torn down
She speaks up
For what she believes in
The most opinionated annoying person
Who has a lot to say
But somehow she never gets old

Your scent still lingers
On my jacket
It's been a week
Yet your still lingering
On my sleeve
Did you really hug me that much
Or did I just hug you too tightly
Because I knew it was goodbye
For a little while

You're 1473 miles away
It kinda hurts
You're over there and im over here
I'm missing you and
I probably haven't even crossed your mind once
I'm sitting writing listening to twenty one pilots
And you're there listening to rap and thinking about dance
I want to talk to you but you don't seem to want to as well
I'm here I'm not great but you have no idea cause it's the one thing I can't seem to tell you
Please don't fall in love with someone new
Please don't meet some hot new girl over there
It'll hurt so badly
I'm afraid of losing you
I told you I missed you and the boys
And all you could say was "Lolz"
What does that even mean
Then you say you "gotta bounce"
But your online for another two hours
You don't care
I was fooled that you actually did
But now you've just been treating me like one of your boys
I'm confused
Are you actually worth it anymore
I'm starting to wonder

I'm sorry
For feeling like this
I'm sorry for having a loving heart
I'm sorry
I'm sorry you're so easy to love
I'm sorry you're so easy to fall for
I'm sorry
I'm so sorry for falling for you
I'm so sorry for wanting you how you don't want me
I'm sorry

I'm not quite sure
What it was that intregied me
What pulled me into
Falling for you
You see we never really talked at all
I never took a second glance
You were just the quiet one
That I didn't much care for
Didn't really know
For five years I've known OF you
But only really
This  year we got really close

How is it even possible
For someone to be
Remotely as great
As you are
To me
How is it even possible
To have all of that
Talent
Looks
Genuinity
Protectiveness
Love
Humour
Care
Wisdom
Warmth
Touch
All in one person
How do you do it
How is it even possible
For you to be all that
In one person
From the beaming white smile
To the comforting hugs
And comforting touch of the knee
To the way you move to music
From the words of wisdom
To the quick wit
From the protective caring type
To the joking around laughing type
How is it possible
For all of that
To be in one package
To be mine
I really don't know

It's weird to think a year ago
We never even spoke
Now I tell you everything
Now you tell me everything
Now I trust you with the world
You now mean the world
And we never spoke a year ago
You were just kind of there

Whatever we had then
Is now gone

Head thumping
Stomach in pain
Chest pressure
Arms weak
Heart on my sleeve
Opened up
Silly idea
Stupid girl
You let your wall down
Slowly let them
Take it down
Brick by Brick
How silly of you
To trust someone
To hold your heart in their hands
To hold a gun to your head
And trust them to not pull the trigger
Silly Girl
Head Thumping
Stomach in Pain
Chest pressure
Arms Weak
Brick wall
Building up again
About to
Explode

I love how
When something happens
You always want to tell me
Even if it's not that exciting
But you still want to share it with me
But you won't tell me in text
You have to wait to talk about it in person
And I'm the same if something happens
No matter how extrodinary
You and my best friend
Are the first people
I want to tell

You told me
You'd never let anyone hurt me
But here you are
Hurting me
And you don't even realise it

I have honestly never met anyone so wonderful in my life,
I used to talk all the time how I would long for my childhood back...
And now it definitely feels like I have it
With you I feel like a little girl again running around the house with you
Tickle fights
You joking being mean to me and I run away
But you still manage to catch me everytime
Cause I'll always give into you
You've always just been there since year 5 in school just always there
in the background of my life and its so crazy!!
You were just there the whole time and I had no idea
that you out of everyone would mean this much to my heart