my heart aches
with what couldve been.

i love all of the words
that are not mine
just as i love all of the people
whom i can never have

i am a cycle of paradoxes
contradictory and scared
i repair the things
that should be left to crumble
and i destroy the things
that were meant to stand

i apologize when i dont mean it
im sorry
(no im not)
the eighth deadly sin twice removed
i have no place

sometimes breathing
is an emotional struggle
so do not send me onto the warpath
because eventually i wont know
if im looking to **** you or myself

im flammable
so dont use your words as gasoline
because you will burn with me

hyper awareness

fingertips crackle with
electricity

my spine
is a lightning rod

eagerly consuming
every stroke of your fingers

body thrumming
with electricity

mind power
shifting into
maximum overdrive

all of these
masks
look down
on me,
and they
do not like
what they see

for what use
is a puppet
that broke free
of its strings
if it can
no longer stand?

you tried to repair
the home we made,
but every stair
buckled under your weight,
and every wall
peeled at your touch

major waterways
are connected
for a reason

please do not
remain
in your own
stagnant pond

when you care
too much
about those who care
too little
you start to care
too little
for the one person
you should care about
most
and that is
yourself

you saw my
panic
as a burden
but you should be
scared
when my panic
ceases

all of these drugs in my system
all of these holes and blisters
you said that i was made of the sun -
but what do you know of light,
you creature of darkness?

i am not
a
¨lover¨
but rather,
a temporary
fixation

i sometimes hope
that i plague your mind
as often as you take over my own

because you are the only
consistent thought i have

and though youve become
more like a stain than a memory

ill never wash myself again
as long as your imprint
remains on my body

its funny
how we take refuge at night
stuck between
lingering and lurking
when everything and nothing
is wrong and right
all at once

thoughts deep enough
to drown us
drip dry overhead
staining our bodies black
as the sky outside our lazily cracked windows

every sound is amplified
limited eyesight
heightening our sense of hearing
encouraging us to remain
quiet
dark
calm
but never asleep

i am a butterfly
you wanted nothing more
than to watch me fly
but you loved my wings
so much
that you clipped them

you should be
dehydrating
from the
sun,

not
tears
wasted on
those
who have
ceased
to care

and i was
helping him
breathe
while you
were attempting
to drown
him

the one you
fell in love with
still lives,
she is just
well hidden
from monsters
like you.

how lovely it is
to be a werewolf in disguise

full moons come
in the form of pain
transforming me
into a monster

the liquor burned my throat
but at least it made me forget
all of the broken pieces
i keep cutting myself on

honey, i dont play these games
my arms are too frail for tug-of-war

you made me an entire universe
but refused to live in it with me

so now i stare at the stars
and wonder which one is your spaceship
and wonder why you havent come to visit me

in this universe you made for me
in this universe you made for us
in this universe that is my prison

it seems almost as if
you created the
world
because i find pieces of you
in everything
even though
i only
want to forget you

the concept
of an eraser
looks good
on paper
because in
reality,
that is the only thing
it works on

walking away
isnt always giving up
sometimes
its realizing
that theres nothing left
to stay and fight for

it was a
goodbye
that made my
capillaries
explode

it made
my heart valve
backflow

and my ribcage
crack

they say that
internal bleeding
is fatal

and i guess
i am now
a part of the
statistic
that agrees
with that

you stole away
the stars
burning within
my psyche

now i have
reduced
to crawling
in the dark

i never
understood
what it was
like

to forget
how to count
your lucky stars

until they all
vanished
right before
my eyes

i never realized
that cutting you out of me
would mean
ripping my whole body apart

you planted your roots
in my veins
and tangled your stem
within my stomach

leaves are curling
out from under my fingernails
and petals are sprouting
from my scalp

i am vomiting up your flowers
and they are
the same shade as your eyes

love me for who i am
love the pen marks
on my hands
love the scars
along my thighs
love me for who i am

one day
i would like to
step out of
my evening shower
to find you
in the kitchen
saying you liked
today's rendition
of our favorite songs

when your heart is heavy,
you cannot just empty it -
and even if you could,
who would want an empty heart?

i didnt want
to hold you back
and you had no problem
with holding me down

you can fold a map
to make ends meet
but you cannot fold
physical miles
to draw me closer to you
im sorry

my body has been
desecrated
by the expressions of love
of all of those
who came before you

yes
they did treat my body
like a temple
but for a temporary god
who vanishes
when day breaks

little did they know
that it broke me
too