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Don't ask me what the time is I wouldn't have a clue                                        
All I know right now is that I know you                                                        
Know your body the way it curves and moves.                                      
I never know the date don't ask me that                                            
But I do know you love kisses on your neck                                  
And the parts you think are fat.                                                  
I may not know much but one thing rings true                  
I always have and probably always will                        
Love the dumb things you do to make me love you
I give you flowers and tears
You give me sarcasm
I wish you would show a little more sympathy
You'd rather I get a backbone
I whisper unspoken love on your shoulder
You say it with a mothering tone
I have a panic attack whenever something doesn't fit
You dismiss it all with an iron fist
I dream of a place full of love and passion
You're just thankful you even exist
Money, ***, miscommunication and occasional road trips
It's not necessarily a bad thing just
Our own sort of a
**Dysfunctional relationship
You will find me between the earth and sky
For the earth is my mother
A fertile lover
A girl with the deepest brown eyes
The sky is my father
A long lost brother
With a set of bright blue eyes
I will kiss the earth lay with her each night
But it is the sky who holds my heart
I love the earth, with all of my might
But the sky won't tear me apart
She has no face
Your head is spinning, your pants are tight
She is not gonna complain
She's asking for it
Get her on her knees and unzip
She's not crying she's fine
Slap her silly til she *****
Hold her there bury her cries in your lap
Take her innocence
Take it
TAKE IT
***, ***, ***
She's not crying now is she?
She's not making a noise anymore is she?
You can't even see her expression
She has no face to you
She's not your sister anymore
She's damaged goods
Discard her
Discard her
THROW HER AWAY
And never tell mom and dad
She's a broken doll
You make me feel like a fool
You have me thinking I'm crazy
You **** me with your eyes and act like its nothing at all
You were never one to kiss and tell
But you tell me no and kiss me senseless
I don't know why I'm still here
Burning up and cooling down every time you hold my ear
Three times I love you
Three times no
Too many masqueraded intentions and submissions
If only you'd open up and let me know
Nothing matters more to me than the trust
The tryst was fun but the mystery is enough
Kiss and tell and hold my lips
No more talking, no more lies, I plead
Gift me this.
This poem is broader than you think
Inspiration throbbing in my brain
None of that makes sense I'll try again.
Words knock knock knock but I can't get them out;
Cracking my skull in nose bleeds of doubt.
How can I let them know what I mean?
I just have to let it out but I'm too choked up to scream.
The worst thing about being an artist is:
Nothing can truly express the essence that is this
Be my words that my heart can't stand
Take a breathe and hold my hand for the
Last time I'll ever feel
Will be the last time I know you are for real
You guide me through the poorest daze
Of my classroom detention haze with the
Soft lull of your beating heart it's
Getting harder to fall apart however
When you're gone I don't want to be without
Your arms holding me I wish
That Heaven did exist but you know well if
Heaven was real we'd go straight to Hell
But this bond it is meant to be that
You and I were made to see only
Through the touch of your lips to mine so
Drink me up like a cup of wine and make it
Last until the end of time
He keeps me warm and sets me on fire
Everything I never expected yet desire
Condemned a cheater, a fool and a liar
Only to give me wings and take me higher
He loves me well, let me never tire
A lover, a poet and the highest of flyers
For the lover in my life x
Why are women so ******* beautiful?
They lead men to their deaths like sirens
They bring them back to life with a kiss
They take on beautiful shapes and sizes
They have the most softest skin
And kindest eyes
They can make someone and break someone
With just a smile or a tear
Women are powerful, spiritual, sensual creatures
They create life, hell and heartbreak
They build people up and tear them down
They are wild beings that curl up in laps
They go out of their way to love you
Or avoid you completely
Women are advanced humans spinning webs
In every direction with such complexity
I am a woman and I can't understand them
But I want to love them
All of them
As much as any fool-hearty man
Would absent mindedly do
To love a woman is to love everything
We don't understand...
And then some
Shallow breathing and bad circulation
Asthma and Bipolar disorder type 2
Clingy and dependent at the same time distant
Anxiety and a whole lot of love for **you
I tried to cut you out
But my skin can only take so much
I never thought about it that much
But making conversation is really hard stuff
Put me on stage without a script and I'll shine
Put me in a group of girls and I'll cry
Because I'm a one of a kind extroverted introvert
Really ******* confident and out of it
But incredibly ******* shy
I never really thought about what I say that much
I think the most honest form of communication is touch
If I want you out of my space I'll mumble "go away"
But my actions are a lot louder throwing a punch at your face
I struggle over Facebook when you say "what up"
Because I'll say "hey" and immediately log out
Its like my personality wants to be known
But my words are muffled and rarely shown
I'm a one of a kind extroverted introvert
I don't expect you to understand
Our song came on the radio today
It made me sad at first
Then I realized
I wasn't in love with you
I was in love with the music
So I sang it loud
For me
F.O.B
Moments, Memories, Passion, Hope, Love,
Excitement, Hair colour, Feelings,
Dreams, Thoughts, Smells,
Tastes, Tans, All of
the best things
f            
a        
d    
*e
I kind of wish my scars didn't fade
Like all my pain is destined to be invisible
On the inside
On the outside
Everyone who sees my thighs will never know
Because they don't look when they are visible
On the outside
On the inside
Is there no one who will take the time?
To see deeper than what isn't there?
On the inside
On the outside
Because if all my troubles are for naught
No one will ever know
No one will ever give a thought

