We won't be friends for long,
I'm sorry but you've done me wrong.
You've dug a hole in my mind,
and I can see in black
but you've made me colourblind.
I've grown accustomed to
having you around,
I've grown accustomed to
your white noise.
But surrendering was never my choice,
I want nothing less than gold,
I never wanted my soul to be sold...
I've spent too many nights
crumbling, folding, imploding
I've spent too many days
wearing a mask that portrays
that my mind is okay...
I've spent too much time in your shade,
I want to see the sun again,
I'm afraid I'll lock you in the very cage
you made for me,
and this time *I'll be free.

Dear solitude,
I have forsaken you
because I'm no longer
safe in you,
and safe is all I long to be.

I'd love to recoil within myself
but that only worsens my diagnosis,
That only pulls the trigger
of my metaphorical gun
until I want to hold a real one
and aim it at my clouded head.

Dear solitude,
Somedays you're the master
and I'm the slave,
recoiling until the outside
is an intruder,
But now I need the outside
to pull me out of the quicksand.

Solitude, you can't always be
my cheatsheet to pass the test,
Sometimes to win, I need to expose
all the skeletons I've tucked away
in your locker.

Solitude,
You were my morphine
but now my morphine has
brown eyes,
a face-lighting smile,
a heartbeat,
and arms I can crash into
whenever you hunt me down.

Ammonia*

Burnt pieces of my heart
with your spit on them,
burnt pieces I want to send away
and never see again...
They are just unwanted souvenirs
from lies I don't want to hear again,
presents I don't want to receive again.

Seething for what
seemed like an eternity,
I am finally unleashing all
the pent up fire;
your time for my mercy
and forgiveness has
expired.

I am slowly coming to terms
with the damage you have caused;
I was a city and then
you ravaged me...
covered me in bruises,
tattoos, smoke and graffiti.

Suffocating me,
you smell of cunning endeavors,
childish behaviors;
a touch of you is
toxic enough to make me
wish I didn't breathe.
My lips might say otherwise,
my mind might even say otherwise,
but my ammonia-soaked bones
will never forgive you.

depression, the musical
the only musical
without a rehearsal
it isn't picky with its cast
in fact, its director retired
the moment it met you,
now it's you

depression, the musical
the only musical
without a proposal
you are meant to be its director
but all your chords have frozen
and now all we hear is static

depression, the musical
the only musical
without a melody
i'm sorry but,
we were too sad to craft a beat
too sad to dismantle ourselves
from our beds, get up, and eat

depression, the musical
i'm too tired to stay awake
depression, the musical
a thief stealing my sleep
with all the clutter it makes

depression, the musical
the only musical
that requires therapy
you see, a musical like this
is rather toxic, rather mental,
rather real
because after all, it is all
in our heads

all in our heads.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou so much for reading! i hope that through this poem, i've helped someone, anyone, in some way. If you do suffer from depression, please don't hesitate to seek help. I'd like to say that, as someone who has struggled with depression, i have come a long way from where i was this time last year. Recovery is a long journey but not only is it worth it, it is possible.

"Do me a favour;
*do something else".
Do me a favour;
mind for yourself.

Do me a favour;
stop pretending you care,
Do me a favour;
do not "be there"

Do me a favour;
just let me fall,
Do me a favour;
don't even call,
Do me a favour;
don't speak at all

Eradicating you might be too kind,
Perhaps ****** might be too kind.

A conversation**

I want to safety pin
your broken parts on mine
and make a mosaic,
Oh baby, it's only a
matter of time.

You're my captor,
no need to ask;
You have my heart.
Him say  "Do you love me?"
I say "Is the sky blue?"
Baby I suffer chronic
stockholm syndrome
whenever I'm with you.

Did you drop into existence,
light as a feather,
or did you make the world implode
with your erupting presence?
300 million years ago,
animal but human,
human and needy,
riding on backs of giants
to travel to farwaway places,
and then soaring...

Extracting anger and desperation,
tying yourself tight to an image of hope,
to an image of transformation,
so we humans can only desire
to be worthy of your donation...

Nothing flusters you,
and even though your wings
are both blue,
there is nothing sad about you.

You tuck away the empty chasms
of a soul made to feel too old,
made to feel that it should not
aspire to be the sun,
but merely its shadow...
and you paint their
switched off, tired eyes
with ineffable hues of strength.

Dragonfly, you show me
that through your years,
you've cried and you
fought your battles and
some old parts of you died...
and you showed me that
rebirth and imperfection
aren't missing but whole,
that mess isn't haunted
or unwanted but needed
for exploration...

