us
as humans
are three parts
struggle
one part
curiousity

asking our god
Google
how to solve
our problems

using .org
as a relevant source
for reasonable destruction

"whats the most painless way
to **** myself?"

"how can i tell if my boyfriend is cheating on me?"

we are unsure
if blood or electricity
runs through our veins

and we are almost certain
that some form of cruelty
lives in all of our hearts

living with brains running on
wifi signals
and vocal cords
fueled by poison

we suffer
and we make others
suffer

she had been
stabbing herself
with her own knife
until he took it from her

and right as she believed
that he was trying to help
he handed her a larger one
and said,
"here, try this one"

your answering machine
and i
have become
close,
perhaps closer
than you and i
ever were
because at least
it bothers
to answer me

i place
a blank mask
over my face
and hand you
a pen

am i pretty now?

incisors
cutting
ripping
down to marrow

filled with the sun
and singing to the moon

a creature
of dark and light

nothing
in this world
is reliable -
rain stops,
the sun hides,
stars die,
and the moon
cannot stay
in one place

so why did i
ever
decide
to rely
on you?

when he left
it was as if
someone had
flattened my veins
and poured my
blood
into the ocean,

because i cannot
shower
or drink
or swim;

i can only
drown
in the metallic
taste
of my own plasma
creating a new
universe
without me

thank you for showing me
that high heels are useless
unless you strut -
so ill reapply my lipstick,
kiss the mirror instead of you,
and move on.

i am thankful
that i still have
my memories
because they were all
that you couldnt take

i feel so
heavy

every thought
is another
weight
on my shoulders

it is only a
matter
of time

before i am
pushed
down
into the
darkness

a pair of
combat boots
by my bed

a glass of rootbeer
on my nightstand

your toothbrush
on my bathroom sink

your hands
in my hair

these are all the ways
that you love me

these are all the ways
that you remain

i'll continue to
salvage
the pieces
until they are
too small
to see

she is nothing like you
but then again neither was i
and i am thankful for that

you have your hand on my curtains
you wont let the light in

the only thing in my medicine cabinet is cough drops
maybe i should take all of them

you filled my bathtub with sand
and hid my dogs leash

you washed all of my clothes
and wasted all of my bleach

every utensil in my drawer has turned to plastic
and the channels on tv have all turned to static

so i sit in the corner and hold my breath
but you wont allow anything
to bring along my death

ill erase
the pictures

ill put
walls
around the
memories

but ill
order another
cherry coke,
because it
tastes
like you did.

i sat
in the
bathtub
staring
at the
broken
blood vessels
in my legs
and wondered
if they were
whole
before you left,
too.

i want to wrap my own hands
around my own waist
like your hands once
circled my hips
as if they were a planet
to orbit

except i want to
dig into my own skin
fingernails scraping ****** ribbons
removing your sweat from my pores
your skin from my skin
your blood from my blood

ill destroy my own body
in order to take it back

you are as
shallow
as the
shot glass
you fill
time after time

you would think
that all of that
liquid
would contribute
to some
depth

but instead
all youve gained
is a headache
and some words
you shouldnt have
said

i have nothing
left
to give you
but my
tears,
but ******* it,
i'll give you those,
too

isnt it sad to realize
you can never honestly tell someone,
"i wont hurt you"

they said that
"what doesn't
**** you
makes you
stronger",

and even though
you didn't
**** me,
you sure
left me
feeling dead

you showed me
that you can still pick a scab
off of a scar

cold hands
around my throat
dragging me under

i hold my breath
and clench my sheets
as if they were
an anchor

but when the wave hits
i am always swept away

i locked the door,
but even i do not know how to reopen it.

if feelings are not
physical things,
how do they
hurt you
so much?

all i want
is to
bleed
a little more,
but nothing
seems
sharp enough
anymore

you were so
beautiful
that i compared you
to a flower

but i forgot
that flowers withered
until the day
that you died

read at
seen at
not delivered
heart attack

user blocked
call dropped
disconnected
heart stopped

I SHOULD NOT
FEEL GUILTY
FOR SNAPPING
TWIGS
WITH HESITATION
WHILE YOU
CRUSH BONES
WITH EASE

and while time
does heal all wounds,
time does not
heal the scars

when i was younger
i was scared
that everyone around me
was actually a robot
and maybe i was right
because it seems to me
that i am the only one
with any common sense
so why are we still calling it
"common sense"?

i am not here
this is not happening
i am a tangle
of stardust
drifting out of
my consciousness

i cannot feel this
you cannot hurt me
i am much
more
than my body

i love all of the words
that are not mine
just as i love all of the people
whom i can never have

i am a cycle of paradoxes
contradictory and scared
i repair the things
that should be left to crumble
and i destroy the things
that were meant to stand

i apologize when i dont mean it
im sorry
(no im not)
the eighth deadly sin twice removed
i have no place

sometimes breathing
is an emotional struggle
so do not send me onto the warpath
because eventually i wont know
if im looking to **** you or myself

im flammable
so dont use your words as gasoline
because you will burn with me