I wish my scars didn't fade
Everything fades over time.
It's just a shame it takes that long for someone to notice that not everything is quite alright
On the inside
In winter I bundle up tight in layers of warmth
Like a love I've never felt
Draping scarf over hoody over sweater over skivvy
The wind bites my button nose and reminds me of a love
A love I know too well
Bitter cold brief sickening and harsh
I catch my eye in an ice smitten mirror and I'm torn
My eyes look like hell
How could anyone love me like warmth and fall
For this fat face of shame, tears and freckles
Even if they do
They'll never tell.
You've ****** the life out of me
Everything that made me feel good about myself
You now use against me
I helped you I supported you I made sure you could stand
Now it's like you don't want what's left of me
When all you needed
was my hand
It's like
The sky came down and pinched the back of my neck
And took me too high too fast
So I shout
And I laugh
And I say inappropriate things
Other times it's like
The sky drops me and I know I'm falling
So I panic
And flail
And fight the inevitable
But it's no use there's nothing I can do to reduce the fall
I crash
I go real quiet and my head is tearing itself apart
My friends my family my own lover has no idea
What's going on
What it's like
Or how to help
Or that I know what's happening and can't help it either
So they get annoyed
Even angry
And so do I because I know it's affecting them
Almost as much as it's hurting me
So I cry
And I cry
And then I cut
Or snap my wrist with a hair tie
Because pain is the only thing that can wake me from the numbing terror
The grip of manic depression has on me
I feel the need to explain myself, ALL THE TIME and I know it's mostly all in my head. But I'm so sorry friends, family and lover for "being emotional" all the ******* time. It annoys me as much as it bugs all of you.
It's one thing to break someones heart
It's another to sever their leg and beat them with it
I never thought someone could love me
I'm moody and giggly and clinically depressed
I have hair all over me and very lumpy *******
My ribs jutt out and my shoulders are too wide
I have bony hips with chubby thunder thighs
I panic too often I ******* **** at breathing
I cry too much and I'm ridiculously needy
But here you are my knight in fleshy armor
Equally as flawed but my perfect little charmer
You love me and kiss my feet
I love you too and that's pretty neat x
Fill me up from head to toe
Make me melt; Body and soul
Not just once but ever more
Kiss me hard; And watch me soar
Its a sign
When the ex comes back
Its a test
When they all come back in the space of a week
You thought they were gone
Out your window
In prison
Off to South Africa
Happily married
But then they find you and catch you
Off guard
Just as you're moving on
The only real tragedy would be certain and irrevocable immortality
I remember so much that I forget
The same story I've told over and over again
How we met
That time I made a complete fool of myself
My dream I had 5 years ago
Everything
Because I'm worried I might forget
What made me happy and why
So I'll tell you over and over
Until the day I
Can't anymore because not only am I
scared
That I'll forget
But that you'll forget what we've
done
What we did before we became
one
Because sometimes
I repeat myself
But please don't be mad at me
I'm only forgetting
I told you
So we never forget
to remember
That we were always meant to be
I do repeat myself and I'm sorry I tell the same stupid awkward weird sometimes boring **** 6 times a day
But I want you to know I'll never forget how I feel about you
And why I feel that way now
You don't read my poems anymore
So here's one for you
Roses are dead
Violets are blue
This poem is ****
And I guess you are too
I'm done.
For the time being it will hurt like it did the first time
For the next week it will shock you in front of a million
For the time after that you will have but a scar
For the rest of your life it will be but a memory
You will cast upon only every now and then
Chin up beautiful stranger
It'll only hurt a little
In time
It is kinder
to pierce my flesh with needles
Than it is to call me a freak
But either way
your words won't upset me
For it is you that is
**weak
I see them all
the ghosts from my past
Smiling taking selfies with the "squad"
who kisses their ****
They have everything handed to them
Everything laid out for them
Their futures paid for them
Those narcissistic freaks that took me for granted.
So maybe I am a creep as radiohead describes
Maybe I'm a nerd and live a different kind of life
But one thing is for certain until the day I die
I'm better off without you *******
You're living a tedious lie.
You never cared for me anyway, no wonder I was bullied so much. My "friends" were behind it all.
It's ******* terrifying
Like one half of your brain is tearing away from the other
Nothing is in your control anymore
Scream, cry, ******* kick a wall
It's always the same
Not knowing which way you're gonna fall
When you can't make up your mind
And its one or the other but you can't pick
YOU WONT
Because it's not something you can do
The most BASIC decisions you will make in a day
Are the hardest decisions you'll ever overthink
Everything.... Is too much
We're all psychos
We are all beyond help
Because we are an anxiety, depression trodden society
And it all comes down to the unknown
And that's ******* terrifying
I'll be at the ball in my tutu and fishnets
While I idolize the girls with the long hair and dresses
The money thrown at them by loving parents
While my outfit is made up of spare change and short tresses
But I'll wear my mohawk high because even though
I look out of place and not as royal as you