If every particle of ours,  every chemical
that went into a single thought
could be stored away in its designed,
picturesque room,
how could we claim to be mysteries?

Dragonfly, now it's my turn
to give away my pieces of decay,
let them burn.
You are expectedly lingering at my window,
you've always been,
and I'll no longer keep you waiting.

Tar*

I was never yours
this was never meant to be,
you never truly wanted me,
I was just your plan B,
only good when you needed me.

Remember the lunches I bought?
Remember the fights I fought,
the times my motives were almost caught?
All to please you and keep you by my side,
only to show that friends stick by.

And now that I've stripped you
from all your power,
I face the unbelieving expression
of your hardworking, single mother
And I used to stare at the ground,

Afraid to paint a frown in the city,
but now I'll stare you down,
beg please, with the words you're
wasting on deaf ears,
dress me in graffiti.

Butane*

You were toxic to me,
you only used me,
but loyalty didn't let me see that,
because I didn't want to see that.
I wanted to ignore the little things
you did that annoyed me,
I wanted to ignore all the jokes
that were too cumbersome with reality.

I wanted to ignore it all when
you began to leave me behind,
I wanted to tell myself it was
all in my mind.
And do you know how ill that makes you-
to feign one's own insanity in
order to not see reality, which is
even more insane?

You attempted to strangle my
inelastic lungs in their small ribcage,
but today, if I see you,
I am reminded to breathe deeper
(luckily we do not breathe the same air)
because now you are no one to me,
just a dull face amongst the others,
no flame or spark ignited.

Roses now bloom
in my ribcage
and stability begins
to collect in these
inelastic lungs of mine,
still here to inhale a sunrise.
And in my bones
a cage is collapsing to the ground,
as sadness reaches its expiry date,
and I stumble upon Worth,
a new city I've found.

**A/N: Thankyou for reading! Please comment your thoughts on this one  (:

I wonder why we keep
calling something
begging for relief
"love",
I wonder why we
call each other "company',
but if you insist,
I might let you stay
as long as your love isn't
just a fleeting feeling,
always flying away.
When I realized that
glass couldn't make me bleed,
I realized then neither should you;
you're only a broken person
and all your parts
are made up of damaged appliances,
just like all of us.

When the weight of
a thousand moments
wasted overthinking
makes its home on my skin
and drip, drip, drips
down my cheeks,
I doubt everything.
I doubt ability,
your credibility.
I doubt capacity,
I doubt significance.
I question why
everything I touch
eventually shatters,
and why in my heart,
you still matter.
But maybe it's time
to stop doubting myself,
cause maybe this time,
I could feel good enough.

The sequel to "Dainty"**

It was a lie when
I let my body feel static,
and I never uttered a word
you're too quick to judge me
as dramatic,

It's no use at all
to try to prove my ethereal case,
because my case to you
is another flower you never
bothered to water in a
pristine glass vase,

It was a lie when
I let my mind feel static,
but I never screamed;
you'd deem my reaction
s e m i -a u t o m a t i c,
like I'd bring this on myself;
Please dear,
before you assume
for Heaven's sake,
go to Hell.

Today,
I just want to exist
without the burden of
a million things plummeting
on my shoulders...
I think life has driven
existence to an airport,
I think it told existence
to fly away,
and now life for living organisms
tastes like decay
and airplanes feel like
a death sentence;
not even up above the clouds
can you find peace;
gunfire and chemicals will still
find you even when you are
10 thousand feet in the air...
Today, I just want to exist
without the burden of fighting
for my own survival
but how could we possibly think
that a ceiling alone could protect us?


- Crimsyy

I love it when you
initiate the fire in my bones,
kiss me slower, harder,
it will never be too much for me,
I can't get enough of you
what have you done to me?
Now I just want to devour you
and take your soul;
your lips are my anesthetic,
I think I could die on them
quite happily
after all,
pain should be rewarded
with something beyond bliss.  



Poet Note:  *As the poet grows, so do the poems.

I can feel my drive alive and kicking,
I have done enough
collapsing and sinking,
and now I have no more time for you,
no time to soak in the blues,
Head up high,
I won't be overthinking.

You pout because you know
I'm not a fragile thing,
I walk away,
your words and looks lose their sting,
I know this isn't what you're used to,
and my self belief is new for you,
Less talk, more walk,
Now I'm the one creating distance.

I'm on a different track,
and my body holds a poet
and she's biting back.
One thing's for sure;
I let you walk out that door
because I have grown
to thrive more on my own,
And your superficiality
has caused your social fatality,
And now you know
I don't beg anymore,
I don't hesitate anymore,
I've reclaimed my throne,
extracted you from my bones.

I don't want to write rhymes,
I want to tear my pain apart
into perfect, delicate
rectangular pieces
and feed it to my friends,

Then I want to rip their flesh apart
and feed it to my pain,
I want to give them rain,
let their prayers for sunshine
be in vain,

I don't want to destroy a wall,
I want to burn all the cages inside me,
I don't want a key,
I want to knock a door down,
and I don't want to bandage you,
I want to cure me.

Either I can swim or
I'd rather sink,
Either a storm or
not even a drizzle;
teach me balance, please.

You are nicotine to my lungs,
so what do you expect?
I can't breathe next to you.

You're only toxin for me,
you were the chain
wrapped around me,

Now I've unlocked your secrets,
and your smiling face
is a fake journal on display,

Your game is not one
I like to play;
*You will lose.

i watch the sunset
to remember that endings
can be beautiful too
and i didn't cry because
the world keeps on going on
and keeps on going on
even when we walk away
and break all the promises
that said we would stay

you can't force a dead feeling
back to life, so
just accept it all turned to dust
because what stood inbetween
familiarity and the unknown
had expired long before
you realized there was a lack
of affection

when a feeling is dead,
you can't force it back to life
and politeness can't
erase familiarity
so familiarity just hangs there,
awkward in the air
and it goes deliberately ignored
because you can't force
a dead feeling back to life,
and that's okay.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou for reading  (:
i would really appreciate if you'd comment your thoughts on this poem.

favourite words
they either make us
or break us
i wonder when we
started turning them
into memories of people
who didn't remember us

when did we start
turning words into
a ticket for all -
one word traded
unevenly for our souls

when did the word "love"
begin to get
tangled up with you?
you call me "lovely,"
not knowing it's my
favourite word;
i wonder if i should tell you
and then i wonder how much
humans are capable
of wrecking.

favourite words
they either make me
or break me
i wonder when i
started turning them
into memories of someone
who actually loves me.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou so much for reading!
**Any thoughts on this poem?

Oh I must say
I was so very bold today,
when your mouth lingered longer
and I let it stay,
tasting you in and out
without more than a single thought,
if you're the kidnapper,
I must say,
I'm glad i was caught.

I'm a kid at the candy store,
let me eat you out
until you're the only thing
I can taste in my mouth,

Oh I must say,
I was crumbling today,
now you tell me
you don't know if
you can stay?
Oh it feels like
you're gone already,
And I've got sorrow
that's too heavy to carry.

You make me wish
I couldn't care less,
you make my soul
want to fight my mind,
you make me wish
my heart was carved
out of indifference, passivity.
You make me wish
my thoughts were
filled with apathy, not empathy,
you make me wish
I was subtle, not bold.
And you make me question
if being intertwined is equal
to being free,
if human warmth is equal
to a smile,
if your body next to mine
is equal to happiness.
But the truth is,
I am filled with care from head to toe;
I care about poetry,
and sunsets, and stars
and all the little things you overlook
because you think they'll last forever.
But I'm perfectly fine,
just like that.

You decided to
smile your way through,
all the way into my heart,
with the smile of a silent assassin
I can't recall letting in,
and the eyes of a risk,
a risk I'm willing to take
because what do I have to lose?
In the end,
the rage that makes your heart quake
is equal to the love
which makes your bones shake
and out of all the madness
coating the world in debris,
you'd still be the one I'd choose.

I know you are lying there,
probably unconscious
of where you are,
I know you wanted to
find a backdoor to finally end
your journey to the stars,

But I want you to know,
you will one day be able to
breathe on your own,
one day, you will recognize
your beautiful body as
your beautiful home,

An overfilled vessel,
filled to the brim with
the complications of existing,
I know you are in pain,
but sweet Hope,
I know you'll smile again.

I can't understand
why everybody is so infatuated
with the idea of
having it "all figured out."
I don't understand my crippling
fear of not knowing;
where did it come from
and who planted its seed?
Because this fear of not knowing
is the forest living within me,
feeding itself with
my paralyzing thoughts
and if I could,
I'd ask it all to stop.
Life is being portrayed as
some puzzle we all need to complete
and I fear stumbling;
I fear the human act of
making a mistake,
because Heaven forbid,
something goes left
instead of right.