I am me and true to my name
While you are just the same ******* dolled up
I like to watch you eat
While I grab my crotch and beat
To the thought of your feet
Bound to the seat
I lie awake at night
And watch you get a fright
When I slip my **** in dry
It's the most satisfying sight
You're lovely in the shower
When I turn off all the power
And ******* for an hour
Like the toughest little flower
You say you want to leave
And be some kind of free
That it's not okay for me
To treat you like a sheep
I slam close the door
And treat you like a *****
It's time to even the score
As you fall down on the floor
Honey you know I said
"You're the one for me, don't dread
The life we would've spent,
But you're safer if your dead"
Her skin was cold and blue
Like the things I felt for you
That left me so unglued
It's funny what love will do
Make me or break me
You can know that once you're through with me
I will make every straight girl question her sexuality
And only taste one for the rest of my life
Because I am a loyal *****
And you are a town ****
I must be a ghost
And that is why only
few
can see
me
She had glitter in her eyes
It wasn't the first time someone had put it there
But this time was not because of a boy
Or a miscarriage
Or a cry for help left unread
But because of a shower
And somebody who loved her enough
To kiss the glitter away
It burns
I can't help but laugh at my own tears
                Anticipating you and what you keep in your jeans.
It's silly...... CRAZY even!
               That I could sit rubbing myself against the edge of the bed
While you are....
Where? Where are you?
                             Clearly not here
Not close enough
Not hard enough
               I can't sleep I can't eat I can only watch you and weep
I'm sorry, come back
I wasn't going to bite...
               But I could if you wanted me to....
I'm hysterical my love,
                             I can go all night
She adorns herself in leather and lace
For a lover she is
Such a beautiful face
She flicks her liner at magnificent angles
Admires her stretched lobes
Her obsession, newfangled
She writes her fears away with every stroke
Of the brush
Her elegance bespoke
A timeless view on a world so violent
Her fingers of grace
Her hair of violet
A goth, she is an open mind
A poetic human being
To a world unkind
Oh Hala'mir if only you knew
When you look at me I see more than blue
There's a past a present and future shining through
And you have no idea how deep my love rings true.
Oh Hala'mir if only you could see
That when you look at me my eyes so green
There's pain and lust and so much suffering
I feel it every time I say go and you leave.
Oh Hala'mir this is the end
From here on we are only friends
I'll watch from a distance as you and her make amends
Forgive me Hala'mir, my heart will always be broken.
This is an old poem and the person is no longer relevant but I had put so much heart into this I couldn't let it be private anymore
The world looks so small from up here
In the hanging tree
Problems once extreme now obsolete
In the hanging tree
Tell me now your love has died
In the hanging tree
Its going to be Ok now, I feel so high
In the hanging tree
Hope you find the happiness you've been pretending to have
It takes my breath away to see you so happy
I never imagined
you'd be the first
To take my beating heart
and drink it with such thirst
I'm face to face
with a vampire
Unsure of how cold to leave me
See it was you
who turned me a pale blue
And left the bite mark
on my chest
Only to reside in
the coldest depths
Of a hardly heartfelt memory
He cries
And he is even more beautiful for it
I brought it on myself
I let myself fall into a relationship where I knew I'd have to compete
With substances and others and ******* on the street
I brought this on myself
When I told them what I thought and finally opened my mouth
Only to be despised and insulted and thrown off the shelf
I brought this on myself
I got myself into a rut and complained about it
Until I finally did something, out of character, and burnt everyone else
There lies no sympathy in hell for someone no one cares to understand
Well I've given up
I'm done
Let the devil take my hand
Sometimes I choke back tears
Sometimes I hinder in doorways
Sometimes I'm just numb
But I'm always throwing up anti depressants
Sometimes I feel like nothing at all
Sometimes I use the scissors
Sometimes I OD
Then I'm throwing up anti depressants
Sometimes I think it's all okay
Sometimes I smile again
Sometimes it's not worth it
So I'm throwing up anti depressants
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever wake
Sometimes I wonder if I want to
Sometimes my dreams are everything
I'm just throwing up anti depressants
Go ahead and try me
Your crystallized fists won't shatter me
A sociopath of your own invention
Tears may fall
They won't get my attention
I'm a thousand miles above you
Watch my tornado rain
You no longer move my plateau
Get that through your brain
He has a crooked smile
And the brow of an old soul.
He used to cut and smoke a lot
In his grace it's taken it's toll.
But he doesn't have to cry no more
He's found his weight in gold,
She knows his past and holds his heart
Her love now makes him whole.
Hitting the grindstone once again
Aching regretting pounding ringing

Words pages lines and letters
Chewing mashing crunching swallowing

I left you lonely in your bed
Sleeping easing dreaming wheezing

To come home to you later
Driving bussing going speeding

And make love to you
Writhing releasing hearts beating

Only to fall asleep
Slowly softly warmly with me

And rise again to repeat the cycle
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