I'd love to erase all the pain he caused
and heal your thin scar of a chest
cause I know no matter how you try,
some things you haven't forgotten yet

When I thought of your soul leaving,
I couldn't stand the ache from not knowing
if your heart was still beating,
I hope you don't take the risk just for fun,
I hope you know you've got someone

I need, I need you
to keep your blood running through your veins,
keep your gloves on
since the heat's gone,
I need, I need you to stay

I know I've been "checking up on you"
for the last week,
but lately I haven't been able to fall asleep,
cause I can't listen to the sound of
my own heart beats
when the only music I can hear
are maracas shaking

and I cry

because those aren't maracas shaking,
those are your prescription pills quaking;
since you've been digesting them,
has your vision shifted from grey?
Because, although it might be
selfish of me to ask,
I want to know if you
thought of me at all today.

No one will ever stop me,
you'll never devour me,
I have grown to care less
about people who fail
to see my worth.

You will never water down
my self esteem,
I burn like kerosene,
and now all my words
gather together
to prove that you
will never matter,
never make me shatter.

You deemed me disempowered,
inferior,
but you've never glimpsed
my interior.
You deemed me all the things
I'll never be;
it doesn't bother me.

Because I will keep
moving forward and growing,
cutting away the weeds, ruthlessly
planting new seeds,
but you on the other hand,
your heart will become puckered
and your skin will grow to match it,
tainted and wrinkled by
the millions of seconds you spent
underestimating a masterpiece.

The sequel to my other poem "Lovely"**

Nothing else resonates more
than being told about
your loveliness,
nothing else resonates more
than the assurance that you
are absolutely graceful,
and that the grass you walk on
thinks you are a sight to behold.

And every seed that
you'll touch
will grow and transform
from the dust,
and your lungs will
earn back your trust,
and you'll believe in grace again.

I don't want to leave
for a temporary feeling,
but I don't want to stare
at a permanently black ceiling,
I strive to see the stars
but the dark's outshined
them all tonight;
has the dark touched you tonight?

I am your jungle;
You slither all over me,
climbing my trees,
suffocating my roots.

You've taught me
walking graffiti is
not welcome here,
So I do not know
why you keep me near;
I defy all your rules.

Let me be street art
for everyone to admire,
but let no one walk me;
I am a dead end.

I will capsize you,
I will exhaust every
molecule of yours
until you miss the excuse
of a heart once residing
in your bones,

And you will know how it feels
when your hands still
clutch at empty air
because I will not be there.

- Crimsyy

My Melancholy,

I cannot welcome you anymore,
I can't run towards you
with open arms.
You make me think of the moment when Cinderella's  only hope
was reduced to shreds;
You tasted just as hopeless,
just as irreversible,
unleashing this desire in me
to turn my back on you.




**A/N: Looking forwards to happier days ahead  (: what did you think of this one? Please comment... thankyou for reading! ^.^

The bruise of your
sudden absence
is a tattoo my heart
carries proudly.
But bruises and tattoos
turn bitter when they begin
pulling triggers;
How many times must I
bleed for you?
How many times must I
swallow the feeling of hollow
and still believe you care, my love?
Your soul's a stranger
but for love's sake
I'll take the danger
and let you turn my heart
into a cremation chamber.

The sequel to "Sublime"**

I need to end this monster,
it's taken my mind apart,
a secret I've been holding
tight in my heart,

The pain you held
was the pain I felt,
you wanted to erase me,
but I'm not one to settle down,
so come as you are,
I will end you with
the light of a thousand stars,

I need to end you, monster,
or you'll ****** all your prisoners
after you blur the tunnel's light,
and like a vampire,
you'll flee from anything bright,
but our breath is
deadly and Heavenly;
you will not be
feasting on our blood tonight.

We'll send our monsters
to their graves,
ten feet under our capes,
and they will never know again
the meaning of 'escape'

When they think they've
pulled the last straw,
when they think they've
nailed us to a wall,
and they start to believe
we won't get up at all,
Think again.

We're heroines,
sober on our scars,
drunk on the belief that
we could pull off anything,

Heroines,
more than just a pulse and spine,
we carry our nerve,
we carry on just fine,
drunk on the belief that
we could pull off anything...

*Even living.

If I had to pick a highlight of this year...

It'd be you.

I feel like I should have picked
someone closer,
someone you might call family,
a friend perhaps,

But I can't.

When my heart has been crackling,
burning by the fire that my soul ignited,
when the home in my bones
felt more like hell,
the living room became frail,
and my bed sheets became
soaked in tears,
you kept my thoughts sober.

You witnessed my intensity,
you witnessed my extremes,
you witnessed the fires
I failed to calm
when I kept bringing the burn
instead of the cold,
you've witnessed me
desiring to put my life
on permanent hold.

And still you remained..
You did not mind being
drenched in my rain,
And for that, there are no rhymes
that can thankyou.

- Crimsyy♡

Hey guys,

I just wanted to know and receive some feedback...what do you guys think of my new poetry? Is there any improvements you think I could make, any particular poems that you like or questions that you have regarding the poems? Let me know please..

Thankyou ^.^

i've outgrown people
and habits
the same way you've outgrown
your favourite jumper
like, remember that time
you thought i would die for you?
did you really think my
self sacrifice would go that far?
well, you weren't wrong
it would have if i had let it
but i've outgrown you
and my habits
and this you realized the day
i walked out with your heart
in my hands and crushed it
without remorse because
everyone's always got
their jaws open,
thirsty for more
and i can no longer feel guilty
for thinking of myself
because sometimes
i get thirsty too.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou for reading! Please comment your thoughts on this one

"Just be there"
but what do you mean?
"Be there" as in
"Come and bathe in my sorrows,
give up your existence
and drown with me?"
or "Be There" as in
"Believe my lies,
don't question if I'm really alright
and let's both fake it out?"

Because I really cannot
"be there" the way you'd want me to,
I really cannot vanish for you,
I really cannot wish for you to be gone,
that's just not how "being there" is done.

I'm sorry that some have
been cruel and shameless
and planted thorns in your skin,
I'm sorry you do not know
where self hate ends,
and self love begins,
but do not cut the hands
of those who always try
to lift you up;
you can't be surprised
when everyone gives up.
**Enough is enough.

let everyone you know and love
become a metaphor;
strip them of their normality
find the stars in his eyes
and drown in them
you must believe that everyone is a canvas, including you
so choose your decorations wisely from the palette of emotions your heart carries

when you find him
love him until you burst
and when you burst
burst until you can
no longer apologize because
maybe his hands weren't fit
to handle a love like yours

when you find him
love him until you burst and
when you burst
burst until you
don't need to apologize
because maybe his hands
are willing to handle
a soul like yours
he won't be perfect
and he will be coated
in mistakes and forgetfulness
but you'll love him anyway

look at all the stereotypes
and see what extraordinary
pieces of **** they are
look at all the people
and see that we are all
books waiting to be
understood by avid readers

feel intensely, feel sad,
feel happy
think these feelings are only
unique to you
and that only you have cracked
like a diamond under pressure

come up with artistic ways
to say no when hands begin to roam

when his tongue
crashes with yours
and when his mouth collides
with your starving lips,
make sure you stir well;
your lips feel more alive when
they're peeling and numb
from a lover
trust me

when you find yourself
become a metaphor
find the stars in your eyes
and drown in them
know that you are a canvas
and that the palette of thoughts in your mind is not as dull as you thought it would be
believe me, you are the most extraordinary being;
a bona fide alchemist.

- Crimsyy

a/n: thankyou for reading! Please comment your thoughts on this poem  (:

Excuse me,
but could you just leave?
Quit haunting my eyes
when they close.
I'm sick of dreaming
of you in colour,
when you should be stored away in monochrome.
Excuse me,
but could you just leave?
I may have wiped away
any traces,
but it still wouldn't erase you,
especially when my words
are still dripping with your remains.
Excuse me,
but could you just leave?
There is far more than what your eyes perceive.
Your assumptions devour
any piece of my show,
they turn into thieves,
hungry teeth eating away understanding,
licking up any scene.
Excuse me,
but could you just leave?
I can no longer taste love letters
and believe.

- Crimsyy

A/N: Thankyou so much for reading!! What are your thoughts on this one?

Tears eroding my love for you,
Too many rivers I've cried for you,
I wish I'd never kissed you,
I wish you'd never held me,
I'll be fine again
right after I demolish your face,
You were never going to lead me
to a bright place.

You, you only messed with my head,
brought my love back from the dead,
made promises you couldn't keep,
never said goodnight,
let me drift alone to sleep
and living in your silence
has told me all I needed to know;
all the words you haven't said
have shown me exactly what you meant.

I can't amputate my
disappointment forever,
I can't keep burying my face
for your name's sake,
now my pain will leak in ink,
and don't dare ask if I'm still yours,
because my answer will be
a slammed door.